A copy of...
Devil Woman by Cliff Richard.

Gave it to me bro for Christmas.
(Clarabelle is reverting to type on, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 0:05, Reply)

The original..
Stock, Aitken and Waterman hits...on VHS! Lovely. All 3 volumes.

/ebay

Next time I get drunk, I might buy a VHS player.
( Fronkle99, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 23:39, Reply)

How drunk was I..?
I bought Jacko's explanations about what went on at Neverland....

Never mind the length, feel the quality...
(AlohasRyk, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 23:06, Reply)

fwappage
£21 worth of porn on Sky, and fell asleep 5minutes in due to drunkeness and lack of wood.
( TN, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 22:16, Reply)

bob
bought this bloke's soul ... african american chap, at some crossroads down south ... bloody terrible error, can't stand that 'blues music' ... more a daniel bedingfield man myself ... johnson i think his name was ... dead now of course, still playing ...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 21:40, Reply)

My story is quite nice
Last december I ended up staying in on my Bday weekend because all my mates were going to one of their mums bday meals. 3am the door knocks really loudly and I open the door to one of those illuminated road bollards, with love from said mates. Bless em all.

6 months later, its still in my garage (apart frm when my Dad finds it and throws it outside till i sneak it back in)

Never apologise, girth has always been so good to me.
U luv it......dirty whore
(Legs 11 last got some loving on, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 20:50, Reply)

After a very drunken conversation with my mother one night about two summers ago, I came home the next day to find she was the proud and hungover owner of two very bewildered looking chinchillas in a cage taller than myself.

It was a surprise, as I thought she'd not even remembered me harassing her to buy them the night before.

Also in my collection:

15 copies of the Yellow pages me and my missus collected on our drunken wander, dumped in my mate's hallway and forgot all about.

A huge sign that says 'Vote Conservative'

And my gf's purchase of several Chas & Dave cassettes from Amazon whilst pissed. At least she SAID she was pissed. I'm not so sure.
(sporky, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 20:46, Reply)

Out clubbing in Blackpool
for a mate's birthday, and we all woke up the next morning with novelty condoms shaped like cats on our thumbs.

Mine was black.

Ace.
(sporks, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 20:39, Reply)

another crappy student story
I don't know how many people know this but newsagents return the papers and magazines they don't sell to the publishers, they get picked up at around 5am every morning. but between the hours of closing and 5am they are kept in an (in a Leeds Co-Op's) unlocked box. a gold mine for drunk students, it was on the way home so we'd ritually wake up in the morning to find our lounge filled with a selection of papers and magazines. thing is, it was a different one gettign returned each day so one week we might have 50 copies (literally) of Uncut, the next week 50 copies of Angling Weekly.
they lock the box now in case you're wondering all of you LS6 folks.

traffic cones... psh
(sextuple rooty, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 19:35, Reply)

Recently...
An inflatable sofa.

A balaclava that says 'Terrorist' on the front.

Two CD's from a random Krishna monk.

A PSP (I think. I'm still not entirely sure.)

A PC that, well, is ever so slightly overpowered. Took a big chunk out of my wallet.

A silver, glittery cowboy hat.

A FYEO (For Your Eyes Only - Strip club) hat and matching thigh length wool coat. From the bouncer outside.

A full pirate outfit.
( gone, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 19:29, Reply)

Drunken Purchase Ended Up Costing Me £100 More
Right, a year back I went to the fabulous bournemouth and had a massive binging lads weekend, saturday night our final night on the lash before we went home on the megabus on sunday I decided to go all out.

And when I say all out, I mean all out. 13 Pints of Lager and what must have been 16 shots of crap vodka mix things and as I only weigh 11 Stone needless to say I was fucking ill, I proceeded to walk back to our dump of an apartment on my own, sloshed out of my box and pass out behind the sofa.

When I wake up at 3am, ive gone from "nearly dead drunk" stage to just "rat-assed pissed". So me and my mate neck some absynth and decide it would be an excellent time to visit the local kebab man. Naked.

So we run down the road with our clothes in our bags and run into the kebabsy we purchase a mixed donner and to bide the time we do some star jumps to the amusement of everyone assembled in the shop the kebab bloke in a lovely accent of his finds it all funny, my mate decides that being bored of waiting for a kebab he had paid £7 for so he throws a football at the kebab blokes head and you just hear the biggest clatter and dirty kebab flying all over the shop, awesome. So we run for out lives out of the shop and a police van pulls up, they get out and chase us. At that stage I was quite fit so I could run miles, but then the dogs came out and started chasing me and not wanting my bollocks bitten off I decided to give it up while my mate runs and gets taken down in spectacular fashion by a hungry dog. Yum.

So me and my mate ended up paying £107 for a kebab we never ate + fines and ended up with a nice assault and criminal damage on our record.

Oh well gets wiped in 5 months, we were only 16 at the time.

Length & Girth, Your Mum Fucking Loves It The Slag
(loopadoop loves toilets, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 19:08, Reply)

Don't try this at home
Fireworks. Abso-bloody-lutely insane when tanked up but that is what we did. A massive selection box, air-bomb repeaters, whistling bangers, huge roman candles the works. We had a roman candle fight, hold roman candle, try and fire red hot glowing fire into each others hair. Stuck airbombs down the back of each others trousers. aking air bombs apart and making a massive pile of gunpowder in a hub cap, putting a dustbin lid on top of it and striking matches and throwing them under the bin lid to set it off. Which it eventually did but we never found the bin lid again. Firing a length of broom handle out of 3 inch steel pipe at each other and it went like a harpoon! Burying air bombs in the ground and setting them off while we ran about blind folded trying to doge he screaming missiles. How we laughed. Fucking lunatics. The worst part was waking up the next day and walking into the bathroom with half may hair melted to the side of my head, no eyebrows and bald arms that smelled of burnt lard. My clothes on the floor were black, covered in burn holes and my jacket had most of one sleeve missing. My jeans were burnt on the arse, both legs and one pocket had completely burnt away. The room stank like 400 people had emptied their bowels on the floor after eating double egg vindaloos. I had no burns or physical injuries at all anywhere. I phoned all my mates and they were all unharmed but their clothes were as bad as mine. How we escaped being maimed, blinded or even killed is a complete miracle.
(munkymagik, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 17:41, Reply)

........
some of the times i have been drunk i have bought:
compost - no reason just looked cool
another pint -hahahaha not funny but it needed saying
and a computer, that i overclocker while still drunk and wondered why it was running so hot

Edit. while at download festy i decided that my uber cool sunglasses weren't gonna be cool enough so i bought me a nice trucker cap, except the first time i saw myself in it, with the aid of a mirror was when i got home this morning and it looks sooooo stupid, like a hillbilly with oakleys on.
(Bored, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 17:40, Reply)

me mate did this
We both got to the end of a good drinking night, and me and Johnny stumble into a kebab shop. Only prob being that I am skint (as in I wasn't spending my taxi fare....again). Johnny, being the mate that he is, decides to chuck us a quid for chips, while he buys himself the full king-size-maximum-sauce-salad-mixed-kebab on offer (cost him a tenner, you should get a certificate with the fecker). We sit down at a small table, both a bit smashed, and I go to eat a chip. Johnny looks at my chips, then at his kebab, then back at me chips again, then says "They look great, do you want to swop?"....errr...ok then. Made no sense to me the day after as well, drunken Johnny logic.

I managed to eat half of the kebab before I threw it over the side of me local Social Club, bless.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 17:02, Reply)

How hammered do you have to be?
A long long time ago, on a Friday night I apparently willingly purchased a parrot from a 'bloke in the pub'. I only found this out when i woke up in the morning and my entire bedroom was covered in an inch thick layer of parrot poo. After getting out of bed I found the parrot dead by stepping on it in the middle of the floor. It looked a bit mangled which was quite baffling at the time. Stumbling into the hallway the light from the window at the top of the stairs is normally blinding first thing in the morning as it faces east. Squinting my eyes hard to fight the searing pain of hang over and sun light I was suprised to find the hallway suprisingly dull. On closer inspection, the hallway window was coverd in a thin greasy coating of parrot blood and feathers. The poor bird had obviously paniced either at the stench of beer and tequilla breath coming from me or the remains of the kebab on the floor slowly gassing i with chilli fumes and decided to make a run for it through the hallway window. Quite a few times and at a high velocity by the look of it.
(munkymagik, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 16:51, Reply)

The bench.
Whilst on holiday snowboarding in Les Deux Alpes, myself and rather strapping rugby player mate of mine (a 6'4", 330lbs, tight-head prop) took a shine to a *very* large cast iron and wood bench outside a bar.

Cue the pair of us carrying said bench for about 1/2 a mile through the centre of the resort in freezing conditions.

For reasons that are too complicated to explain at this juncture, we were both wearing full Scottish Highland Formal wear (Kilt, Bonnie Prince Charlie jacket etc.)

The look of utter bemusement on the faces of the two local Gendarme, as they drove slowly past us was priceless. They simply looked at us with Gallic indifference, as if two men in kilts carrying a bench, in the snow was perfectly normal.

The next morning we attempted to move said furniture to a better spot outside the chalet we were staying in and neither of us could lift it. It ended up being dumped at a bus stop for a courtesy coach.

Length, Girth etc.
(ColdLazarus, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 16:27, Reply)

Is this even legal?
I was on a gap year in Australia, and decided to pop down to King's Cross, infamous for it's sleazy strip bars and, ahem, 'ladies of the night'. I'd been drinking schooners of Oz-beer Toohey's New all day and wrapped up with several tequila's at a local backpackers haunt called The Scubar. Needless to say by the time I'd gotten to King's Cross I was absolutely smashed.

When I woke up the next morning I found myself naked, in a puddle of my own vomit, in a hostel that certainly wasn't my own. My wallet, phone, and my watch were all gone. My friends related to me that I'd acquired the services of a prostitute to 'make sure I get to sleep all right' before dissapearing into the night with her. Clearly by passing out I'd negated the need for her to help me sleep, and after I'd passed out she'd nicked the lot. So, in my drunken stupor, I had purchased a thieving whore, and I hadn't even intended to shag her.
(HilarityEnsues, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 16:26, Reply)

Please ...
... I'm begging you. No more 'whacky' student stories about nicking roadsigns/other road 'furniture'. It's a rite of passage for every 18 year old. We've all done it, and it's got nob-all to do with the question.
(8-Ball, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 16:14, Reply)

Oxford is a great place to steal things.
After moving to Oxford 11 months or so ago, myself and my housemate were drunk one night and decided to check out the loft. So we get up there and realise theres pretty much nothing of interest. As we are climbing down I spot a black and white pole. I pull on it. I realise it is a lamp-post size belisha beacon, complete with mains plug and plastic orange ball. So we lug it downstairs, to use it as an ornament and the only place it will fit is the bottom of the stairs (because it is too high for the ceilings). Long story short we plug it in and we now have a flashing orange light illuminating our stairway at night.

Skip forward 11 months and we have tried to outdo the unknown people who stole this steel and plastic monstrosity. Drunken adventures have awarded us with traffic cones, numerous street signs, for sale signs and coffee house placards among the things now decorating our house. However nothing comes close to the greatness of the belisha beacon :(
(syz, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 15:33, Reply)

Darth's Kitchen
I bought off ebay a life size cut out of every original starwars character...Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, C3PO, R2-D2, Princess Leia, Darth Vader, Yoda and Obi-Wan...

I tried to recreate the scene from Home Alone when he fakes the dinner party with those cut outs...but instead passed out and slept with C3P0 and Leia in my mum and dads bed.

I awoke to find that I'd positioned the remaining characters around the house and that darth vader was wearing my mum's pinny and was stood in the kitchen.

They were ritually burnt on bonfire night...at one point Han Solo looked strikingly similar to Simon Weston.
(Big Andy, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 15:11, Reply)

stolen not bought but i'm a rebel like that
not me but three strapping rugby lads on their way back to the farm belonging to the parents of one of the pissed up crew. they spied a traffic light that had been hit by a car and was sticking out of its concrete roots.

so they pulled it up and carried it many miles home across the fields. apparently those things are unbelievably heavy and it took many hours. so many hours that they arrived at the farm at the same time as the farmer was exiting to milk the cows.

seriously unimpressed, he made them take it all the way back... resulting in one dislocated shoulder, one slipped disc, several arms like swiss rolls and a crushing defeat for the rugby team the following day...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:56, Reply)

Not Me, My Brother
My brother has three tattoos that he has very little recollection of having done. One of them (the last) was this vile semi-naked woman winking at you from his forearm. He had it reworked into a Grim Reaper.

Needless to say that, although the law in most Australian states prescribes that tattooists are not supposed to work on pathetically drunk bogans, there is one in Kings Cross that will sometimes ignore this.
(Pleiades, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:55, Reply)

not bought, *cough* acquired
one exceedingly drunken evening in town i decided to wander home as it was in the days when i lived a 10 minute walk (or 35 minute stagger) from the centre.

taking my usual route up the dual-carriageway i spied a men at work roadsign which had clearly been forgotten from when they'd had roadworks there.

fast forward to the next morning when i come downstairs and find a 4ft high roadsign in my living room and no recollection of how it got there.

hazy memories started drifting back, including me lugging this thing half a mile up the hill and down a couple of residential streets, then finally across my cul-de-sac, where the clanging noise it made must have woken half the street up.

it took up residence at the top of the stairs until the day i moved out about five years later, when daddy squirrel removed it in his van and dumped it in a lay-by far far away on his way to work one day.
(squirrelysquirrel, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:51, Reply)

oh dear.....
I bought a cigarette dispensing donkey. Oh dear.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:29, Reply)

Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinkin...
Yes Warrant's Cherry Pie album.

Don't complain it's not long enough - you're just too deep for me.
(donttrythisathome, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:19, Reply)

Night before exams...
My old French teacher actually used me as an example to the next years class as 'What NOT to do the night before your French GCSE' i.e. Wander the streets off your face on Special Brew. Yes I failed!
(donttrythisathome, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:11, Reply)

Wo bin ich?!?!

Travel advisory: If you are a very, very drunk American in Berlin and you miss your 5:30 am train to Frankfurt for an afternoon flight back to the States, you may want to verify which Frankfurt you're buying a ticket for once you drunkenly stumble in a panic into the Bahnhof.

Frankfurt am Main? GOOD!
Frankfurt Oder? BAD!
(Girlmitzi, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:08, Reply)

Christmas 1988...
My old man has 'reminded' me that I am supposed to buy a new coat and shoes for school with some of the money I was given. Unfortunaltely I have already spent over £100 on records and only have £15 left for said articles of clothing ... cue a visit to the deli (they would sell beer to a baby as long as it had a crumpled fiver to pay with) £5 and a bottle of exquisitely strong Polish vodka later I wind up with a pair of tasseled loafers and a too-small Italian combat jacket. Still had enough money for a kebab!!
(donttrythisathome, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 14:08, Reply)

Oh all sorts of tat...
A Marvel Superheroes annual for about £6
The second Betty Boo album off eBay for about £1.50
A stuffed badger from an antiques place for £30 (later donated to a local school)
Any amount of crap from car boot sales at 6am (still drunk from the night before, so it counts) that I fondly imagine I thought I could sell on eBay instead of the damn stuff filling up every available corner of my room and my Mom's attic
Various items of religious iconography including a plastic glow-in-the-dark statue of Jesus (now pride of place on my Mom's dresser)
A whole heap of trouble
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 13:43, Reply)