Also
People who talk on their mobile phone while they're being served at the till. It's just rude, and more often than not they end up with the wrong thing because they haven't been clear enough ordering because they're too busy talking about how wasted they were last night, or little Tallulah's talent show. Then I get the abuse for 'getting my order wrong!'

Get off the phone, spackers!
(RozDoyle, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:24, 2 replies)

Frape
You have not been "fraped" or "FB raped". You have also not "had [your] Facebook hacked".

You've forgotten to sign out or saved your password, which has enabled someone else to use your account to post embarrassing status updates and the suchlike.
(MightyX5 living on a small island on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:23, 5 replies)

ADHD
Or badly disciplined child syndrome. I hate when parents use this made up non-sickness to justify their kids bad behavior. Man the fuck up and tell your kids "No!" once in a while and stop pandering to them, they will be a lot better adjusted to the real world when they grow up.

And

People who cannot drive properly. Yes, you can signal if you are turning off so I can anticipate where to point so as not to smash your fucking BMW/Audi to bits.*

* Ok, not everyone who drives one is a cunt, but every cunt on the road seems to drive one.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:20, 6 replies)

I've just read through most of the responses...
And now I can prove to my wife that it's not just me...
(squirrelysquirrel, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:19, Reply)

Two People
Janet Street-Porter and Vanessa Feltz! Aaaaargh! Puke!!
( Vambo, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:16, 3 replies)

"Can I get a …"
No. "Will you kindly get a [whatever] for me".

Also: it's not a train station, it's a railway station.

And stop doing things two times, do them twice. Thrice, if you will.
( thirsty a rare visitor these days, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:13, 10 replies)

I've overlooked the massive one...
I'm pretty sure i'm not the only one who has noticed that people no longer have the ability to think for themselves. And i'm convinced that this is caused by a combination of ridiculously stupid OH&S rules, bloody obvious warning signs and ambulance-chasing no-win no-fee lawyers.

For example, on a packet of peanuts "May contain nuts". Or a "Do not stick body parts in sharp whirly things" sign on a sharp whirly thing. It's common sense. Or those fucking annoying "Been injured at work? Sue your boss!" adverts that have created the sort of people who the moment something happens to them that they don't like, they wonder who they can sue about it. Like that woman in the US who sued a store for tripping over a child. Her child. And won!

As cavemen we learnt that fire burnt and hurt us, and it got hard coded in our DNA. So we don't set fire to ourselves (unless we're mentalists or really pissed off about something).

Now they're talking about banning people from listening to iPods while crossing the road. For fucks sake, if you can't pay attention to what is happening around you as you listen to Kanye Fucking West then you deserve to be collected by that large mass of moving metal that you haven't given way to.

I could go on. I could go on for a long time, especially without my wife here to gently squeeze my arm to nudge me out of my rantiness...
(squirrelysquirrel, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:10, 9 replies)

I think you need to be a bit fewer uptight!

(Ravenous Bugblatter Beast This content may not be working. Please try again., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 23:10, Reply)

Nicholas Cage
I don't know what it is about his face, but every time I see it it fills me with an inner rage, I can't stand the man and will avoid every film he's in. Not that I'm missing out on much, mind you (Face/Off, Drive Angry, etc)

Same with Christopher Walken, but my excuse for this is that he scares the crap outta me. Screamed and almost did a little wee when he popped up in Pulp Fiction.
(RozDoyle, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:57, 2 replies)

There's quite a lot, which is why I will turn into Victor Meldrew soon...
But this one is currently causing me discomfort:

People who walk past the dishwasher in the office kitchen to put their dirty stuff in the sink. How hard is it, seriously? Just because we employ a couple of women and you know one of them will do it...
(squirrelysquirrel, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:53, 3 replies)

One thing that gets me....people
I regularly send out documents in my job, anyway customers call up and say "I've just got my documents and you've got my address wrong!" this is normally angrily and they are genuinely annoyed by this.

Obviously I reply so you've received your documents? They've arrived at your house but we've got your address wrong? "YES!"

This normally goes on for a while, however I suppose its just one example of things I hate at the moment.
(Muncee, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:53, Reply)

Almost a rational hatred,
But people with biiiiig fucking golf umbrellas. Usually because they're five-foot-nothing and hold it at the perfect level for six-footers to get their eyes poked out, not that they'd fucking notice, anyway. Anyone with enough of a lack of spatial awareness to know they're taking up the width of the entire fucking path wouldn't notice that they'd impaled some poor fucker's eye.

Also people who when it rains feel the need to slow to a shuffle when walking to the train station.

/walking to work blog.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:34, Reply)

"Health & Safety" & "Carbon Emissions"
I hate hate hate it when I hear and read about "health & safety". 99% of the time, the subject matter will be about ONE or the OTHER - but not BOTH. However, the phrase seems to have been fixed into the public's lexicon so strongly that they're incapable of actually understanding the meaning of these words.

Example: "Health & Safety notice: ensure that the ladder is properly secured before climbing it". NO! This is wrong. It's not a "health & safety" notice - it's simply a SAFETY notice. Securing the ladder has nothing to do with health - aside from the generic sense of that if it's so unsafe that it kills you then it's also detrimental to your health. But if you want to interpret it like that then there'd be no point in using the "safety" bit at all, because then it'd all be about health.

PLEASE, for fuck's sake, stop bandying around the phrase "health & safety". Think about which of the two words applies more to the situation before speaking or writing. "For health reasons, ensure that you clean your hands with an antibacterial agent before handing food." See? JUST health - no satefy, because it's got bugger all to do with safety.


The other big hatred I have is when I read about "carbon" emissions. BOLLOCKS. Carbon is a solid element, which in its purest form appears black and powdery. Coal dust is carbon. Now... when was the last time you saw coal dust being spewed out as a waste product of our modern lifestyle? No? That's right: no-one emits "carbon". What they actually mean is carbon DIOXIDE (or monoxide) emissions. Learn the facts and get it right. Take some time to actually THINK before you speak and write, and understand the meaning of your words.

(phew!)
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:28, 11 replies)

Coffee shop "baristas"
When they ask "Is that...?" before everything.

If I ask for a mocha, then "is that a large?" is just about acceptable.

But not "is there sugar in that?" "is there cream on that?"

No, there isn't yet, you fucking wanker, cos you haven't asked me if I want any.

I hope you stub your toe.
(MightyX5 living on a small island on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:24, 1 reply)

On CSI
When they keep stopping to explain to each other what they're doing and why they're doing it.
(Telly Toning my vagheen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:23, 1 reply)

Shop staff who call me "mate"
Its "sir" you fuckwit...
( zulu eh?, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:11, 6 replies)

Footballers and RnB stars
You fucking cunts
( zulu eh?, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:09, Reply)

Proper noun
US papers writing about the British Labor party, it's a proper noun FFS
( lord bofingham, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:03, Reply)

Somethink...everythink...anythink
It winds me right fuckink up.
( Twizla ...a shrew living on the edge of a bog, extinct on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:58, Reply)

Different than!!!!!!!!
It's different from.
(hiraeth SPACE £19.99. I say yer buy one yer get one free, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:54, 2 replies)

Literally
"I literally would have died if she hadn't turned up."

No, you wouldn't.

"He was literally exploding with rage."

Really? Messy.

Repeat ad cuntfinitum.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:50, 8 replies)

Post-modern composers
(Last one I promise)

Some names on this list are John Cage, Schoenberg, and Stockhausen (I know how much we owe him and greatly respect him as a technical innovator, but not as a composer).

I did a creative music degree, and the lecturers were CONSTANTLY fobbing off to these guys, and expected us to do the same. Here's one of those Professors in action furtlogic.com/nodeorder/term/15

But what did these guys do?

John Cage: Found lots of ways to NOT compose, such as using the I-Ching (googlit) to randomise notes, or not fucking playing at all (i.e. 4'33").

Schoenberg: A serialist composer, meaning he would take all 12 notes, arrange them mathematically using an external stimulus (like numbers drawn from the letters in someone's name), then he would repeat that sequence and literally "flip and reverse it" until it was a full-length piece of "music".

Their legacy meant that we were told to make music using randomised bullshit methods, marked up for post-tonality (read as "out-of-tune"), marked down for any degree of beauty that we managed to smuggle into the music (if we could still call it fucking music by the time we'd submitted).

At the tail end of this degree not ONE of my classmates has gone on to any kind of composition employment. The only ones that are still composers are all now making Dubstep (ergo, they are on the dole). The others have buggered off to work in schools or have left music altogether. I had to spend all summer listening to trance music and folk metal before I could write a decent melody again.

I don't think my reasons are irrational, but the volume of hatred is perhaps irrational. I did a music degree which rapidly ran out of music.

/rant
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:43, 14 replies)

Jews.
/yours Hitler
( Signify, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:42, 1 reply)

"Legos."

( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:40, 1 reply)

Have you seen this film? NO?!
OMG I CN'T BELIVE YOU HAVNT SEEN IT!!


...makes me want to punch people when they do that...
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:20, 5 replies)

People whose facebook picture
is their child.

I have got to the age when a few of my friends have spawned and they feel the need to do this. It usually goes along with updates that are so mind-numbingly dull...*rage*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:17, 10 replies)

It's become, not get.
People who use "get" when they mean "become" should be shot.

Yes, Beatrix Potter, I'm talking to you. I don't care that you wrote some timeless classics of children's literature; your obscene mangling of our beautiful language means you need to die.

Oh. You're already dead. That's alright then.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:07, 5 replies)

I have one friend that hates baked beans, and another that hates cheese.
Why is this irrational? Because both of them deny themselves the pleasure of BEANS ON CHEESE ON TOAST.
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 31 Mar 2011, 21:06, 20 replies)

Folding the recepit.
What frequently gets me going is when you are in a shop, and the assistant folds the receipt up before he or she puts it in your hand. It drives me INSANE.

It's as if they have done something wrong with your transaction and they are trying to hide it. There is a "special" assistant who does this all the time in M&S, every time I end up at his till I can feel the blood start to boil.

I think I am going to click on "I like this" a lot this week. I must be getting angrier as I am getting older.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 20:57, 2 replies)

British English
British Fucking English - aarrrghh, it's English you wankers.

If you must feel the need to add a descriptor, add it to your own bastardisation* of the language and list it as 'American English'. But if you really, really want to piss me off; just add a little squiggly line under words like colour or containing 'ise' even after selecting this so-called 'British English' option.

* For my American friends, please feel free to substitute 'evolution'** for bastardisation.

**For the large minority of you that don't feel evolution exists, feel free to substitute 'Intelligent Design' in its place.
( Kovacs Slogan free since 2003, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 20:51, 6 replies)