Years ago...
My mate and I were on our way to a fancy dress party, both of us dressed as coppers. We decided it would be a laugh to see if we could actually pull someone over, and when some random cretin screamed past us at 140mph then pulled up at the lights about 100 yards down the road, well, we had our man.

Thing was, when we got to the car, there was a nervous and slightly teary 10 yr old girl in the passenger seat. The driver must have been in a slightly panicked state, because he immediately blurted out that this wasn't his daughter, and he was "babysitting".

Starting to feel like we may have accidentally stumbled upon something quite sinister and our 'joke' may well be about to turn extremely sour, we tentatively asked about the nature of their relationship, and before you can say "entirely fictional", the guy's lost it. The red mist descended and he tore out of the car and pummeled straight into me. I ended up with a black eye, a split lip, a bloody nose and, if I'm honest, a bit of a semi.

Then he reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone, which was apparently recording. No idea why. He switched it off, got back in his car and drove away.

Still don't fully understand what happened, but the incident haunts me to this day.
(Joy Division Oven Gloves Death to false metal, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 12:53, 23 replies)

Summer after I finished my GCSEs
I made this. Wasn't so much a failure but it took three days to make, so any excuse to post a picture.


(johnsonthemegafauna, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 22:04, 5 replies)

I went to a fancy dress party once.
Turned up bollock naked apart from a piece of sandpaper sellotaped to my cock. Imagine my embarrassment when I discovered that I was 30 years out of date and nobody had even heard of Dick Emery.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 5 Nov 2013, 20:31, 5 replies)

Crap spider
I had one fancy dress failure a few years ago one New Years Eve when I was dressed as a robot, and my wife started an argument with some chavs on the train about turning their music down. The head chav tried to kill me but couldn't strangle me because I was basically just a big cardboard box with silver foil and a face drawn on it, and so I didn't have a neck. And when he hit me it just bounced off. But this repost from [gosh, 2006!] is probably better:

I decided to go to a friend's 21st dressed as a spider. I bought some tights (a nice lady in Boots helped me choose), and I cut the legs off four pairs, stuffed them with newspaper and sewed them onto an old T-shirt. For eyes I stuck loads of ping pong balls onto a woolly hat, and I put some velcro on some black plimsolls for spider feet. It looked the business.

Anyway, I got the tube there on my own which was humiliating enough, but by the time I arrived the velcro and all of the legs had fallen off and only one ball remained glued to my hat. I turned up almost in tears in my PE kit, completely blacked up with a ping pong ball on my head, carrying stuffed women's tights. Presumably the other guests thought I had come as a retarded racist.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 13:06, 4 replies)

My priest costume was particularly popular






No, not really me
(McChinaman banned, Sat 2 Nov 2013, 14:16, Reply)

Just in the interests of being controversial and edgy
I went to a party dressed as both of the Twin Towers.

As it turned out, someone else there had decided to go as Hulk Hogan, and promptly beat the stuffing out of me. Needless to say, he won that particular competition.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 6 Nov 2013, 16:35, 1 reply)

I dressed as...
...a period and then never showed up.
(durtydriscoll, Thu 31 Oct 2013, 20:46, 2 replies)

You probably had to be there for this one...
Early eighties and 15 or so of us had an acid party planned. Massive drugs were ingested. Unbeknownst to all but the cruel instigator, one of us who we shall call Alex, had told two females to come to a big fancy dress party. Two women dressed as witches (full on green face and hook nose, not the "sexy witch" rental outfit) walking in to a room full of people peaking on exciting hallucinogens had spectacular consequences
(unclestinky, Mon 4 Nov 2013, 15:54, 3 replies)

Osama Bin Killed
A mate had a fancy dress party a couple of years ago, and whilst I don't normally bother dressing up for these, a rare moment of enthusiasm took me and I decided to dress up as Osama Bin Laden's ghost.

This consisted of full blackface, fake beard, Arab headscarf, the top section of a pirate fancy dress outfit (faux leather jerkin and white tunic thingy), over a white linen bathrobe I'd nicked from the serviced apartment I was staying in, with some dark blue trackies and white flip flops. For the avoidance of any doubt around who I was supposed to be I rounded the ensemble off with a large pair of angel wings and a plastic machine gun. It probably sounds a bit shit but it actually all came together perfectly and went down well with the other equally tastelessly dressed party goers. Up to a point anyway.

That point, from memory, was shortly after 11:30pm when I opened the door of my mates flat to his middle eastern neighbour who'd come over to complain about the noise and didn't seem to appreciate my creation quite as much as everyone else for some reason...
(Isaac Hunt., Sun 3 Nov 2013, 4:54, 3 replies)

Amusingly Convincing
A friend of mine was born without arms, just long fingery things.

So he dressed up as an industrial accident. Construction worker clothing and a hard hat. Then shorten and shred the sleeves and soak them in fake blood. Very hard to see his fingery things in under all that mess, they extend no more than 30cm or so from his shoulders.

Costume was indeed a bad taste hit and pretty convincing.

How convincing? He was a bit pissed, wobbling home when a passing ambulance screeched to a halt next to him and he was mobbed by rather alarmed paramedics. As he was a bit pissed it took him a while to explain that it is perfectly OK for him to be getting about without arms and that he was not merely in shock.

Then there was the time in 2002 I dressed up as the World Trade Center, one tower on each shoulder with an airplane stuck in one and jelly babies jumping out of the windows.
(xixax, Sat 2 Nov 2013, 11:35, 10 replies)

Slade failure
A geezer I used to work with was off to a Halloween party. Went to the fancy dress shop at lunchtime and got himself all set in a Dracula outfit - nicely fitted, showed his curves, just right.

So he ordered it, and said he'd grab it on the way home from work that evening.

He did that thing - parked on the double yellows, ran in, grabbed his costume and drove off to wherever he lived.

What he'd actually grabbed was a Noddy Holder costume for another punter. Possibly the only person to go to a Halloween party garbed in the menacing outfit of Noddy Holder, complete with spangly topper, stick-on sideburns and high heeled boots unless you know better.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 19:28, Reply)

All fancy dress
Is a failure of personality.
( the_other_jeff_lebowski Croutons on my tits, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 15:16, 8 replies)

Ultimate fancy dress fail

When I was a mere lad, about 9 I'd guess, I entered a fancy dress competition at a town fair. I was in the youngest age category, my sister was in the older one.

First came my group. My costume was a Dr Who style monster costume, with real glowing red eyes and moving mandibles on a bulbous insectoid head, with space armour and a laser gun. All hand-made by me and my dad over the previous few weeks. Looking around, peering out of the creature's mouth, I felt confident that I had the most impressive costume, by far.

So imagine my distress when the judges awarded the prize to a lad wearing a shop-bought pirate outfit! Outrageous! A blatant fix! Call the stewards! I stomped back to my parents, scowling in righteous indignation, gnashing my mandibles and secretly glad that the costume hid my flushed, tearful face.

What made it even worse was that I could see now that my sister was, in fact, the only entrant in her age group! With no competition, she would obviously win, thus compounding my disappointment.

But no! After much muttering and consultation, the judges decided that her costume wasn't really good enough to warrant first prize, so she was awarded second. From a field of one.

It almost made up for losing.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 11:43, 3 replies)

Dressed all in black, on a train to Scotland - black shirt, jacket, troos.
Rather bored, I folded a piece of blank A4 into an inch-wide strip, buttoned my collar and slipped it in, and promptly forgot all about it.

Going to the buffet car half an hour later, however, people's reactions to me changed completely - immediately people were very polite and charming to me, instead of dismissive and rude.

Not so much a fancy dress fail, but fuck it I don't really go in for it anyway, it's Friday, and I don't care.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 10:02, 2 replies)

i dressed as a panda for a fancy dress party
turns out, the hosts had been to lazy to bother, and too lazy to spread the word thoroughly. They wanted to go out in town instead.

I was a panda, my sister dressed as an 80s chick (at least she could go out without too much comment) and her boyfriend was Max from where the wild things are. In a homemade costume, sewn from towels, with a crown, and even non-removable mittens. He could hardly hold a drink in those misstitched mitts, let alone eat or hygienically use the toilet.

I even took my own bamboo. I went home early.
(sleepybinky2, Wed 6 Nov 2013, 14:40, 4 replies)

I just threw it over my shoulder, and said I was a petrol pump.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 6 Nov 2013, 9:15, 3 replies)

I once tuned up at a party bollock naked apart from a trifle concealing my knob.
Girlfriend at the time was wearing a tortoise carapace on her back.
Knocked on the door.
Bloke at the door said 'what have you come as?'
I said 'I've come as quick as I could, I've just knocked off the late shift'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 5 Nov 2013, 21:46, Reply)

In 1986 a guy I was working with was invited to
a party at the section house where one of his girlfriends friends was training to be a policeman.

The theme was bad taste.

He decided it would be appropriate to go dressed as Keith Blakelock.

I think there was a certain amount of sympathy for the fact he had absolutely nailed the *spirit* of the dress requirement, but he was asked to get changed, as it was pretty certain if any of the regular coppers that shared the living space with them found out what he was doing they would beat him to a bloody pulp.
(username failed moderation, Tue 5 Nov 2013, 13:12, 18 replies)

I donned my urban jungle camouflage
and hid at the bottom of the garden to track down the fox digging holes under my fence. Then it started pouring with rain and the water ran down off the sloping roof and guttering of the adjacent structures.

Long story short, my shed pissed on me.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 5 Nov 2013, 10:39, Reply)

.A young lady had arranged her 21st birthday do
A large hotel ballroom in a high end hotel was booked and invitations stating fancy dress were sent out. The mistake was sending the invites six months in advance to ensure a good turnout.

My friend and his sister arrived at 9.00pm to avoid being unfashionably early. They asked for directions to the function room from the concierge. He replied "ah, you'll be with the chicken then"

Entering the enormous ballroom they found it fully decorated with the girl who'd birthday it was sat alone dressed in a chicken suit and crying piteously at the bar. In the intervening 6 months all her guests had forgotten to come
(unclestinky, Sun 3 Nov 2013, 23:13, 4 replies)

A guy I used to know *hated* fancy dress or anything like that
One of my favourite photos ever (which sadly I no longer have) was of him and his then girlfriend, with him dressed as Mickey Mouse. The combination of a skinny 6'4" bloke with big round ears, a mousey nose, big yellow buttons, giant gloves on the end of his long spindly arms and the world's most sheepish expression was pure comedy gold :D
( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 23:28, Reply)

Bad Taste fancy dress party in London, a week after the bombings
Apparently 'Bad Taste' means dressing up in 70's garb, not dressing like a suicide bomber complete with TNT sticks and firing mechanism.
(Sonny_Jim Kirkladn has a small penis, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 18:15, 3 replies)

Death costume at inappropriate moment
The best costume I ever made was a death costume with a long black robe hanging from a pvc frame, a big scary skull type head high up, my head poking out of the robe looking like death was carrying my severed head. Very effective. I was having fun at a party, most kids were avoiding me in fear. Then word came that one of their cousins, on the way to the party, was shot. That awkward moment where you realize you are jokingly dressed as death while an invited guest might be dying on the streets a few blocks away isn't the best feeling.

The guy was shot in the hand, it turns out, and was ok. I finally could stop worrying about how to slink away while I was an 8 foot tall embodiment of doom.
(thatguyjoe, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 16:25, 2 replies)

We had a party where everyone dressed up as nazis
it was all reich
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 1 Nov 2013, 15:54, 3 replies)

once, many years ago
i was at a party, wearing a fancy dress costume
long story short, I accidentally pissed in my own mouth
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 31 Oct 2013, 21:38, 2 replies)

I went to my sisters pirate themed party in my normal clothes
when I was asked why I wasn't dressed up, I pulled out a VHS copy of Trainspotting and shouted "As advertised on Crimestoppers!"

No-one got the reference. Twats, didn't they ever rent a video in the 90s?
( Peej, Wed 6 Nov 2013, 15:08, 2 replies)

Faith was the queen of the school as far as I was concerned.
I knew she had a penchant for France and all things French, so come the school disco, I decided to dress as the stereotype Frenchman - striped jumper, onions, beret &c. I really went to town on it - I managed to get an old sit-up-and-beg bicycle, and even grew one of those awful teenage moustaches (Which as an aside, I thought was rather dashing). I learnt a few stock phrases, and come the day, was able to approach her, wheeling my bike, smoking a Gauloise, and say with excellent enunciation, "Voiulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?"

Yes indeed, scumbags - that was my Fancy Dress Fay Lure Par Tout.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 5 Nov 2013, 10:40, 12 replies)

My son once nearly attended a christening in khaki trousers.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 5 Nov 2013, 7:06, 7 replies)

Every weekday I put on a suit and pretend to be a person who doesn't mind sitting in an office all day.
Does that count?
( Zuowan, Mon 4 Nov 2013, 13:40, 7 replies)