I think it's dreadfully unfair
to mock schizophrenics and the retarded. There's nothing wrong with wearing underpants in town, and I like throwing bread to cars - to me they are my pigeon brothers.

I live in Dorset. There's something not quite right about outsiders.
(It doesn't always sting when you piSSSS., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:39, Reply)

Anyone from Reading
must know Elvis. Also rumoured to have won the pools or something.

Why is it that so many of these nutters are said to be minted? And if they are, why not go to the south of France and be nuts in comfort?
(he who walks, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:37, Reply)

quite tragic really
young lady, a smack addict (inner west train line of Sydney) carrying an aged/yellowing polaroid of an infant

and i quote

"change for the baby"

sunken dead eyes, an animated corpse.

breaks your heart.
(eestison, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:31, Reply)

More Manchester
Yesterday I provided details of "Marc Bolan" and the Market Street Mincer as well as a list of Galaxy 102's top nutters.

I've just remembered some more.

There is a Stagecoach bus driver who during the summer likes to go down to the large beer garden near a couple of the pubs off Exchange Square (Old Wellington, Sinclairs) and serenade people with a tambourine and a child's plastic microphone. We're not talking quality music here, imagine a bright green plastic microphone, a song book, and a set of offensive lyrics about the people around him. From a huge black guy who has just got off from working on the buses. I quite like him actually, he's harmless and just up for fun.

Then there is the pregnant man. Not seen for a while, but definitely about between Manchester and Stockport on the buses and trains - a 30-40 year old man dressed as a pregnant woman wearing a headscarf, bad makeup, glasses, quite often some stubble, ancient charity shop dresses and who "accidentally" drops things and requires assistance from nearby male passengers. I've been hassled by this guy three times in the last 4 years. This is not the same as "pregnant tits" woman - a black woman whose breasts are so large at first you think she's pregant or perhaps overweight, then realise... they are her breasts... down there... she isn't mad, but everybody in town seems to have seen her at some point. She should get medical help before her back breaks.

There has been a big uprise recently in religious nutters as well. Piccadilly Gardens and Market Street are big areas for evangelists on a Saturday afternoon these days, fighting with Bolan and the guy with the busker with the amp and tape recorder for business. Last year there was a Buddhist in full orange robes mucking around down there too - my favourite was the guy handing out cards as if they were free, then chasing after you demanding payment for them.

Then there are the usual drunks: the little, short, old guy who is drunk at 8am and hangs around Manchester Metropolitan University and sometimes UMIST, often swearing at people or mimicing their walk when they go by; the guy who goes around the pubs trying to sell his "last" Big Issue but when you give him a quid he asks if he can keep it anyway; the moping drinker who can be seen looking miserable in bars around the South City Centre, always on his own, always depressed, sometimes talking to himself. They're all here.

Great city this. :-)
(The Mad Mr Wiggy, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:22, Reply)

More Bristol loopers
When I was at school there was a fantastic old duffer who would shout at and 'direct' the traffic. We thought he'd reached his peak when he ran into the traffic and started kicking the wheel of the lorry. But this was topped the next week when he brought a bag of Mother's Pride and started throwing bread to the cars and cooing. As if they were pigeons.
(clapper, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:21, Reply)

ipswich
has its fair share of nutters. some point to the proximity of sizewell b down the coast, but what can you really expect from a town in the county they call the 'devils kitchen'...

anyway

trev. old chap. i used to see him every day in the cornhill in ipswich - always immaculatly dressed in black overcoat, suit, bow tie and trilby. quite a short bloke tho and harmless.

he used to wander around muttering the same words - 'pigeons pigeons - my wife - pigeons'

legend had it that he was a Millionare hermit living in a big house somewhere who went mad after his wife died.

sad really.
(magictorch, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:17, Reply)

Nutters galore
I used to live in scarborough and i can tell you it's the nutter captial of the world.
When i'd visit my parents in York,there was always and i mean always some weirdo waiting on the station platform when I went back.
One time there was this bloke/bird (couldn't tell) just stared at me with a massive grin on it's face all the way back there.
When i got off the train there was this bloke just sat in the middle of the road rocking with traffic speeding past him.
Finally the only time my brother comes to visit we have to take a detour home because some nutter was trying to throw themself of the bridge we had to cross.
Welcome to fucking Scarborough.
This is all in a small town of 250K- 90% freak 10% Chav.
edit. There's also the woman in my old local who just sits and argues with herself, "YOU WERE ALWAYS NASTY TO HIM AND NOW HE'S DEAD!!!" ect... Good way to ruin a sunday lunch.
(I've done it so many times it's boring now..., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:12, Reply)

Running Man... Huddersfield
There is abloke... (Was?) with shite hair, a slight huncyness to his back, and a pair of completely shot white running shoes.

In his light grey slacks, glasses, and chequered shirt (with collar and cuffs), he can (could?) be seen running fekking EVERYWHERE around huddersfield.

It was truly amazing. I once saw him with 4 sainsbury's bags... was he walking? was he knackers!! I want to that university for 5 years, and saw him atleast twice every week.

a slightly unhinged, white-haired, slim Albert Einstein look-alike. was he Complebely Barking Hatstand? Dunno.... but he sure hit "Local Nutter" status
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:10, Reply)

There's another guy in Reading
who's pretty scary looking, he is maybe early forties, tall, skinny and pale with masses of tattoos all over, including the classic "spiders web on the face" design. Not too nuts so far you may say, lots of people have tattoos (myself included). Where it gets a bit nutty is I saw him getting onto a bus the other day, and across the back of his neck he had a fresh looking tattoo which read, and I shit you not here, "Peter Andre". Which suddenly pushed him way up the nutter rankings.
(he who walks, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:05, Reply)

Aunty Marge
My boyfriends dad's aunt is a stranger to reason still abroad on the streets. Highlights from Aunty Marge include:

1) Buying her shoes by the literal size of her feet. She has 10" feet (not a 5,6,7,etc) and goes shoe-shopping with a ruler

2) Carrying a broom about and sweeping up leaves from the street. She will leave equal piles in front of everyone's front gardens for them to clear up.

3) She once found a bag in an alley, washed it and gave it to someone as a present

4) She also gave two cousins a remote controlled car for Christmas. She gave one the car, and one the remote. They didn't even live in the same town.

And my personal favourite- she once gave another cousin a skipping rope for a present. A posh one, with bells in the handles and everything. The drawback? The recipient was in a wheelchair. She had cerebal palsy, and couldn't walk, let alone skip.

Actually I thought about this on the bus the other day and laughed out loud - which must have seemed apropos of nothing to my fellow passengers- thereby making me looking like a nutter in the eyes of others. This is the contagious nutter power of Aunty Marge

*edit- Boyfriend has just informed me that she didn't actually wash the bag before giving it to someone. Class.
(clapper, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:03, Reply)

Purple Acky!
As far as us kids were concerned, he lived in a disused railway tunnel in West Derby, Liverpool. Rumoured to have purple hair and a penchant for child-murder, we never actually saw him. Thinking about it years later, I assumed he was 'made up'. But it does appear he was an actual nutter. That's reassuring.
( dingochutney *parp*, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 11:01, Reply)

I live a few streets away
from an old peoples place, which is always a rich source for nutters. Theres one guy who constantly talks into his rolled up newspaper as if it is a mobile phone, hes also got briefcase and a shady look about him.

Another one walks the streets (and sometimes the road) prtending that hes driving bus, even stopping to pick people up on occasions. Freaky.
(d0bbo, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 10:54, Reply)

Pr0no Man! (Apologies for crappiness)
We spotted a guy with his back to the window at Borders (the bookshop). Looking over his shoulder we saw he was blatantly reading a porno. We filmed him with a digicam for a while and tapped on the window. He turned round, smiled at us and carried on reading. We tapped again and he gave us the finger, before heading for the door. Since then we've spotted him in the same place twice, quietly reading his porno.
(CaptainProfanity, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 10:48, Reply)

Damn.
You already mentioned my local nutter. Although there is also Mr Shakehandsman - the glass collector in The Lord Stanley on Camden Park Road, who shakes hands with every man that goes in there and kisses every lady who goes in there on the back of his hand. Which would be charming, if he didn't wear a digital stopwatch round his neck and have tattoos on the palms of his hands.
( 100% of Gibbon, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 10:47, Reply)

ooh, Bristol nutters...
...well, let me see.

Firstly the lovely old man in the Bearpit underpass who used to make airplane noises and spin his walking stick at people. Sticks in my mind mostly because he once lifted up my Grans skirt with the stick. He's probably dead now.

Best known is probably Pants Man. So called as he wears nothing but a pair of black leather pants with cowboy boots all year round. Add to this a wild mane of hair a la Crystal Tips and an old ladies shopping bike and you get the picture. Always to be seen about town and at Ashton Court Festival

We also have The Bride of Christ. An old lady in insane old lady make-up (loops of black eyeliner, scrawls of red lipstick) and a wedding dress. Often carrying a posy. When asked why, she answers 'I'm the Bride of Christ'

There is also the man with blue spiky fright wig hair, a long black monks habit and bare feet. Apparently with a severe heroin habit, and I haven't seen him for a while, so he may also have corked it.

And we have Sapphire who's the local transvestite, and more of a 'character' then a nutter. Mentioned only for longevity- I can remember being in the shopping centre as a child and commenting on 'that funny man' to my mum. It was Sapphire wearing leopard skin leggings and platform shoes. Sapphire, you are a screechy old excuse of a queen but I salute you for your dedication to fun fur and fake animal-print fabrics over the past 25 years.

As mentioned in the very first post, ASDA Bedminster is a rich hunting ground. I have seen:

1) The Hamster Ladies. Identical ancient twins who carry their handbags clutched to their chins with great pouchy cheeks

2) How to describe him? He has no name, but he is the very tall, elegantly tweed-clad man in his late 40's who looks like a distinguished professor, and yet has to be taken shopping by his mum where he gallops up and down the aisles like a horsey. He swears a lot too!
(clapper, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 10:31, Reply)

Re: Purple Acky
Wow, I'm glad to see Purple Acky has had such an impression on young 'uns from all over the world. I'm glad he's in prison
(Fully Goyle what?, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 10:19, Reply)

Various
Although I remember Marigold from Norwich (mentioned previously) at the moment the only one I personally have knowledge is the little old lady who (unfortunately) often takes the same bus in Leicester as me; spends the whole of every journey swearing like a trooper, usually arguing loudly but unintelligebly with her reflection in the bus window.

However, a friend of mine told me about an ex-boyfriend of hers who actually shared a house with the neighbourhood nutter (I think this was somewhere around Norfolk again)... He would shout at people for stealing something, say, an oven glove, and when they looked, the nutter had actually nailed the item to the outside of the house.Then they discovered the lady who came to see the nutter was actually his social worker, and he was on probation for multiple arson attacks.
The landlord evicted him.
The flat-mate went away for the weekend while the eviction took place and came back to find the nutter had broken into his food cupboard and inflicted multiple stab wounds on a grapefruit, and crushed his weetabix with a hammer. His comment was, "better that than my head".
( Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 10:02, Reply)

Any one from Falmouth Art College in Cornwall
around 1990 must remember the local nutter on his bike who would shout WOO HOO!!!! all the time, can't remember his name though. Any one know see profile and let me know. Cheers
(eyebrows, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 9:50, Reply)

My old stomping ground, used to be in Exeter.
Exeter has some very unusual cases.
1. A fat, bearded man who dresses in full 'Little John from Robin Hood' style outfit including green tunic, brown leggings and pointy boots. There is a huge money bag purse on long strings hanging from his belt on there used to occaisionaly be a very big sword there as well. Whether he still uses the sword, I don't know. This man does, however, know an amazing amount about guitar building and is rumoured to have once made a guitar for Elvis (He used to live in america), or so the guys in the Manson's Guitar shop told me. Unfortunately, nobody knows if this is true.

2. A fake policeman. This man used to dress in a Georgian style policemans outfit, complete with shoulder cape, and ride around on a very old, but shiny bike. He had a huge moustache and was always smiling. He once appeared in VIZ, in a 'laughing policeman' competition!

3. An old tramp, who carries about ten transistior radios and sits for, hours at a time, tuning them all into the same thing and arranging them around himself. Go figure.

A nice town, Exeter.
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 9:38, Reply)

out on the piss in Nottingham
one Wednesday night a fair few years ago, right at the beginning of the night a weird looking tramp comes up to me and my mate and says something along the lines of “I know I’m a black man but can you spare me any change” plus some more inane ranting I can’t remember. Okay, he’s clearly strange and I want rid so I gives him a quid and he fucks off.
Fast forward several hours and I’m rat-arsed. I leave the club (The Rig – fucking wank on Wednesdays) and go searching for food. No where’s ever fucking open on a Wednesday night in Nottm so I’m standing around at a bit of a loss. All of a sudden up pops strange tramp from earlier on. Now I’m a happy drunk who will profess his love to anyone and everyone and we were soon wandering the streets arm in arm like best mates. He then turns to me and asks for some change so he can get the train home. I told him I’d already given him some earlier that night. To which he said “That wasn’t me, that’s my evil twin brother. He’s always getting me in trouble”. My heart sank and I sobered up pretty damn quick, finally got rid of him by saying I was gonna get him some money from the bank and sprinted across Market Square and into the first taxi I could stop.

Ironically I spent several hours asleep on a bench outside my mates house that night, just like a tramp would.
(cerey, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 9:29, Reply)

A rather sentimental, yet disturbing one:


Between the ages of about 10 and 18, I went to school in North Hobart. There was an overpass connecting the high school and the junior school. When I started, there was already a legend about this man, who they called 'the overpass flasher'(apparently he'd flashed at a couple of girls a few years back).

He always has the exact same outfit - a ridiculous tan for the climate, no shirt, a pair of blue traksuit pants and a shopping bag. I'm now 25 and living in Brisbane, and at about 5:20 EST, on my way home from work, I see him walking down the same stretch of road every day. I'm still quite scared of him.
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 9:22, Reply)

Jules
There's a guy near me who rides the bus to Cambridge every day, and comes back stinking drunk on the last bus every night. Rumour has it he won the lottery, and spends all his money on drink and drugs.
Once he told me that if he was trapped on a mountainside he'd only hope that he had a jar of pickles with him, so that he could roll down on it to safety.
Madness.
(what_bus, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 9:18, Reply)

"Leicester Garnett"
Where I used to go to school, there was a "tramp" known as Leicester. This was a very small town in the Lakes'.

He wasn't really a nutter, but someone who'd hada hard life, lost his only love, and turned to a life of simplicity and the bottle. His bow-legged yet sturdy stance was second to none. Liecester would stare down charging bulls and make then feel rather silly. Quite remarkable.

The local church had given him the corner of thier land to live in, and had donated a garden shed for his home. He loved it dearly and named it "heartbreak hotel"

At nights, Leicester could be heard drunkenly singing Elvis classics, and on weekends he'd be dressed in tweeds and his flat cap. HE was truly a strange Fella.

The only thing that could possibly label him as a nutter was his ability to whinny like a horse with uncanny accuracy. He'd do this in the mainstreet of town, and wet himself laughing as the tourists looked around for the horse...

One of his friends died, and left him a house.
Leicester tore up the floorboards and made a table, and lots of firewood. Sadly, he died one winter, and the mainstreet was never the same again.

Incedentally.. this is the same school that employed "Dave the Photographer" (Mr Flint) who had a period of exploitation with that fat f*ck: Chris Moyles.

I would tell tales about Dave.... but Spakka comedy is only funny if it's not entirely true.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 9:00, Reply)

School Dayz
Had a chap by the name of Paul joined the school, but he only lasted one term.
During his first week, he told us all about his new kittens that had been born during the summer term.
Later on the same month, we asked if he had any photos of the new kitties, "no" he says "they are all in the freezer now"
What!?!?!? The photos are in the freezer??

"no, the kittens are in the freezer"......
The funny police took him away before we broke for christams.....
(Sock MONKEY, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 8:35, Reply)

The Shit-Breath'd Farmer
Down at the local, we were all getting merrily pissed. Hobgoblin was the ale of choice and when ordering my fine ale a bearded man beside me muttered something.
I had no idea who he was, could tell he was extremely drunk from the way he slurred and swayed, and asked "what?"

A simple question you'd think.

He sat on a stool and leant forwards as if he hadn't heard me. 'Bah', I thought, 'just another piss-artist'.

After receiving my frothy pint, the local man turned and made these exact noises:

"Uh-ey-ooh-urghhh!"

The most comical belch I have ever heard. But still, I didn't smile. Hell, no. For as he belched a green gas emitted from his lips. I stepped back, but it was too late. The gas was hovering underneath my nostrils and I couldn't help but breathe it in.

Shit. The fragrant and ever-lovely smell of shit. But more so, the type of shit that just won't flush. No, more than that, the type of shit that just can't leave your body. The near-green shit that sits behind your anus and festers. Festers. Festers until you fart the most deadly smell. Festers until you burp that very same smell out of your lips, under your very own nose.
I promptly sat back down with my friends and hoped that I'd never meet the man again.

The man? I didn't speak to him again, thankfully, but only 20 minutes later he fell over at the bar. After being helped up, he stumbled to the bathroom where a witness claims he "put both hands in the urinals to steady himself".
After making a mess of the lavatories, the dung-breath'd farmer returned to the bar for another pint. He certainly was a trooper.
He fell over again as the barman refused to serve him and was shortly bundled out the door, never to be seen again.
( gazz, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 8:27, Reply)

Scarborough breeds many a nutter...
...Possibly the most famous was 'Rosie' as she wore a rose in her hair...

...I used to work in Our Price, where she would come and dance to tunes, and strip naked, middle of a Saturday afternoon, fun.(oh yeah, she was about 60)

Before we rang the Police, we used to have a bit of fun, by playing Megadeath or such like, cos she hated it and we would instantly get cursed and sent to hell!(We think she's dead now)

We also have a tall dark lady, who is a strong believer in Christ, and after reading a passage from the Bible, she will go and 'bless' a passing child, till it crys, and she is arrested.

And a man who wears a shellsuit and swimming goggles and runs around town, he's ace.
( emmalina, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 8:25, Reply)

Cold Turkey
I'm sorry, but I'm close to tears...
I got used to reading it repeatedly last week, and now the joy has STOPPED.. you CAN'T DO that to people... we get habits... We need feeding...

So for all the jittering people like myself, suffering badly from crapulence withdrawl...



What's so great about F*cking twenty six year-olds?

There's twenty of them...

Ahhhh... I SO needed that.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 8:25, Reply)

There is also a man who goes to my mother's church
He is about 35-40 yrs old, when he was eighteen he bought weed off someone and aparantly it was laced with LSD or something and it totally fucked him up, he was in the hospital for a long time, coma or something, anyway, he watches TV all the time, a little too much maybe because he sort of gets into character if you know what I mean. He used to watch the show Dr.Quinn Medacine Woman, and he somehow figured out that he was actually the indian guy from the show. He grew his hair long and wore buck skin clothes, wore that one stupid braid in his hair and started wearing mochassins. It was very interesting to say the least. He kinda scares me too.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 6:39, Reply)

quite a sad story actually
There is an old black man who walks around our town all day everyday. My mom told me that a long time ago his wife and kids were in a car accident and they all died so he basically drank himself into insanity. He's harmless really except for when he shouts at the top of his lungs "Fuck you bitch" or "I'll fucking kill you!" etc. Well according to my mother he is harmless, but one day he decided to prove her wrong by swinging a baseball bat at our heads just before going into the grocery store causing me to bust my ass by falling onto the pavement. Now if I am driving past him or am near him in anyway shape or form I stare directly ahead of me. You know...don't make eye contact. He scares me very much. sorry about the length.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 6:32, Reply)

Reading Fruit
not local for me now but was then - the local mad lady who lived upstairs in the flats where I lived ex teacher who had lost it - used to ring one of the big old metal school bells in the dead of the night and was also known for taking to the outside walls of the flats as well - better than the telly I tell you watching her daily antics.

When I worked for a recruitment agency that will remain nameless to hide my shame there was a woman who came in once to register for work anyway this place was completely open plan and halfway through filling in all the forms she just stood up and went off on one shouting "stop talking about me it wasn't my fault that I fell for him and that he had left his wife for me" etc... we all sat there, I mean what can you say at those times - she then picked up her bag called us all sluts or some such thing and walked out.
(DWF, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 4:07, Reply)