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This is a question B3TA fixes the world

Moon Monkey says: Turn into Jeremy Clarkson for a moment, and tell us about the things that are so obviously wrong with the world, and how they should be fixed. Extra points for ludicrous over-simplification, blatant mis-representation, and humourous knob-gags.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 12:53)
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Make fireworks dangerous again.
Over the years there’s been lots of rule changes to make fireworks safer and safer.

Fuck that. If the kids in my street are going to keep me awake for most of October and November, I at least want the satisfaction of knowing that some of the little scrotes have blown their fingers off, or at least lost an eye.

(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 15:48, 9 replies)
(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 15:49, closed)
Maroon rockets and Rook scarers are still pretty impressive.

(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 16:20, closed)
Hell yeah.
The magic sound of four French bangers gaffa taped together then put in a tin can. Proper fireworks with added mutilation bonus. It may not fix the world, but it'd restore farting about with fireworks to its rightful place as a rite of passage.
(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 19:27, closed)
Ahhh French bangers
I remember a school trip to Cherbourg. We hollowed out a French stick and filled the cavity with those lovely little red beauties.
(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 20:32, closed)
40 years ago it wasn't uncommon to know a kid or 2 in the local group who had suffered digital amputation or serious maiming due to being stupid and not wildly throwing the firework the instant it was lit. No checking the fuse, no attempts at careful placement after the fact; if you weren't already jettisoning the explosive and everyone else was in "duck and cover" mode, you weren't really having fun then.

It's been decades since I've enjoyed ripping apart one of the big boxes, but back in HI we were treated to dozens of brands of Asian firecrackers in my youth. I've forgotten the code as to which brands were faster than others, but I recall the Duck or Cock/Rooster brands tended to be of the "don't even check to see if it's lit" variety, while Horse and Camel were of the "you can aim, but do so during the throw" type.

This is why I laugh whenever I read about those mental defectives who screw up mortar-style aerial fireworks, then stare down the tube when a delayed fuse interrupts their fun. When mother nature declares stupidity a capitol offense, there is no court of appeal.
(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 20:32, closed)
When mother nature declares stupidity a capitol offense, there is no court of appeal.
Proper LOL of the George Carlin school ;)
(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 20:38, closed)
This is a good idea, right up to the point when the kids form a Sun-endorsed vigilante group and start using the dangerous fireworks to mutilate or burn down the residences of non-whites, cripples, or suspected homosexuals.

(, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 23:01, closed)
And what's wrong with that?

(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 11:30, closed)
.. with a pre-curser that, if any of the scrotes injure another person by throwing said devices...
... they are forced to swallow several of them after ignition
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:35, closed)

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