I will only ever eat with my left and wipe with the right, doing any different causes massive anxiety.
If one hand ever got broken or amputated I'd be fucked.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 16:00, 9 replies)

climbing/abseiling
I love climbing and don't really suffer from any great fear of heights, but for some reason I have an irrational fear of abseiling. I hate it. As soon as I step of the edge I freeze, then I start shaking uncontrollably which just makes things worse. If I were scared of climbing or heights it would make sense, but it's just abseiling I'm scared of...
( more balanced than jeremy beadle It wasn't me..., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 15:57, 2 replies)

There are many irrationalities that we all carry. I myself feel uneasy about dwarfs and will keep wearing a pair of socks until they go into the dirty washing basket without touching the sides (16 days since you ask).

Lots of people here are intimating that women are irrational, which is pretty outrageous when you think about it. The word you’re looking for is nuts.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 15:51, 4 replies)

It's descening into an ex-girlfriend's post
Recent post reminds me that my ex used to get cross when I sneezed. She would tell me to stop it and not do it again.
Same ex ranted at me about how messy our hall was - jumping up and down and pointing at all my shoes which were clogging it up. After an immediate stock take of our hall I was able to reveal to her with glee the score of My Shoes 2 pairs. Her Shoes 7 pairs.
(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 15:48, 9 replies)

i think i'm irrational
in that if you don't post on /board or /talk, but stick exclusively to either /links or /qftw that you're not a proper b3tan and I wish you'd just fuck off
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 15:40, 32 replies)

And one about my ex-girlfriend
Driving to my mum & dad's one winter's day, snow and ice everywhere... pulling out of a t-junction to turn right, I encountered a small patch of ice. After a good few seconds of flailing at the steering wheel and managing not to hit anything, I breathed a sigh of relief.

At that point my girlfriend turned to me and said "What are you doing?"
"Skidding!" I said.
"Well don't!" she replied, crossly.
( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 15:37, 4 replies)

Another one about my ex-wife...
I hadn't been to the dentist for about fifteen years, purely because I'd had no need to. She insisted that when we got married I had to go and get my teeth checked, in case there was anything wrong.

Like a good husband I made an appointment, went to the dentist and after a quick scale and polish, was done.

A couple of weeks later, my wife admitted "I was gutted that you didn't need any fillings or anything, it's not fair"
( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 15:06, 1 reply)

Was once asked by someone to
STAY ABOUT FROM MY BINS, even though I recycle.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 14:47, 1 reply)

I find various groups of people, such as:

-homeopaths
-any and all flavors of god botherers
-party-line politicians
-chavs
-excessively polite people
-people who still convert euros to their former native currency
-pop-culture fanboys
-proponents of sexism, racism, etc. Lookism is fine though.
-anyone who uses more 'innits' than full stops
-people too stupid to use birth control
-non-emergency patients in the ER
-hippies
-people who think world peace is possible
-gun nuts
-'ban all guns' nuts
-90% of the 'green' movement
-people who dislike nuclear power
-americans who buy 500hp cars
-germans who do not do so (if financially able to)
-the general public
-PETA et al
-your mum
-every single private user of social networks (facebook)
-people who were surprised about PRISM
-Alex Jones
-The entire vatican, excepting small boys
-The US political system
-1337 h4x0rz
-'bedingungsloses grundeinkommen'(unconditional welfare for everyone) supporters
-Femen
-writers of children's books
-the people who somehow think that 6.99 is significantly cheaper than 7.00
-people who believe that any problem must have a single, simple solution
-people who think that banning drugs works
-death penalty supporters
-the nanny state
-ambulance chasers

to be irrational.

Also, I hate and sometimes pity them.

More later.
(GermanGuy invaded on, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 14:47, 42 replies)

My ex-wife questioned everything I said or did...
And I mean everything. Cooking some dinner? She'd tell me that something needed turning up/turning down/would be cooked too soon/wouldn't be ready in time/was far too much/wasn't enough for everyone, to the extent that eventually I banned her from the kitchen when I was cooking.

If we drove somewhere, I'd always get "I don't know why you've gone this way, this is the long way" (even when going somewhere regularly, I'd deliberately choose a different route every time - apparently they were *all* the long way).

One night she asked me what time Eastenders was on. Checking online I told her 9 o'clock.
"That can't be right" she replied "It's usually 8"
"Yeah, well it's on at 9 tonight coz of the football" I told her. She didn't believe me (I think she said something like "They wouldn't do that, you must be reading it wrong") and checked herself, only to discover that it was in fact on at 9 o'clock because of the football.

In a similar vein, driving one day:
"Cor, it's hot isn't it"
"Yes" I replied, checking the temperature display in the car "About 29 degrees I reckon!"
"Ooh no, it can't be that hot"
"Well that's what the temperature display on the dashboard says"
"Yeah but that won't be right"

The final straw was when we had a blazing row the week before Mother's Day because I'd ordered some flowers for my mum but she didn't think I'd ordered any for her, on behalf of her 14 & 15 year-old daughters. My protestations of "Well I'm not going to tell you the week before, am I?" fell on deaf ears (and I didn't even want to mention the fact that her daughters were more than capable of ordering some flowers themselves, but were too lazy to do it so I'd done it anyway).

tl;dr - I married a mentalist, she was irrational. So was I for putting up with it
( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 14:27, 9 replies)

well...
I was in the bath, busting for a piss with an erection. Long story short, I accidentally pissed in my own mouth
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 13:52, 2 replies)

worth a repost (pearoast is for cunts)
I was at a family gathering and I was chatting to my cousin. She was talking about some new kittens she had just bought and was appalled that she HAD to get them vaccinated. Her vet would not accept anything else. Our conversation went something along these lines

"but vaccinations are good things shurly?" I asked
"no they can produce side affects, it can't be healthy putting viruses into our bodies"
"you mean you don't agree with all vaccines...you don't believe all that guff about the MMR do you?"
"well yes I do"
"but it has been proven by the medical profession that there is no link between the MMR vaccine and any side effects, I could find you loads of peer reviewed papers right now on my phone to back this up"
"well you know me, I believe all sorts of things,I mean I don't think they really landed on the moon"
I was flabbergasted at this. This was one of the more stupid conspiracy theories. At this point the normal discussion turned into me ranting and raising my voice and generally being a bit of a twat about it. Then she said the thing that they all say "I'm entitled to my opinion"

Well yes you are entitled to your opinion. But being so irrationally closed minded to never listen to absolute a irrevocable evidence that proves that "your opinion" is a bag of shite lowers the collective IQ of the world

Mind you she is a Christian as well so it goes without saying she can hold conflicting dumb ideas in her head.

And just to answer the question I was asked last time she is quite amazingly fit which apparently lets her off ;)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 13:47, 16 replies)

I only asked him to wear black Trousers to the Christening
you should have seen the fuss he made over nothing.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 13:33, 5 replies)

Has anyone said B3ta yet?
I tend to type without thinking on here a lot at things happening in the world, bit of a knee jerk.

B3ta sets me right though!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 13:25, Reply)

The three R's
Even as a kid I thougt that was fucking stupid. If you're teaching kids how important English is don't needlessly confuse them.
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 13:04, 2 replies)

Has anyone said 'all women everywhere' yet?

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 13:03, 7 replies)

Sort of a pearoast
but it still makes my mind boggle and it happened over a decade ago.

I was discussing with my ex girlfriend how I was having trouble finding a job. I had finished university and was working in Woolworths whilst trying to get a better job.

HER: "There are more jobs in London, why don't you move down here?"
ME: "I would, but I'd need a job first so I could afford to move down."
HER: "No. I live in London and I don't have a job!"
ME: "Yes, but you have a flat."
HER: "Well if I can have a flat in London without having a job, why can't you?"
ME: "Errrr. Your Dad BOUGHT your flat for you."
HER: "I really don't see what that's got to do with anything...."
ME: ".....Really?"
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:59, 16 replies)

Spimf seemed a bit irrational to me.
I mean, he posted a story about him being a trolling prick and then got upset by people calling him a trolling prick. That's just not rational behaviour.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:48, 29 replies)

I am not answering this question because my astrologer and my runecaster told me that
bad things will happen to me if I do, and that's a fact.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:44, 1 reply)

Can he not rell mummy he knows how to use a choochoo?
Or does he still require bitty ffs?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:40, 5 replies)

when you first join up on this b3ta site
you do get a few folk who takes things a bit seriously if you make what turns out to be simple mistakes. Most are ok and guide you in the right direction. I think I put a question on the main board and got called a 'stupid fucking cunt'. It's obviously mentally scarred me.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:40, 8 replies)

I am not a free man
I am √2
(LetsGetDownToIt, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:38, 2 replies)

I know a math professor
who loves doing examples where the answer always somehow involves the square root of negative one. And pi.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:37, 6 replies)

Politicians!
Right kids?!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:33, Reply)

Has anyone said ringofyre/s0ckpuppet yet?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:32, Reply)

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WON
WTF, IT'S BECAUSE OF LAST WEEK ISN'T IT!!!
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:32, Reply)

If Freddie Woo's kid is 19 and still incapable of telling his mum to fuck off, I'd say he's the irrational one.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:30, 4 replies)

tsrif

( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:27, Reply)

Religionists (it's all peas now)
So, no one knows what happens when we snuff it. The overwhelming likelihood is not very much. Ever been unconscious? Or not born?

But no – when offered an incomprehensible, inconceivable jumble of superstitions, fairy tales and bogeyman stories rewritten recycled and Chinese whispered down the ages by control freaks and charlatans - you are CERTAIN beyond all doubt that despite all the vast wonder of all existence there is a creator, who (while having a universe to run) is obsessed with your every move thought and action. Oh and you can wish for stuff too.

An all powerful intangible invisible friend and protector – sounds pretty cool. You must be immune to all illness, earthquakes and injury then. No?

Our essential natural urges are shameful and evil?

Your creator is jealous, intolerant, violent, vindictive, spiteful, pernicious and vengeful – but he loves you?

I should terrify my tiny innocent child with assurances this invisible character is waiting in the shadows to punish him for questioning any of this whilst conversely insisting he only deals in truth and that ghosts and goblins are just camp fire tales?

You insist you require no proof for this but continually strive to find bolt-on bits and bobs of science that support your crackpot ideas - the same science that you continually deny.

If my crackpot jumble of superstitions varies even slightly from yours we should devote all our energies to annihilation in a manner that contradicts the few worthwhile parts of your crazy code of divine conduct?

We have the technology to split the atom and unravel DNA but your preference is to split humanity into one half who believe dinosaurs were a prank and another half who believes women should be bundled up and passed around like parcels by men who think it’s a splendid idea to chop off rather crucial bits of anatomy.

We see ourselves as an advanced civilisation yet it was twenty or so years after landing a man on the moon before we realised wheels on a suitcase might be helpful.

Doesn’t bode well does it?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:26, 3 replies)

FIRST
But its irrational to shout about it
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 12:26, Reply)