Safetyfox
Wonder what they would have made of the choice of Beaver?
(anthorin, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 15:24, Reply)

circles
I got asked at an illustrator job interview what was my strenghs and weeknesses.

The strenghs bit was easy, but then I really couldn't think of anything constructive to say about my weaknesses.

I eventually came out with saying...

'I'm not very good at cutting out circles'

que a whole table of interviewers dropping to the floor laughing, and me not getting the job :(
(chixor, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 15:23, Reply)

Strange interview question
Interviewer: Finally, what animal would you most like to be?

SF: erm. A cat.

Interviewer: Why's that?

SF thinks: der! because they sleep all fuckin day. It's the life of riley!

SF says: erm ... cos they're sleek and elegant and that's something I aspire to.

(interviewer consults 'what your choice of animal says about you' list. Cat: lazy; tortures small rodents.)

Interviewer: thank you SF, we'll be in touch.

No you won't.
( Safetyfox, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 15:08, Reply)

I went
for a job in Dixons which involved unloading their deliveries and putting them away.. nothing nearly as tricky as staring blankly at customers in the store. On the application form it asked for my strengths. I wrote that I was impervious to gamma rays and could deflect bullets. There was no interview.
(geetoo, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 15:07, Reply)

Back in my teenage years
During one of my stints where I felt I needed to be employed but it didn't work out, I had an interview with a large chain bookstore. They asked me what my marital status was. I was single. I didn't get the job.

Another time when I was trying to earn extra cash to go abroad, I applied for a part time job in a craptacular clothes store in Paisley. I never got to the interview stage at all, as I was told that the staff were "tired of getting applications".

I don't really think you should be that picky when all you're looking for is a 6 month register-monkey.
(the_fracturedpope, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:51, Reply)

youth work job
interview with people I'd worked with for about a year and a half. They suddenly, for the interview, descended into a bizarre language understood only by a certain type of youth worker (ie the crap ones who can't relate to kids). I spent the entire interview asking them what they meant.

I'm glad I didn't get the job, glad I tell you. I escaped a life of red tape and beaurocracy in the name of youth work.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:43, Reply)

Run Away!
Several years ago, when you could still get IT jobs with no experience, I went for an interview at the local cable shopping channel. The building had burned down 3 months previously and the operation was in portakabins. Interviewed by the IT director and the HR manager. Job spec was the usual "do everything, do it right, and do it yesterday".

After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, the HR manager left the room, whereupon the IT guy leaned forward and whispered "I should go now, before your life follows mine down the shitter".

Five years later, I'm driving HGVs for double what they paid for an 80 hour week.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:36, Reply)

My non-PC former boss
Interviewing for software developers asked an Indian candidate 'Will you be reliable? because the last Asian we offered a job to let us down when he went home for an arranged marriage.' Cue outraged phone call next day from the agency...

In the same round of interviews he said to a somewhat chubby chap 'Because you're fat, I'm inclined to think you might be lazy.'

Off topic somewhat, one lunchtime Former Boss and I were walking down the lane where he lived. Workmen had opened the manhole over the sewer to do some maintenance. Old boss peered down the hole, turned to the workmen and said cheerfully

'My shit goes down there.'

The workmen stared at him, jaws hanging, while I shrivelled up in shame.
( Safetyfox, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:33, Reply)

The Thing
Interviewed a guy for a place on one of the training courses we run last year. A great candidate, who had previously worked with the British Antarctic Survey as an engineer at one of their polar bases, stuck there at the bottom of the world in perpetual darkness and raging blizzards for 3 months at time.

I couldn't resist asking him in the interview wether they watched videos and DVD's to while away their non-work time, and following up with asking him wether they had watched John Carpenter's 'The Thing'.

It turns out they had.

I offered him a place on the course because of that.
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, detected at, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:30, Reply)

We had a guy in for interview recently
who ordered a cup of coffee on arrival before we'd even had chance to offer. He actually interviewed very well and we decided to go with him - the cost had been agreed up-front but after we'd rung the agency to tell them, we got a call back saying that he wasn't prepared to work unless he got more money! lol! cheeky cunt. Needless to say we picked someone else.
(town, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:12, Reply)

Not me, a friend
Interviewer: 'So, I see you speak good conversational German'

Friend: (Pause)ummm, Si!

Go Trudge! I know I will have to change my login again cause you'll find it, but who gives a hoot?
(I am the infinite monkey!, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:08, Reply)

Completely Un-PC
I was going in for my second interview at this company, where i was applying to be a developer. I was meeting the IT director and the senior developer

Get to the interview and senior developer turns out to be this drop dead gorgeous portuguese lady, trim, curves in all the right places and a magnificent pair of large breasts.

Spent most the interview trying very hard not to stare. My thoughts for the interview went something like
'Dont stare, dont stare, my god they're fantastic, what was just said, dont stare, dont stare, oh my god, etc, etc'

Thankfully I was coherent enough and didnt dribble too much as they offered me the job at the end of the interview.

Couple of extra things
First day of this job, the IT director asked to me to tell him about Georgina. She was a lady who lived in the same village as him and he'd seen me cavorting with at some party will i was completely pissed

The nice portuguese lady became my boss, but i never did manage to get my 'shagging the boss' badge
(loquis, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:03, Reply)

Donkeys
My two favourite experiences from interviewing programmers;

1. Bloke that turned up an hour early claiming he misjudged the distance. fair cop, you'd think, apart from the fact he only lived about 800-yards from the office...

2. Thick-as-shit "technical" director asked an experienced financial accounts programmer to explain the difference between a 'General' and 'Nominal' ledger. The candidate just stared at him and said, "Er... about 2000 miles?". The TechDir had no idea why I burst out laughing... (*)


* If you don't find this funny - They're the same thing - Americans call it 'general ledger' and we in the UK tend to call it 'nominal ledger', only the TechDir was too thick to understand - he honestly thought they were different...
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:01, Reply)

Wine, Women, Song and Tumbleweed.
As I have an incredibly important interview this afternoon I'm finding this page incredibly useful. I now have no excuse for humiliating myself, though it does bring back painful memories of my Playstation 2 Magazine interview.

I was just out of University and had, after writing some sample reviews, been invited to an interview in Bath. The prospect of spending my professional life playing games and then writing about them was, unsurprisingly, something that rather appealed to me. The night before the interview I went out for 'a couple of pints' to calm my nerves. In retrospect, this was a mistake.

I woke up with a hangover that was as hideous as any I've had before or since. I missed my planned train to London, almost burst into tears on the underground, got on the wrong train at Paddington, had to wait at Reading for a new train to Bath, vomited on the train to Bath, sweated Stella for the entire journey and then arrived an hour late claiming that 'the trains had let me down.'

When I eventually heaved my pale, shuddering, vomit specked body up the stairs and into the interview room I proceeded to make an utter fool of myself by forgetting everything I knew about Playstations. The editor tried to throw me a rope, but all I managed to do was hang myself with it. My finest moments included telling him that my favourite kind of game was, "something strategic' and that my favourite game was something that had never been released on a Playstation.

But I saved the coup de grace for the final five minutes. On being asked the, by now all too obvious to everyone, question , "What are your major weaknesses," I perked up slightly and leered, "Wine, Women and Song!"

The silence was deafening.


(I simply refuse to apologise for my length)
(Slipperduke, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:52, Reply)

My worst job interview
the one that got me the job with my current employer. Why am I here? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH I HATE THIS CUNTING PLACE!!!!
(ray bentos, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:51, Reply)

New York called
I had a very unexpected interview over the phone I had a hangover from hell and to make matters worse the guy interviewing me was in New York and I was in the UK so I had to cope with a bad line, and US interview Jargon eg: Resume instead of C.V. not surprisingly I didn't get the job.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:46, Reply)

Poor interview
At my last interview the chap who would have been my boss had the habit of asking a question and then butting in part way through my answer to give his own answer, or worse, repeat what i'd just said.

He didn't seem too impressed when I said I couldn't work for someone who couldn't be arsed to listen to anyone else.
(bigk, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:44, Reply)

first telephone interview
1. questions included but were not limited to:
- what do you feel are the benefits of sport?
- what do you feel are the benefits of sport to the individual?
- what do you feel are the benefits of sport to the community?
yes, those are exactly the same question, to which I gave exactly the same answer each time. i answered each one and became more amazed each time when the next question was exactly the same as the last one. my answers consisted of various bollocks about how sport brings different religions and cultures together and how this was especially evident in my homeland of, ahem..., Northern Ireland, it being the paradise that it is, and hoping against hope she did not know about the whole Rangers/Celtic thing.

2. the Dutch girl on the other end of the phone obviously couldn't understand my No'rn Irish accent most of the time. but she didn't want to admit to it.

3. and then came the best bit. at the end of the interview she decided to check my qualifications:
her: so what is your doctorate in exactly?
me: er, i'm still in second year of my undergraduate course.
her: eh? you do realise for the advertised research position you are required to have a doctorate in an engineering subject?
me: yes, i am aware of that. however, i'm applying for your work placement scheme.
her: oh. ... (extended pause) ... thank you for your time, MBar. Goodbye.
/ puts phone down.
me: Jesus watermeloning Christ. well, thats (large well known oil company) off my list of people to apply to next time round then.
( MBar And now back to your regularily scheduled lurking., Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:40, Reply)

Interviewee
Had one guy who hadnt bothered to find out where the company actually was, got lost on the way from the train station and i had to go pick him up. All through the interview he acted as an arrogant tosser, funnily enough he didnt get the job
(loquis, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:39, Reply)

I've got quite a few
1) While in an interview for a small software development firm, I was asked if I had any questions. I asked "What sort of software do you develop?" (the company was very secretive). The interviewer responded "I couldn't possibly tell you that, its a trade secret". I quickly realised I didn't want to work there, I don't like companies with delusions of grandeur.

2) I was interviewing someone for a labouring ACE (Old NI versions of what is now New Deal) job at a charity I was on the committee of. The candidate wouldn't answer my questons, but kept saying "are you giving me the job or am I going to beat yer face in". Thinking he was trying to avoid getting the job, I told the DSS. Later I met him in a pub and he was really pissed off, aparently he really did want the job, but had a funny way of trying to get it.

3) I once applied for a job a few years back, where the interviewer walked in to the room with his leg in a cast. He told he was run over by a bus, but it would take more than that to keep him off work. Clearly his painkillers were sending him loopy, his eyes were glazed over and he kept nodding off. He also asked me "Do you like that Fergie, nice mi**ge?".

4) I don't like silly job application processes, those being the ones where you are asked odd questions and asked to do silly tasks becasuse the recruiter is trying to be clever. I applied for a graduate job with a well known blue chip firm. When I was asked to attend the assesment centre, I expected lots of psychometric tests and tough interviews. Nope, what I got was loads of Fisher Price toys and pusszles to play with. I lasted about an hour before going to the office where I found out we were being watched through a two-way mirror. I told them what I though of their process with the line "I'm 27 and I have some fucking pride, take your fucking Fisher Price shit and shove it up your fucking arse" and then I left.
(Grundie, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:38, Reply)

Well, there was this one time...
There were two companies, let's call them X and Y.

Company X was a small, efficiently run with highly competent people working for them.

Company Y was staffed by pig-ignorant morons with the social skills of a dead warthog and management who couldn't find their own arses with a map, both hands and a compass.

After many months of trying, a position came up at company X and I applied and attended the interview.

Nice offices, offered a cup of tea and the usual routine of questioning begins. This all goes well and the HR bod is called in for the final part.

HR bod: "So, what do you feel you can offer company Y?"

Me: "Er...Isn't this company X?"

HR: "Only for the next week or so, that's why we're recruiting - for when everyone cashes in their shares and leaves."

Me: (Stunned silence) "I wouldn't work for company Y if my own mother was starving and I needed the job to buy food. I would rather staple my tounge to the bumper of a car and be dragged naked across a field of broken glass. Good day to you."
( doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:33, Reply)

Job Interview Karma
Just today I was chatting to a work colleague about job rejection karma.

I was saying how sweet it was that every company who rejected me has now closed down (I was a dot.com casualty) and the execs are now doing our photocopying...

Anyway, my team at my "proper job" is in a position to spend several million dollars to

a) recruit people
b) sort out some online capability

The people in

a) recruitment and
b) online biz

that previously told me I was "over qualified" or "inexperienced" or "thinking you are better than you are" are now begging for my business

Loving it. I have been woo'd with lunches, sporting events, opera and so forth.

Then I tell them they are "underqualified"

Lovely, lovely karma...
( Strangey is present at, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:21, Reply)

A TEST interview
Whilst studying on an I.T course, for some reason i was forced to attend a mock interview.
This was strange, as it was the interviewers who were being tested by a panel... Thus giving me an easy break.

So i attended and proceeded to make their jobs hell.

I entered the room with a limp. They offered me a seat which i denied. I told them i had a metal strut on my spine which couldn't allow me to sit down.

I had the advantage, I am quite tall and was towering over them as I leaned on the table.

Every question they threw at me was answered with either a pause, a cough or 'i don't know'...

The final question "Have you any questions?", I asked them if they could phone me a taxi.
Bless 'em they did.

I got £40 for attending! Jackpot.
(Kayozz, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:19, Reply)

Job interviews
Back in the day when I was a fresh faced Computer Science graduate I must have gone on about 10 interviews before landing the job I am currently trying to get out of. Anyway, I remember travelling to Glasgow to be interviewed by one of the big London banks. The guy introduced himself as a Systems support manager, and whilst I didn't really like the guy very much, we chatted away quite happily, until he asked me what type of work I prefer, to which I replied that I prefer development work rather than support work, because I find plugging in wires all day extremely tedious and simple. To which he replied rather tersily "So you think my job is simple and tedious?"

Cue some hasty backpeddling. I didn't get the job, funnily enough.

I did discover after I accepted my job that turning down subsequent offers and interviews was a lot of fun, especially if you reply in HR speak, saying that, whilst your company has many positive aspects, I don't think you quite reach my strict employer standards etc.

And, oh, just one more thing, if you are an interviewer, here is a handy tip: Don't interview people by telephone unless you want to give the impression that your company is an unprofessional outfit of tightwads who won't pay a £10 taxi fare to see candidates in person.
(KidMoe, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:08, Reply)

Favourite not- even- getting- an- interview
Best application form: a FOAF who was determined not to be gainfully employed (in the days when being on the dole was profitable, easy and fun, kids). He persistently listed his ethnic origin as 'honky'
(clapper, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:05, Reply)

As an interviewer...
... my favourites have been:

1) Me: "it says here [on the CV]that you consider yourself assertive. Can you give me an example of when you've shown this?"

Potential beatch "nope"

Me "So why have you put it down then?"

PB "Well, you have to put that these days don't you..."

2) Me "You've put gardening as one of your hobbies. What's your garden like?"

PB "Oh, I don't have a garden" (though she did have an incredibly short skirt which was a bit disconcerting, though as I am a lady I wasn't really impressed)

3) Me "What do you do when you have a difficult customer?"

PB "I tell them it's not my fault, I'm only a temp"

And my all time favourite, the lovely young chap who interviewed superbly, came across as intelligent, open, entusiastic and friendly with excellent references. Unfortunately he appeared to have some kind of mental health episode within an hour of entering our office on his first day. The team were worried as he did not know how to use a mouse and mouthed strange nothings out of the window when approached. I had to sack him (after the agency had told him not to turn up and he did)- it took half an hour, whereupon he tried to discuss Buddhism, death, and at one point said "Oh how rude of me- I haven't offered you a cup of tea".

It was at the point where he sprinted up to my office, switched on the PC, and started to work 'as normal' that we called security.

Hatstand.
(clapper, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:03, Reply)

Mike Literis
Are you sure it was your friend that invented that joke and not Spike Milligan c.1950?!
(Black Sheep, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 12:52, Reply)

Mcdonalds
My friend matt remains the only person in history to NOT get a job with mcdonalds.

Interview went well, got to the "have you any questions for us" bit. Que reponse: "Yes. Whats the minimum number of hours I can get away with?"

Genius.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 12:39, Reply)