Seaside rock.
Don't microwave it and pick it up with bare fingers. It's like Napalm.
Still got a scar around my finger where the molten goo wrapped itself around.
(ice9, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 10:40, 3 replies)

Ham Salad dressing
In the depravities of student cuisine the cupboard was near bare.

I decided to use the pack of wafer thin ham to make a ham salad.

Sadly I lacked a few key ingredients.... namely salad and dressing.

SO, I used lemon juice. That's right my dinner consisted of a packet of ham and some lemon juice.

It was disgusting.


Other experiments; You can fry ANYTHING! I found essentially ANY food i bought could be fried. This included baked beans and gammon.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 10:39, 3 replies)

I taped a pack of caps together and dropped a big rock on them
just to see how loud the bang would be.

My ears were ringing for a while afterwards and my neighbour cam out to see what the noise was and if I was ok.
Parents stayed inside and didn't bat an eyelid.

I also tried scraping all the gunpowder stuff out of some plastic caps to make a super one, only to scrape one of them a bit hard and set fire to my finger.
( thistle, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Biology mishaps
Ah I remember in my last year, where we had this legend of a biology teacher.

Basically, we were learning about the lungs. He'd brought out a pair of pig lungs for us to poke at with sharp implements, but before he let us at them he wanted to demonstrate the size capacity of one of them.

So he gets a straw.

And he pokes it into the air hole at the top of the lung.

And lo and behold, it inflates to 2 or 3 times it's original size, cue gasps of "ewww" and "haha nice" from the class.

Teacher in question looks up at class to make a comment on it, releases his seal on the straw, and inhales a lungful of stale, moist, 2 week old pig lung particles.


He was *not* pleased.

First post woo!
(Tetigi can't be bothered with apathy., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 10:36, 1 reply)

Does this count?
I was wracking my brains in the car on the way home last night for pointless experiments and eventually came up with this. It sort of involves a double experiment: with psychedelic mushrooms, cannabis & beer, and the English language. It was written a little after 10pm on Thursday 8th November 1984, and was part of a long letter (14 hand-written sides of A4) to my best mate back in England, towards the end of my epic travels round Europe with a backpack.

I won't try to explain any more except to apologise to Anthony Burgess and Jean-Paul Sartre - under whose influence I appear to have been - but I think there's more than a hint of pure, early Grimsdale too. It goes - in part - like this:

------------------------------------------------------------

I left Nice on a beautiful sunny morning, I woke when the electric clock went off and I tripped out of bed, 7am rise and rise and shine he said to himself. So, I packed and I, what did I do, oh yes, I went into Melanie's bedroom, she was still asleep but woke up as I opened the door, she made a slight murmuring sound, it sounded like, I'll get up in a few minutes, so I made some coffee and she came into the kitchen all dressed in black, sort of pyjamas, with her white skin, a sleepy smile, Oh you've made coffee, give me a kiss, and, well, drink some coffee, and well, yes, let's go into the bedroom, and she tired, half-asleep, pulling me, as I finished packing, stretching on the bed, a cat, all black, and me, I'm the kind of guy, who is always...on the road, I was happy, so happy, just singing and yes, I've got time for a little warm cuddle with me DMs on a little bed in Nice with a little girl from Nice, who liked me a lot, but like, it was really good, cos I was going, so then I went, rucksack on, lumberjack shirt on, and, the road, I had no sign, but I bought some Camels so, ya know, I was on the Promenade des Anglais, and I was Anglais, so I walked on...

...he let me off at a peage and I ate two bananas and a really cool black guy picked me up in a green VW Beetle and the first thing he put on the stereo was Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye and that had special memories for me - Ursula, and then it was Talking Heads - Remain in Light, fuck it, I can't go on with this, anyway it was a great day's hitching and then Montpellier where Roger he cried out to the town, and wandered for hours, pack on back and on his shoulders and on his neck and on his legs and he walked for hours and searched with lighter for his name for Berryman at flatblocks near the Fac, but found he Roger none so crashed he out in garden and slept with cat and with tamarisks in garden and woke and got up but went on with quest to university where students where english where Roger was, and wandered he all morning long and coffees drunk he and shits he had and eventually he got to the caf John and dahn the caf he 'eared some english voices calling from the tongue of his motherland and it beckoned him sit he down, so he chatted and blow me down if one of the girls weren't a certain girl he'd already met before years ago, sharing a flat with Mandy when I went up to visit her at Birmingham Uni, that cold October back in '82 just a tiny bit over 2 years ago today! So...they also knew Roger so they gave me his phone number and Bingo, 17 hours after your faithful narrator landed his arse in ol' Montpellier he re-encountered his long lost droog of ol' Bournemouth town know to the world as Roger Peter George Berryman esquire and the rest is history.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmmm, those memoirs are going to need a bit of editing I think...
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 10:18, 1 reply)

Pyromaniagain
Some of my erstwhile University friends and I decided it would be a fantabulous idea to fill a split tennis ball to the brim with matchheads, then burn it to see what happened.

It took a long time to snap off them matchheads, but the development of our hypothesis was sketchy, if I'm brutally honest.

"I think it'll burn for a really long time? Maybe there will be sparks/excitement/ball jumping around action!"

The result?-It did burn for AGES (maybe an hour) and released some really foul brown smoke. Not much else. The neighbours told us to stop burning things in the back yard.

We didn't. We found that the best things for burning were empty pizza boxes - they went up like a light.
(donuts saw Gordon Gekko raking through the bins on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:51, Reply)

A new drink
Once I hit on the brilliant idea of mixing coffee with tea. I decided the resulting delicious brew would be called 'cofftea'. Only it wasn't. It was disgusting.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:44, 8 replies)

Olbas oil
and it's lovely tingly feeling it has when you put it on your chest or stomach, so i decided to put a few drops on my ball sacks during my frenzied mid teen constant self pleasure attacks to enhance the feeling!

NEVER EVER AGAIN, the horrible burning feeling lasted for nearly an hour so i decided to have a bath to wash it off, the bath made it worse, i don't know why but it felt like my balls had been dipped into the hottest chilli sauce ever and was fermenting in lava....

Aprrox 2 hours it lasted and it did'nt help with my mum asking if i was alright as i could'nt sit still when having my dinner and asking if i was coming down with something as the pungent smell of olbas oil was overpowering the smell of the roast dinner.

The stuff is evil but has a lovely smell :-)
(djgalaxe, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:35, 5 replies)

How not to cook sausages.....
I thought it would be interesting while doing a spot of fire-eating for a cinema opening to see if it was possible to barbeque a sausage by breathing fire at it. It isn't, although it was so windy that day it is possible that none of the flame actually touched the sausage, being far more interested in terrifying the audience.
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:19, 1 reply)

pointless?
pitch drop
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:19, 12 replies)

Juggling..
your carpenter friend's razor sharp chisels smarts if you are only beginning to experiment with juggling.

Chisel scars never disappear.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:14, Reply)

Although many people think I'm nice...
I sometimes wonder.

As a teen I went to one of those dreadful schools, full of spoilt chavs (yes, many are - that's why they're gits) and a few middle class kids who did their best in the mess. I'd arrived in second year from another very good school. I stood out. I got a lot of grief. I plotted my revenge on key figures.

So in a poorly disciplined chemistry practical some of the kids around me were rolling up bits of paper, lighting them, and pretending to smoke. Teacher didn't appear to notice or care. I spotted my opportunity. I picked one of the more gullible around me and said "Hey, that's really cool... but you remember how that potassium permanganate sparks when it burns? Imagine how much cooler it'd be if you rolled it up in your 'ciggy'!"

I knew the resulting fuss would be enough to get the attention of the teacher. I thought it might end in tears. Well I suppose it did. And an eye bath, pain and minor fire. To his credit, he didn't grass me up.

Another time I asked someone to move a Leyden jar I'd just spent ten minutes charging up. Fook, that didn't look pleasant and the lad never spoke to me again - or in fact, even went near me. Maybe I shouldn't have gone MUHAHAHAHAAAAA as he rolled across the floor, his arm twitching uncontrollably.
(clopinettes, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:04, 5 replies)

Fireball Hoover
Many years ago, when my older brother was going through is pyromaniac phase, he decided to conduct an experiment with me as his unwitting assistant. A bit like Dr Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker from the muppets if you will.

The experiment involved him spraying lighter fluid into the nozzle of the turned-on hoover (vacumn cleaner) and me holding a lighted match to bit where the air comes out of the hoover.

The resultant fireball took off half my hair and 1 eyebrow. The parents were none too pleased.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 9:03, Reply)

Van de Graaff generator

I always wanted a Van de Graaff generator. The thing that made your hand stand on end in physics class. At 16 after leaving school and a couple of years after having seen a working Van de Graaff generator and the technical aspects of how it really worked a distant memory, me and a friend thought we would re-live our child-hood and make our own Van de Graaff in his bedroom at his Mum's house. We were stoned.

We took a large rubics cube and a small rubics cube, covered them in silver foil and forced 2 glass rods into each of them. We pushed them into a cardboard box so they stood about an inch apart. We took apart the cable from a bedside lamp and attached one wire each to the foil on each rubics cube. We plugged it into the wall.

Nothing happened. There was no static electricity jumping between the two globes as we had seen in class.
We pushed the two rods closer and closer waiting for static. Closer and closer but no spark.
Holding one rod each we then touched them together....
HUGE FLASH. Major Bang! All the lights go out and we're left in the dark. We blew all the fuses.
Lots of screaming from downstairs, lights come back on, we push the apparatus under the bed and friends Mum comes bursting into the room screaming "What the fucking hell are you two doing!?!?!"
As is the teenage way, we deny everything and sit innocently on the bed covering scorch marks and ignoring the lingering smoke. We had huge blots on our eyes for hours because we were about 6 inches from the flash.

Method:
a couple of spliffs
1x large Rubics cube
1x small Rubics cube
tin foil
2x glass rods (or anything non-conducting)
an electrical cord with a plug on the end
an ounce of stupidity

Results:
Blindness and near death.

Conclusion:
get a job in IT support where you get paid for blowing things up.

sorry for lazy re-post
(twistngo, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 8:47, 4 replies)

A box of matches
I was about 8 years old, very bored, parents off doing something in the house.

So I grabbed the big box of Cook's kitchen matches and genied the box. (I said it was an accident at the time).

I lost half my hair in the flashback. And upon hearing the loud 'woosh' and my subsequent screams, my dad burst into the room and just shouted: "YOU BASTARD".
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 8:44, 2 replies)

From the spouse
As a licensed massage therapist, my husband is always bringing home interesting concoctions that are meant to make the massage experience even more therapeutic.

One such afternoon, he came home from work with this tiny bottle of some sort of Chinese stuff that's like Tiger Balm times ten -- it can clear my sinuses from across the room, I swear.

The experiment? To find if it worked as well as or better than the aforementioned balm when it came to relieving sore muscles. The test subject? Me. It did work very well; it felt lovely and the only downside was that for whatever reason, the smell of it really attracted one of our cats, who then tried to lick it all off my neck.

The ponintless part?

The spouse went for a pee right after the massage. Without washing the stuff off his hands first.

It's pointless because now he won't even look at that nice, tingly oil and still cringes at the thought of it. The cat, on the other hand, knows exactly where it is at all times.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 8:34, Reply)

Brussell sprout curry
No doubt someone on here has tried it...

Me and my mate Lee (RIP mate) came up with the idea one drunken afternoon - there were other ideas too, so many we were almost going to open our own 'alternative' food place
( snee held his breath since, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 8:17, 3 replies)

I was probably destined to become a scientist
You know the story about 'your eyes shut when you sneeze because if they didn't yor eyes would be forced from their sockets'?

It is a lie. Conclusively proven by a disbelieving 6 or 7 year old me with the help some gaffer tape and pepper (and at the price of some sections of eyebrow). The disappointment of finding out that not everything you are told can be taken at face value is still palpable.

Crivvens knows what I'd have done had it proved true.
(funky alchemist is neither funky nor an alchemist, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 8:17, 3 replies)

Fizzy Milk
As a kid my parents finally got round to getting a SodaStream after months of relentless nagging by me.

After the usual rounds of cola syrup and naff tropical piss, I got a bit sick of it.

Then - bingo - how come you can't buy fizzy milk? In a can, in a big firdge in the local paper shop?

Of course the inevitable occured - milk instead of water in the sodasteam.

A minute or so later and the big tasting.

Ever wondered what carbonated milk tastes like?

Answer - its fucking vile. Truely vile. Something occured in that litte bottle that I'll never forget.
(The Neptunian Number is counting on you, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 8:15, 2 replies)

Animals/insects and drugs (just say no...)
1) In a house share way back we had a doberman - used to get it stoned and it would shut itself in a wardrobe - hilarious. One time he tried to jump out of the first floor window...oops.

2) Round a dealer friend's house - they had a chinchilla - very funny to let it run around when we were stoned off our tits. Got it stoned one time and after some time we realised we hadn't seen it in a while. A short hunt later we found it paddling in the (thankfully flushed) toilet...oops.

3) Wasps. Need I say more? oh, I guess I do...hours of fun in a pub garden with an empty pint glass - capture one of the evil feckers and trap it, blow lots and lots of smoke into the glass so the wasp goes docile, then just leave it. Pity the fool collecting glasses...

4) Me. Can I drop 10 pills and still function as a 'normal' person? That'd be a resounding FUCK NO! will try this one again...
( snee held his breath since, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 7:59, 6 replies)

A totally pointless experiment in...
___|_ _/ ___| | ___| |_
| |_ | |/ _ \ __|
| _| | | |_| | | __/ |_
|_| |_|

ASCII
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 6:55, Reply)

I have a couple,
One that springs to mind was when I was about nine, I was playing with a snappy camera that was hanging around the house. I hit upon the idea of holding the flash right against my right eye and setting it off. the result was an unimaginable pain and not being able to see anything but green in one eye for about half an hour. Not to be repeated. I really thought I'd fucked my eye for good!
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 6:33, 2 replies)

Dodgy phones...
When I was little I messed around with pretty much anything I could get my hands on, nothing I wouldn't take apart or potentially blow up. I only ever got one chemistry set. One was enough. No wonder I'm learning to be a scientist.

Anyway, I can't think of any particular stories off-hand, so I'll give one from a mate.

Had a friend called Ryan who'd just got a new phone, one of those old "rugged and sporty, honest" type phones.

"look, it's so tough it bounces" he said, bouncing it. And it did.

So he bravely tried it against other things. Walls, doors, concrete, etc, bounced off them all.
Turns out it couldn't withstand a 2ft drop onto carpet and wouldn't switch back on when he tried it :D
(Fleximus Rex briefly gave up lurking on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 5:19, Reply)

Cheese-on-toast
Being a somewhat younger howling_mad and not being able to properly use a grill, i had a craving for cheese-on-toast, but how to cook it thinks I? I know, I'll microwave it! Don't....... just don't......
(Howling_Mad Gave God the finger on:, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 4:29, 1 reply)

Sometimes I randomly look intently at nothing in a random direction...
Like, really intently and at absolutely nothing. I do this for the purpose of seeing how many people look with me to see what I'm looking at. It's a bizarre psychological experiment.
Findings: People rarely ask you what it is you're looking at, preferring to try and find out for themselves.
I still occasionally do it, though mostly for laughs.
( Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 4:05, 4 replies)

nutmeg
is supposed to induce a druggie psychedelic feeling if two or three cloves are chewed and swallowed.

It doesn't. It just gives you a fuckoff great headache, gutrot for months and a serious aversion to anything nutmeggy for years.

Oh, and smoking banana peel just makes you cough too, in case you were wondering.

there's a reason no-one ever bothered to make some things illegal.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 2:53, 3 replies)

legless' post reminds me...
Never scratch your testicles with chinese mosquito repellant (think liquid tiger balm) on your hands.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 2:49, Reply)

My father in law was legendary at dangerous experiments
As a child/teenager he created TNT and various other explosives, resulting in various craters, burned science blocks and more.

My favourite one, however, comes from when he was an adult in charge of a nuclear reactor. They had a major problem with seagulls, so he got hold of some sodium and put it in a jar of fish oil (in case you don't know, sodium is kept in oil to prevent it oxidising and exploding). He then cut it into small pieces and put them on the roof. Seagulls come swooping down, swallow the pieces whole, fly off and BOOM! No bicarbonate of soda needed thanks!

Picture the environmentalists reaction seeing seagulls flying over a nuclear reactor and exploding.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 2:47, 1 reply)

Some kid at school
nicked some sodium from the science lab and put it in his pocket. When it started to get a bit hot, he went to the bathroom and ran it under a tap to cool it down.

He was a clever kid.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 2:40, Reply)

Smint
.
Don't push a Smint down your Japs Eye. Just fucking don't....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 2:38, 8 replies)