Hello ...
my name is Que and I'm a 37yo housewife and mother of two. After an odd series of events; kids getting bigger, brush with mortality and an evaluation of the portfolio, we decided to try for a third child.

During one nervous (and sadly fruitless) 5 minutes wait after weeing into a cup, I found myself pondering that we ladies spend our teens and twenties desperately avoiding pregnancy and ours thirties desperately courting it.

And it gets harder (fnar) with each passing year.
(Que?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 3:40, 50 replies)

Be careful what you wish for.
Our decision to have a 3rd child (pressure from me) resulted in a lovely boy, but age (and I guess genetics) counted against us. He is a nice kid, but severely Autistic (a thousandfold more so than Rory Lyon or any other self proclaimed "Autistic" on here) with a good dash of ADHD added to the mix.

He is violent in his outbursts, beyond language or learning, strong, immune to danger or self harm, only just (barely) toilet trained at 6 years old, destined to a life of full-time care, which weighs heavily on our minds.

Yes we avoided kids early, and played catch-up in our thirties.

Aging can be cruel for couples wanting to extend their brood.

But, life is now extremely interesting, and will be so forever more.

Not saying this will happen to you at all, it was just one of those quirks of nature (he is happy and completely ignorant by his condition), but in quieter moments I think of how easy life was before I pressured for that decision. But as a previous Australian Prime Minister once famously said: "Life wasn't meant to be easy". Easy when you come from wealth.

Mind you, in reading back across the self absorbed crap I have just written, I wouldn't change anything. It makes you focus on important things (financial stability, family happiness, always have a damp cloth to hand), and brush aside minor issues that others find terribly important (coffee shop doesn't serve decaf, slow internet connections, posting unnecessarily nasty and inflammatory replies to strangers on internet forums etc).

I wish you genuine success, and if it doesn't happen, throw the cup of piss at the cat.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 4:37, closed)

/whistles Hey Jumbo!
Yes sir, that is indeed the elephant in the room when rattling Fate's dice in your late 30s.

Now, I'll saddle up that elephant and head out on the school run.

/dons Pith helmet
(Que?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 5:42, closed)

That's tough.
We had out first child last year, my wife was 36 at the time. At the first scan they couldn't find the nasal bone, which is an indicator for Downs Syndrome. Rather than wait another 8 weeks for the following scan we paid to have one after another 4 weeks, thankfully they saw it that time.

I don't know what we would have done if further tests had confirmed that the baby had Downs.

Thankfully we have a healthy, happy baby girl.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 8:02, closed)

You haven't rubbed that in enough, you should highlight the relevant parts in bold and italics just so he gets the message
he's a bit on the slow side, what with it being a family trait
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 8:05, closed)

Settle down,
...you really need to see a psychologist. Your persistent need to offend screams of a serious mental condition. Your social skills are limited to attention seeking behaviours and you make extraordinary efforts to not just offend, but actively bully and pursue others. And you wonder why I cited you as the pinnicle of high functioning Autism? Did it offend you? Seemed to have touched a nerve judging by your reaction. Get yourself some treatment, you may find it fun, but no-one likes, wants to help or be associated with self absorbed nasty cowards.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:03, closed)

I'm guessing you'll get short shrift here Rory
most'll have you on ignore.
I just can't cause it's so fucking funny to see you make such a blundering, gauche fool of yourself.
You are my François Pignon.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:08, closed)

haven't you got arses to wipe?
chop chop
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:16, closed)

What?!
Oh wait - you assumed cause I work in an oldies home that I'm a carer (a noble and compassionate vocation).
You fucking numpty. Could I possibly be doing something else in an oldies home other than caring.
My god, if it wasn't so funny it'd be sad.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:24, closed)

He's referring to your vocation I think?

( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:29, closed)

Dunno, given your low intellect and obesity levels you're clearly more than cut out to be a carer.
We'll discount management, so I suppose that leaves you wiping up shit from the toilet and the incontinence bins or you spend all day sat on your fat arse reading the adventures of spot the dog to people whacked on risperidone as 'activities champion'.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:50, closed)

You're just angling to fill the vacant position after your last carer quit

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 10:02, closed)

Whoops.
You missed out on me replacing light fittings, fitting new taps, putting screws in walls to hold up pictures and generally making the facility safe.
Fuck me, your world-view is very narrow and slanted - ever thought of getting a campaign manager & going into politics?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 10:15, closed)

Hey Rory..
...what do you do for a living? Seriously.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:30, closed)

Big and srs bizness

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:50, closed)

Living with your Mummy
and inter-breeding hamsters to sell on ebay isn't the biz.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 10:16, closed)

well yours must get busy rory
Given that you talk as well as shit out of it
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 11:16, closed)

You really are a fucking twat aren't you.

( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 10:17, closed)

I think you would have just
Got on with life, just like now.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:38, closed)

Yeah, that'd be hilarious given his hatred of spastics and the disabled
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1635183
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 10:00, closed)

Good old Internet:
gives everyone just enough rope.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 12:34, closed)

We drew some of those cards too, when we had our second daughter (my wife was 35)
Autistic spectrum disorder, violent outbursts, inconsistent success using the toilet, no sense of danger, no fear, significant learning difficulties. Currently she's in mainstream school (at 7) but they're keeping her back in September and a special school is most likely on the cards for the future.

We also had the worry in pregnancy of signs of a possible genetic disorder picked up on the scan. Fortunately the amniocentesis came back clear.

We've got the issue of long-term care on the horizon too, so my advice to the OP is think very carefully.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 11:29, closed)

newsflash: nobody cares

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 7:34, closed)

Well...
...you cared enough to throw a flippant shitty comment out there. Attention whore.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 7:57, closed)

Don't pay her with the coin she loves.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 8:57, closed)

ok....
....GO TO YOUR ROOM YOUNG LADY AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:05, closed)

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 10:21, closed)

noice.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 11:18, closed)

( Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 8:07, closed)

^impotent virgin

(Que?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 8:28, closed)

Ha ha!

( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:24, closed)

It was the 2 years of "trying"
where sex becomes a science and not something you do once you know the sprog's asleep. When each monthly ride on the crimson tide is a real disappointment - eventho you desperately try to not let your other half see that disappointment and when you finally do hit the jackpot you end up 12 weeks later with bleeding, a "non-viable foetus" and finally a miscarriage. Then you both feel so depressed and dejected that you finally decide to give up, play paper, scissor, rock to see who gets spayed and hoof yourself off to the vets to get snipped.
Hmm...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 8:18, closed)

Sorry to hear it sir ...
We're about six months away from the scissor, paper rock game ourselves.

And yes, who'da thought babymaking could be so unsexy?
(Que?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 8:28, closed)

Don't go with him to spectate if it ends up being him.
& be nice to him after - frozen peas to sit on and be prepared to be the beer gopher for a day or 2.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:01, closed)

Go on holiday to Caloundra...
...every fucking time. Eeevery fucking time.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:10, closed)

Beautiful place
Passed through there in 91.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:23, closed)

Passed through there..
..in '01, '03 and '06.

Holiday sex resulted in kids each time.

Caloundra, they spike the water.
( Ken Oath, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:26, closed)

I stand corrected.
I was there in 01 as well,around june time. Probably weren't there at the same time, I know how you Ozzies think 25oc winter temps are for the tourists. ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 11:20, closed)

You can take the boy out of Queensland...

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 9:24, closed)

After a year of trying
4 days in Qld did the trick for us
( Tiffany Aching 's bowl of oatmeal tried to stare her down and won, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 12:10, closed)

Something tells me they
should immediately stop holding schoolies week on the old Coast!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 22:36, closed)

I feel your pain
7yrs of trying, one ectopic pregnancy, eventually sacrificed all holidays, eating out, everything for 2 rounds of IVF with ICSI privately. Now 32 and with twins, happy as can be.
( doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 11:09, closed)

I'm 40 and the Mrs is 37.
We discussed the idea of nippers but the (increased) chances at this age of it coming out wrong scare the living shit out of me.

We'll probably get one off teh internet or something. Seems easier than going through the UK's ridiculous adoption process.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 11:10, closed)

China or Sudan
apparently.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 11:19, closed)

That's no good. Neither of us can speak Chinese or Sudanese.

( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 11:39, closed)

But it would be usesful to have a Chinese speaker in the house

( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 15:22, closed)

Trying for a baby?
If you haven't figured out what to do, there's probably no hope for you.

Hint: have sex. Unprotected, vaginal always works for me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 12:27, closed)

Just for missing the point
you get a personal pat on he back from me.
Gaz me your address & I shall arrive promptly.

& like you've ever been within 6' of a naked vagina apart from your mum's.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 8 Jun 2012, 13:23, closed)

This is the second time you've asked for my address.
I do appreciate the persistence, but shall continue to play hard to get.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 20:39, closed)

It definitely is, pregnancy gets harder as you get older but I do wish you all the best.

http://www.self-help-sexuality.com/getting-pregnant.html
(tmastery, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 17:50, closed)

The spouse & I couldn't afford to raise a kid in our 20s
We wanted a baby, but money was thin and so was time (I worked 3 jobs for a while); both are useful if you want a child, so we held off. Now that we're in our mid-30s with our own home and a nice regular paycheck, we've grown accustomed to freedom, money and lots of time together. He got the snip, and we've been ever so happy since. It's not for everyone, though, so I do hope that whatever end result happens for you & yours it's something that brings you together in joy as a family.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Fri 8 Jun 2012, 23:53, closed)