Not flirting, but merely a drunken rant
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Bullshit. Facebook raping is. The act of acquiring access to someone else's Facebook account and to write false statements about said person, be it through getting their password or more commonly through their laptop being unattended, or even worse leaving it logged on on a public computer. It is pointless, benign, derivative and, most importantly O VERDONE and tedious. The childish giggling that commences when so and so writes “Joe Bloggs like its up the bum” compels me to grab a screwdriver and repeatedly jam it into my ear over and over until I reach some gray matter that interferes with my speech and I start involuntarily yelling, 'MUSHY PEAS, MUSHY PEAS' until some poor sod feels sorry for me and smothers me with a pillow. For which I would be grateful because I wouldn't have to see that drivel any more.

It may well be a funny inside joke within a group of friends, and that's all very well, except it's on Facebook and my status feed is inundated with these pointless, tiring and shitty attempts at funny. People of the highest order of douchebaggery getting patted on the back by their peers after posting ' has got anal prolapse, what do I do omg! While the herd of people 'in' on the 'joke' click 'like'. That's another thing – this liking what someone has to say. Its not as if we go about shouting LIKE after someone has said something in real life,

A: Yeah i'm thinking of getting a tattoo.

B: LIKE!

A: Oh yeah, what sort, I'm thinking of a swastika on my arm?

B: LIKE!

A: Seriously?

B: LIKE!

A: What the matter with you?

B: LIKE!

A: Get the fuck out of my face.

B: LIKE!


Fuck you. Yeah you, the wanker who likes every single one of their BFF'S status.

“Mel cant wait to see my boyfriend John Giveafuck!”
clingy BFF likes this.
awwww you guys are so perfekt for each other! Love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Mel can't believe I've been stood up like that”
clingy BFF likes this..
what's wrong babe?

“Mel fuck guys they always break you heart and never listen”
clingy BGG likes this
yeah fuck him, he's a dickhead, I've never liked him! Call me babe.

Anyway, I digress. The jolly muppey that is known as the 'prankster' who writes these TEEEHEEHEEHEEEEHHHAHAHAHAHAOMGROFL Facebook rape statuses will probably get the fistbumping of his/hers mates showering him or her with praise, “MATE, WHAT ARE YOU LIKE”, “YOU'RE SUCH A JOKER”, “L-E-G-E-N-D”. “LAAAADDD”

Now, I'm no psychologist, but remember in primary school when you fancied a girl and to show that you liked her, you avoided her, and if ever she came up to you, you'd be dickhead and destroy her daisy chain, or threw grass on her, or punched her? The equivalent of this is to facebook rape her account, only for her to find out it was you. An example conversation,

Girl: “why would you write that on my Facebook, you're such a knob, cant believe you did that *teary eyes* ”


Guy's inner monologue “she's upset, and vulnerable, OMG I HAVE TO TELL HER I LOVED HER. EVER SINCE SHE PASSED OUT THAT ONE NIGHT AT THE PARTY AND RESTED HER HEAD ON MY SHOULDER THAT'S WHEN I KNEW SHE WAS THE ONE I WOULD SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH. BE MINE! OH BE MINE!”

Guy: “ha, you got punked”

Girl: “but you changed my job to a prostitute! Is that what you think of me?”

Guy: “what I think is, you should go into the kitchen and make me a sandwich – (AAAAAAAAA LAD OMFG IM SUCH LADDDDD, AAAAAAAAH LADS ON TOUR!)

Girl: “crying, I cant believe this! And to think I fancied you! * runs away*”

And then you're just sitting on your own, having a wank and crying. Crying yourself to sleep. But using the tears as lubricant while you're tugging on your pathetic wilted member.

EDITORS NOTE: Ok, T'm pretty sure the first paragraph had a valid point, then I kinda went off on a tangent, but I'm pretty fucked. Spellcheck has saved me from incoherentness.
(pdawg, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 1:19, 17 replies)

http://b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 2:26, closed)

This
The OP is possibly the most off-topic post I've ever read on this site.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 3:58, closed)

A pointless post
Why post such drivel? It's irrelevant, incoherent and says nothing intelligent or amusing. Why waste your time typing this rubbish? Why waste our time making us read it? Why post on a qotw if you have no story? Why not wait until you either find a relevant qotw, or until you're old enough to have had experiences that can be recounted wittily?

This is so crap I thought you were a teenaged septic.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sun 21 Feb 2010, 13:52, closed)

Careful now, he might report you to the mods through his sockpuppet accounts.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 22:31, closed)

I was glad to read this
read skim through

It just makes me even more glad I'm [one of the few people?] NOT on Facebook.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 14:19, closed)

I'm one of the others
Fucking StalkerBook
( snee held his breath since, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 13:58, closed)

I saw one today on facebook....
someone added a cancer charity page to their site, with the words "I lost my gran just after christmas :("

Underneath it are the words "2 people like this".

Also, epic rantage there:D *likes*
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 15:26, closed)

LIKE

(danceswithferrets is leaking sanity, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 17:04, closed)

Me too
Glad I'm not the only one. (If that were true I'd feel strange and outcast, like at school.)
(McChinaman banned, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 6:32, closed)

Facebook rape isn't something you do to people you fancy.
It's something you do to drunken mates.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sun 21 Feb 2010, 23:35, closed)

Time wasting
Don't you have GCSEs to revise for?
(ubergeekian, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 8:38, closed)

You made me LOL!
Thanks. I've not seen such uncotrolled rage for a while. Still, it could be worse, it could be me who got punkd!
(robbersdog, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:31, closed)

Meh.
I've tried to read through that twice, and failed both times.
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:18, closed)

This
gets a click simply for the image of someone walking behind me shouting LIKE! everytime I talk.
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 11:31, closed)

Calm youself
It's Facebook, not your bank account, or your wife's knickers.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:09, closed)

Errr...but...
B3Ta started it, I believe it's called clicking 'I like this'.

*Will now go back to lurking.*
(langers, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 13:22, closed)

:)
Imagine the irony of ranting about b3ta's like system on b3ta. Dear god the universe would implode.
(pdawg, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 18:54, closed)