Smoking stunts your growth
Travelling up the great Congo river, even non smokers end up high from the fumes of calabashes full of ganga. For us smokers it was a heavenly experience of long sultry days, music and mary jane.

Then after disembarking in the heart of the forest we visit the pygmies. The pygmies have several thousand years of cultural heritage that pretty much revolves around the smoking of great quantities of marajuana. Using a long piece of bamboo (about eight feet) with a river clay bowl that contains about a coke can full of the wicked weed. Sit down in a circle with the bowl in the centre, add a bit of burning wood from the fire, and pass the mouthpiece end of the bamboo from one to the next, brilliant way to chill.

So after several thousand years of smoking dope - well, have you ever seen a tall pygmy??
(wazzzer, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 1:26, Reply)

A trip to Amsterdam with my mother
In my infinite wisdom I decided to take my mum to Amsterdam as an early Christmas present as she’d always wanted to go and see the sites.
After wondering around for a while taking my mum to see many interesting places I thought it was a good idea to go into a in the word of my mum “a wonderful smelling coffee shop.”
Having a slightly dubious past of experimenting with a few things I got myself a “wonderful smelling roll up” and by that I mean a few. After having a coffee and a “herbal roll up” as I decided to tell my mum, I needed the little girl room. On the way back I invested in a couple of cakes and wondered back to the table to find my mother finishing a herbal roll up with a huge smile on her face. Yes! My mother was stoned, something I never thought I would see.
After some weird and eye opening conversation with my mum of all people! The conversations are a story for another time and some I care not to remember. My mum got the munchies, by this point we’d had a few more, I decided the cakes were a good idea. It really helped and my mum spent most for the afternoon and evening completely baked!
I only wished I’d taken some pictures of this event but it’s defiantly an event to remember as it will never happen again.
I secretly think she wanted to go to try it, but she’d never admit it.
The next day she made me promise never to tell the story to anyone, but she doesn’t know about this site so this doesn’t count.
My granddad want to go to Amsterdam and I’m the only one in my family that will go on a boat with him and because of this incident I’ve been told in no uncertain terms I’m not allowed to take him. It’s my mission next year to take him, it should be interesting.
(snugglesacks, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 22:24, 6 replies)

An old hippy I once knew
Original 60s vintage, once scraped the mould off his bedsit wall and ate it, just in case.

It did do something, it made him puke.

For the massivest drugs google "straight to base tek", buy the raw materials, follow the instructions and visit what genuinely feels like a parallel universe.
(unclestinky, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 21:40, 1 reply)

How to freak out a drug dealer
At the wise, responsible age of 15 I was invited over to a guy's house to drop acid with him. He was a minor drug dealer with a big crush on me and I'm pretty sure his intention was that we trip and make out. What he didn't count on was me developing two extra personalities and spending the whole evening debating the nature of the soul with myself. He kept insisting that two of us didn't exist, which just made all three of us angry. Then we got made at each other because we couldn't agree on the nature of the soul. We all three sat sulking in a corner until there was only one of us again.

We don't do drugs anymore.
(WordsMeanThings, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 21:04, Reply)

I once decided to create my own style of footwear...
based on a type of shoe popular among skinheads, punks and grungers which was named after Klaús Martens. I then combined my favourite parts from this shoe with my favourite parts from a certain sheepskin boot, made of twin-faced sheepskin with fleece on the inside and with a tanned outer surface, with a synthetic sole.

They looked beautiful did my Dr.uggs

sorry.
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 20:39, 2 replies)

I've massively cut down on weed in the last year or so
(used to be a pretty big toker).. and I'm planning to give up smoking fags next month. While all of this is positive, I'm terrified about what I'm going to do with my time.

Any suggestions? (wanking goes without saying, of course)
( Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 20:36, 5 replies)

Do I look like a crack dealer?
So a few weeks back I decided to head out to the ill fated Love Parade in Germany.As always the outfit choice for such an auspicious occasion proved a bit of a challenge. I finally decided on a pink t-shirt, camo shorts, a lumo yellow jacket, a pilots hat, large blue sunglasses and a pair of trainers. I looked the fucking business. As you're all probably aware it all went tits up and we ended up getting crushed a bit, witnessed some punch ups and thought the whole thing was getting out of hand. So we left.

So anyways I ended up back in town dressed as a raver with a strong desire to get pissed and forget my afternoon ordeal. So the evening progressed with me and my mates getting deliriously drunk. At some point in the evening I also managed to acquire some expensive looking gold plastic tinfoil type boa. The kind of thing I could imagine Mrs Santa Wearing when she dances for the elves around the North Pole when Mr Santa is out working. Flashing her seductive gash to them while allowing them to cop a feel of her saggy tits while the reindeer hump each other in the snow to the soft tones of Barry Manilow over the Christmas toy factory tannoy.

Anyways somewhere around 4am, pissed out my bracket and looking like a cross between Jordan, coco the clown and an eccentric tramp I wandered into another bar. Propping up the bar while doing my best 'yes, girls you know you want this' face I was approached by some semi-posh looking knob in his suit jacket, jeans and trainers. I say posh because he had looked like he'd spent a few minutes on his hair and he didn't smell.He was a walking fashion disaster, but that's a story for another time me thinks.

So he leans in and asks me something. At this point I should point out that I speak no German so I wasn't quite sure if I was so drunk I couldn't understand or he was in fact speaking German. In my best German I could muster I replied, 'Ich spreche kein Deutsch'.

I could see his brain whirring around for a bit looking for the words to say in English. Then casual as you like shouted over the rather loud music, "HAAAAVE YOUUU GOOOOT AAAANY CRAAACK!?!!??".

Fuck me I thought. So this is what crack dealers look like in Germany. Pink tshirts, camo pants, pilots hats and gold tinsel boa's. It's a wonder the cops haven't rounded them all up and taken them to the showers already. Quite why he thought I looked like a crack dealer I will never know, but it was pretty funny. Thinking back I should have got some cash off him, told him to wait and fucked off home. Hind sight is a beautiful thing.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 19:42, 2 replies)

Attack of the Drunken Caterer!
One morning, when I was a lad, I came downstairs in the morning to find a very confused young man standing in our kitchen. I retrieved what I had come down for and, on my way back upstairs to my room to get ready for school, casually informed my mother of our guest. She was a bit more concerned than I and went down to find out what the hell was going on. I followed shortly, to find her interrogating him and feeding him coffee.

As it happens, he and a bunch of his catering buddies had gotten hammered after a job the previous night and his "friends", thinking it would be a lark, dropped him at our house telling him it was the site of the night's work. He didn't remember much but the forensic evidence spoke volumes. The bottom panel of the back door was kicked in, the folded laundry on the dining room table was slept on, and his missing shoe was found in the tack room of our barn. While coffee helped to take the edge off his intoxication, I think what sobered him up more was my mother informing him that the cop living next door likely would have shot him if he'd caught him kicking down his front door.

At any rate, the most amusing part of the whole story is that my mother bred Shih-Tzus. Our dogs barked at every small noise, every visitor (no matter how well-known), every little disturbance. But a drunk kid kicks down the back door into the kitchen where they slept? Not a peep. Useless rag-mop bastards!
(bergec is filled with inertia, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 18:26, Reply)

Stolen from The Inbetweeners.
Everything is a drug.
A drug is a substance which, when introduced into the body, causes some change in the function of the body.
So, sugar is a drug.
Oxygen is a drug.
Water is a drug.
I would expand but I am a litle tipsy and forgot the thrust of my argument.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 18:03, 1 reply)

reductil
as many of you may know, i used to be so big that i'd give mr. creosote a run for his bucket. when i decided to lose weight, my doctor prescribed reductil.
now, reductil is sibutramine and acts very much like speed that you can buy from dodgy men on street corners. it was an experimental drug at the time, so i was only to be given them for 6 months.
after the initial 6 months, i'd lost 2 stones, so my doctor decided to increase my dosage.
this is where it all went tits up.
i didn't lose any more weight, biut the increased dosage meant that i was extremely tense, jumpy, paranoid and angry. i slept an average of an hour and a half per night. my skin looked grey, my hair was lank and i had the attention span of a stunned kitten. after 2 years on this stuff, i saw a new doctor, who immediately stopped me taking them. i felt rough as a sandpaper gusset for a few days, but i'm glad i wasn't taking them any more.
reductil dispensation has now been stopped in england, as it has been linked to strokes and heart attacks. a woman on the same weight loss course as me suffered a very bad stroke after 2 weeks on the pills.
i consider myself bloody lucky and, to anyone considering sibutramine as a weight-loss aid, i'd say this: don't, just don't.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 17:51, 5 replies)

All I'm saying is:
Grabbin' Pills!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK9pEP_Ko7I
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Damn I love my GP
Over the past 6 years he's prescribed:-
Oramorph - Makes things all warm and fuzzy, I can understand why morphine addicts love the stuff.
Dihydrocodeine - See above but a bit less so. Gave me terrible constipation but it was a blast when I, ahem, 'forgot' to avoid alcohol. It's almost like a truth drug! That's one company Xmas bash that I'll rmember for a while!!
Trials of Sativex - A THC based drug that really works for neuropathic pain. A British invention that our own NHS took aaaaages to approve. Niceish effect but gave me cottonmouth. See above re alcohol.
Pregabalin. "Just up your dose until the pain becomes tolerable" OK then!! Gives a MJ like high for HOURS. Unfortunately it also give serious munchies and verbal diarrhoea - not a good combination when you're trying to work. Oh, BTW don't even attempt to drive if affected DAMHIKT.
Next stop - lidocaine patches and Buprenorphine sublinguals, they've even looked at intravenous Ketamine!

And all this shit's legal! Almost worth the underlying nerve damage that's causing the pain.*




*No it fucking isn't - not even a little bit.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 15:44, 2 replies)

When watching The Matrix
...does anyone else always think "The red pill OR the blue pill? Gimme five of each, and have you got any others?"
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 15:16, 5 replies)

Drugs mess up your pants.
I'd been out and got trashed. Done many pills, and a bit of the other. Felt rough as fuck as a consequence the next day.

Went to the pub (a Rat and Parrot) as it was nearest. Usually I would avoid those sort of places, but I needed booze to cure the pain...

I had a couple of ciders then that familiar need to have a crap began to assert itself. No problems, I thought, I'll go to the toilet in a sec. The stomach cramps arrived suddenly and severely. I doubled over, and sprinted to the toilets, relieving myself in a hideously messy way...

Then I noticed there was no toilet paper.

I began to curse and babble under my breath, bemoaning my hangover and bringing down curses on the negligent cleaners. Panicking, and saying a brief prayer for my trousers and dignity, I hobbled to the other trap. Also paperless.

This left me a dilemma. A significant problem in fact. I could either have a messy bottom (unacceptable) or improvise...

Suffice to say, I ended up sockless, and commando.

I left the pub rapidly, but as I was exiting the door, I heard a scream of horror coming from the gents. The cleaner had belatedly found their way to the toilet...

I've not been back there.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 22 Sep 2010, 14:47, 1 reply)

cake
It affects teh part of teh brain known as "Shatner's Basson".....don't want to end up all blewty on a quack candle tho....jessop jessop jessop anyone?
(stonersmurf stuckin' foned, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 13:48, 10 replies)

I was walking down the road recently...
...and I saw a woman rocking to and fro in a chair on her porch. She had no teeth, wild, grey hair, and her frail hands were shaking. Her face was creviced with deep wrinkles, and her eyes bloodshot and unfocussed. As I passed her she called out to me "young man, take a good look. Since I was 15 years old I have smoked every day, drunk every day, taken cocaine every day, and consumed all manner of of pills. I can tell you none of its done me any harm, and today is my birthday".
"Happy birthday!", I said, "how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?"
"28", she replied.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Now that I've found Jesus...
I don't take drugs no more!


(don't take them no less either!)
( Vambo, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 13:45, 12 replies)

I used to do drugs
I still do, but I used to, too
( applehead herp derp, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 13:05, 3 replies)

I was seriously tripping last night
Mrs Sandettie rearranged all the furniture and then hid the light bulbs.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:04, 2 replies)

This QOTW is making me want to do some E.
Probably not to go out clubbing, but just to sit in and enjoy some.

My question to the panel is: assuming I can find some, considering I am about to enter my late 30s, and am now the owner of a flat, a long term girlfriend/fiancé, and do a 9-5 dull grey job - will it be fun, or just a rather sad nostalgia trip which will prove to be not as good as I remember?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:45, 59 replies)

I have only really smoked dope
but I found at different stages, it had different effects.

Age 16: After a few tries, where nothing really happened at all, my brain suddenly took a liking to it and I used to trip. I would sit in an armchair for 4 hours, convinced all my teeth had fallen out and were rolling around my mouth.

Age 18: Super relaxed, wasn't really fit to function outside the house, but not trippy. Used to record lots of wierd music with flatmate, using a DX7, drumkit, guitars and 4 track recorder. Neighbour once punched flatmate in the face because of the noise. Oops.

Age 20 - 22: Smoked a lot, could function perfectly in most circumstances. Occasional paranoia.

Stopped for about 10 years.

30ish: Tried it a few times, no high, just got drowsy, and would noramlly fall asleep.

Gave up until

35ish: Bought some from a workmate, tried it once and got high, but felt quite anxious. I think it was prob becuase it was skunk, which I had never tried before. Left the stuff in my study at home, and it went mouldy.

haven't tried it for 5-6 years now, I suspect will just make me sleep.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:42, 3 replies)

Hamburgled
After a particularly keen session, hotboxing a friends shed, we walked to the nearest fast food establishment to cure the ever present munchie syndrome.

My friend, Jack (for that is his name) couldnt stop giggling as he ordered his Whopper. When asked why he had erupted into giggles he informed us all that he had just been served by none other than Ronald McDonald.

In Burger King no less...
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:28, 3 replies)

I got stoned for a whole month, one night.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 10:34, 1 reply)

I had a joint earlier,
did nothing much for me.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 9:00, 11 replies)

More "things that arn't drugs"
A lad I went to school with who was overweight, VERY overweight, pushing 25 stone last I heard, was bored one day. Not having any drink or drugs, he went for the ribenna option. The greedy bastard drank a full two liter bottle, which apparently made him feel drunk. Now, I did the maths on this. Ribenna should be diluted as 1/5th of a 250ml serving (50ml). This provides 33% of your daily recomended sugar intake. 2000ml of Ribbena is 40 servings. 1/3 of 40 is 13.3r. In essence, he had almost two weeks worth of sugar in a few hours. No wounder he felt funny, it must have been a major sugar rush.

Any one want to test it out?
(Mong goose, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 8:55, 9 replies)

I should have quite a few funny drug anecdotes
given that I used to do them quite a lot, but unfortunately I don't, because, well, they're all shit. And anything vaugely amusing that did happen I've probably forgotten.

Just give me a few bottles of wine and the occasional spliff these days - most of the time I don't even need drugs to act like a retard.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)

I had a joint earlier,
did nothing much for me.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Reading some bought the chuckles & memories.
Drinking and eating some cooked up blue-meanies then leaving my friends/housemates @ home and power-walking from North Perth thru Kings Park to Crawley & back along the river.
Or trying make resin in the same house by soaking a shit-load of grief with acetone then waiting for the acetone to evaporate only it was taking too long so we did it over the stove using a big cardboard box to put out the occasional huge fireball! I dread to think what smoking acetone-infused leaf did to our lungs but it worked.
Nothing more than occasional smoking (cigs) & a bucket-load of drinking (I drink like a copper ;-) these days. Mind you the missus got some hash the other day (haven't even seen in years) so off to make a nostalgic can-bong am I.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 Sep 2010, 6:14, Reply)

Did weed two nights ago
Was watching Modern Family with a mate. Never laughed so hard in my life. I now live at home but I didn't care. I was high as.

Now I bought banana and blueberry bread for a tenner. Massive loaf, could fit 10 slices of those individually wrapped slices you find at the cafe.

Anyways, had one of those with toffee ice cream. Mushed it up reallllll good.

Better than sex.

I'm out
(lemonadegame, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 3:01, 4 replies)

Heyargh Dave....
Worked with a guy who was the human equivalent of a back street pharmacy. Some of the stories he told were mind boggling. My favorite was the one were he was walking through a cinema car park when he saw the car from roger rabbit jovially rumping along towards him calling "Hey Dave" in all its cartoon splendor before promptly running him over.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:43, 1 reply)