easy, simply install Stephen Fry as PM...
Joanna Lumley as Foreign Secretary

sack all those other leeching cunts

job done

oh and give addicts free uncut drugs. Whatever your personal feelings about drugs - the bottom line is this, people will always take drugs but in doing this you instantly remove the profits from the hands of criminals, your home and car insurance premiums will drop through the floor. the massive drop in crime rates will free up billions in taxes for schools and hospitals, as will the money we spunk on legal aid and courts. funding for prisons (£100K+ per inmate PA minimum) will be a fraction of the pre-Spimf™ initiatives and will easily cover any costs surrounding the Spimf™ 'Free drugs if you want them mate' clinics.

Access to better education and health will provide escape from the poverty/drug/sink estate spiral. people will feel they have some hope so will be far less inclined to turn to drugs to blot out their now not-so-miserable lives. Therefore drug use will actually decrease as a result of making them free and readily available.

Now, there will inevitably be an army of Daily Fail readers out there asking why we should fund drug habits, well thats simple, if we end up funding the few remaining losers who want to loll around wacked off their tits all day - fine, at least they won't be nicking your car or stabbing your granny so have an e and lighten the fuck up.

choose life, choose free state funded drugs
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:18, 26 replies)

Lithium for all.
Soon we can be a race of calm, emotionless zombies, sitting watching television placidly, the screen's reflection flicking in our eyes as we stare, unchallengingly into the bright oblivion of state-controlled entertainment.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:42, closed)

funny you should say that
about 18 months ago, after decades of misdiagnosis Mrs Spimf was finally given the correct diagnosis: rapid cycling bi-polar

every other, and i do mean EVERY other drug either failed or had dreadful side effect ranging from dramatic hairloss to organ failure

lithium however has capped the worst of the highs and lows to a managable level.

she's many things, but certainly not a zombie

nor does she watch the x factor
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:57, closed)

That's good to hear, because from what I'd heard, it knocks out the emotions pretty well completely.
That it calms, but deadens.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:20, closed)

not in the slightest
its kind of like a capped mortgage - it draws a line top and bottom that the moods are free to fluctuate within, it just prevents major crashes or manic highs

if given in heroic doses it will leave you catatonic so finding the right dose is crucial
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:31, closed)

How interesting.
I've learned something today.

I would also be interested in your opinion of the Nirvana song of the same name.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:34, closed)

i had no idea they had recorded Capped Mortgage

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:37, closed)

It was the B-side to Negative Creep

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 16:05, closed)

Yeah, X-Factor will do that.

( Ghoti Fingers, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 18:19, closed)

All well and good, you got Fry and Lumley in parliament,
but you've missed out the part where you blow it up.

Edit: I'm all for decriminalisation of narcotics, but I think you might be overstating the financial and social benefits.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:17, closed)

this ^
with smuggo and posh in charge, how would it be any different to how it is now?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:31, closed)

janet, there is is a huge gulf between having gone to a posh school and having a plummy accent
and being a total cunt

just as sounding like prescott in no way assures you are not also a total cunt

book/cover
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:36, closed)

i just fail to see how stephen fry and joanna lumley running the country could help.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 16:51, closed)

huge gulf strong correlation
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 22:10, closed)

no need for that
it has one of the finest art collections in the country so its a ready made museum of art and political history BS*

and the debating chamber would be ideal for Mr Fry to give lectures in how the Americans could benefit from a similar system

*Before Spimf™
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:34, closed)

Fine.
Can we at least seal up the doors and windows, rendering it air tight?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:54, closed)

Uneducated
The thing with your junkies and education is that they all have access to it, they just choose not to partake.

The problem with your future junkies isn't that the government should inspire them or make them feel like they could achieve, it is their parents job. The best way out of poverty is education, bettering yourself. Every kid in the country gets free education to 16 and if they don't bother turning up or act about when they are there then sorry, that's bad parenting and nothing to do with the education system as a whole. IMHO of course etc etc
(fivetide, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:56, closed)

Our you could just cap your dealer,
and take over his patch, then work your way up the chain in similar fashion. Anyone willing to apply themselves, ought to be drug kingpin of the country, in a relatively short time.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 16:05, closed)

i dont think the choice not to partake is as simple as that
environment has a profound affect on motivation

i know people from back home in Glasgow that regardless of the grades they got or how well they presented themselves in an interview, if they came from Blackhill or Possil they would be discriminated against.

drugs will always be related to poverty, if funds were diverted from chasing dealers and dragging them through largely ineffective judicial procedures fighting a 'war against drugs' (a war that the most senior member of interpol conceded a few years back was entirely 'unwinnable') those sink estates could be made pleasant places to live where people had a sense of community pride rather than being dragged into a mire of money lenders black market drugs, criminal activity and being frightened to leave their own homes.

im not saying drugs are good so make them free, i'm saying dont make the problem a million times worse by letting criminals run the show to the detriment of everything else just to make a moral point
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 16:12, closed)

monster munch
i would never 'overstate the financial and social benefits' of anything

not in a million fucking years
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 16:24, closed)

I'm just saying drugs are a symptom.

Remember these 'sink estates' were all once brand new bright and shiny. The only thing that has happened to them is the people that live there. Residents have to be held somewhat responsible for creating that environment in the first place.

I think that is a big issue, people have no responsibility for the situations they find themselves in. It's the council's fault, the government's fault but it isn't their fault that they nver bothered to cut their hedge, learn how to write and their front garden has a mixture of calor bottles and old fridges in it (streotypical I know but you get the point).

I think its the free housing. If you pay for it, you take more care in it (generally, it isn't like a law or anything). And while ever someone is there to bail you out or wipe your backside on request then away you go.
(fivetide, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 17:03, closed)

the (sink estates) were indeed new and shiny at one time
but the problem is they were invariably an ill conceived attempt to clear slums by throwing together cheaply built and badly designed concrete boxes or tower blocks that destroyed communities by isolating residents and denying them access to communal green spaces

the brief was nearly always 'knock me up something cheap but shiny and 'modern' to rehouse the scum in', so the result was men who wore tweed, smoked pipes and lived in nice semi's in the suburbs created entirely unsuitable concrete jungles prone to damp that they themselves would never want to live in in a million years

the post war housing estates are almost universally regarded as public housing disasters, the only ones that work are those that have been massively overhauled to bring communities back together - one of the first things they do is sort out some green space for the people who live there

i moved from a tenement in glasgow aged 4 to a new housing estate, it had all the potential to slip into a sink estate but had one unique factor, it had more green space area per tenant than any other similar scheme in europe, its about 40 years old now and is still quite a pleasant place to live (naturally i don't still live there any more - its full of plebs, i live in a nice house in the country. im considering a pipe)
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 17:45, closed)

i dunno
round us there are a number of estates with terraced housing all built in a square round green space. It's a proper shitehole full of people with more finger than teeth.

I know that when the flats were built, a lot of people were moved out of those post war damp places and slums. A teacher at school said his gran claimed beign moved in the 60's added 10 years to her life.

They were knocked down afew years ago because they were chockful of scrubbers thereafter.

Then you've got all the modern building going off. It's flats ahoy targeting the young professional type and all that but these places, often built in city centres so no more green spces, seem to have avoided becoming graffiti infested holes with people shooting up on the stairs.

That said, Scotland does have some unique differences going on with the tenement buildings still being fairly strong. Thing is though, some of those in edinburgh, even now, will set you back a fortune says someone who was forced to move to Falkirk due to not being able to afford anything pleb free in Edinburgh.
(fivetide, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 17:55, closed)

I'm so sorry
I had no idea you have been reduced to living Falkirk
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 20:36, closed)

This may be shocking news to you, but opportunities in education are not equal all across the board.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 22:10, closed)

From about 1914 to the early 1960s, registered addicts in England could get pure, clean heroin on prescription.
It worked remarkably well, fuck knows why it stopped.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 21:46, closed)

you are ben elton
AICMFP
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 2:01, closed)