Shes out of my league...
This phrase keeps popping up in many of these flirtatious exploits and does bother me that guys/girls genuinely believe this...

Alongside my 9-5 job, Im a dating coach and have worked with clients all over the world. The 'out of my league' excuse is possibly the number 1 thing I have to fight to get out of their heads; why should a girl/guy you don't know be out of your league?

I genuinely believe no one is out of anyone's 'league' - its b0ll0cks - its just an ego protection device to avoid dealing with being rejected by said 'out-of-my-leaguer'

Almost 100% of the time, its not *you* thats being rejected - its your *approach*.

How can he/she reject you as a person, they don't know you. Therefore, lose the part of you that gives a toss what a random person thinks about you.

Confidently (& preferably soberly) approach people you like, whether its in Starbucks or a night club, have a plan of what you're going to say and I think you'll be surprised...!
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:02, 43 replies)

Yeah surprised they still told me to fuck off
:)

B...b...but Mobi SAID!

Edit: On a serious note though, flirting surely is all just a sham. After all if you have to be a magician and bullshit or say/do things to impress someone - it's probably not the person for you. They either like YOU or they don't....no need to put on a show.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:06, closed)

That sounds dangerously close to "just be yourself"
which is the worst advice in the world, alongside "just ignore them and they'll leave you alone".
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:21, closed)

Yeah but they're going to find out what a cuntbeak I am
Sooner or later anyway.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:37, closed)

Be yourself.
Unless you suck.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:46, closed)

Unless...
...you can break down your personality and work out if you've modelled the right/wrong people

More explained by my mate Nick here www.braddocksblog.com/2010/02/dating-tip-become-successful-with-women-by-modeling/
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:57, closed)

Heh. I was mostly joking.
My approach seems to basicaly be me saying "Hi, do you fancy getting a drink/coffee sometime or something?" Seems to work some of the time. Got over the entire rejection by a stranger issue a while back. But yeah, I'm guessing you're talking a bit about the entire cognitive approach? Destructive thought cycles and the like?
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:04, closed)

Reason it only works some of the time..
...is if that's your opening line (to a girl you don't know), you're asking for way too much compliance, from someone that doesn't even know you, too early on.

Think about it logically; is a girl, who this guy has never spoken to before, and who knows nothing about him, really likely to want to go somewhere alone with him...? Most probably not, hence, they decline.

Better, would be to strike up a conversation (ask about the book shes reading, which coffee is the best, what time the next train/bus etc is due) and build momentum from there.

Once shes had time to get to know you a bit then she will be more willing to accept when you suggest going for a coffee/drink.
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:33, closed)

Sounds like witchcraft to me.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:50, closed)

I'll get the stake and faggots.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:53, closed)

I don't think meat products will help now.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:55, closed)

As if you'd ever turn down a salami.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:57, closed)

*snort*

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:58, closed)

Hrm.
Didn't realy think of it like that. I'll have to give that a try I guess.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:02, closed)

Glad to hear it..
Einstein described insanity as;
"doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting different results..."
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:19, closed)

Sound advice
I always adopted the "just be yourself" stand in my days of singledom, it got a lot of wierd looks, but ultimately worked, because of my second pearl of wisdom...The Numbers Game (Tm) :p
(Corbo, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:04, closed)

True but...
...doing something to impress someone = emotionally over-reaching, which is why it isnt likely to work....
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:51, closed)

I'm so going to get George Clooney's number and give him a call now.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:03, closed)

I hear
a Nespresso is the way to his heart... ;)
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:38, closed)

Fucking hell, don't encourage the average b3tan to speak to strangers.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:30, closed)

Horseshit.
This I can tell you: approach a hot girl at a club and start chatting her up, and unless you look like Brad Pitt's better looking cousin or have more cash than Bill Gates and are willing to spend it all on her, you're going to get shot down immediately. Because it's not just a matter of convincing yourself that she's in your league, it's about convincing her that you're in hers.
( Wanderer, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:11, closed)

Not true...
...how these women respond is down to your approach and the social value you have in the venue - I can guarantee you've seen loads of average looking guys with smoking hot women by their sides.

If you really want the smoking hot women in the clubs, you have to be more tactical how you approach them, and how you are socially proofed in the club. I used to host at several venues in London (all that means is I had a guest list and got paid for each person that went in on my list) but, it meant I knew all the staff/managers/waitresses in the place. So the 'hot' girls in there would see everyone of high value in the club responding very positively to me, which would make them intruiged to find out exactly who I was. I have neither money, nor Brad Pitt-esque look, yet I fared pretty well...
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:18, closed)

So basically they were after you because of your social standing and not your personality.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:15, closed)

Not really...
...just in that specific situation they are likely to have lots of guys hitting on them, so they will screen the guys based on their value in the club - its a pretty niche situation. If you have value, and no personality, they are more likely to see what they can get out of you (drinks, table etc). 95% of them are lovely girls with great personalities. You just have to get through the shield they put up to stop drunken slobbering guys trying their best line on them, which is kind of understandable.
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 17:43, closed)

Well, yes, to a point
In a club you can't do much more than bellow inanities, so yes - you will get assessed instantly on looks/presentation including confidence and approach. Body language if you like.
The subtlety of approach outlined is for those other meetings when there is an opportunity to impress.
Which is where flirting is more appropriate than wads of cash.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:23, closed)

True
...but I still stand by the fact you dont have to have wads of cash in a nightclub, the currency there is social value.
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:28, closed)

We must move in different circles.
You haven't been to the meat markets I have!
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:34, closed)

Au contraire
I like to think Ive sampled some of the greatest meat markets in London...!

Inferno's in Clapham immediately leaps to mind.... although, I highly doubt I shall attempt a repeat visit...!
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:38, closed)

Then absolutely Au Point, I think.
If it's meat you're after at Inferno just get your wad out .
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:41, closed)

Maybe I should try another language?
Пойдем ебать?

Wollen wir ficken?

Ще се чукаме?

يجب علينا اللعنة؟

हम बकवास दूँ?

Beidh muid fuck?

וועל מיר באַרען?
( Wanderer, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:43, closed)

You're a smooth tounged rogue.
Get your coat.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:46, closed)

Someone's been on babelfish

(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 22:57, closed)

Look at my profile
Look at the picture of me,

Then look at the picture of my wife,

Then tell me that blokes can't get women out of their league.
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:28, closed)

Well, to be fair
you were playing something in A Minor and had a Foster's in front of you at the time.
( Wanderer, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:51, closed)

True, Fosters has been known to impress many a woman.
Its all frosty Jacks these days.
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:54, closed)

Look at you...
....look at meeee.
(Corbo, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:25, closed)

I just have to say,
that ignoring the fact of your gorgeous wife. Your daughters name is simply beautiful.
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 20:37, closed)

Mobi guide to seduction
"Hi, what coffee is best."
"Pardon?"
"WHAT COFFEE IS BEST. WHAT COFFEE IS BEST".
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"WHAT.....COFFEE...IS.....BEST".
"If you don't leave me alone now I'm going to call the police".
"what book are you reading".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 17:01, closed)

Lol

(Kip, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 17:28, closed)

Pretty much
exactly like that yes.
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 17:44, closed)

Of course you are
A dating coach with clients all over the world. How else would you pay for that Honda Accord?
(ubergeekian, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 9:12, closed)

Thats either
so brilliant I dont get it, or just so random I also dont get it...!
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:59, closed)

I can see what you're saying,
and I accept your point, but there is still a boundry. Some people are just incredibly ugly, and have no hope of pulling someone in casual encounters. Ok, maybe over longer term, but if you look like the wrong end of a skip, covered in poo and your natural odour is eau d'calamari then you haven't a hope, no matter how well crafted your banter is.

Not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything......

My banter isn't well-crafted.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 10:19, closed)

If they
"look like the wrong end of a skip, covered in poo and your natural odour is eau d'calamari" - kinda obvious what they need to sort out to improve their chances really...!
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Wed 24 Feb 2010, 13:01, closed)