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This is a question Impulse buys

I'm now the owner of a monster trampoline that's nearly too big for the garden. Tell us your retail disasters and triumphs.

(, Thu 21 May 2009, 11:52)
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Ace, I love impulse buying.
I just moved into a new, bigger apartment in December, and decided that as my old place was a studio, and was therefore using a sofabed, that I needed to go buy all new bedroom furniture.
Checked a few places on line, and went to the local Living Spaces. Picked out a gorgeous bed, bedside cabinet, huge dresser and a mirror, all for the princely sum of $600.

And then promptly decided I needed a new living room.......so couch, loveseat, coffee table, 2 side tables.........

But wait....I also have a dining area......one dining table and 4 chairs later. Got it all, delivered, for just under $3,000. And I fucking love it!

I then decided I needed a new DVD player as my old one was starting to go a bit bonkers. So off I pop down to the local electronic goods store...picked out the DVD player. But......there was a really really nice 37" HD LCD TV on sale for $599. And they only had the floor model left, so after asking sweetly for a discount, I got it for $347! Result!
So I also bought a PS2, an iPod and a surround sound stereo system.

But, my apartment looks lovely!
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 19:30, Reply)
is nice

but real men wear Chanel
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 19:26, 3 replies)
Trampolines, yeah
I impulsively bought one for my nephew as he has 4 young kids.

It was only a smallish one but, I thought, better than nothing...

After I gave it to him, he visited a mate with it still in the car. The mate had a much bigger trampoline for his kids which he was going to sell and replace with a smaller, more rational one.

Nephew immediately produced the one from his Auntie and the two dads swapped trampolines, to everyone's satisfaction.

Trampoline result!
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 18:25, 2 replies)
There is a junk shop near my house
So far I have bought three second hand saddles. I enjoy restoring them, saddle-soaping them, then rubbing oil in to make them supple again and pretending I have a horse. I am not 12, I am actually 36. :/
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 18:10, 2 replies)
Impulse theft
A friend of mine's dad and two of his friends were stopped by the police for being drunk in the car on the way home from a rural pub near Nottingham. Back in those days drinking and driving was not illegal, merely unadvisable. They (driver included) were in fact so shit faced that the copper had to help the driver open the door, before taking his keys away.

So, stuck in the middle of nowhere, with a few miles to walk home, they plodded on. Until some bright spark pointed out a field of ponies. Of course! The ponies would take them home!

They unlatched the gate straddled 3 strapping (and very trusting) ponies. None of them could ride, and even if they could, they were so muntered they probably wouldn't stay on for long anyway. By some remarkable feat of brilliantness, they did manage to get all the way home, a full two miles or so.

The last they saw of the ponies was them wandering off into the night.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:52, 1 reply)
Drunken buyings.
Hello hello.
I don't know if drunken purchases count as impulse buys, but I clearly remember buying them and I clearly remember thinking they were the puppy's proverbial privates at the time, and even for a few days after.
After one single afternoon on the rum, I once arrived home with a remote controlled tank, a giant stuffed Tigger and a vaguely John Motson-esque coat (thankfully not nearly as expensive as this one).
I woke the next morning and surveyed the monetary carnage, and was mildly impressed with my drunken self. The tank was extremely cool, with a fully functional BB-firing turret, Tigger looked pretty cool slumped in the corner with a hoody on, slightly like a Disney Yoda, and the faux sheepskin coat looked cooler than a ninja cucumber, didn't it? Didn't it?
Unfortunately, after 30 minutes of long-range target practice, the residual charge in the tank had run out, so I dug the charger out of the fluff and polystyrene, only to see the most bizarre plug I have ever seen. To be fair, I've only ever seen two kinds, but this wasn't either of them. I took it to several electrical stores, and none of them could help. Arsebanditry.
A few days later it also emerged that the giant Tigger was intended as a birthday present for a friend. I'd have to give him up as I'd told everyone I was with it was for him, I'd phoned my friend and told him what I'd bought him, and I'd apparently even told Tigger himself, after sitting him at a table and buying him a pint of scrumpy (God knows why, I hate scrumpy. I guess he just looked like a scrumpy kind of guy tiger).
As for the John Motson coat... It was a bloody 3/4 length sheepskin coat, for God's sake! At best, I looked misguided. At worst, I looked like a kiddie fiddler who isn't afraid to advertise.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:48, 3 replies)
£78,000 impulse purchase - a flat in Bow
It was the first flat I went to view, and I offered them the asking price on the spot. My first property purchase.

Three years later I sold it at a healthy profit and moved to North London. I saw about a dozen flats that time - but ended up buying the first one in the end.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:38, Reply)
I am a sucker for comics and anything comic related.

I can’t go to Camden without pissing £50 away in Mega City Comics.

I spent £175 in Forbidden Planet in London on Saturday, despite it only being a week after I spunked a couple of hundred at the Bristol Comic con.

I can’t go past TK Maxx without nipping in to see if they have any cool end of line toys in stock and last time I came out with Firestorm, Harley Quinn and a Spiderman issue 1 canvas print that I have no wall space to hang up as my walls are already filled with favourite comic covers or sketches or original artwork (and a 1966 Replica England shirt signed by every one except Bobby Moore and Bobby Charlton).

There’s a fair to middling chance that I will be bankrupt by the weekend, as it’s new comic day and already I am itching to get to Forbidden Planet to pick up this weeks goodies. Even though I have a list and a budget, I just know something shiny will catch my eye and I’ll come out laden down with something else to infuriate my girlfriend. (Have you any idea how much dust can collect in Hawkgirls cleavage, by the way?)

I can’t even go to the cinema without putting a pound coin into one of those machines that you turn the handle and a plastic ball containing an inch high toy made in an Indonesian sweat shop and stained by the blood of innocent children drops out. I have three of the same miniature Superman on my bookcase. I don’t even like bloody Superman very much.

I’m sat here writing this drinking out of my Wonder Woman mug. My pens are in my Batman mug (including my Marvel comics pen that I have to hide in meetings). At home I have a Spiderman mug. And another batman mug. And another Wonder Woman mug. And a Superman mug. And in the shop down the road this morning I saw a shiny, shiny Iron Man mug. I am fairly sure it will be in my grubby mitts by the time I get home tonight. I can hear it calling to me from here.

I have batman, superman and Marvel playing cards. I don’t know any card games.

My t-shirt collection brings shame to me whenever I look at it – (Except for my white ‘Central City Track Team’ one, which I can get away with wearing without looking like the utter sad case that I am because only a handful of people are geeky enough to get it. And the one that I tried to track down for ages and finally did that just says ‘Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman).

I even bought Electra on DVD. Have you seen Electra? It’s utterly awful.

I have sketches and signed books and Rosach saying ‘Hurm? Scarpe?’ inside one of my three (count ‘em) otherwise identical copies of Watchmen.

I walked into Waterstones and came out well over £60 worse off and weighed down by The Complete DC Encyclopaedia, The Complete Marvel Encyclopaedia, The Complete Vertigo Encyclopaedia and ‘Cover Girls of The DC Universe’ (which I keep catching my girlfriend reading, I think she may be on the turn…).

I got charged £60 in excess baggage fees on the way back from New York a couple of years ago after going insane with my friends discount in Mid-Town Comics. And The Time Machine. And his other local shop the name of which escapes me. Which wiped out and then some any money I had saved.

When MVC had it’s closing down sale, I bought every single Justice League and Batman The Animated Series DVD they had.

Actually, this isn’t really impulse spending is it? This is full blown addiction.

I needs halp.

(Look at that, a whole post about comics and I didn’t make any reference to Bart Allen/Impulse…oh…)
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:37, 1 reply)
Not an impulse, but comical nonetheless.
As a poor student I scraped and saved away in order to afford one of these,


only to find that they'd run out, or stopped selling them by the time I'd gathered enough pennies together.

I was gutted.

Didn't manage to get one of the "Bears of Murder" collection either :-(
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:34, 4 replies)
I was considering
Going on the BUSC main event in Alpe D'Huez last month. For those that don't know (most people), this is a fucking HUGE snowsports trip, involving people from all the unis in the country. It was going to be £500 for a week, plus food, plus drinking money etc. There was no way in hell I could afford it.

So, of course, I went.

Truly awesome holiday.

Right up until I smashed into a stationary snowboarder at 40mph. To be fair, he shouldn't have been standing there.

Oh well. You don't actually need to be able to use your right arm to ski, and torn earlobes are par for the course.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:33, Reply)
Playing ‘Switch’
‘Switch’ is the single most expensively pointless drunken game that I believe has ever been invented.

It has very simple rules:

1: Take a group of mates.
2: Go to the pub for lunchtime beers.
3: Get roundly hammered.
4: Get your switch card out.
5: Go shopping.

I woke up once in my bed cuddling a sack of barbeque charcoal.

We didn’t have a barbeque.

I was convinced I had won that game of switch.

Until I found my friend asleep in the lounge.

Next to a brand new wheel barrow, a spade, a fork and a hoe*.

We didn’t have a garden either.

*the gardening type, before anyone says anything.**

**well, I think she was the gardening type, she had dirty knees at any rate

(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:31, Reply)
I recently splashed
quite a large sum of money on a BMW. Maybe should have gone for a Honda Accord.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:23, Reply)
Tribal art
Was browsing in a junk shop in Devon one day.

The way I've built up my collection of fine art and antiquities is by making sure that I never leave such an establishment without making a purchase. This was proving to be difficult as this shop contained the sort of crap that would ruin the interior of a skip.

Then, I spotted an item with some potential: a cheap plastic clock with a photograph of a black couple on their wedding day. They were dressed in typical English wedding garb: white dress, light grey suit, that type of thing.

OK so it wasn't exactly stunning but I could envisage the hilarious exchanges that might take place if I bought it and if I ever had a visitor to my house:
"Who are they?"
"No idea"

And you can never have enough clocks.

"How much is that clock?"
"Thirty five"

I dug into my pocket and pulled out 50 pence.

"Thirty five pence, most reasonable, I'll take it"
"No, thirty five pounds"

I almost fell over backwards. A moments silence followed before I gathered myself and asked for some explanation or had I misheard.


"Tribal art" he said, "very sought after".

Another moment of stunned silence followed.

"Tribal art! That's not tribal art, that's a photo of two people on their wedding day stuck on a cheap clock".
"Yes but they're black"
"They might be black mate but their not from flipping Nigeria"

He wouldn't have it, wouldn't budge on his price, I even offered him £20, waved it in front of his face for a laugh but he insisted he could easily get £35 if not more.

I left that particular Aladdin's Cave empty handed.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:19, 3 replies)
Dangers of LARP
I was a LARPer and am occasionally still a LARPer, so now and again I buy something a little odd to use as kit. I was rummaging about in one of those hippy shops loved by girls and art students alike. Primarily I wanted to buy a shirt that looked reasonably authentic and then I saw it.

This thing was awesome. A perfect bit of kit to throw into the monster bag. Green, be-tasselled and very native looking the thing said shaman, wild animalistic magic user. Pleased with my purchase I showed a friend.

"It’s a skirt."

15 years later, its still brought up when ever LARP is mentioned and I try never to shop alone.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:15, 1 reply)
Too poor.
I'm too poor to make large impulse buys.

I did recently buy a bicycle for a few hundred quid, but my old one was broken and not worth repairing, so I needed one.

I also bought a scooter once, but I didn't have a bicycle at the time, so it was fair enough.

However, other than two wheeled transport I haven't bought many things bigger than, say, a small coffee table.

But I do have something of a tendency to buy computer parts without checking their suitability, or whether the thing I'm looking to replace is what's actually wrong with my computer in the first place.

I also hate shopping for clothes and have a dreadful habit of buying things I don't want, or that don't fit, or are just a bit shit. Things I don't return out of a terrible combination of laziness and shame at having bought it in the first place. Charity shops would do quite well out of me, if I wasn't too lazy or ashamed to take stuff there.

It's probably better than I'm too poor to buy stuff; I'm too much of a mong to have money!
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:13, Reply)
Cloudy again
I dont mean my piss either.

Since I was eight a wanted a telescope. A decent one. I could never really justify it though, living in London, and Luton is just as bad, with the orange glow stopping everything.

However, I succumbed last year and bought a precision, british made 140mm Maksukov. It's great. Unfortuatley It is a bit heavy on the tripod to lug around to decent sites easily. I also swear there has not been a decent clear night since I bought it. Yes, it's clear when I leave work, but there is allways a fecking great cloud over Luton when I get home.

I took it to Wales and it rained every night, which is not really a news item. I am taking it to Northumberland in June on hols. I am keeping my fingers crossed on that one.

I have slightly exagerated, whenever I am too drunk to use the scope properly, if I look out of the window, there are all the stars I could wish for, twinkling merrily and pouring scorn on my lack of commitment, bastards.

So there it is, the only dusted thing in my flat, taking up half the living room, and I love it to bits. Well worth waiting 42 years for I think.

PS. I move it to the side a bit when the Mistress Bartleby comes to stay. Even I am not that stupid.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:04, 7 replies)
My dad got drunk in a pub once and bought a piglet off the landlord (he had a potbellied pig sow & her litter out the back). Apparently the Old Man was drunk enough to think it was a puppy.

He brought it home snuggled up in a blanket and 'presented' it to my mother, who was in bed (not surprising given she was 7 months pregnant with my sister at the time).
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 17:00, Reply)
My Brother
impulsed bought expencive paintball equipment gas, masks, guns, paintballs, webbing, the lot. for himself and his mates so they could all go paintballing on the dunes. They did it three times and the police were called everytime. His is now in the shed gathering dust. His mates all got hundreds of quids worth of free paintballing gear
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 16:30, Reply)
I recall a strange event that happened to many when I was but a mere Bonz, As an errant young fella I decided that my personal hygiene would be improved with the addition of some manly body spray, however being a somewhat fucktarded young fella I bought some spray for ladies...
This is where it all went wrong, I was walkly through the park minding my own business when out of the blue a Man I had never met before ran up and gave me flowers, well what an odd occurance........

I am so very sorry but after 4 pages I couldnt believe that hadnt bindun
OK apparently it has bindun and I am too much of a cunt to spot it...
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 16:26, 1 reply)
Fine antiques
I am a collector of fine antiques and artworks. It all started when I bought my first piece, this exquisite example of late 20th Century porcelain at an antique fair years ago:

Am always on the look out for a Jocky Wilson or even a Cliff Lazarenko plate to pair with it. If anyone has one?
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 16:17, 2 replies)
I purchased some 'Ear bags'
because they were one of those items positioned infront of a shop till saying "buy me, buy me!".


Cost me £8. One blew off my ear somewhere up a mountain in the Lake district. Fortunately they weren't the beige edition, or the Belarusian flag edition either.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 16:15, 1 reply)
Big computer from eBay
But not just any big computer. This is the kind of thing that should be lifted on a pallet, and it took my dad, my uncle and 2 delivery guys to get it in the house.

(Wikipedia pic)
I have no need for it, I haven't done anything with it for ages, but I couldn't resist a machine with 12 processors and 10GB RAM for just over a hundred quid! (Even though it's not a PC and those processors are 400MHz.)
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 16:06, 14 replies)
I bought a new partner
because I realised my girlfriend was the type of exhibitionist nutcase who'd post revealing photos of herself on the internet to feel wanted.
Me and Mei Ling are very happy together.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 16:04, 3 replies)
not me but my housemate
he's your typical slobby IT rich kid
to date, this is just in the time i have known him:
a DIY rocket kit- the live explosive part is kicking round our lounge degrading as we speak

a 3.5metre power kite
an 8 metre power kite
a mountain board
2 rabbits
numerous electrical devices for computer use
a server
all the power tools you could possibly imagine
a 7 person hammock, three, coutn em, three metres too long for the hankerchief garden.
an above ground pool two feet too wide for the hankerchief garden.
a mountain bike
a hamster, and over £300 worth or crazy hamster cage, tubing, wheels, etc etc. hamster died after about 4 months.
and many many more near misses. the most impressively dumb of which was a 20-odd foot long 5-6 person canoe. again, i feel obliged to mention the less than 12 foot long garden, the fact we fron onto a road, and the fact there is no garage.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 16:03, 2 replies)
Just bought an oscilloscope

I wonder if I will ever figure out how to use the thing?
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:55, 17 replies)
My Honda Accord
impulse buy was a great idea...

Until someone stole the bonnet back in February

(My cock is still huge though)
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:55, Reply)
last night i bought a tin of 'irish moss'
it's a jamaican drink, i was in tesco's stoned with the gf, who's irish. we saw it, it said 'vanilla flavoured drink'
how bad can it be? i thought?


fuck me

have you ever gone to tidy a bedroom after a wild weekend of sexing, and found a condom that missed the bin? you know that kind of bleachy mushroomy rubber smell, and the kinda graying translucent goop in the end? imagine a can of it.
fuck me
that's the WORST thing i've tasted, and i've tasted your mum.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:54, 7 replies)
Hmmmm so sorry
I had the impulse to buy a long length of rope for no apparent reason.

I wonder what i'll do with it.


Lucy Gordon
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:52, Reply)
I once bought a fight with Mr. T. I knocked him out and was all like KA-POW! in his face.
If you all vote for this I'll post a picture of Mr T in his underpants.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:51, 2 replies)
I impulse paid someone to stitch me a double pronged colon and two anuses.
Click I like this if you want pictures because I don't want someone I don't like to be more interesting than me.
(, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:49, Reply)

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