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This is a question Guilty Laughs

Are you the kind of person who laughs when they see a cat getting run over? Tell us about the times your sense of humour has gone beyond taste and decency.

Suggested by SnowyTheRabbit

(, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 15:19)
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Bloody cyclist jumps red light (what cyclists don't?)
In the middle of the crossing, he hits a pothole sending him flying arse over tit over the handlebars.

It wasn't so much guilty laughter as getting The Sexy Horn of Rightousness.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:30, 51 replies)
Some tit of a cyclist
undertook me and then started to cycle slap bang in the middle of the road in front of me the other day. Then his chain broke. He deserved it.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:33, closed)
Was it Andy Schleck?

(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 18:12, closed)
(what cyclists don't?)
Me. And most of my friends.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:43, closed)
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:43, closed)
Yeah, "most"
I can't personally vouch for all of them. If I'd said "all" somebody would have called me on it.

Of those that I've spoken to about it, all of them stop at red lights and get really annoyed and sweary at cyclists who jump them.

What was your point exactly?
(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 16:35, closed)

Most, Have they got a lot of red lights on the pavement round your way?
(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 19:52, closed)
Ummmm... no
Oh I get it, you're implying (bizarrely) that people who obey the rules of the road in terms of stopping at red lights disregard them by cycling on the pavement.

No. No they don't. Unsuprisingly, considerate cyclists tend to be considerate across the board.
(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:54, closed)

(, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 15:28, closed)
Oh yeah, cyclists
Someone was banging on about RLJ on facebook t'other day and RLJ being my initials, it caught my eye. I kind of gathered from the context that it was something to do with cycling, but couldn't for the life of me work out what RLJ stood for and in the end I had to ask. Turns out, RLJ = red light jumping. The twats.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:50, closed)
Robert Lyndon Johnson?

(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:31, closed)

(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:43, closed)
Rickie Lee Jones?

(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 8:16, closed)
I don't. Ever.
Though it drives me cuckoobananas how many do here in Brizzle.
(see also my b3ta posts on "cycling on the pavement vs. how much money Bristol council has spent on cyclepaths throughout the city". *breathes out*).
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:50, closed)
Come to Mordor -
Everyone's at it.

One offered to spark me last Christmas because I had the audacity to cross a pedestrian crossing on a green man.

He asked me if I'd ever seen a cyclist die - I said no, and he told me it wasn't nice.

So I was forced to enquire as to why he wasn't wearing a helmet if he were that concerned about dying, and he called me a cunt.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:58, closed)
He's a tit
I don't jump red lights, ever. After all, in a fight between a cyclist and a car, I'm the one that will end up laminated to the pavement. I truly hope i don't turn in to a cyclunt if I ever move to london.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:10, closed)
cyclists who dont wear helmets boil my balls.
if they want to be on the roads and taken seriously they should have the correct safety equipment, just like my car has to have tax, MOT and insurance.

if i can be arsed to follow the Law and be a safe driver, they should too.

also the ones who ride on the road then jump up onto pavements as it suits them should be set of fire
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:52, closed)
I'm a cyclist...
...and I take a very dim view of this sort of thing too.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:12, closed)
As do I.
Arseholes like this make it worse for those of use who do follow the law. I've been forced off the road, shouted at, hit with newspapers...no doubt because the driver had 'enough' of the bad cyclists.

Or they wanted to see a girl cry.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:51, closed)
I'm a cyclist
In central London. Every day for just under five years now.

I quite often jump red lights as quite frankly that's sometimes the safest thing to do. If I'm not likely to be in any danger, I sit and wait like everyone else at the lights.

I have as much right to be on the road as anyone else, and I also have the right not to be killed by some twat who values getting home 2 minutes quicker over my life.

The highest fatalities for cyclists are amongst women who are more likely than men to follow the rules of the road. The classic "get squished by lorry at lights doing a left turn" thing.

I most often jump the light just to put as much distance between myself and the erratic lane hogging cunts behind who've spent the last 2 miles attempting to crush me into the barrier at the side of the road.

Fuck the red light.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 15:42, closed)
I see.
So the rules only apply to you as and when you decide to see fit.

And how about the jumping of the red lights putting others in danger - such as pedestrians?

You have the right to be on the road only if you accept the responsibilty of following the rules of the road, which means don't jump red lights. At all.

Fuck your right to endanger me. If an angry pedestrian sticks a brolly through your spokes, I take it you won't be surprised. Or, indeed, offended. You'll be totally understanding that they were just being defensive.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 16:46, closed)
"So the rules only apply to you as and when you decide to see fit."


"And how about the jumping of the red lights putting others in danger - such as pedestrians?"

Absolutely not

"You have the right to be on the road only if you accept the responsibility of following the rules of the road, which means don't jump red lights. At all"

The rules of the road, combined with traffic, and combined with the temperament and behaviour of other road users (including cyclists) often results in very dangerous situations for those not with the luxury of being sat in a 1-ton metal box on wheels. So no.

My point is that the rules of the road often put cyclists in danger, and quite serious danger. I'm talking actual death here.

As long as you put nobody else in danger, the rules can and should be broken to ensure your own safety.

/edit: sorry edited it while you were responding. Not changed the sentiment though
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 16:51, closed)
And cyclists breaking the rules put pedestrians in danger, and quite serious danger.

Say you're an average bloke (I'm sure you're delightfully above average in every single, charming way, but I'm being kindly conservative as you'll see). You're say 5'10, and weigh between 9 and 10 stone. Jumping lights you'll be doing 15-25mph. You'll hit me with the force of a baby elephant.

Now, I'm a robust chap, but I think even I would be slightly peturbed by such a shock.

But absolutely fuck only knows what you'd do to a child that ran out from behind a parked car.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 16:59, closed)
I am 5'10 correct, weight's a bit off (you were very generous.. upward of 12) - yes I'd probably cause some damage to a pedestrian.

Every seen somebody on a bike having been squished by a car in traffic?

I've seen two. The first about two years ago - physically looked fine, but dead on impact. The second - a girl in her mid twenties staring at her dismembered leg and screaming after having been dragged against railings by a goods lorry (yes turning left from a junction).
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:05, closed)
I don't see how that justifies you puttting others at danger from you.

(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:06, closed)
I see any potential damage caused to others to be less harmful than the potential damage caused to me. You might see this as selfish, but it's self-preservation, and I challenge you to do a daily commute on a bike in any major city without breaking one of the "rules".

Anyway. I'd never whizz through at 25mpg. I proceed with caution.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:13, closed)
Cool. So you don't mind me shooting at cyclists who jump red lights
And if I wing you, you'll understand because it was just self-preservation.

Oh, and while I'm at it, punching random grannies in the face in case they're martial arts-trained suicide bombers.

Pfft. "Fuck you I'm alright let them die I'm worth more than other people".

And yet you seem to think it's not OK for car drivers to hold such an attitude.

Brolly through the spokes time, I'm sure you'll agree.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:17, closed)
I half expected you to invoke Godwin there

(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:25, closed)
Indeed - it does seem that logic isn't your strongest suite.

(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:29, closed)
"Oh, and while I'm at it, punching random grannies in the face in case they're martial arts-trained suicide bombers."
And you're somehow claiming the above as analogous to jumping a red light.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:37, closed)
This is also turning into a bit of a row
So let's agree to disagree.

edit: hehe saw your deleted post there. Concede? Never! Muhahaha. Now I'm off to run over babies and punch grannies in the face from my honda-bmx-ninja-bikeamathing
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:37, closed)
No - I'm taking your logic of self-preservation and the law only applying to me as and when I see fit to it's logical conclusion
IE - I can do what I like, but other people should do as they're told.

Your position is one of hypocrisy - on the one hand you complain that car drivers endanger cyclists, but on the other you take that as justification to endanger pedestrians and feel no need to apologise.

So one rule for you, another for everyone else.

I don't agree with that position.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:44, closed)
Nope, that's not my viewpoint
Everyone should be able to break a law that endangers them, as long as it doesn't endanger others.

/edit ... and if it does endanger others, that it endangers them LESS than it would you by not breaking that law. E.g. a quick whizz over the lights with nothing coming (proceeding with caution), versus a chance (however small) of getting killed.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:46, closed)
Right, OK.
So if I own a car it's OK for me to endanger cyclists if I feel endangered by trucks.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:48, closed)
Read what I typed:

"Everyone should be able to break a law that endangers them, as long as it doesn't endanger others."

If there's no cyclist there, then by all means take evasive (or even pre-emptive) action.

"And if it does endanger others, that it endangers them LESS than it would you by not breaking that law."

If there's a cyclist there, killing the cyclist to preserve yourself is never acceptable.

/edit: and now I do have to go home. Carefully. On my brompton.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:50, closed)
Thanks for playing.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:54, closed)
absolute balls.
i cycle 10 miles each way through London every morning and evening and don't feel that my life is ever threatened at a red. there are generalyl lovely great boxes at the lights, cars move fairly slowly or are more usually stopped (what with it being a fucking red light) and i'm not an unobservant fucktard.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 15:32, closed)
Bollocks. Utter horseshit.
Don't want to get hit by a lorry turning left? Get in front of it at the lights. You don't have to jump them as well.
Worried about being seen? By all means ride aggressively, not defensively. You can do that without breaking the law. I managed for about 7 years in London.
You run lights because it's quicker. Don't dress it up as some glorious defensive maneouvre. It's idiots like you that gave the rest of us a bad name, and contribute to driver's anti-cyclist attitudes, and therefore ultimately to increasing the risk to you and all other cyclists.

The problem with your argument is that you are using someone else's bad behaviour to justify your own. Which, at best, is shockingly flawed, because your bad behaviour in no way actually protects you or makes your cycling safer.

You only have any fucking right to be on the road if you obey ALL the rules. You can't pick and choose. Or you lose what right you had to be there in the first place, plus you lose any right to criticise car drivers bad behaviour because of the shear hypocrisy of the whole thing.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 18:26, closed)
I concur.
I hate driving the wagon in London, exactly because of the undertaking bikes on left turns.

I try and block them for their own safety, but there's always one who thinks that he should be in front, and he does it by dragging the bike over the railing and gesturing angrily. Well, fuck you too, asshole.

There's a few transport managers who are sick of it too, and they fit fisheye cams to the nearside facing both ways, and a central mounted forward one for the swoop and squat merchants. You get yourself killed by one of those boys, and their lawyers WILL sue your estate for causing the driver PTSD.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 19:25, closed)
Nice one
Suing the newly-orphaned kids. It's enough to give you a nice warm glow inside.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 23:10, closed)
I concur
I am a law-abiding cyclist and I probably get more wound up by self-righteous cyclists jumping lights than the average car driver, just because of the name it gives people like me.

I understand why car drivers hate cyclists every time I go to London. The average cyclist there is angry and overly aggressive. It annoys and endangers pedestrians, and it winds up car drivers. Yes red lights are annoying, but they are there as much for your safety as a cyclist as that of pedestrians and car drivers.

I have to confess that out here in deepest darkest Dorset, I have been known to occasionally run a red light. This is only on those with motion sensors that have clearly failed to sense my presence. There is no choice there other than waiting for a few hours until something bigger shows up!! If there is not another living soul around and the light won't change, I will eventually ride through, but I will always stop first.
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 22:44, closed)
Here here
Totally agree.

If people are regularly getting themselves into dangerous positions then they need to take a good hard look at what's wrong with their riding. Getting to the front of the queue isn't a human right; decent road sense and integrating yourself sensibly with the general flow of traffic avoids the vast majority of dangerous situations before they happen.

Too often, the 'safety' argument is just a figleaf covering either poor riding skills, or a desire to exempt oneself from the rules of the road.

Like you, I managed for years (16 miles a day, Tottenham to Victoria and back) without skipping the lights, and also without getting myself into dangerous positions.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 0:13, closed)
pushing in front
Yep when i see a bike riding tosser jumping onto the pavement to get to the front of a queue of traffic only for them then to hold up said queue while they wobble erratically away really boils my piss
(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 17:19, closed)
'The Sexy Horn of Righteousness.'
That's my new favourite phrase!
(, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 15:45, closed)
*throws bicycle into hedgerow*
(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 8:40, closed)
I have to travel home along a road where there are double white lines running up the middle so no overtaking. There is always some fecking twunt cycling in this road at rush hour causing mayhem and queues from poor suckers trying to get home. This despite the well maintained and well marked raised cycle path running alongside the road. When one of these morons does finally succumb to the wheels of a 50 ton lorry i don't think it will be inappropriate to laugh
(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 17:15, closed)
Is it the lone cyclist causing the queues of traffic?

Or maybe - shoot me down in flames for suggesting something so freakishly outlandish - all the cars?
(, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 21:41, closed)
The lone inconsiderate twunt on the bike preventing anyone travelling at speed due to not being able to safely overtake him. He should be on the cycle path. Its what its for! Its not difficult to understand.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 12:08, closed)
Fair enough
but cyclists don't *have* to use the cycle lanes, they are entitled to use the roads. Sometimes what looks like a good cycle lane from a motorist's POV is dangerous to a cyclist (e.g. full of potholes and street furniture)

This one does sound like a twunt though, if he/she is deliberately holding up traffic. Surprised they haven't been road-raged.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 20:43, closed)
Although this cyclist does sound pretty inconsiderate (or possibly just massively unaware) motorists need to be reminded that it is not their inalienable right to drive everywhere at (or above) the speed limit. I know it's really frustrating and I get annoyed about it when I'm in a car but you just have to deal with it.

The British road network is designed very heavily in favour of cars and the token efforts made to cater for the growing number of cyclists are generally woeful. As Dr Skagra says cycle lanes are sometimes more of a danger than a benefit and should be ignored if using the road is safer.

I also reckon that in almost all cases the cyclist is at more risk than anyone else on the road and it's often a good idea for them to cycle defensively, even if it does slow up some other road users. These could be offered as a partial defense for gibbleh's RLJ, but on balance I still think he shouldn't do it.
(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:14, closed)
The cycle path in question and indeed the road run through an area which is effect a large industrial estate in Sheffield. (The one that passes the airport for those in the know) It is relatively new very wide and is a combined cyclepath and footpath that sees next to no foot traffic. It is completely unobstructed and a clear run straight to the parkway. This gentleman IS just a complete ass hat
(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:45, closed)
Fair enough.
I can easily believe that a cyclist is an asshat as much as anyone else.

My experience of cycling among traffic is mainly in London. On those roads, if you cycle in the middle of the lane to avoid potholes, pedestrians, parked car doors etc. motorists will speed past you with their foot to the floor only to have to slam on their brakes at the red light 100m down the road (where you invariable cycle past them to wait in the cycle area). A lot of motorists seem to be absolutely determined to reach the maximum speed possible in each short stretch of road and to treat every other road user as a challenge to be overtaken. This is asshattery of the highest order because it puts other road users at risk and, at best, shaves a few seconds off their journey time because they are invariably held back by red lights. On more open roads I understand that a desire to overtake is more justified.
(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 17:01, closed)

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