Anyone ever had problems with Magpies?
A few months ago next doors cat (flossy) killed a Magpie and ever since we have had two of the buggers hanging around the garden. So essentially my cat's nemesis more than mine. Although they might have the potential to be my nemesis if this shit continues. This came to a head when my cat, who loves climbing trees, was being harassed by these two magpies at the top of the tallest tree in the garden (35ft). They are smarter than I thought and were trying to lure him to the end of the branches to make him fall, whilst trying to peck him when his back was turned and also calling on the whole bird kingdom of my town.

I am not kidding you when I say that their he-man like squawking was attracting birds for miles around that were swooping in low to see what was going on, Kites, Seagulls and the odd wood pigeon ...evil things I tell ya. The thing that freaked me out the most was the fact that they saw me looking at the unfolding drama through my top window and flew over to my ledge to eyeball me. Close up these things are massive, for garden birds anyway, it reminded me of a cross between the birds and the omen and now I’m worried they are going to dive bomb me in retribution for the death of their relation, even though me and my cat had nothing to do with it.....Anyone had any experience with these sinister bird beasts?
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:05, 29 replies)

In the words of my friend (on here as Harry Webshite)
"Magpies! Fucking two-tone cunts."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:06, closed)

I like it! Maybe the inspiration for this brand of bb gun
www.airsoftworld.net/airsoft-guns/two-tone-guns-no-vcra-ukara-registration-required
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:16, closed)

Magpies are noisy bastards
A pair used to nest in our garden and wake me up early on weekends.
I spent a summer as an early teen firing airsoft BB's into their nest, they didn't return the following summer.
( M o D, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:08, closed)

Their
nest is like fort knox, protected by a holly bush growing up the outside of the tree trunk, although i do own a break pump air pistol, maybe a few warning shots would do the trick?
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:19, closed)

fuck the warning shots
shoot to kill!
( shitkicker, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:41, closed)

Ha ha ha
Agrees
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:09, closed)

The only problem is if someone sees you doing it
and phones the Animal Gestapo (RSPCA).
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Wed 5 May 2010, 15:45, closed)

Not the RSPCA's baliwick.
Try the local wildlife protection officer at the plod shop. They're usually pretty clued up and happy to take action if someone's doing something illegal.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 6 May 2010, 9:48, closed)

Protection of Birds

Most birds are completely protected by law. It is sometimes thought that those birds which are often called vermin can be killed at any time by anyone. That is not so. Birds which are regarded as pests (magpies, woodpigeon, crows etc.) may only be killed by what the law calls an 'authorised person', that is the person who owns the land or who has permission to shoot pests. A trespasser or a person who shoots at such a bird in a public place will commit offences against the Firearms Act for having a gun and also against the law on the protection of birds by killing, or even trying to kill, a wild bird when he is not an authorised person.
(bekowsquap Was raptured on, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:47, closed)

Hahahhahahaha yeah that will stop it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:56, closed)

Are you the person at parties that shits on fun ideas with great steaming turds of dull reality?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 5 May 2010, 16:22, closed)

buzz killington
Now does anybody know a good story about a bridge?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:24, closed)

Depends
On the bridge!

/confused
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 5 May 2010, 16:33, closed)

Family Guy reference

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:34, closed)

Ah sorry.
I'm good for Battlestar, H2G2, Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 5 May 2010, 16:38, closed)

Stars
in their eyes?
(Raol Duke, Wed 5 May 2010, 19:09, closed)

To be fair
an organised B3ta bird hunt would inevitably end up resembling 'Stop the Pigeon', and would pose little actual threat to the bird
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 5 May 2010, 19:14, closed)

^this
It's when you get some dumb fuck who can't tell a pest species from a protected one - that's what pisses me off. When they tried to cull the Ruddy Ducks, some of the people they hired were fuckwits who shot native and migratory birds of other species.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 6 May 2010, 9:50, closed)

I know the feeling.
I'm being deprived of sleep by a pair of pigeons who are cooing at me maliciously through the chimney breast.

I'm going to smoke the bastards out by lighting the big range downstairs.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 5 May 2010, 16:12, closed)

We have crows near my house.
They perch on the roof opposite and make a right racket. But there's one now that's taken to perching on the garden fence right next to the living-room window so it can see in.

Crows tend to reasonably timid and when you get near, they fly away but this one doesn't. Sheryl (as I've named it) will happily watch me in the garden, squawking at me.

It would freak out my missus no end if I could coax it to sit on my shoulder like some sort of evil goth-parrot, but I'd most likely scream like a big girl, flail wildly and run inside.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:31, closed)

One for sorrow, Two for joy
I wouldn't worry about it, unless another shows up, then you'd better get a pregnancy test.
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:31, closed)

not magpies but
seagulls, one specific bird called 'Nipper' a psychotic seagull who mrs Nimrodihnio tells me plagued Penarth in the 70's when she grew up there. It would apparently randomly attack children at her school and the town and gained urban legend status with its increasingly unfeasable exploits.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Wed 5 May 2010, 19:30, closed)

Not magpies, but woodpeckers
I awoke at the crack of dawn (who's she?, Ed) a week or two ago to a raucous rat-tat-tatting. A woodpecker had enlarged a hole in the decaying siding of the current rental house. Once inside, it pulled insulation out, covering the garden in a fiberglass moss, before carrying into its new nesting site twigs, feathers, etc. And once inside, in the nice warm comfort of the wall-space, it continued to tap-tap-tap as it enlarged the hole and made itself generally comfortable.

Did I mention that this hole was about 18 inches from my head, when in the sleeping state?

It took me a few days to get round to it, but I blocked up the hole (flattened tin-can screwed onto the siding (which is where I discovered just what a poor state it is in), well-caulked and covered. The giant swinging steel doors at Fort Knox are like cardboard compared to my barrier. She's not been back, but I've heard insistent rat-a-tat-tatting echoing around the neighbourhood as she tries to get herself situated for springtime egg-laying.

Oh, and the solar-powered owl, with bobbing and rotating head, turned out to be as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Length? About 9" with red and black plumage...
(IHaveComeAmongThee__Twice Tissues on the left. Self-esteem on the right., Wed 5 May 2010, 19:32, closed)

Water Pistols
A couple of years back I had some unwelcome seagulls nested on my house. Much squawking on their part ensued, much swearing on mine. Some others tried it the following year, but I had a plan.

Every time one of them landed while I was in the garden, out with the water pistol and give them a squirt. It isn't going to harm them but they quickly learn not to land on your roof or build nests.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:34, closed)

give the cat up as a sacrifice.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:44, closed)

When I had...
...my aforementioned problem with the woodpecker, one of my friends told me he'd had a very similar problem. He'd tried to solve it by holding the cat by the freshly-pecked woodpecker-sized hole in his external wall, only to have a) woodpecker burrow deeper inside the insulation pocket it had created, b) cat went all mental and scratched him up, and c) cat urine down the front of his overalls.

Now, but sacrificing the cat... There's an idea...
(IHaveComeAmongThee__Twice Tissues on the left. Self-esteem on the right., Thu 6 May 2010, 1:48, closed)

God forbid an introduced creatue
is inconvinienced by a native one.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 6 May 2010, 9:46, closed)

Alright
Bill Oddie ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 6 May 2010, 11:22, closed)

In all seriousness guys
I wouldn't harm a feather on its two tone head but more through fear of retribution than anything else. These fuckers are highly intelligent, (for birds) mourn there dead and hold grudges

Found this Ozzy article on the buggers, apparently when they attack they go for the eyes, a la Omen :O

www.abc.net.au/science/scribblygum/July2002/
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 6 May 2010, 11:30, closed)