I had an amazing holiday in the Dominican Republic last year.
I did snorkelling and kayaking in the ocean, went through the jungle in a big 8-wheel truck, horse riding, galloping through fields and rivers, learned how they make coffee and chocolate right from the bean and drank rum and coconut milk by pouring the rum directly into the coconut!

Lego also existed at the time.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 10:24, 7 replies)

For the love of God, Montresor!
*fits last Lego brick into place*
( .Yeti., Mon 28 Oct 2013, 10:20, 1 reply)

I once stood on a piece whilst bending over and kneed myself in the face.
apologies for length
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 9:34, 5 replies)

Bitches, please.
[Mod edit] huge picture of a medium sized lego model with a zero-sized relevance to the question. Clue is things *you* have done
Suffice to say, not mine.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Mon 28 Oct 2013, 9:30, 20 replies)

I heard that b3ta user...
..Nameless once built himself a new bumhole out of lego.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 27 Oct 2013, 18:17, 33 replies)

1 Corinthians 13:11

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 27 Oct 2013, 18:09, 9 replies)

cat piss trumps nail varnish remover
My brother and I used to annoy my sister in so many ways. When we were around 9 and 11 years old it was chewing on bits of lego while we built majestic towers and space stations out of those multi-coloured blocks of addiction. The chewiest lego block was the flat 8 x 1 beam; just long enough to simultaneously allow a good amount of chewage and to mostly nullify the threat of choking.

Sis decided to coat as many of the 8 x 1 beams in a substance to render these pieces unpalatable. She never owned up to doing it, but it was clear they were tampered with in some way. The time it must have taken her to fulfil her dastardly task was inconcievable; in fact I have suspected mother was in on it as well.

Anyway, at first the substance had the desired effect, the 'chewies' were discarded, but to my sister's eternal chagrain I developed an acquired taste for the doctored lego. My brother followed soon after and the look on my sister's face as we both happily chewed away on our 8 x 1 beams was priceless.

A few weeks later I got home after playing football to see my brother playing with our lego. 'Sis has messed with the lego again' said my brother with an 8 x 1 poking out of his mouth. It was then that I noticed that the lego was glistening a little. I moved closer to the large chest of lego, breathed in and promptly informed my bro that the cat had pissed in the lego chest.

I would like to say that stopped us chewing lego. It didn't.
(mersault, Sun 27 Oct 2013, 18:04, Reply)

(8=))I< Sexeh.


(SSSSSSSSSS, Sun 27 Oct 2013, 8:43, 5 replies)

What ever you do, don't wash 'em.
And if you do. Dry them, piece by piece.

I had a housemate at one time named Leonard. Much like myself and probably many of you, Leonard had spent much of his twenties studying and working and living in shared houses.
As most of you may remember - these shared abodes often had kitchens that were eclipsed in their size only by the broom closet.
Which often meant that washing the dishes was a cramped and uncomfortable affair frequently involving more than 1 person. Usually one person washing and at least another grabbing cutlery/crockery off the draining board and hurriedly drying it and putting it away in order to provide more room for the washer to place items.

That's if you could be fucked doing the dishes and didn't simply throw the mounting pile of dirty dishes in the bin to be replaced by some from the local op-shop the following day. Charity begins at home, right?

Well having got married and with his missus growing a genetic composite of the two of them in her womb, Leonard moved into a house with - luxuries of luxuries - a dishwasher!
Around this time Leonard also inherited from his parents his older brothers Lego collection. Amongst many other things that the family had been hoarding over the years and of course with Leonard being the youngest and last to 'move out' - he got dumped with all the left-over detritus.
Leo of course (not quite being a new parent, yet) thought that the Lego would be great for his young son (or daughter) to play with once they were born.
Once his missus and quite a few other people had explained to him just how dangerous Lego could be to a newborn, the issue was also raised that the Lego would have to be cleaned anyway before it was given to a child.
Leonard struck upon an idea!
Why not wash the 3 rectangular lego brick buckets full of Lego in his newly acquired dishwasher?
Which he did.
Dousing them in Miltons and using a "you-beaut" new dishwasher tablet.
On the Pot setting.

Then he chucked them all in a pillow case to dry them, threw them into his shed and promptly forgot about them as he went about learning how to be a new dad.

A few years later he found them. As he picked up the pillow case the bottom fell away and he was left picking up hundreds of mouldy Lego pieces. This was a thick grey-green mould coating most of the pieces that appeared to have grown to the point of almost reaching sentience. Yet Leonard wasn't perturbed.
In this time his families' finances had improved somewhat and altho they were still living in the same place they had replaced much of their whitegoods - including their old dishwasher for a brand new, top of the wozz "Miele" dishwasher.
Despite the strong smell from the Lego, Leo remembered what a good job the last dishwasher had done. And he chucked all of the manky, mouldy Lego into his brand, spanking, new dishwasher.

Despite their attempts (both commercial and old skool - like bicarb, lemon juice etc.) Leonard and his missus never quite got rid of the smell of the mouldy Lego bricks from their dishwasher.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sun 27 Oct 2013, 8:22, 11 replies)

Tell me about your kids playing with toys so I can knock one out.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 27 Oct 2013, 0:25, 8 replies)

My dad recently sold his house
and before he handed the keys over he asked me to clear all of my junk out of the loft.
There was a lot of it; dozens upon dozens of books, a working Megadrive with 20-odd games, old issues of FHM in surprisingly unwanky condition, CDs, cassette tapes, a minidisk player, old school projects and, to get back on topic, a pretty big box of Lego Technic. 1x1x2 feet, full to the brim.
A tiny voice at the back of my mind said "Kerching! There's probably a couple of hundred quids worth there!", but sadly the tiny voice didn't point out that it would be a pretty big operation to get it into a sellable condition.
Thus what I thought would be a couple of hours works ended up stretching over several days, as I sorted it into colour-coded beams and panels. There were bowls of gears and axles all over the living room, a coffee table full of tiny pieces that would go missing if I left them on the floor, a completed test car, a half completed black hawk plane and a general feeling of "I wish I hadn't fucking started this".
About four days into the carnage the wife finally pipes up (yes I'm married, it could happen to you too one day if you stop trolling on internet forums and go out into the big wide world):
"I hope you finish sorting all of this out soon..."
"I know, I'm sorry" I reply, "this is all taking longer than"-
"...because I want to build a digger..."

She's a keeper.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 17:01, Reply)

Like other B3tans, I too played with Lego as a child...
But the most fun I had was when i used it to wage psychological warfare on my younger brother (I believe he was 5 or 6 at the time).
I used Lego to construct a gallows to the same scale as my brother's favorite GI Joe figure and left it set up in a macabre scene upon his bedroom floor.
Upon a similar vein. On a separate occasion I rigged the same GI Joe figure to drop down to his eye level with a noose around its neck...I had carefully attached a suicide note to the figure, blaming my brother's 'general stench' for the decision to take its own life. That one didn't involve Lego though, so it doesn't count.
(Squidlipps Anyway, so how's your sex life on, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 14:51, 2 replies)

When I was a kid, one of the families with whom we were friendly had 2 sons, 1 a year older, 1 a year younger than I was
I'd known them since I was 2, but when I got to be about 10/11 suddenly the older one seemed a bit more... Interesting. He was a tall lad with those floppy blond curtains that everyone misguidedly sported at that age, and very blue eyes. I wasn't quite sure what a crush was, but I knew something was a bit exciting.

So they came to stay, and my new found butterflies were doused a bit as he was too scared to watch the face melting bit in Indiana jones. But overall, still an older man, still nice looking. My butterflies were still flapping a bit.

Until the next morning. Bored as it was raining, my brother and the younger boy were playing with Lego. The Crush and I drifted along to join in. At first we feigned disinterest, but soon we were all snapping stuff together. Then a fight broke out. My younger brother wanted a wheel that the Crush had annexed for his construction. In the fight, the construction got broken into smithereens. I waited for the manly man to beat the shit out of my annoying little brother, or to generally assert his cool smouldering machismo.

Instead... He didn't exactly cry, but he snivelled. And scowled. And finally whined, "but it's my post mobiiiiiiile."

The butterflies died then and there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 14:43, 6 replies)

Worst. QOTW. evah.
I made a Lego duck and put it up my arse.
(SSSSSSSSSS, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 14:17, 2 replies)

When I was young, I chose to use all my leftover pieces to wage war on reality with my Psychedelic Battleship

(retroboy, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 13:48, 4 replies)

lego robot wars
My kids having lego was basically a chance for me to play with the stuff too. One of our favourite games was lego robot wars. We'd build lego robots and basically smash them into each other. The rule was that the wheels had to stay on the ground and it had to be used realistically - ie if something breaks off you have to use the robot accordingly and the various weapons etc had to work according to normal physics. It led to a few skinned knuckles, broken lego bits and arguments but it was well worth it!
(teasus likes tea, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 12:35, 1 reply)

very old pukey lego
My kids loved lego, as did I. Now I'd had a fairly deprived childhood and didn't have any to hand on to the kids but their ma, on the other hand, had had wealthy parents who had bought loads of the stuff. So suddenly my kids had a veritable mountain of rather old lego, with all sorts of funky technic stuff.
The only problem was that it smelled, well, of puke basically. It turned out that when he was 4 the kid's uncle had puked directly into the big box of lego.

They'd attempted to clean it but it still smelled bad, nigh on 25 years later. I washed it all up with the aid of a toothbrush and it was fine. I was gutted to hear that not long after we split, my ex charity shopped the lot of it, along with the fairly large amount we'd bought since... I mean my youngest was 13 by then but surely you can't really grow out of lego? I know I haven't!
(teasus likes tea, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 12:34, 1 reply)

Anyone that ever played with Lego and replied to this QOTW
Your parents were cunts they should have bought you meccano.

If you had both. Kill yourself
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 9:59, 2 replies)

This weeks lesson kids...
Don't make incredibly shite suggestions for QOTW. Or they may come true.
(searlichek, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 9:50, 1 reply)

Whoever decided this was a good subject is a fucking idiot and probably a nonce.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 9:34, 4 replies)

I once made some mixtapes out of lego and then stored them in my shed.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 9:28, 1 reply)

As a 33 year old man, I left Lego behind over 20 years ago.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 9:23, 2 replies)

I used to make sheds out of lego

( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 8:42, 1 reply)

Something about LEGO...
And children and cunts.
Also LEGO now do kits which allow you to recreate familiar Memes city.lego.com/en-gb/products/coast-guard/60013
(The_Crund, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 3:51, 1 reply)

It's not so much that lego is for kids (which it is)
Just that it's suited to an image board or possibly a video board.

Nobody wants to read stories about lego.
( Zuowan, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 2:27, 31 replies)

Treddle
My mates mum had an old treddle sewing machine - without the sewing machine bit. That left a treddle, wheel (about 24 inch diameter) and table.
The size of a lego wheel is about 10mm therefore the gearing is about.. erm... twelvety to one...ish if you connect them with a bit of string.
We built and connected ever more elaborate windmills and rotating stuff from the treddle to the lego which, with energetic treddling, would spin at fckin HUGE revolutions.
Lego is tough. Tougher than the ceiling - pockmarked - and certainly my forehead which took the full force of an exploding 'thing' as the centrifugal forces beat the grippines of a flat 4 or 10 or whatever... it was a long time ago. I have scars.

Ah well... less painful than sticking it up yer arse.

Lego still has blood stains.
(HildaOgdensdogsdead DILLIGAF. Well?? Do I??, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 0:56, 2 replies)

Where's yer LEGO?
Underneath yer HIPO and above yer FOOTO
What?
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 23:02, 1 reply)

Dear Jim,
Please could you fix it for me and my brother to build a life-sized Lego man out of Lego bricks?

Love,

Brian
Aged 7


At the time, I was quite disappointed my letter didn't get used. In retrospect, not so much.

Still want to build a life-sized Lego man, though.
( le brian, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 17:19, Reply)

Who'd ya wanna call?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24490331
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 17:03, 1 reply)

Somewhat put off by the cost of real dolls
I decided that I would construct one from Lego. I used faint white bricks for the body and face, yellow bricks for the hair and red bricks for the inner parts and nipples. She really was a sight to behold, although the lack of bricks meant she was only four feet tall.

Having watched Pinocchio during the project for inspiration, that night I wished on a shooting star that she would come to life. She did, but at a price. She was effectively a sex toy made from Lego and was into some rather strange things. Eventually she decided that a different lifestyle was in order and used the Lego that I had created her breasts with to create herself a penis and balls.

He also found a group of other small people who shared similar lifestyle interests, took up archery and would often head out for weeks at a time, expressing his intentions of "having his ring destroyed" to me.

I really do regret building that Lego lass.
( Muns, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 16:36, 6 replies)