Saucy!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 31 Oct 2013, 12:22, Reply)

go home, dad. you're drunk.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 31 Oct 2013, 11:56, 2 replies)

No.
I don't think so.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 31 Oct 2013, 11:53, Reply)

last.
please?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 31 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)

Separated at birth?

Maffers.


Some Lego.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 31 Oct 2013, 7:56, 1 reply)

Of course Lego to me is a metaphor for HIV

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 22:52, 7 replies)

They say that psychopaths start by torturing bugs
And this is how my brother started out. Aged about 11, he built a Lego gas chamber. On the outside it looked like a normal police station. On the inside however the cells area had been expanded to comprise a large "shower" area, about 6"x8" and 6" high. 3 of the walls were made of the Lego windows. Facing into the chamber was a viewing gallery filled with Lego people.

Creepy enough so far? The difference between this Lego model and most other Lego models was that this one was real. It was actually used for a purpose. He used it to terminate bugs, flies, spiders and even a field mouse.

The 4th wall was where the magic happened. It contained shower heads that were plumbed-in to the technic pneumatic system. At the heart of it was a magazine in which was loaded the household chemical aerosol of choice. Fly spray, bug killer and various insecticides. The pipes would connect straight to the nozzle of the can (sans button thing) and it was sprayed using a leaver that collared the pipe and nozzle with a technic piece. The live subjects would be caught and placed into a separate Lego box that connected to the chamber via a little walk way. he would open the door from the outside and the subject would walk or fly through. Door closed, leaver thrown he would watch it die. He even gave orders in a German accent.

He's 27 now, and currently sectioned.
(sunray18, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 20:16, 24 replies)

You know that scene in American Pie right, well that, but with a Lego fanny

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 19:29, 3 replies)

Has anybody mentioned Maffers' massive Lego-shaped head yet?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)

Hamster Car !
My brother and I built a jeep-like device out of Lego Technics with a bit, square, airy cabin on top. The front section of the floor of the cabin was hinged centrally and downrods from each edge engaged the steering mechanism through gears to give a degree of steering by walking around. Over the hinged steering-floor and also the rear of the cabin were strips of cardboard with tinfoil glued within as electrical contactors.

Two relays interfaced these to the motor so if the hamster was facing forward, the vehicle moved forward, if it backed up the cabin or turned around it pressed the other switch and the vehicle reversed. Moving to either side of the cabin would steer the hamster jeep in that direction

In theory the hamster could drive the jeep in any direction merely by moving to the window on that side or corner of the cabin and looking out.

Little furry bastard paid no attention to his driving lessons and would dash from side to side causing it to click loudly and go nowhere (very low geared so as not to be too much of a handfull for little hamish to handle)

then he had a poo in the contactor and we gave up.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 17:02, Reply)

Lego
When I was a teen, and like all randy teenage boys, all I could think about was losing my virginity to a girl (any girl would do), there was an drink by the name of "Blackberry Nip" - which had the nickname of "lego"... because allegedly if you gave a girl a nip or 10 of "lego"... she would lose control of her legs, and they would magically open.

never worked for me, fkuc it.
(Maclir, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:56, 3 replies)

I once slept with a girl who was obsessed with lego.
It's all she shouted as I dragged her into the bushes.
( Muns, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:46, Reply)

I used to boil it and eat it
www.youtube.com/watch?v=u61IlV9Z0HA
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:24, Reply)

Might as well jump (JUMP!)
Go ahead and jump (JUMP)!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:58, Reply)

In 1997 lego made a special edition lego that was made using real legs.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:31, Reply)

during the brief window when my brother was into lego and i didn't think it was too babyish, we used to build things together
but after a while we noticed that all the little men were disappearing. only when my parents had the playroom decorated did we find them behind a bookshelf. weird. how on earth did they migrate there?

it was months later when we caught the budgie eloping with them. left alone and loose in the playroom, it would swoop down and fly off with them to a picture that it liked to sit on, above the bookshelf. then when it got bored, it was callously dropping them.

we also used to build it cars and rollerskates out of lego, but it never did get the hang of that, and mostly just squawked at them or occasionally shat on them to show its disdain.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 14:31, 2 replies)

I had a gerbil when I was a kid
I made it a little lego car to go in its cage, complete with wheels with rubber tyres on.

It ate the tyres.

It died.

:'(
( spesh., Wed 30 Oct 2013, 11:08, 2 replies)

Lego
I must admit to being a bit addicted to Lego during my teenage years. I even took on a shitty washer upper job in a nearby restaurant to fund my shocking habit. In the end I had quite a collection that would bring me hours of joy.

I can remember clearly the hazy summer days spent slaving away putting dishes in the gigantic washer, anticipating the end of day when I got paid my paltry £5.50 (this was before minimum wage).

I'd rush to the nearest shop and spend ages appreciating any new stock and weighing up my options. With stealth and practised precision I would quickly buy my prized possession and run home with haste.

Finally, in the solitude of my bedroom and with my newly acquired Lego I would wank myself blind.

No, hang on, not Lego. The other one. Porn mags.
(plant rolls out of bed like a fat wobbly tub of lard, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 8:45, 6 replies)

I just got a new shed.
Who wants to help me build it? Possible knee-trembler round the back when it's finished.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 8:37, 2 replies)

lego cake

[Mod Edit: It's lovely, but you didn't make it, did you?]

Whilst you're here busy editing, kind Mod.
Maybe you could remove my surname from Albert's post below - I realise my posting a picture is the far greater transgression but if you could find the time to do as I've asked as I vaguely remember it is against the rules. Or something.

USER EDIT: I am also wondering why I'm being singled out for posting stuff that isn't mine - it's not like that's a unique behaviour here is it?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 2:51, 6 replies)

Has anyone mentioned my head yet?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 23:53, 3 replies)

Then they came for the red four squares,
and I didn't speak out because I didn't need any red four squares.

Then they came for the two four blues,
and I didn't speak out because I didn't need any two four blues.

Then they came for the red roof tile pieces, and I didn't need them either, so it all worked out rather well really.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 23:52, 1 reply)

I have created a shoe made out of Lego
So when you step on it it doesn't hurt, you just get taller.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 22:23, 4 replies)

lego is shit

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 21:08, Reply)

Don't blame me for this QOTW please; I only suggested it to point out what a cunt Emvee is.


(Battered) with a stupid fucking Halloween username.



( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 20:46, 4 replies)

Oh, no! Not again!
b3ta.com/questions/lego/post2134572

I had no mates when I was a nipper.

So I did as many teenagers did and invented an imaginary friend. Trouble was, I don't have much imagination, so my imaginary mate was also called Rob. Can you imagine the confusion? Ma would call out 'Rob, get your fat ass out here now!' and I'd reply, 'Sure thing ma!' and then two seconds later I'd say, 'Sure thing ma!' again, in exactly the same voice. Jeez I had some fun as a little blighter!

Ma hated the other Rob almost as much as she hated me. Even took me to some fancy doctor once to try and see why a 19yr old still had an imaginary friend, the doc didn't do much - but he did say he'd be ma's second signature if she wanted to have me sectioned, but more about another time eh!

Anyhoo, back to the old Lego story! So this one time, I'd spent weeks building a mega-fort using all 20 of my Lego bricks. It took me fucking ages to get it to stand up, until one of ma's mates explained that the bobbly bits go inside the other bricks and that then they'd stay together. That guy was some kind of magician!

So anyhoo, I'd built my megafort and was standing inside it, me and Rob defending it from any possible attackers. I had my plastic pirate sword in my belt and was wearing the police helmet Uncle Jay got me for me 18th birthday. Nobody was getting into MY fort. For about 6hrs me and Rob steadfastly defended Fort Fairholme, even managing to ignore ma's cries of, 'Can't you bloody well do that inside and not on the front lawn?'

But soon I was desperate! Boy, I needed a piss! But I couldn't leave the fort - and the other Rob was too weak to defend it by himself. So, as true soldier and defender of Fort Fairholme, I didn't leave my post. I pulled down me kecks, grabbed my greasy cock and pissed away! I made a perfect moat for my fort! A foul smelling piss-full moat! Now no one would come near us!

But bloody ma appeared. 'Rob!' She yelled. 'Yes' I answered, quickly followed by another 'Yes' from the other Rob. 'Put it away and LET GO OF IT NOW! She screamed. Thing is, I thought she was talking about the LEGO! You know, cos she said 'Let Go' and it kinda sounded like 'Lego' - if you see what I mean.

'Never!' I shouted to the heavens. 'I will NEVER let go. I will never surrender Fort Fairholme!'

Well, cut a long story short, turns out ma was telling me to let go of my greasy cock, not the lego! And by that evening she'd called the fancy doc and me and the other Rob were off to a 'special holiday camp'. But the joke was on ma...as the holiday camp had 1000's of Lego pieces to play with! Well, 1000's of Lego pieces that the other Rob could play with, I found it kinda hard playing with my hands tied and stretched out behind my back in my 'special holiday jacket'.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 20:37, Reply)

This is my lego.
There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My lego is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my lego is useless. Without my lego, I am useless. I must fire my lego true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my lego and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 18:40, 4 replies)

So where are all the fit ones?
Every one I've ever seen has been rough as fuck.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 18:33, 5 replies)