Congleton Borough Council
...are a bunch of cunts.

I live on a fairly new estate in a little market town. One reason we decided to move there was because of how child friendly it was, with no through traffic and a large green where kids can play. Or could. A couple of months back, the Borough Cunts took it upon themselves to plant trees all over the green to stop the kids playing football etc. Now the kids play in the road. No wonder the yoof of today are so dispossed and spend their times hanging round on street corners- a complaint off one resident takes away their rightful playground. Most of the residents are up in arms about the situation.

It should be added that the town council didn't know anything about the planting until after it was completed.

Also, one day I look out of my bedroom window to see two cowboys digging up the tarmac across the entire width of our street to a depth of about four inches. They then just left it. It took several phone calls to discover that this way preparatory work for the road being adopted. About a fortnight later said cowboys reappear, lay new tarmac and leave, having done nothing since having dug it up in the first place.

And our street isn't the only one where this happened...

To make matters worse, we also have a Winterton for an MP, Anne Winterton. The lazy bitch has never held a surgery in her 24 years as elected representative. She's only an MP as she's married to Nick Winterton and this is a 'safe seat'. She's also a pro-life psycho.

Addendum: I do have something positive to say about our council. We have weekly bin collections, and fortnightly collections of recyclables and garden waste, for which we are provided with two decent sized boxes and a second wheely bin. Yay!
(Neddy Nedson is nice really, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 14:12, Reply)

Dump Nazis
Sorry this is long, but Croydon Council are a herd of Cunts.

In Croydon we are all under the evil rule of the Dustbin Malitia, a herd of gobshites that on a weekly basis seem to be able to fuck up the process of moving a black bag, they drag it on the floor until it burns through the bottom and shits garbage all over the pavement, then fuck off leaving it there.

Every 2 weeks the loud brigade turn up, (also known as the Fucks in Trucks)they are paid to take the glass bottles in the green recycle boxes and smash them into the back of a lorry, for 2 hours starting at 7am, while shouting at eachother like twats, they need to shout because they have deafened eachother.

This weekend I took a car load of shit to the dump, where the dump Nazis flock around you like flies to a turd, but not to help, no they are there to bitch about wanting me to seperate the contents of bin bags into different skips, I dumped a 32 inch tv that they watched me carry on my own through the car park, then came over to ask me for the remote control and did it work, I said it worked fine so they could carry it back to the twat hut to find out it didn't.
A woman there had a cardboard box for her pc, they wanted her to scrape the glued in polystyrene out of the box and dump it seperately.

A bloke took a front door into the dump while I was there and these three Dump Nazis told him to take the glass out of it and dump the glass and wood separately, he told them to fuck off.

I have changed my plan, fuck the environment, its all shit, Global Warming my arse, we had HAIL in Croydon in July, how the fuck is that global warming?
I have bought one of those burning dustbins from B&Q and I am gonna burn everything, paper, wood, plastic, everything because its easier than bowing down to the Axis of Evil in the Council.

If the Council read this then it was ME that used to stick bottles of washing up liquid into the fountain, every month, and if you didnt turn it off at night I would STILL be Doing it!

Sorry for the length, but feel the width
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 13:52, Reply)

Loan Protection!
Going back to council cnuts, a few years ago, I ended up out of work due to redundancy (well the company went bust, and we got no money, hell we never even saw out last months wages)
So I duly signed up for Jobseekers 'allowance' (if you can call the pittance you get an 'allowance') while I looked for another job.
As I had a bank loan at the time, I decided now was a good time to use the payment protection scheme I had paid for all this time (loan only had 4 months left on it as it was, just being on the dole I couldn't afford to pay it at the time)
Of course I had to send the dole office a form each month to stamp and send on to HSBC....every month, without fail, they managed to lose the form. In the end they finally managed to start sending the forms in but not before the bank had sent me some rather nasty letters, and basically my credit rating was destroyed due to this.
Still I got a job soon after and only had to make 1 more payment on my loan and it was all paid up haha.
Still to this day (4 years later) I still cannot get a credit card due to poor credit rating (even the Capitol one card for people with poor credit rating FFS!)
What makes it worse is, my g/f who hasn't worked in her life (just sponges off me and does f*ck all round the house either..until I get pissed off and kick her out that is, but that's another story..) is allowed to have a credit card...with a 4k credit limit...
MADNESS
(asmodean had too much christmas spirit on.., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 13:49, Reply)

the Council and Recycling!
Seems to be a common thread here...

They're looking at charging us for 'refuse collection' ontop of our council tax bill (also 'refuse collection' is on that invoice too) - straight away - WTF???

BUT we get 1 small black box for recycling EVERYTHING that gets emptied ONCE per fornight (2 empty milk cartons and both copies of the free paper fill the frigger) AND NOW they're cutting bin collections to fornightly - EEHH???!?!??!?!?! HELP ME TO HELP YOU you fuckers.

Also, when at the tip, doing the bin mans work for him as the black bags were stacking up, he commented "I should really charge you as Trade"... all because i had the seats down in the back of my Laguna.

££??~*?$~£?@*?!!! GET BACK TO PINCHING THOSE OLD TV'S YOU COCKSMITH

AAAAAAIIIEEEEE - i'm almost at the point where i'll do my own recycling/dumping and keeping that bit of my council tax.
(TheManofScience, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 13:27, Reply)

ComplexStuff
Yes i read B3TA at work. I probably spend at least half of my work time on forums, humour sites and so on.
But, when a customer calls up with a problem, i will do everything i can to help them out. That's my job, after all, and it usually takes very little more effort to sort out someone's problems than it does to do a half-arsed job or be obstructive.
So "bollocks", i say, to people who can't be bothered to do their job properly. If your job depresses you, get a different one. We are lucky enough to live in a country where everyone who makes a bit of effort can have a half way decent job where they are not expected to do anything they are not comfortable with. We should be grateful for that rather than just not giving a shit and taking the pay packet.
By all means have a can't-be-arsed attitude if it's only affecting a big corporation, but if you are in customer services, and are meant to be dealing with problems for people in the same boat as you, make a bit of effort to help them. It takes you very little time and if it solves someone's problem it's saving them a whole lot more time and stress. Time which you are being paid for and they aren't.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 12:52, Reply)

re: Recycling
It'd be very nice to be able to recycle efficiently here, but sadly we get a very small blue bin for cardboard and paper, and a big black bin for everything else. If we wished to recycle anything, we'd have to take it - at our own expense - to a recycling station.

Of course, my council tax could pay for extra bins, and a decent recycling system, but the council here seem far more interested in such white elephants as the World Student Games.

Ah well, everything will just have to go in the black bin. Again.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 12:29, Reply)

re Chip and Bin
I suspect it's a way of trying to get people to use their recycling bins more and their black bins less. Councils have to pay landfill tax, which is passed onto us in our council tax bills, and why should those of us who do recycle (and it's really not that hard) have to pay for people who don't? If you can't be arsed to recycle, pay the landfill tax yourself and stop expecting your neighbours to subsidise you.
(lolwhites, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 12:06, Reply)

coucil tax jobsworths
I was trying to organise paying my council tax by direct debit. I live opposite the council offices so brought the DD form to them in person. But no, I was told they would only accept the form if it were received in the post. WTF??? It was the same address! So after much protestation I posted the bloody thing. I don’t know what happened because they didn't take my tax money and I got hit by a summons. The council told me the only way I could avoid paying a £96 summons charge was if I paid my whole year’s council tax in one go. I decided to challenge this and went to their customer services centre and queued up for about an hour to speak to a person. Despite my begging she said there was nothing she could do. I then agreed to pay the £1000. But I couldn’t pay there. No that would be too easy. I had to walk to another building where they process the payment... Long. Anyway, I did this and went back to the customer services centre and queued up again. Got the same woman. Showed her the receipt I got from the payment centre and she dually cancelled the summons charge with one press of the keyboard. Once she'd shown me this was gone I then said I wanted to close my council tax account as I'm moving. She looked mighty confused at this and reminded me I'd just paid my council tax for the following year. I stuck to my guns and closed my account. "By my reckoning, you now owe me £900. I'll accept a cheque" say I. It was about this point that she began to clock what was going on. "Do you know how much admin this is for me?" says she. It’s safe to say I didn't give a f*ck. Got my cheque and then re-opened my account with the right to pay by instalments again. Lots of hassle but I’m glad I played them at their own game. Ar*eholes.
(deaglun, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 12:03, Reply)

On the subject of BT
Just had to drop this one in.

I ordered broadband from BT which came with the hub phone & router.

So every quarter BT successfully deliver my bills to me at my address.

Only they can't post the router to my address as my house number isn't on the system.

Basically they can send a bill to No 9 but parcels have to go to 51 as thats the closest number that dept has listed. Apparently they have different systems for letters and parcels and they use different postcode databases.

Turns out the parcels dept only has about 9 of the 100 houses on my street.

This only emerged after they told me they'd posted it and I complained it wasn't recieved then after much arguing they told me they'd posted it to No 51.

Also only took 4 months to recieve all the equipment they offered with a new broadband line.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:55, Reply)

Council Capers
We used to have an annual cricket match between the company I worked for, who did all of the IT for the council, and council employees. As far as I was concerned it was just an excuse to get pissed on subsidised beer and shout obscenities at the players.

The last match we had amused me though. Danny, one of the guys in my team, got tremendously drunk and was last seen with his arm around the mayor, whispering and showing him something on his mobile phone.

"What was that all about Danny?" I asked

"Oh - just showing the mayor my horse-porn collection" slurred Danny.

"Oh bollocks" I groaned. "I think you're in for it now mate. I reckon you'll be either sacked or arrested by Monday"

"Don't think so" grinned Danny "he's asked me to Bluetooth my collection to him....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:16, Reply)

Brent Council
Back when I was a student, I decided to stay on and do a Masters, and assumed that because I was doing 4 years in a row at uni, I wouln't have to pay any council tax until the Masters was finished.

So one day, I got a council tax bill, after I'd already sent in the exemption form. I called up, explained that I'd stayed on another year, and the phone-monkey said yes, it must have been a mistake, ignore it.

So I did. And the one that arrived after that, and the one after that, until I got a court summons. Panic. I called up, spoke to another phone-monkey, explained what had gone on, and that I'd been told to ignore the bills.

Turns out that because I graduated from my u/grad course in July, and started the p/grad course in September, I had to pay council tax for those two months. And now I had to pay to cancel the courts summons. I argued that I'd specifically been told to ignore the bills, but they were having none of it. So I paid up, but claimed I'd been living on my own for those two months, and therefore I should get 25% off. A small lie, but I like to think I made someone's life slightly more difficult for all of 15 minutes.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:14, Reply)

West Dumbartonshire Cooncil Tax Cnuts...
I moved into a council house way back in 98, I now live in a lovely bought house in a lovely neighbourhood, but I digress.

Week one, I phone the council and ask for my council tax band and reference number.

"yes sir they will be sent out straight away, but we can't tell you what they are over the phone, you might not be you."

Ok says I and waits 2 weeks, nothing arrives.

Once again I phone and ask for my banding and reference number.

"yes sir they will be sent out straight away, but we can't tell you what they are over the phone, you might not be you.", ok again says I.

This conversation is repeated every fortnight for 7 months. Finally my banding and reference arrive, and my band is wrong, I've been placed in too high a band, so I write to the council.

"you need to take your banding up with the council tax ombudsman, sir".

I write to him, only to be told you only have 6 months from the date of entry to appeal your banding, but it took the cnuts 7 months to tell me.

So I was stuffed paying to high a band, for the 3 years I lived there, and they had the cheek to demand I paid a lump sum for the 7 months they waited to tell me my band and number.
(hudster, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:45, Reply)

I *refuse* to believe anyone is this stupid
Like many people I've had to endure the frustration that when you go on holiday you face the bin bag dilemma.

If you put it out 5 days early the council complain or fine you for doing so. Yet if you fail to put it out you come home to 2 week old festering bin bags that smell like death. As for some reason the bin men are too lazy to check the council built bin cupboard next to my front door and insist I move the bin bag the 20ft to the edge of the pavement.

So I decided to sort it out and removed the bin bags before my holiday and took them to the tip.

Lovely, job done I thought.

So you can imagine my upset when I come home from holiday and find several cards through the letter box from the postman telling me that the various parcels and post he's tried to deliver that wouldn't go through the letterbox have been safely left in the bin cupboard....

... except their not there.

Turns out the bin men in their infinite stupidity took it upon themselves to treat the unopened post that wasn't even in a bin bag as rubbish and chucked it all away. Including all the photographs I'd just had developed. Of course they return the negatives with the prints so I lost 6 films worth of photos.

I called the council to complain etc and they "investigated" it. The outcome "I've spoken to the refuse team for your area and they do not recall the incident. None the less they are not instructed to collect bin bags from the cupboards so it cannot have been them.".

Funny then that a week later when I didn't put the bin out they checked the cupboard again and I had to stop the guy throwing out the spare wheel for my car that I'd stored in there for a few days.

Honestly, total twunts.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:40, Reply)

the council on Cripple Island

is totally lame.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:30, Reply)

Social Services
If you're ever looking for a job, try Social Services. They're always after staff as they have the highest long-term sick and highest resignation rate of all Local Government employees.

I can remember one conversation I had with a Social Worker who was having trouble with her computer. I took the job as there was only me and one other techy who was allowed to work on the Social Services computers due to the nature of the information held there. They used a database called "CareFirst"

Social Worker: "There's something wrong with CareFirst. I can logon OK and I can get into "Families" but I just can't get into "Relationships".

Me: "Neither can I - I'm scared of commitment"

She fell off her chair laughing. Poor souls - they don't get many giggles in their job.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:13, Reply)

In Defence Of Councils..
Well, some of them.

One thing you should really try to understand is people who work in Councils often spend most of thier time dealing with the lowest of the low. The sort of people who even chavs look down on. "Window Lickers" as my mate likes to call them.

When I worked at Redcar & Cleveland Borough Council (it has the higest teen pregnancy rate in Europe - and no, I'm *not* responsible) you wouldn't believe how many times the scenario below was acted out.

Fat Chav in tracksuit bottoms, smoking fag and swigging tramp juice. At least 4 kids in tow, all under 5.

Chav: "I want my fucking benefit. My fucking benefit hasn't arrived"

Clerk: "Nothing I can do about it I'm afraid. Benefit is the responsibilty of the DWP"

Chav: "Well you can feed the little bastards then. They can stay here until I get my FUCKING BENEFIT!!"

And off they'd storm leaving little shits wrecking the council offices.

This happened so many times it's not even funny anymore. Council would ring up Social Services (who are also council workers - story about them in a minute) who would come and pick the little darlings up....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:07, Reply)

May I Refer You To This?
www.b3ta.com/questions/gettingold/post17070/

Pearoast.

t the ripe old age of forty-(cough) I'm in the middle of my first divorce and have to start all over again after seeing everything I owned given to a fat slapper who's never worked a full day in her life.

Then again, I've the rest of my life ahead of me without been dragged down by a fat snobby cow who shags anything that moves (and anything to drunk to move)

As I'm now living on my own I had to fill a council tax rebate form in (you get a %25 reduction for living on your own). In the section wher you had to put:
Reason for living by yourself... I put:

"Wife couldn't keep her knickers up."

I've heard that this form is now pinned on the notice board at the local council offices - sadly with the names of the guilty party tipexed out. - Sweet.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 9:57, Reply)

chip and bin again
Sorry this is almost a coversation :p
With regards to Chip & Bin, if someone doesn't produce a lot of rubbish, would they get a REDUCTION on their council tax rate? I bet they don't...
(asmodean had too much christmas spirit on.., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 9:37, Reply)

You know that house of yours...?
The one you're going to spend at least twenty years of your life, and a large chunk of your earnings paying for? If you ever want to increase it in size, because you need extra room, your family has expanded and you can't afford a bigger house or don't want the inconvenience of having to move, here's what you have to do...

Fill out four copies of the Planning Application form.

Sign and date certificate A.

Sign and date Certificate B.

Sign and date the Notice Under Article 6.

Submit four copies of an Ordnance Survey site plan (£28).

Submit four copies of a Design Statement, explaining to me why YOU need an extension and why I should let you.

Submit four copies of plans showing the existing and proposed layout and elevations, preferably drawn by an Architect who will charge you several hundred pounds for the privilege.

Now you have to wait 8 weeks, while some admin. jobsworth tells all your neighbours what you're up to, so that they can gripe and moan about all the silly little things like how much noise the builders will make while they're at work and how your proposal will block the light to the patch of their garden that they've never used before but they were going to plant some begonias there.

Meanwhile, the oficer dealing with your application is sitting on their hands, surfing the net at your expense, booking their latest weekend in Belgium, at your expense, and their future trip to La Paz, at your expense, emailing all of their friends at your expense. At some point they'll hop into the little VW Golf that you're paying for, to pop to your house for five minutes and maybe take the odd photo. Before they drive back, stopping off to pick up a sausage and egg McMuffin as they do so, at your expense.
Eventually, at some point close to the absolute final deadline, they'll type up a report recommending your application for approval or refusal.
...and you've actually paid them for the joy of letting them decide whether you have the right to extend your already expensive home, sure there are policies they have to adhere to, but alot of the time it's at the officer's discretion and yes, if you're lucky you can extend your home by up to 15% without the need for an application, but God forbid you happen to have bought a house in the wrong area.

Now, where did I leave my old Daddy's shotgun...?
Pfft, who am I kidding? I've never met my Dad!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 9:36, Reply)

Chip & Bin...
...{RE Tiggy's post below}, yeah I've heard of that wheelybin-chipping-so-they-can-shaft-you-a-bit-more-on-your-council-tax thing. A couple of councils around here have tried it, I've been reading lately.

However, it seems that this bold new initiative to grasp after even more of our hard-earned is being frustrated somewhat by the proposed victims of these schemes. They've taken to chiselling the chips out of the bins and posting them back to the council with a variety of brief notes, mostly along the lines of 'Go fuck yourselves you grubbing cunts'.

Quite right too. They'd tax your arse for sitting on if they could figure out a way - fuckers. Don't give them an inch, kids - they will take a yard.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 9:16, Reply)

arseholes galore
i moved house 18 months ago, from one council property to another. i filled in all forms, made all the necessary calls, everything i needed to do to change everything over to my new address. being disabled, i'm receiving benefits and have to send off a yearly sicknote. however, my memory is dreadful, so i usually get my sicknote when the social sends me a letter to remind me.
8 months after i moved in, the social suddenly stopped my money. i went down there to see what was going on, only to be told that i hadn't sent a sicknote, so they assumed i didn't need any money. i told them i hadn't received a letter. of course, they'd sent it to my old address, despite being told 8 months earlier that i had moved. apparently, it takes longer than that to update files.
well, i received a counter payment and decided that i wasn't going to let a simple mistake annoy me.
it did annoy me when it happened again the following week.
it annoyed me even more the week after. and the week after that. and the week after that.
all in all, this went on for 3 months, with me having to make weekly trips down there, often in a great deal of pain, to deal with these morons who refused to resolve matters over the phone and seemed incapable of learning.
the day i went there and sang the armor hot dog song at the top of my voice until they sorted out my payment was, curiously, the last time they messed with my money...

length? 3 months and about half a mile.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 3:46, Reply)

Recycling ?
My mate Tim told me that Bournemouth are piltoting a refuse management bollocks from the council. Apparently they now put a computer chip on the side of your refuse carrier so they can weigh it to see if then they can charge more.

Gives a new slant to Chip and Bin ??
( Tiggy the diver, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 1:50, Reply)

Traffic
My Mum's BF, who is the same age as me, works for Southamptin City Counsil. In traffic. He has an office on the town Quay with wonderful views of the harbour, a desk, a computer, and fuck all to do. He hates the job, but hey, work is work. Except there is no work. They pay 8 people a day to look at traffic cameras, analize it - and spend 2 weeks of the months sending them on stupid courses - health & safety - dont knock yourself out on a computer monitor will you......

Doesn't it make you seethe about how much we pay Council tax ??? Or am I paying Council tax to keep any of YOU ??
( Tiggy the diver, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 1:10, Reply)

Planning....
Few years ago My HB and his thick son decided that they were going to build a lean-to shelter to house some fishing gear at the front of our property. It was an open space thing like the smoking dens are now in pubs - except a bit bigger.


Neighbour who we are good friends with comes round from his house (it takes 5 mins to walk to us, we are in the sticks) and wonders what's going on. He's fine about it - after all he owns the land next to us which is woods and will never be anything else *, so he can't see the lean to and no-one else can, apart from just seeing from the road outside, but you'd have to look very closely as its all hidden by trees. I say : paint the thing green asap - but no. Hey ho, Neighbour's son-in law who lives nearby who is a architect or something sees it and says - have you got planning for that ??

A week later this car turns up in the driveway. A Woman gets out. Not only has she got a face like a bag of spanners, she's about 50-60, a rottweiler in a skirt and describes herself as a Chief Enforcement Officer from Winchesta City council.

WHAT'S that Erection ? she cries........

Well I did warn the HB and stupid son - who I was paying a daily rate to the son, again.

Do you know she had a beard, it was very strange. She looked like my HB's ex-wife, and told him. Not amused. No brownie points that week.

They made them take it down.

It was that son in law, I just know he squealed like a pig.

I have the Delieverance theme tune on my mobile, and he's a memeber of the local residence society.

Cunt.

Boring story, but if they'd painted it green...

* The neighbour is 84. I wonder if the son in law will want to develop the woods if his wife gets the inheritance ??
( Tiggy the diver, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 1:02, Reply)