Bullshit management speak WHEN SPOKEN BY A COLLEAGUE OR BOSS.
A couple of weeks ago my boss instructed me about something that had been benchmarked at a broad range and thus was being negotiated further on down the line.

I don't mind the stories of other people, but when it acutally happens on my doorstep ... it makes my stabbing hand itch.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:21, 2 replies)

Scripted telephone calls
I don't appreciate cold calls in any case but the ones I really loathe are those that are scripted so as not to permit any thinking or input on the part of the caller.

*Ring Ring*
Me: Hello - Ugi here.
Them: Hello. May I speak to Mr Ugi.
Me:..... Er. Yes. That's me.
Them: I'm calling from O-Talk I'd like to ask you a few questions about your broadband usage.
Me: We have a business BB account are you really able to offer that?
Them: I'm calling from O-Talk I'd like to ask you a few questions about your broadband usage.
Me: You said that. It's just that if you don't do a business account like everyone else who ever calls then we're both wasting our time.
Them: I'm calling from O-Talk I'd like to ask you a few questions about your broadband usage.
Me:........
Them: I'm calling from O-Talk I'd like to ask you a few questions about your broadband usage.

Brrrrrrrr.....


Me: Grrrrrrr.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:19, 3 replies)

Where to start?
- Facebook people who use their status updates as a passive-aggressive form of ragging on their ex

- Facebook people who allow every wanky little app (e.g. astrology, some half-arsed Yankish highschoolers attempt at a witty quiz) to post updates to everyone they know. (Actually, that's just one person)

- All kinds of New-Aged cuntery (crystal healing, psychic reading, and other such cold-reading bollocks)

- People with uncorrected speech impediments who don't see why they should bother to get rid of their lisp/rhotacism/spraying. Especially when they're actors auditioning to play a character who doesn't have one of these impediments. Or when they spray when they talk and have a job as a food waiter (yes, Colley's Supper Rooms in Lechlade, I'm talking about you...)

- The gittish way that BBC continuity and trailer announcers and L'Oreal voiceover artistes are trained to speak veRY SLo-o-lee wiTH comp-LEEt-e-LEE raND-um emph-ASS-ISS. Especially the felchpuppet on BBC Wiltshire radio who pronounces "Travel" as "CHH-vavel". "Sh-AIR YOUR LUNCH. With Gvay-am SEE-mun"? I'd rather share my brass-enclosed fist with your crusty mingepiece.

- The less and fewer, pacific/specific things do rile me, now you mention it.

- Kerry fucking Katona. WHY does the media think we're interested in this silly fucking woman? No matter how much weight she's lost/put on this week, or how much tanned flesh/dirty velour is on show today, she has a freshly shovel-spanged face and the intellectual heft of a bucket of cold gleet

*slavers apoplectically while thinking of all the other annoying things in the world*

Yes, I am over 40. Bloody kids!
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:19, 4 replies)

TV adverts for insurance
Never has one field of business yielded so many adverts that make me want to gouge out my eyes and rip off my ears. Go Compare, moneysupermarket, compare the market and Confused.com, I hate you with every ounce of my being.
(superfly78, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:19, 6 replies)

people who only wear scarves and t shirts to go pub/clubbing
i mean wtf, is only your neck cold?
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:16, 6 replies)

Also anything that is popular/over-rated.
This is an incredibly irritating one, but if it is universally bummed into oblivion and loved by literally everyone ever then I HAVE to hate it. Even if on it's own merit I would think it mediocre or even reasonably good, if EVERYONE else thinks it's AMAZING I suddenly think it's awful.

Things like Bob Dylan, Bill Hicks, The Big Lebowski... all over-hyped bollocks in my opinion. And that's just the Bs.

Bees are OK though, I like bees.
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:07, 12 replies)

Builders
and blacks
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:07, 5 replies)

Inappropriate Hats
You should wear a hat if it's bloody cold or bloody rainy (possibly bloody sunny). In which case it should be a woolly hat/waterproof hat/peaked cap.

- Why on earth would you wear a woolly hat in the summer (same goes for 'summer scarves' )?
- Why would you dress in scruffy jeans and tee shirt and top it off with a trilby?
- Why wear a baseball cap when it's cloudy?

These sorts of questions always occur to me when I see someone sporting unnecessary/inappropriate headwear. And it really, really irks me.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:04, 12 replies)

Pardon or Excuse me...
If you didnt hear what I said then just say either "pardon" or "excuse me"....

Saying "say again" just pisses me off to the point where I want to tear off your ears and skull fuck you....

That and people singing the wrong lyrics to songs....
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:04, 11 replies)

The fat tongued one
I actually fill with rage when I see that fat tongued bloke on the TV telling me how to cook some crap.
I'd turn it off, but it's not me watching it, and quite often not even my house.
Something about him makes me want to cut his tongue out with a blunt spoon.
(dchurch bah, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:04, 1 reply)

We all knew it was coming (or all of us who did GSCE maths at least)
I fucking hate pi.
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:58, 6 replies)

The Victorians
Seriously, I fucking hate the victorians, I've no idea why.
(Mong goose, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Two Speed Tossers
Either 0 or 40, nomatter what the posted speed limit.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:55, 7 replies)

Its irrational, I know...
...but Im annoyed by people who do'nt put an apostrophe in it's proper place.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:55, 4 replies)

Billie Piper
:\

Can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's those teeth that could chew an apple through a letter box. Maybe it's the fact I find her really pretentious, I'm not really sure but if I see here on T.V I have to turn her off.....Why? Because I want to.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:55, 8 replies)

Most people who appear on Jeremy Kyle.
The people on the news who starve, mistreat and abuse children. And 3 people (don't know where they are anymore) who at stages have made my life unbearable.

No apologies for being miserable the word hate to me isn't very funny.

EDIT/ Just realised my post doesn't really fall under "irrational" oh well! I fucking HATE my post!
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:55, 2 replies)

Recycled QOTW
They're one of my pet peeves
( le brian, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:54, 1 reply)

When people make ummmnomnomnom noises when they eat
Just to show that they like the taste of it. We get it it's nice but you don't have to fake having an orgasm just because your quiche tastes like a really fucking nice quiche.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:54, 1 reply)

All of the computer generated characters from the Lloyds TSB adverts.
I can't put into words how much I absolutely detest them. It's become a borderline phobia. I have no idea why but every time I see one either on TV or on a billboard I have the uncontrollable urge to scream and punch something or someone or claw at my own face. If I ever met the person responsible for creating them I would probably end up in jail. For a long time.
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:53, 9 replies)

Middle Lane Morons
People who blindly trundle along the middle lane of the motorway because they're too lazy (or dumb) to drive properly.

It causes veins to pop out on my forehead whenever I see one and I am tempted to ram the twats off the road.

My mate 'orbits' them by overtaking, moving to the inside lane and slowing down while they pass, then overtaking again. His personal best is 8 loops before the dozy cow took the hint.
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:51, 19 replies)

I loathe people whose hatreds are perfectly rational
and yet they use them as answers to a question about irrational hatreds.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:50, 10 replies)

I have a feeling I'll be doing a few of these!
My current pet hate is people who bring their screaming kids to the pub. Its one of the downsides of the smoking ban, you get all these c*nts going to the pub that never used to!
(Slacker, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:49, 3 replies)

Adults who complain loudly about something they've sat and watched on TV.
Turn it off!
Change the channel!
Don't be such an utter irredeemable moron!
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:47, 2 replies)

i hate
the lazy bastard fuckflaps who park outside my house to go to work in the school just up the road because to use the carpark they would have to open the gates and close them after them....far too much like hard work for the cunts!!!


and breathe!!!!
(spinks its only kinky the first time, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:46, 1 reply)

Eating Loud
Noises people make when they eat irritate me a lot. I have to leave the room to avoid going off into a rage, the noise just really gets on my nerves. I only ever notice it though when a member of my family does it.
(FootOfTim, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:44, 10 replies)

The Welsh.

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:43, 5 replies)

People who say "first" when I put up a new QOTW
See remarks about baboons above
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:42, 3 replies)

None.
I don't have any irrational hatreds. Human Beings are, by and large, irredemable morons and my hatred of everyone and everything is the only rational response.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:42, 2 replies)

bum
rape
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:41, 2 replies)

Yay
First!

People who try and get first on the Qotw and say Yay...before anyone else says it.

It bugs me when people say Pacific when they mean Specific...unless they do mean big and watery?

I've got a few that relate to motoring too, as I'm sure many others have, although maybe they're not irrational...
(RTFM May your god go with you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:40, 8 replies)