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This is a question Heckles II

It was my privilege the other month to see a particularly foul and abusive heckler literally chased out of a comedy club by enraged punters. So: Comedy nights, staff meetings, football matches. Tell us of epic or rubbish heckles.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 14:36)
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I got seated in the front row at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles last year and this right cunt of a comedian was asking everyone one by one what they did for a living and subsequently taking the piss out of each person rather tastelessly. He wasn't all that funny, just mean spirited and was drawing at strings to keep his act together. He made fun of my choice of clothing and then asked me what I did for a living. I promptly lied and told him that I am a comedy scout for HBO looking for new talent and that I had yet to see anything worth writing home about. Audience laughed, he stopped in his tracks, moved on to someone else, got no crowd reaction and ended his set early. Edit: Yeah that's right I said "drawing at strings"
(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:34, closed)
This really happened.

(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:45, closed)
yes indeed

(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:48, closed)
Well, I for one believe every word.

(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:55, closed)
^ someone who appears to think this is a Catholic confession box not a humour website

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:12, closed)
you're crediting him with thinking?

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:15, closed)
oh wait
it's the latest hilarious alias for Battered, the Gregory Goyle of b3ta. So you're quite right, "thinking" probably isn't the word here.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:10, closed)
"drawing at strings"?
Do you lie any more convincingly in your first two languages?
(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:55, closed)
thanks for the dicklordish response!
(Was that the correct use of the word dicklordish?)
This particular comedian was guessing about people's backgrounds and based his comedy act on shitty assumptions in desperation to say something funny. Where I come from the saying "drawing at strings" implies conjecture on the part of he who is "drawing at strings". My apologies if I was not clear on the nature of his conjecture.
(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 23:24, closed)

"clutching at strings"
"grasping at straws"
"staying about from bins"
(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 23:46, closed)

"jerking at horses"
"poking at the dolphin's blow-hole"
"scratching at crotch-pimples"
"sniffing at ballstrings"
(, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 23:51, closed)

"greasing the Shatner's bassoon"
"circular breathing around the starfish"
"giving it a serious dose of baboon hips"
"grappling the vicar's second sandwich from the left"
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:00, closed)

"pointing at chickens"
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 2:00, closed)
teeheehee

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:20, closed)
The phrase "drawing at strings" only exists in your head, pet.
Sorry about that.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:03, closed)

good thing I went back in time and spread this phrase all over the internet
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:48, closed)
Just for a side by side comparisson:
www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=%22clutching+at+straws%22&word2=%22drawing+at+strings%22
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:04, closed)
That's great if you're in to using main-stream phrases.
I stopped using "clutching at straws" before it was cool to clutch at straws.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:07, closed)
And started using something that makes no sense, instead.
Why not just substitute gobbledygook words and phrases for everything you say?
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:10, closed)
drawing at bow strings - trying to hit a target
makes a lot of sense
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:32, closed)
You're really grasping at reeds here.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:36, closed)

grasping sucking
reeds moosebutts
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:59, closed)
It's alright Shambles, he's one of those Americans. Americans like him can be excused for getting simple well known phrases wrong because they are big fat stupid Americans.
Stupid Americans.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:36, closed)
Actually I'm Canadian.
but I forgive you for drawing at strings with regards to my nationality.

We have our own bastardized versions of simple well known phrases. It's what makes us distinct from our rude fat neighbours to the south.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:43, closed)
Haha 'Canadian', like that's even a thing
Stupid Americans.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:54, closed)

Park Harpell
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 2:15, closed)
Dafuck was that?
So Eddie van Halen made some poor choices in groupies, or something? Was it Canadia's version of comedy? Moose-fucking humorless cunts.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 3:02, closed)
That and the moose-fucking.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 1:03, closed)
'Canadian'? Isn't that just a really shit american?

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 7:38, closed)
Everything you hate about America,
but with added Frenchness.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:06, closed)
Google results for "drawing at strings" ... fuck all.
Google results for "moose-fucking illiterate canadian" ... millions.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:04, closed)
plenty
"drawing at strings"
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:52, closed)
I realise you live in the most hilariously parochial country on the planet
but surely even in remotest Moosefuckville, a few hundred Google results from illiterate oiks on teen messageboards counts as 'fuck all'.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:00, closed)
You are really drawing at strings here with your insults.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:21, closed)
I don't think anybody has insulted you, have they?
A few people have mocked the fact that you've confused a couple of common English idioms and come up with some twaddle about drawing strings. It's not your fault that you can't speak English given the disadvantages of your background.

I thought you folks were made of sterner stuff than this.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:33, closed)
Surely you can explain the meaning of "drawing at strings", and how the meaning is derived?
You see... "clutching at straws" refers to how someone drowning in a river might grasp for anything floating past, even if it's just a bit of reed or straw; desperate for anything to keep them afloat they choose something that at first glance might help, but for which it is obvious to all those standing on the bank that it will not do the job.

You see... the metaphor is quite clear.

How do your drawstrings relate to this?
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:02, closed)
sure
A man who was once so upset that he had never heard a phrase before wanted to draw a picture to explain his anger to a bunch of people who didn't care. He had nothing to draw on so he stopped and sucked everyone's penis until he could think of a meaning for the phrase he was ignorant of. Finally after sucking a thousand penises he made string out of their pubic hair and drew a picture of a mermaid getting fucked by a horse with the string. Forever more the saying "drawing at strings" was synonymous with conjecture.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:21, closed)
more likely though
it probably refers to drawing the string of a bow and firing an arrow blindly hoping you hit the target.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:23, closed)
OK.... but surely it would have entered the English language
around about the time we were we using bows and arrows for stuff,
not around the time we setup a colonies in the the new world.

Also... if you're an expert archer, you still draw the string... only you hit rather than miss.

Fuck it dude... I'm just taking the piss.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:35, closed)
haha
C'mon man I wanted to go into 4 more hours of not working and debating the buoyancy of straw vs. an archer's mentality.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:38, closed)
it's just a bollocks phrase used by a handful of illiterate canucks who don't understand English.
There are zero results for "idiom 'drawing at strings'" ... no Frencher results either.

It doesn't have an etymology because no functioning adults have ever used it.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:55, closed)
no'ffence like

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:58, closed)
I apologize
I hope the stress that the obscurity of the phrase I used didn't cause you any personal harm. You must have had a shit when "selfie" was introduced into the dictionary because it wasn't used in the time of Shakespeare.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:10, closed)
It was.
He used it in the deleted scene from Hamlet, in
which he tries to get his cock in his own mouth.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:24, closed)
Too much of water hast I, poor Ophelia,
And therefore I hath pissed in my own mouth
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:29, closed)
oh pudding ... bless your little socks for trying
'selfie' is already in the dictionary and has billions of Google results ... you really can't accept that your English is wonky, can you?
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:57, closed)
Last time I looked
Canada was in America.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:44, closed)
terrible racism

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:48, closed)
That was pretty competent racism
I thought. Would even go as far as to review it with 4 stars, would recommend to a bigoted friend.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 14:59, closed)
^ this
above all others.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 1:13, closed)
Yes I did this, too.
So did all of my mates. And all of their mates.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:01, closed)
my grandmother's mates did this before it was cool

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:21, closed)
That's funny cos...
I did your grandmother before she was cool. As in post-mortem cool.

Yeah.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:00, closed)
well that's a bit rum

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:30, closed)
A similar thing happend to me.
I was at a Bob Hope gig, and I shouted,'Why did the chicken cross the road?' at him. It put him right off his stride and everyone thought I was well clever and lol.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:22, closed)
I asked Billy Connely
to show us his cock.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:24, closed)
In before the delete

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:34, closed)
I'm glad Robbie is dead.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:42, closed)
*Plays 'The Last Post' trumpet solo.*

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 10:25, closed)
Was Tim Minchin on the "ivories"?

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 10:26, closed)
Its a pretty standard response to a shit comedian, dude:
www.b3ta.com/questions/hecklesagain/post2302893
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:04, closed)
Yes I did this, too.
So did all of my mates. And all of their mates.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:07, closed)
I'm not even claiming to have done it.
It's shit, hence why my version of it was abridged, and tacked onto some other thread.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:08, closed)
I was the first one ever to do it.
Everyone - ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE - is copying ME.

Actually.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:15, closed)
I invented jokes.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:24, closed)
I invented you.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:41, closed)
Just cuz you were born a joke, doesn't make them your idea.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:42, closed)
^ started the whole world crying

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 13:38, closed)
I invented inventing things
Boom! Over.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:06, closed)
I'm inventing your mum right now and she likes it.

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:06, closed)
*hoping this thread stays up, to show others how to not delete things*

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:08, closed)
there's no way a big burly moose fucker would do a crybaby trick like that

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:41, closed)
I do hope not.
I'd hate for Robbie to have died in vain.
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:58, closed)
alwez in r harts

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:04, closed)



Tea time crumpet muncher
(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:00, closed)
Do you wear comedy woggles?

(, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 19:09, closed)
I have ignored this and then I asked a Canadian online poker friend it he knew what a
drawing of strings was, because apparently it is a big thing with the moosefuckers. He said, "There are retards everywhere." So, that's it case rested. Fuck you all very much, I thank you.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 16:45, closed)
terrible bullying of the poor moose-fucker

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 17:03, closed)
Hyphenated!

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 17:37, closed)
hyphe-fucking-nated

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 17:56, closed)
I am too upset to even delete this post.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 18:54, closed)

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