b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Have you ever seen a dead body? » Post 124665 | Search
This is a question Have you ever seen a dead body?

How did you feel?
Upset? Traumatised? Relieved? Like poking it with a stick?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 9:34)
Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1

« Go Back

Dead body eh...?
I can tell you the exact date - 29th December 1996.

That was the day my Mum died, after fighting a losing battle with cancer for nearly 18 months.
That morning, My Dad had woken up to find the body, and had gone round waking us kids up one by one, eldest first, right down to myself, the youngest.

I howled, and I sobbed, and I begged that it couldn't be true. But it was.

My Dad took me through to see the body that was still lying in bed. She looked so peaceful, it was incredible. Considering this was the woman I'd had to hear coughing her lungs up every night for 18 months (when you're 8, that seems like the longest time in the world, almost beyond living memory) it was odd to see her finally relaxed.

We had seen the Chemotherapy ravage her body, making her seem even iller than she was, but up until the day she died, I never thought she would. I was 8, the woman was invincible to me!

When I saw her that relaxed, it made me worse, it was when I realised she'd never come back. My Dad gave me a little while to say my goodbyes alone, and I went to the bed and held her hand. As she had died at about 1am and this was 9am, her hands felt like ice. That is the most surreal thing in the world, to feel a hand you were used to being warmed by, with no heat left in it. It's frankly terrifying.

After 5 minutes sat crying, I realised. This was the longest I'd heard her go without coughing in almost a year. It finally clicked, my Dad was right. She was in a better place, not suffering anymore.

My parents were both strong christians, and so I suppose this was the only way they could face death. Makes me jealous really, I wish I could open up to the possibility of there being a God.

Epilogue -
It's been 11 years since that day.
My Dad remarried in 2004, now living happily with his new wife. (QUICK EDIT: She's ace, just realised I didn't mention that)
My 5 siblings are all happy and healthy, with the eldest a happy father now.

And me? I'm a stronger person now. I'm now the person that friends go to when they need someone to talk to. I'm a person I know my Mum would be proud of.

Do I miss her? Sometimes, when I think about her. It's hard to miss someone when you know most of the memories you hold of her aren't yours. Mostly stories I've heard since.

But I know that I'm living the right life for me, and I know she'd be proud of me. (Well, hope so)

Sorry if it's a bit heavy for the first day, but this is the first time I've ever gone into this much detail about it.

Length? She was 4 foot 11 and a half. Always the half! God forbid if you ever forgot!
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 10:18, 19 replies)
Ha ha!
That's hilarious! Oh, wait a minute...
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 10:23, closed)
Thats a really moving story.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 10:23, closed)
Good tale too, your dad is clearly a top chap.

My mum died when I was six, also of cancer. I didn't see her in at least the last week of life, wasn't allowed to go to her funeral, and didn't even get to see her cremation scattering spot (whatever that's properly called) at Vintners Park Crem in Kent until I was 15.

I asked Dad to recount it all for me one time, so he put together a six page missive detailing it all; and at the end he put 'and if it happened today I'd do exactly the same thing'. That left me with massive scars you arsehole father! Sorry I'm venting a bit I'll shut up - but *click* nonetheless.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 10:25, closed)
a little tear
is trickling down my cheek.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 10:41, closed)
Moving tale fella.
Had a similar experience with my Grandma, I was eight when She died. She had cancer for many years and I'm pretty sure it was her faith that kept her going for so long.

Like you though, I have none of my own
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 10:56, closed)
Very moving
you deserve more than a *click*
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 11:08, closed)
You sound so brave
That was a really moving story, It's hard to lose parents think it's worse if your the youngest. I get jealous of the extra time they had with my brother and sisters. It does make you stronger though.

Have a click and a hug from me.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 12:14, closed)
i have a small river of tears running down my face *click*
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 12:42, closed)
losing someone close...
changes your life totally. I lost my Mum to cancer, and her brother had died 6 months before from cancer too (my chances of not getting cancer don't look good!). Before they died I was too scared to change anything or really do what I wanted with my life.

Losing Mum made me take stock and do the things I wanted to do. I went back to uni and got a masters degree (despite having no a-levels) and I am now doing a PhD. Regrets....not having done it sooner and also wishing Mum was here to see me now. Loved ones may no longer be with us but they do make you realise what life is about.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 13:40, closed)
I can relate to this...although my experience is only 3 years old, I feel so much stronger in myself.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 13:41, closed)
are now running down my face.

My best friend lost her mother when she was eight too and whenever she talks about her I always end up near to tears on her behalf.

I'm sure she would be proud of you.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 13:45, closed)
I often wonder if death is made worse for our generation because it's so rarely seen. Your Dad seems to have been very wise: letting you know what had happened honestly and unpretentiously. Good move.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 15:17, closed)
That's lovely
It's all still raw for me, but I hope in 11 years I'll be as alright as you are.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 15:44, closed)
*clicks, of course*
Oddly, that story didn't make me feel sad. It made me feel peaceful, and even slightly happy...I think because you showed how a sad event can be accepted and woven into the fabric of who you are, rather than being overwhelmingly traumatic. You described death without it being something to fear.

I'm happy for you that you have a father who let you say goodbye to your mother in such a graceful way.

You know, if we get stories like this one, I think this QOTW might float after all.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 17:04, closed)
*tears and clicks*
This was both sad and moving, but at the same time, there was a really nice peacefulness to it. I admit, the tears are there.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 19:27, closed)
I dread the day every time i read something like this, and i cant help but think its gonna happen when im still relatively young too, with most of family, i mean im 18 and my brothers already 40...
(, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 19:31, closed)
well done for telling us your story - so very brave.

I lost my father in law - 7th February 2008.
(, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 13:28, closed)
Thanks for posting that. You know, i find experiencing death makes us appreciate so much more in life. Those 'small moments' that we take for granted are somehow sweeter.

Thanks for sharing that story though.
(, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 19:51, closed)
Dads right
Religion or not, your dad did the right thing by letting you say goodbye. Sounds like you've got a good family around you.
Touching story, ta for sharing it.
(, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 20:30, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1