I can't stand sitting down

(Phil M'Arse and that's just the way it is, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Stuff
That doesn't burn.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:26, 2 replies)

Crematoriums.
Now they really make my blood boil.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Inanimate objects
Bascily anything I fail to use properly. I direct my hate and anger at the victimless object rather than accept the fact it was my fault and I should just deal with it.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:21, Reply)

People who think that because they've been to New York, they've "done America"
only Osama Bin Laden can claim to have done that.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:20, 3 replies)

Ice Lollies
I can't stand them.
(Squash, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:19, 4 replies)

Child Parking Spaces - GRRRRR!
Having two young wriggling spawns my inevitable weekly trip to the supermarket is not helped by those people who:

1. Park in a CPS accompianed by a child that is biologically old enough to sire a child themselves.

2. Just park with out any children whatsoever.

STOP IT - JUST STOP IT YOU SELFISH SPACKTARDS!!!!!

In fact, just carry on - I'll park halfway across the car park and just struggle on - don't mind me.
(The Pesky Trout, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:17, 18 replies)

I can't stand intolerrant people

( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:17, 5 replies)

"Here, here"
Instead of "Hear, hear"

Someone's just done it again, on the board.
And he was following my post. What do I do? Turn cunty on the one person who agrees with me? Argh!!!
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:16, 6 replies)

Selves.
People who say or write selves unnecessarily - it's generally done because they think it makes them sound more businesslike. It doesn't; it makes them look stupid and ignorant.

"If you could send that to ourselves and we will process it. We'll then return it to yourselves for finalising" is a real sentence from an email I received recently.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:10, 1 reply)

2^0.5
Just makes my blood boil.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:07, 2 replies)

People who answer this QOTW...
...without first looking up the definition of 'irrational'.
(Monkey Tennis isn't Spartacus, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:05, 4 replies)

Self checkout at Morrisons
On the one hand the machines go into a frenzy "Have you got a bag?" "Put the item in the bag!" "Take the item out of the bag!" "Call an assistant!" Talk about stress.

On the other hand being in the self checkout queue waiting for people who don't know how to use the self checkouts. Most of them only just grasped the idea of cash machines.

The machines should have another message something like "You look like a total fuckwit, why don't you go to a cashiers checkout instead?". Would probably say that to me though.
(tonyhrx, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:04, 2 replies)

The prematurely middle aged and grumpy.
As epitomised by Charles Brooker. Why? Because there are already too many grumpy people about.
( lion-cake Bad lion-cake, bad., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:02, 4 replies)

Not having money ready...
Sort of pearoast from the "Pet Peev's" QOTW but so what, everyone else is wandering off topic..

Be it as the bus stop, in the queue at the supermarket or wherever - Don't act suprised when, as if out of the blue you are ASKED for money in payment for something you THEN decide to rummage through your massive handbag/many pocketed kecks for change - JUST HAVE IT READY AND STOP WASTING VALUABLE SECONDS OF MY LIFE - YOU KNEW THEY'D ASK FOR IT WANKSTAIN
(TheManofScience, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Channeling Alexei Sayle Here....

Anyone who runs, or attends a workshop, and isn't involved in light-engineering, is a cunt. Fact.

Also people who "nearly died".

"I saw Alexei Sayle in the pub last night and I nearly died"....


Leave your address love and things can be arranged....


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:00, 2 replies)

Down Syndrome kids...
...What makes THEM so special?
( Kung_Fu_Russ ran out of amusing signatures on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:00, 3 replies)

Twiglets
I cant eat twiglets. Makes me violent.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:59, 2 replies)

Lasers
I've been trying to align the feckers for the past 6 days. In a dark lab. All day.

I HATE LASERS.

*Cries*
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:54, 15 replies)

You.
I hate you.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:53, 8 replies)

Tubes
People in front of me getting onto the tube, taking one foot inside the door and then just standing there in the way. Bastards making sure they make it onto the train; don't worry about the rest of us! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!

Moving to London has made me overly impatient. I'm not sure I like it.
( awayfromthenumbers, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:49, 2 replies)

Nuffs head!
Just saying, like.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Wet chips
That bit of watery ketchup that you pour on your plate if you forget to shake the bottle
(aneraseroflove excuse me...i have to go to space now, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:47, 3 replies)

emails that end with
"Sent from my iPhone/iPad/Android phone".

I don't think I need to qualify this.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:44, 8 replies)

People who 'tell it like it is'
I recently watched an episode of 'Come Dine With Me' and nearly put my telly out in a fit of apoplectic rage at one woman who encompassed everything I hate about opinionated self-righteous scum.

She was the epitome of 'doley-scum' yet believed that she had the right to not just judge and deride her fellow contestants, but to do it in a rude and obnoxious manner. Having started one argument by criticising somebody for no apparent reason other than the fact that she was looking for a fight, she then proceeded to say the line I hate to hear most: "I'm sorry, but I tell it like it is, and if you don't like it that's your problem."

No it's not. It's YOUR fucking problem that your too socially retarded to be able to apply normal etiquette to a situation and save your barbed, half-witted comments for the 'confessional' camera. You clearly have no idea how to conduct yourself in public and make up for your fuckwittedness by putting on a self-aggrandizing moronic front that only serves to ruin an atmosphere, create discord and destroy any semblance of harmony. You spoil perfectly adequate attempts to create a happy, bon viveur environment and bring everybody down to your black, depressing, soul-less level just because you think that 'saying it like it is' is some kind of virtue to be worn proudly on your sleeve, alongside your cheap tattoos and chavvy bangles. Why don't you take your thick skull out of your arse, take a look around at reality and then forcefully shove it back up there so that the shit that comes out of your mouth is at least in the correct anatomical region of your haggard, pathetic body!

It was weeks ago and it still irks me...
(mongothemagnificent knows where you live, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:43, 3 replies)

Quality Control
Specifically, the ones at the Shreddies factory. Since they got those coffin dodgers in - paying bloody attention to everything - no longer can I experience the utter thrill of finding a two-er, a three-er, a four-er, a fiver, a sixer, or the holy grail of shreddie grids, the extremely elusive TWELVER (of which I found one in 1986, propelling me to the giddy heights of appearing in a group photo hung in the hallways of Nestle head-office). No, the doddery, piss-stained curmudgeons make sure that every bloody shreddie is a oner.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Penguins
I have my reasons.
(RJWEcology is just sharpening his axe on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:36, 3 replies)

Women's Magazines
Every time I walk past a newsagents, and see all the womens magazines stacked up on the shelves, I just see red. As far as I can tell, I lump them into two broad categories of purely platonic rage:

First, the "celebrity" magazines (Hello, OK, etc) which seem to almost exclusively consist of Jordan and related twuntishness. But despite familiarity breeding contempt (and believe me, it's at the point where I could enter a pedigree contempt into Crufts), I'm used to this and merely wish the psychotic bint an agonising death (and even then, there'd be another few months of news over the whole thing).

Second, and much more psychotically hated, the "life stories" magazines (Take a break, etc). Now, I'm not quite sure what drives women through their daily routines, but a quick glimpse at these sorts of magazines makes me feel that everyone who developed ovaries at birth has a real sense of sadomasochism.

Has anyone really looked at these things lately? They practically scream MURDER! PAEDOS! RAPE! CANCER! FREAKS! in a glaring pink and yellow font designed to give me a headache. I mean, who really gets off on reading this on a lunch break? What sort of twisted person discusses this in the canteen? "Oooh, this girl got molested by her stepfather's hairdresser's budgie. Pass the salt, Carol" It makes no sense...

Fuck it - I need to calm the hell down before I explode in a cloud of confused rage.
(Nykrus, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:36, 6 replies)

List time!
1. Not understanding the difference between your, you're and you are. Same for there and their. Pacific and Specific. Bought and Brought. etc. See here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_commonly_misused_English_words
2. Craig Cash.
3. People who stop in doorways of shops, etc.
4. Mac geeks.
5. Shit cover songs - the charts are full of 'em.
6. RnB is 'Rhythm and Blues' not 'Rhythm and Bass'. The former requires talent, the latter requires a yamaha keyboard, its demo button and loud speakers.
7. Drivers who don't indicate or generally give a shit about other roadd users.
8. People who don't clear up after themselves.
9. Double standards in equality. e.g. Diet Coke break is 'liberating', some women showing some cleavage while promoting a car is sexist. Twunts!
10. People who draw up lists of their irratonal hates!...

Bugger!
( betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:30, 4 replies)

2012 Olympics
I don't mind people who like running and jumping and throwing things doing their stuff, but it annoys the fuck out of me whenever something about next year's massive twatfest pops up on TV or radio.

Why am I paying for a bunch of sport-pervs to have this orgy of self-indulgence? Why is that shitty logo everywhere you look? Why do those pathetic adverts (have you seen the Visa one? - fuck me!) make me want to smash the telly?

And there's more than a year of this madness to come. Aaaaarrrgggghhhh!
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 12:28, 1 reply)