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This is a question B3TA fixes the world

Moon Monkey says: Turn into Jeremy Clarkson for a moment, and tell us about the things that are so obviously wrong with the world, and how they should be fixed. Extra points for ludicrous over-simplification, blatant mis-representation, and humourous knob-gags.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 12:53)
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I'd
1. Bring back chain gangs. Get prisoners working for their keep. Use them to pick fruit and veg to lower wage bills for farmers and stop the johnny foreigners taking the money, paint fences, pick litter, dig trenches etc.

2. Bring back traditional teaching with practical lessons for things like building a wall, plumbing and give the kids who aren't academic a proper trade.

3. Banks who've been bailed out need massive penalties (like when they happily charge you £27.50 for being £1.00 overdrawn as happened to me some years ago) and then take the millions and put it back into the system.

4. Money raised from taxation on banks should be used to pay policemen, teachers, nurses and others in the public sector a decent wage.

5. Parents should be allowed to properly discipline their children, which includes smacking.

6. Impose taxation on some imported goods which are easily manufactured in the U.K. If we can do it for ourselves, we shouldn't be sending our much-needed money abroad.

7. Protect our fish stocks. Why should the French and the Spanish come to our waters and take our fish? It's our territory so they can piss off.

8. Any foreign national complaining about how things are done in the U.K. should take their complaints to their local police station, who will then see that they are then sent back to their homeland.

9. Immediate deportation for any foreign national carrying any act seen as treason, incitement to riot or defamation of the State, such as burning the national flag or shouting abuse at the repatriation or funerals for members of the armed forces.


I'll stop now before I double the size of the interwebs.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:25, 25 replies)
I read this but all I can hear is "I'm terrified of forrins".

(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:29, closed)
Tell
your mum to not stand so close when you're on the computer then.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:31, closed)
I would tell YOUR mum
but she's got her ear full at the moment.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:33, closed)
Lies.
Yours doesn't touch the sides.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:36, closed)
Not of her bloody great handles, no.

(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:53, closed)
That will be
the ear trumpet she uses to keep you at arm's length due to the musky odour from The Little Vagabond.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 17:12, closed)
I heard "most foreigners are harder-working and contribute more to society than me, so I resent them".

(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 17:24, closed)
That's a little presumptuous.
I contribute a great deal to the system. I don't see how keeping money in the country is a bad thing. Making prison a hardship and an actual punishment to lower re-offending rates seems like a good idea to me.

At no point did I say "all foreigners are bad people and they spread disease" (or some other Daily Mail-esque view.) If they have a skill or a trade such as them being a tailor, chef, nurse, builder then fine, no problem. They're permanent residents of the country and will be taxed to put more back into the system. Seasonal work such as fruit and veg picking can be done by unskilled workers, such as prisoners.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 17:40, closed)
Have you ever actually been to prison?
Do you know what it's like?
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 17:51, closed)
What's that - no?
Then how about you shut your fat ignorant gob.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 21:19, closed)

I haven't, no. I don't intend to. My cousin's husband has and my mother-in-law's friend is a prison warder. I know it's not all jacuzzis, PlayStations and four-poster beds.
(, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 23:26, closed)
So... our fleets would be perfectly ok to go and fish in Spanish and French waters?
And another thing- those "johnny foreigners" you seem so dismissive of do the jobs we don't want to do.

There is gross over-simplification, then there is being an idiot.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:42, closed)

The French and Spanish can keep their waters. If they want to buy some of the stocks then we'll sell it to them.

As for the jobs we don't want to do, I completely agree. I don't like the idea that prisoners sit at the taxpayers' expense and don't actually repay their debt to society. Sat in prison, they repay nothing. Being of service to the society and doing "the jobs we don't want to do" then they do some repaying and it keeps the money in our system.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 16:50, closed)
I especially agree with 9
Have a click. If these people hate our country and what it stands for, then they need to stop living here and sponging off the tax payers.

It's beyond ridiculous that apparently poppy selling will be banned in some areas because of people like them :/
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 18:00, closed)
its also beyond true but.......
Don't let that stop you.

Dear god when did b3ta suddenly get so xenophobic.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 21:42, closed)
This really is a load of crap,
but I'd particularly like to know how you got the idea that parents aren't allowed to smack their children?
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 19:06, closed)

The law was changed about 5 years ago. Something along the lines of anything which leaves a mark is classed as assault, so if you smack your child across the back of the legs and there's a bit of redness then you can be reported and done. It seems silly to me. I'm not advocating the use of belts and canes. Anyone aged twenty-something will probably have been smacked but turned out ok.

If some of the children who were out rioting and looting this summer had been properly disciplined then they wouldn't have given it a second thought.
(, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 23:19, closed)
You don't have child, do you?
That said, I guess hobbling children would impair their ability to loot.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:36, closed)
Daily Mail reader, by any chance?
Or just oxygen-starved at birth?
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 19:16, closed)

I don't read the Dail Mail, no. Starved of oxygen? I don't remember. Plausible explanation though.

If anyone from this country stood in a market or town centre of another and burned the flag of the country they were in or an effigy of their leader then they would be lucky to get out alive.

On the other hand, *some* of them come here (having travelled thousands of miles, passing through many other countries who could give them somewhere to live on the way), claim the benefits, get free health care and housing yet still have the cheek to complain and call us cunts. It they want to be here then fine but I don't see why we should give them the benefits if they don't live by our rules.
(, Sat 24 Sep 2011, 23:34, closed)
Right...
So in respect of the flag-burning thing, you're basically saying that, because some people get all jumpy about what is inescapably nothing but a piece of coloured cloth, everyone ought to get jumpy about it.

I disagree. It's just a piece of cloth.

That immigrants get healthcare and housing is a matter of pride. I'm curious about how pusillanimous someone has to be to think that generosity is a vice. And the idea that people come here for the sake of benefits is, overwhelmingly, false. First, benefits are nowhere near as generous as you seem to think. Second, and more importantly, a recent survey of illegal immigrants showed that the vast majority didn't know they were coming to the UK, and almost none knew that they could claim benefits of any sort. I'll try to dig out the URL with this at some point.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:16, closed)

Not debating the rights and wrongs but surely that last bit is bollocks no matter what they've said.

Firstly, as a scumbucket trafficer, it is surely cheaper to kick people out at the first place they can claim asylum rather than smuggle them all the way to the UK.

Secondly, why come here if not for the benefits? Surely you'd stop off somewhere nice, like the Dordogne than schlep your way to Solihull?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:29, closed)
I have no idea of the mechanisms of the trafficker's mind.
Nevertheless, ignorance of entitlements and of destination is what the survey found.

Your inability to explain why they come here if not for the benefits is not evidence that that's why they do come here.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 23:16, closed)
We supposedly have Freedom of Speech in this country
This should also be freedom to express your opinions and, if you really want to and own the piece of cloth in question, burn a flag. I wouldn't do it because i believe it to be an utterly futile gesture but surely we should be free to do so.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 16:10, closed)
It's the implication of it.
If you took someone into your home, fed them and clothed them for a few months and then have them say "You're a twat. I hate you and the way you run your house." What's your response?

1. "Freedom of speech and all that. I'm glad you have an opinion."
2. "You ungrateful shit. Get out of my house."

It's about not biting the hand that feeds you and all that.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 13:49, closed)

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