Not quite an impulse buy, but...
A few years ago I decided I wanted to ride a motorbike. I got the whole hog - jacket, boots, pants, helmet, gloves, a CBT, a scooter (which did me well for a bit), a 125cc, then a full license.

A couple of bikes later and I'm sick and tired of biking. I sold up and now I drive cars.

(Mind you, I still have a license, so when I have a midlife crisis I don't have to wait before I buy a Hayabusa and kill myself.)

Next project is a 2-seater sports car. Wonder how long it will be 'till I get bored of that?
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:47, 1 reply)

Oakley Sunglasses when I was 15
At the time when they had those magazine adds showing a hydraulic ram firing a spike in to them to show how strong the lenses are.

After owning them for a few days my dear friend Matt told me that all Oakleys were officially safety glasses as they could withstand an airgun pellet. Because of this advert in FHM I believed him.

So we shot them from about 20 feet away with an air pistol.

The lens exploded in to many pieces.

Surprised?

Thankfully I wasn't wearing them at the time.
( Peej, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:36, 3 replies)

Impulse buys are sometimes not all they're cracked up to be
If you get years of pleasure out of it, all is good. Doesn't matter what you paid for it; if you get enjoyment out of your purchase, then to me, it's worth what you paid, no question. I'd rather pay top dollar for a once-in-a-lifetime holday, for example, that I know I'm going to enjoy, than a hundred quid for a last minute bargain week on the Costa del Sol, all inclusive, only to spend the majority of the time sitting on the can saying goodbye to everything that ever passed my lips (I speak from bitter experience here).

If, however, your purchase rapidly falls apart after a relatively short space of time, it's either dodgy goods to start with, or, you didn't take good enough care of your acquisition once in your ownership. What I'm saying is, think before you buy, mull the consequences over thoroughly, and never enter into a large scale purchase without being absolutely sure it's the right thing for you. Once you've committed yourself, look after your prize with love. Understand its characteristics, and never underestimate the opinions or feelings of others.

Mike Ashley, please take note...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 21 May 2009, 15:35, 4 replies)

Those fucking trampolines
should be outlawed and anyone who has ever bought one, been or one or contemplated buying one should be shot.

Same goes for barbecues.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:34, 20 replies)

Back When I was a young Whippersnapper
I used to work on my uncles farm, doing mainly menial chores and helping out as much as possible. We were always a bit short handed for help so my uncle tried to get as much automation the farm as he could.

He had a couple of suppliers that he'd use and they often visited the farm to show what they had. Some had excellent bargains, others were just selling useless pieces of junk.

One day they came round hawking some new type of device which could cut labour by 10%! So as a result he bought 2 of them, on of them could speak Baatchi and work on the moisture vapouraters and the other one was some sort of rubbish bin on wheels, which promptly broke, so we even managed to get an exchange for a new shinier one!

it was all going ok till I removed the restraining bolt from the little blue and white one...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:25, 5 replies)

I love an impulse buy
I cant imagine how much money I must have spent on shiney things, CD from bands with funny names, tat with Jimi Hendrix on it etc etc. My 'problem' has been compounded by the fact that Amazon now know my card details and all I have to do is click and anything can be mine mmmmmmmm... But I digress

The best impulse buy I have ever made was (and still is) festival tickets. Couple of years back me and a mate really fancied a festival as we'd just finished uni and had just about enough monies...

So we had a look at some line-ups...

Oooh reading looks good... Rang up the second the tickets went on sale, with my comp trying to load the web page. An hour later and I realise the tickets have been sold out for half an hour! Grrrrrr

Hmmm how about V-festival... Sold out Grrrrr

Etc etc etc until we are at the point of turning our backs on festivals forever and ever. I even debated shearing off my ears and sending them to Meanfiddler in protest

Then we saw it, Bestival, the lineup looks good (Chemical Brothers, Beasty Boys and Primal Scream)... Fuck it lets do it!

And lo dear readers the name truely speaks for itself, I wasn't ready for the sheer joy it would bring. Not only was it the best, sunniest weekend of the whole summer... Its all a big fancy dress shin dig, theres a top-less tea house where the waitresses dignity is covered with nothing but cream cakes, there was a human juke box with a band in it taking requests and when we started setting our tent up some lovely lady came up and offered us some hash cakes!

And to top it all off we saw Seasick Steve. He came out into the crowd before he started, shaking hands with people etc... And he only started the set at my feet as I lay on the grass taking in some herbacious delights... Truely unforgettable

Ive still got the wristband on to this day, and last years, so if im ever having a bad day I can just look down and remember the good times. Got my ticket for this year too, you should all come its the Best(ival)
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Thu 21 May 2009, 15:22, 4 replies)

Can you plan an impulse buy?
I'm currently waiting for a cheque to drop through the door from The Lovely Mr Taxman. Now this money will come in very handy; I can clear my credit card and pay off a couple of other bills...

However I seem unable to stop checking the prices of guitars (got a few already), laptops (got one), motorbikes (I can't ride) and various other items that will improve my life/make my cock bigger/make me generally become the sexy mother-fucker that I am in my own head.

Very soon I expect to awake with a stinking hangover, unchanged debts and an email from crappeddlers.com with a confirmation of sale for some piece of overpriced tat...

...but a Fender Jaguar would be very nice...
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Thu 21 May 2009, 15:02, 3 replies)

I wanted to play crysis
but my poor computer was unable to run it

So I ordered all the bits to build a absolutely stonking machine & a copy of crysis

the bits for the computer arrived the next day (got to love Overclockers) and I built the machine.

Crysis was apparently on it's way.

Twiddling my thumbs wondering what to install 1st I spot a trial for world of warcraft disk on the front of the most recent games magazine. Not exactly a system tester I know and I don't know what I was thinking but I thought I'd play for a bit till crysis arrived then ditch it.

a week later i swaped an unopened crysis for the WoW Battlechest. A year later I took 3 days off work to play WoLK.

I have played nothing else since
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:42, 9 replies)

Also yesterday....
The Goonies on dvd for £5. I'm now nearly 44 but still love that fucking movie.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:42, 12 replies)

a slave
named Charon. only 2000 bottle caps from the owner of a local bar, result thought i! only later did i realise though i could have gotten his contract for free if only i'd bumped off his previous owner's rival booze peddlar in the pub across the way. gutted.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:38, 10 replies)

Many years ago I had a stab at sartorial elegance and purchased.......
A pair of handmade turquoise suede brogues with a silver buckle.

Never wore them but kept them for about 15 years before I threw them out.

Bloody eighties fashion.


Edit - just remembered they were turquoise velvet and not suede. Bloody hell that's even worse : (
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:37, 1 reply)

Food, camera, stuff under a tenner
I've just realised that, in fact, I do plenty of impules purchasing - but only if it's under a tenner..

Also, as an aside, after my camera failed I managed to pick up a Casio Exilim EX-Z20 8.1Mp from Boots for £67. Result!

Anyway, food. I cannot resist buying new and unusual food from supermarkets, particularly from the world foods section. This is why I have found myself with a load of dried fish, more wet tamarind than I can use in a couple of years, more spices than you can shake a stick at and.. a tin of Callaloo.

Callaloo is a Carribean vegetable described as 'almost, but not quite entirely, unlike spinach'. Unfortunately a friend who comes round regularly for dinner spotted it, and now I have the challenge to create a dish with it. I've got a recipe, and need to try it before cooking it for them in two weeks or so.

I also find it rather difficult to avoid cheap DVDs and computer games if 'I was going to buy them anyway'. Once it goes below about a fiver, and definitely below 3 quid, I assume I'll never get it cheaper and then - suddenly hooked. I've got about 10 films and 8 computer games I've not even *started*.
(syllopsium, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:37, 4 replies)

I was baffled for years by my own impulse purchases.
Often I'd buy some load of tat - not necessarily expensive, but puzzlingly useless. I'd just feel a strong urge to buy something - always after seeing it, not because I'd heard it was good or read a favourable review.

About twelve years ago, I worked out the reason. It was the colour. All my life, I'd loved, nay, been obsessed by, green, without even knowing it.

So these days, if I find myself morbidly coveting a product, I ask myself, 'Is it green? If so, would I still want it in red?'

Works wonders for the wallet!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:37, 2 replies)

I have bought many pieces of crap in my time
like an ice shaver (for cocktails) and two (I didn't learn my lesson the first time) French cars.

However, I've also bought some great stuff; most recently an EasiYo yogurt maker. Ostensibly it is a big thermos with a tupperware beaker in it, but I've been making my own yogurt (fnar!) for a few months now and I reckon I've saved about £40 on shop-bought stuff.

I've never impulse bought anything over about £300 though, so I'm pretty good at controlling myself.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:23, 1 reply)

I must admit that I do have a bit of a tendency to impulse buy, because of my busy and complicated life, and over the last few years, I've purchased various items for my home, just on a whim! These include chandeliers, several flat screen TVs, some lovely hanging baskets, a massage chair (just couldn't resist - highly recommended!) and even a little floating house for the ducks on my pond! I must admit though that I have a great employer and I can generally cover most of these purchases under a very lenient expenses system. What could possibly go wrong?
( vladimir, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:22, 5 replies)

Less successful technological purchases
Mostly, I don't do impulse purchases. I research, research, and research again until I've bored myself to death and am sure I want the item.

Still, I am not immune, especially to the delights of cut price computer hardware. I've made several purchases, but some less successful ones including :

Winterm 3630LE. Gorgeous piece of kit - thin client in a 15" TFT. Only problem : never use it, and Windows CE 2.11 doesn't connect to Vista without crashing.

WinTV Celebrity. Now *this* is a serious piece of engineering. Full length ISA card, takes in the output from VGA, overlays TV/video, and outputs its own image. Does video capture, supports really high resolution. Originally 600 quid or so, got it for 30. Unfortunately, drivers were a bit variable and never really used it much.

Sigma Designs Reelmagic. Now this really was a bum purchase - ISA card - does MPEG 1/Video CD decoding without needing any CPU. Only problem : about three games supported it - all of which were crap, MPEG was dying at the time in favour of MPEGII/DVD, and practically every Video CD is shit. Still not got around to chucking it out.

dalsemi Tini. It's a neat low power board with networking, 1 wire connectivity for things like temperature sensors, onboard java stack etc. Only problem : 1MB RAM and quite slow. Suddenly realised that I wasn't actually certain what useful purpose I could do with it.

Skype/SIP gateway. Links your phone to Skype, so that everyone calls you on one phone. Only problem : isn't it a good idea to figure out if people want to call you on Skype, first? Never even opened the packet..
(syllopsium, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:16, 2 replies)

HD DVD
Nuff said. Error.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Bindun?
I got into trouble with loads of local gangs. It was full of really hard men who were doing me ‘ead in.

So, on a whim, I got myself a Honda Accord and now my penis is longer, I’m a billion times better looking and the local gangs have all taken up either market gardening or have voluntarily had themselves castrated because you can’t compete with the power/style/status/hard-man-appear of the Accord.

It once took on and beat both KITT and KARR (and that big scary lorry with the moustachioed evil Michael Knight in it)

Truest thing eva.

Mullered
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:05, 2 replies)

I don't know what I paid for it
There are too many daft purchases to count (including three musical instruments I don't play) but one stands out. On a truely pretentious evening I was watching From Hell and managed half a bottle of absinthe (the commercial stuff, I'm not daft enough for something authentic). My housemate (who mercifully drank the other half) came out of the experience fine. I woke up with an exercise bike en route courtesy of eBay.

Now there is a slight issue with this. At the time I had back trouble so severe I couldn't sit on a bike let alone peddle a fake one. I'm talking months of physio so out of all the other crap I could have bought, why that? Secondly the boggering resistance is knackered so it puts up about as much resistance as *generic celebrity on drugs joke*

It is now my post modern clothes horse and I intend to win the Turner prize for it

If I could ever meet drunk Gherkinlasagna I have a few questions for her
(Gherkinlasagna is probably doing something stupid on, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Ricky Fucking Gervais
I am a massive Gervais fan.
Ricky Gervais hates ticket touts. I like ricky gervais enough to pay £115 a ticket to see him play the Edinburgh festival.

After paying through the proverbial tits for 4 of these overpriced tickets I read on Rickys blog that he was enraged at the ticket touts and flattered by the people who were paying such inflated prices but encouraged no fans to pay over the odds.

I had forked out £85 on top of the face value of these tickets (thats £85 for each one) so when he announced his new 'mini' tour, i pounced on the chance to tout some tickets of my own to make my money back.

I found it initally strange that he was leaving upto month long gaps between gigs but happily logged on at the time the tickets went on sale and snapped up 4 in Sheffield and 4 in Glasgow. Imagine my dismay when as soon as the gigs started to sell out, Mr G just announced another one. and another one. Effectivly reducing the value of the tickets to below face value (i would rather buy tickets off the venue/ ticketmaster than off some random guy).

So now not only am I effectivly £340 down on the first set, but now an extra £260 down on the 8 extra I have bought and im also a cunt in the eyes of my comedy hero for trying to make a profit off his talent.

shit
( awsm! namaste bitches, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:02, 3 replies)

Impulse Buy Made Me A Bit Gay Shocker !!!
Question: What do you do in London if you’ve got a week off work, fuck all to do, and three-hundred crisp, semen-and-cocaine-encrusted English pounds burning a hole in your pocket?

Answer: You flick through the Yellow Pages and find one of those ‘Learn How To Drive In A Week’, shysters who’ll turn you from a skanky pedestrian with a tiny cock into a strapping motorist packing the sort of penis your average killer whale would be proud to call their own.

So, I ring up and book a week’s worth of lessons. An intensive course. I’d just watched the Grand Prix and thought: I fancy a bit of that, can’t be that hard, literally dozens of people round the world can drive a motor vehicle. Peddles, steering wheel, mirrors; and you get to sit down in comfort instead of having weird elderly strangers attempting to juggle with your plums while grinning at you gumily like you get on the Tube.

The bloke who taught me was a great lad named Troy – a typical Australian surfer dude type. Blonde, tight-bodied, some would say ‘strapping’. And he was a damn fine teacher too, taught me the basics without making me feel like a mongtwat cunt-cobbler – this peddle means ‘go’, this one means ‘stop’, don’t drive over pedestrians, keep both your arms inside the vehicle at all times – all the useful shit.

And the lessons were a dream. We’d do some driving and have a bit of a chat at the same time. I really liked Troy.

Then, on the Thursday as I sat round my flat waiting with eager anticipation for my next lesson, I realised something – I was feeling, how can I put this... very confused about Troy... I was suddenly very uncomfortable. I’m pretty certain I’m not gay, I’m sure I’d have found out about that by now, but Troy, well, I just wanted to be near him more than those brief, fleeting, hour-and-a-half sessions sat in his Nissan Micra we spent tooling round the wasteland that is North London.

Fast forward to the lesson...

Troy’s teaching me the hardest most difficult procedure in the entire history of humankind ever, something so hard that any fucker who can do it should be given a cheque for a million quid and a blowjob from the supermodel of their choice – parallel parking. Troy’s leaning over, looking in the rear-view mirror, guiding me into this spot. I crane my neck to look in the mirror and realise, suddenly, my face is very close to Troy’s face. I can smell his musky aftershave and the sweet scent of his afternoon sweat.

I don’t know why I did this. But I had a strange compulsion, an urge I just couldn’t fight... And even as I did it I thought: oohh, bugger! - This is a bad idea...

But it didn’t stop me.

I leaned closer towards Troy, pretending to take a greater interest in what he was pointing out to me in the rear-view mirror, and then, as if in slow-motion, I planted a soppy wet kiss on his cheek with a loud and resounding smack!!!

Silence....

Troy backed away, returning to the relative safety of the passenger seat. I backed away too, attempting to grasp the steering wheel in as manly and macho a way as possible.

Troy stared at me. I stared at him.

More silence...

“Ermm, Spanky – I’m flattered and everything, but I’m not, you know.... gay...”

And I waited a beat and replied: “Neither am I...”

And we both sat there for a little while looking confused...

So, my impulse buy of an intensive driving lesson course made me a bit gay. Wasn’t expecting that...

And I failed my fucking driving test again for the third fucking time.* Cunts.

*A mate at work told me a sure-fire way to pass that worked for them. Had the opposite effect for me. Apparently the fella testing me didn’t appreciate it when I turned up in a short skirt and a blouse that showed a shitload of cleavage. Scared ten shades of living shit out of the poor fella... hmmmm, maybe I should’ve shaved my chest first???**

**This last bit may contain traces of lie... but the main post doesn't, I assure you...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 21 May 2009, 14:00, 16 replies)

30 something bloke turns into excited child...
Not so much impulse buy as carefully calculated and just waiting for the right moment buy…

The ex missus buggering off with someone else was probably the best thing that could ever happen to me. Didn’t feel like it at the time, but I’m older and wiser and have the love of a good woman to keep me sane. Plus, I probably wouldn't have found this place either. However, at the time, I spent a few months bouncing off the walls and stuff, renting a flat which was a nice flat but which I also hated for some completely illogical reason because really, there was nothing wrong with it.

When she bought me out of my share of our house the first thing I did was put a hefty deposit down on a 2 bedroom house in the town, using some of the spare cash to help furnish it properly. I got fuck all out of the contents of our home together, even the bed, which was mine before we even moved in together. Well, except maybe some odd bits of duplicate crockery and stuff and a nice painting which I ‘liberated’ from the place when she wasn’t in, but apart from that it was a case of starting all over again from scratch. This used up all of the cash pretty quickly.

A few months later, though, her mum died and left me a tidy little sum, which I used partly to pay a chunk off the mortgage (you can tell I was married to an accountant can’t you?), and partly to get some double glazing put in and some new flooring. Sensible bugger, me. Oh yes. This left me with about 3 grand in change...

Hmm. I could put it in an ISA, as a nice little bit of rainy day money. But no. I’m done being sensible, I think I’ve been sensible enough up to that point. OK, put some of it an ISA. Good idea. About a grand; that’ll do. So what to do with the rest?

Hmm again. What had I spent years threatening the ex with in an “Ooh, if I ever had a spare bit of cash, I’d get this” type of way?

Conversations on the subject usually ran thus:

“Over my bloody dead body”.

“I would you know”.

*Jokingly* “I’d leave you if you ever put one of those things inside this house”.

And so, rattling around in a new two bedroom house on my own and with space to fill, I got on the internet, placed an order, and waited. Eight weeks later, this little baby turned up on the doorstep…



So the leaving bit occured before the purchase; I'm not about to quibble over such a minor detail :)

Now I just have to work on Tourette's regarding that Cyberman the company does...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 21 May 2009, 14:00, 14 replies)

buying shit
I've never really had an impulse buy, probably because I'm poor. well, not so poor. But poor enough.
(S.I.M.O.N. wants a piece of your coopcock., Thu 21 May 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Impulse Bargain
I don't buy too much on impulse, save a few small things on e-bay, but back about 10 years, before such methods of money-squandering were open to me, one impulse buy was perhaps my best bargain ever.

Mrs Ugi & I had just bought our first house, which was in quite a state. We needed no end of stuff and didn't have too much cash or much idea of where to get it all, so we ended up at Homebase on about their first ever 10%-off-everything night. Budget was spent and then some, but in wondering round we spotted a power-shower in it's box.

Now this house we had not yet moved into had a half-renovated bathroom with a bath but no shower, and with both of us working a decent shower would be time saved in the mornings. Better still, this £250 shower was end-of-line (I guess - don't think showers have use-by dates) and carried a little orange sticker reading "£199". OK, says we. It's not what we came for, but we'll need a decent shower and £50 off is handy, plus we get this extra £20 off tonight only. Sold.

When we came to pay, the bill was rather less than I had expected, but was a number of hundreds so I didn't think too much of it. In fact, I guess they don't get too many showers marked down because the £199 ticket had been rung through as £1.99 (or rather £1.97 allowing for 10% off), giving a discount of 99.2%. The shower was great and running fine 6 years later when we moved out. At perhaps a twentieth of a penny per shower that must be my best bargain yet.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:56, 4 replies)

my birthday, 3 years ago..
after a fairly heavy night to celebrate getting old, I awoke one morning with little memory, and a very sore head. I nipped to the local shop, got a bottle of coke, pack of bacon and the obligitary cornetto. once these were completed, i decided to log onto my emails, see if anyones wished me a belated birthday.

I was rather surprised to see 4 emails in my ebay folder. 'probably spam' thinks I, and click to see them.

The emails appeared as follows

8th May, 5.15 am - thankyou for bidding on ebay item ...
8th May, 6.00 am - congratulations - you have one ebay item ...
8th May, 6.05 am - thankyou for your payment for ebay item ...
8th May,10.00 am - your ebay item, number ... has been dispatched

It appears that, having got home at around 5, I was summoned by my own brain to go on ebay, bid on an item, wait 45 minutes for it to finish, pay for it, then fall asleep and lose any recolections of the previous activities.

3 days later it arrived. I was the proud owner of this (ebay link)

snipurl.com/ihgnc

according to my mates, there had been someone playing in the market diner (local late night foodery) and I was smitten. to this day, I can barely play a note.
(5lab, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:52, 5 replies)

Canon DSLRs
2003: "Oooh, Adrian's got the 300D, nice! I've been thinking about getting one of those myself"

2005: "Adrian, was it really worth upgrading to the 350D?"

2006: "Oh, you've got the 400D Adam, can I have a look? I'm thinking about getting one"

2009: Ooooh, the 500D is out, how much is that? Bloddy hell £980! Hmm, I wonder how much it is over here? $899, Damn! I'm not sure I can turn that down while I'm in the US.

*Impulse Buys*

You can all look forward to 15.1MP pictures of New York on OT once I've sorted the wheat from the chaff. :-)
(bill, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:52, Reply)

A car
When I was 18, I did some moonl;ighting at a company famous for developing racing games. We were pulling an all-nighter and I was chatting to one of the programmers about the random shit you chat about at 4 in the morning, when you haven't slept in 20-odd hours.

he happened to mention that his (rediculously fit) wife was due back from Iceland (the country, not the Scouse-bird endorsed shop) and he had to get rid of his "project car" before she got back. I asked what this project car was. Turns out it was a B-reg Cavlier SRi that had had the engine bored out to a 2-litre, a massive turbo and intercooler fitted and only needed "a bit of work" to get it roadworthy.

So i said "I'll buy it, if you like?"
He said "sure make me an offer
Joking, i said "twenty quid?"
Alright, says he.

And so I became the proud owner of my first car. Insurance was a little under a grand (this was 14 years ago) thrid party only, with none of the mods declared. But I loved it.

Some scrote robbed it 15 days later, though I'd like to think that said scrote died a sa result, since the brakes didn't really work and the seatbelts didn't work at all...
(ScousersPet, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:52, 2 replies)

music music music
I impulse bought an electric drum kit when I met the wonders of the credit card. I can't even play drums, I play piano. Currently I have 2 guitars, a bass guitar, 1 upright piano, 1 stage piano, 1 keyboard, an alto sax and a mini accordion. I don't use ANY of them. The only one I use is the stage piano. I am now nursing a rather large credit card debt :D
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:52, Reply)

Me and my dad are impulse buyers.
Given that we are both men, and we both love electronic gadgetry and suchlike, we were out in town one day when we saw one of those really expensive all-in-one electronic personal organisers. This thing promised to keep your dates and important meetings, keep notes, had inbuilt internet, email, etc. It was essentially a BlackBerry on steroids, but this was back in the days before such devices were around.

I'm fairly confident this thing also promised it had GPS and quite possibly the ability to redirect satellites to give you specific coverage and updates on terrorists. Essentially, this thing promised to be like a mobile form of nearly every government counter-terrorist agency*. I believe I may have spaffed my pants at the amount of technology this thing promised to give us.

Jack Bauer himself would have killed to get one of these things. CTU would have been made redundant by this piece of technology which did everything bar making the toast, although I'm sure this would have been worked around in a latter version. In short, this thing was the pinnacle, the apex of technology.

Had it actually worked as promised.

Instead, when we got it home, ignoring the protests of my mum about how it was an expensive bit of crap, we plugged it in and charged it up. We waited for hours with anticipation at our new bit of technology. Finally, we were done charging it up. We switched it on, with bated breath. The screen flickered to life, and abruptly went into weird spaz-out mode. We swore. We cursed. My mum, who had been watching this, laughed at us.

We eventually got bits of it working. I say bits, more like one bit. The bloody calculator function. We had jizzed a large amount of cash on a really, really expensive calculator. The bollocking me and my dad got off my mum didn't hurt nearly so much as the fact that our new toy, our super ultra hyper organiser thingy didn't work. It didn't deliver on the promises it lauded in a sultry voice. We were broken men.

So we returned the fucker to the shop and vowed never to make any more impulse buys.

Five minutes later, we were the proud new owners of a Dell Inspiron 5150 laptop...

My mum was not impressed with us. And was really not impressed with the new laptop.

A few months later neither were we. The fucking motherboard died. We had foolishly decided to skimp on a warranty to save money. Fucksocks.

Length? Well, we're not trusted any more with it. :(

*Note: May be slightly embellished. But this thing was loaded with technology.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:46, 4 replies)

kntting armadillo
There was a really cool old bric-a-brac/antique shop up where i live, i used to go in and peruse the nonsense that he had for sale.

Then one day i saw the holy grail, not literally, but metaphorically. It was the skin of an Armadillo, with its tail meeting its nose to form a rude handle. the rest of thebody shell now formed a basket that was lined with silk. It was bizarre, weird, awful and magnetic. I had to have it.

He told me it was for holding wool while knitting....now, i don't knit and i don't know anyone who does..But such trivial facts where not gonna put me off.

Price was sought, haggled over and agreed on. It was now mine.

It generally horrifes all who see it. But thats because they are soft cunts

Armadillo wool basket, i love thee!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:44, 5 replies)