Not a friend story, but a friends parents one...
A good friend of mines mum got remarried a couple of years ago, and decided that since she had already had the big wedding for her first marriage, this time they would have a bit more fun with it - a more relaxed atmosphere, cut back a wee bit on the fancy wedding dress and matching bridesmaids and so on (though still very smart and well done)

The crowning achievement in my eyes was the wedding cake. My friends mum being a huge discworld fan decided that having a cake in the design of the luggage would be a fantastic idea, so they did.

Watching everyone as they went to get a slice of cake after the meal was quite fantastic - wandering what the hell this strange cake with hundreds of legs was all about.
We all thought it was fantastic though, and had a good time spotting all the people who have read some of the Rincewind based books before...
(442, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 21:11, 3 replies)

I can never be a true geek
Although I have over a few days listed almost everything that could qualify for geekdom, and there was quite a lot of it, I have a terrible shameful secret buried within my geeky exterior.

I am a complete and utter luddite.

I can break anything electrical that has more than one button. I went through numerous mice, keyboards, USB ports and monitors.

It took my 9 months to get my internet connection working at home properly.

I have never been allowed meccano due to my ability to go from calm and "oops just dropped it while trying to screw some tiny little nut into two slightly warped pieces of metal for the 34th time" into a raging seething spitting ball of hate and fury that lauches said meccano out of the door via at least 9 hard flat surfaces.

I hate, realy properly loathe html, unix, windows, NT, IE, I just don't get it, its all frankly utter arse. I couldn't write an sql script if you put a gun to my cats head.

I have worked in IT support for years.
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 20:31, 3 replies)

well, i'm still at work
and i was at work all day yesterday too. does that count? although technically i am not working right this second. i am ploughing my way through a plate of inedible noodles masquerading as "dinner" from the canteen. and i just found a hair in them. this does not make me happy. but hey, i'm leaving soonish to eat fab ice lollies (the chocolate sprinkly bit should so cover the whole thing) as a low fat imitation of haagen-dazs in front of america's next top model.

in the meantime, i don't do clever linkys, but i just saw this on the yahoo website which seemed to fit...

A Japanese entrepreneur has set up a language school targeting fans of "cos-play", or "costume-play", which involves dressing up as a favourite character from "manga" comic books or animation movie characters.

Teachers at the school wear fantasy costumes and give lessons in "Cosplish" -- a mix of English and "cos-play" slang.

This month, Cosplish's schedule includes a "Broken English" course and an "Otaku Eiken" ("Geeks' English") class, centred on the comic books loved by geeks, who are known in Japan as Otaku.

There is also "Moeng" -- a combination of "moe", which is geeky Japanese slang for "cute", and "English".

"Otaku culture is taking over the world. Everybody reads manga now. So I thought Otaku people in Japan might be interested in Otaku culture outside Japan," Yohei Suzuki, who founded the school with his brother Tomohiro, told Reuters.

Japan's geek market, which covers comics as well as "anime" animation movies, computer games and role-play cafes, has been estimated at some $1.7 billion in 2007. Since Otaku are generally enthusiastic spenders, a multitude of businesses has sprung up to feed the growing market.

Suzuki said Japanese geeks, known for being shy and socially awkward, might hesitate to sign up for a normal English course where they would have to talk to glamorous young women.

"They don't get along with normal people. Otaku only get along with Otaku people," the 31-year-old said in a telephone interview.

"I wanted to create a space for Otaku. Everyone at my school is a geek, so you don't have to worry about what everyone else is thinking."

Students at the school discuss their favourite comic books and films, and learn slang used in English online chatrooms and mobile phone messages, including popular abbreviations such as "GR8" ("great") and "B4" ("before").

Suzuki's brother and business partner used to work as a manager at a maid bar in Tokyo where waitresses dress as French maids, a popular Otaku hang-out.

Suzuki also describes himself as a geek. The brothers invented Cosplish because they wanted to add a fun twist to language courses, but Suzuki says there's a serious side to his business.

"If you go to an English school in Japan, they only teach you one set expression or conversation," he said. "We teach many different ways. It's informal, practical, everyday English."

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 20:24, 1 reply)

Angry geek, Pt 2
Answer me this please. I can understand why so many geeks start off having low self confidence, due to the psychological beatings received from what can politely be described as the cerebrally challenged. It gets to a person, I understand, having been through it myself. My teenage years, were, not to put too fine a point on it, not exactly a bed of roses. Well, they were, but only if you see the thorns as opposed to the flower.

The reason for my annoyance though, is this. Why do geeks, nerds et al still see themselves as odd? We're all looking at ourselves through someone else's eyes (or NHS spectacles)! Why should we all, as grown adults, see ourselves as some kind of second class to the yawning feckwits our planet is unfortunately populated with? I mean I admit, you do need someone to do the manual labour, after all- but we're the ones who actually *run* things. All their b4se r quite literally belong 2 us, to drop into AOLteen for a second. If anything, we're the dominant sleeping giant that should not allow themselves to be pushed around.

We run things, not the idiots. Next time someone berates you for liking something different to them, remember this- you are far smarter than they will ever be, and they fear you for this. They fear what we can do- royally fuck them over. Perhaps the time has come for just that.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 20:06, 11 replies)

my mate
Is a lab technician for Cambridge University, and he set up all the cool stuff that happens here.

www.discoverychannel.co.uk/bigexperiment/home/index.shtml

He blows himself up at least once a year and is a complete chemical nerd.
On the plus side he does spend large amounts of time setting fire to things / himself / equipment up on a regular basis
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 20:00, 1 reply)

I can remember the password
to level 7 of Jungle Strike. It's TGZX4CFDYRP, by the way.


I haven't played it in 11 years.
( TGP on the rock 'n' roll, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 19:58, 5 replies)

You decide ...
... how nerdy I am.

I am male.
I wear glasses.
I work in IT
I am root.
I have a Thundercats T-shirt
I have a DangerMouse T-shirt.
I am 34 and I wear T-shirts.
I convert degrees into radians to picture an angle.
I have a degree in Physics. Not just any physics degree - a Laser Physics degree.
I drink real ale.
I can count to 1023 on my fingers
I drink tea, milky.
I have a Blackberry.
I do not, currently, have a girlfriend.
My computer passwords are derived from engine names and specifications
I lust after nerdy girls.
I do not like the sun.
I risked a beating by a drunk Scottish landlord (is there any other kind?) to correct the appalling grammar on his notices.


I have a recurring nightmare. It starts as an erotic dream but just as I'm about to consummate the evening, I realise that the hardware is not compatible and I do not have the correct adaptor.

I do go out to pub though. I play cribbage there.
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 19:53, 8 replies)

I carry a paperclip around
in my wallet at all times, incase i need to reset something or open some kind of drive
(yfky should be trying to get a job, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 19:39, 5 replies)

Several years ago..
1- I was obsessed with 'The X Files', had all the tee shirts, books etc
2- Had never seen a real girls front bottom.

Coincidence?

_{my missus says it was because i was an ugly bastard with no mates}
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 19:39, Reply)

herf nerder
I own a Formicarium and I'm 27. I'm registered here-'nuff said-won't repeat endless lists of profession, hardware stash and leisure activities concerning length issues, I think it's pretty deterministic.
(threeverse ultima ratio regum, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 19:31, 1 reply)

For those of you that know me...
My GF gave birth today (somewhat early) to a baby girl...

/tangent

On topic - I've had 15 odd cars in my 13 years of driving and I can remember every single registration plate.

And my Mum's 7 cars...
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 19:23, 16 replies)

Sleep coding
Now, I'm not a computer coding geek as such, but I do write code for CNC machinery - those big scary computer controlled metal cutting machines.

I also have the slightly unnerving habit of acting out my dreams in my sleep. I don't actually sleepwalk, but I'll chat away and move about in my sleep, doing whatever it is I dream about.

AAAND, yes, I program CNC machines in my sleep.

Until I explained what it was, my girlfriend thought I only dreamed random strings of letters and numbers, and must therefore be actually some kind of secret robot.
(inflateable, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:57, 4 replies)

Since seeing the HDR image bit in the newsletter at 10:30 this morning
I have taught myself how to fake them in photoshop. I have only just realised that it is now dark.
Not really that bad I know, just hadn't realised I've spent 7 hours straight doing this.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:20, 3 replies)

Biological nerdyness
In labs whenever we used the microfuge (a centrifuge for small amounts of liquid) I used to sing a version of Spin me round by Dead or Alive that had the word microfuge instead of record. If that's not nerdy in a bit of a sad way I'm not sure what is really.
(mmm....beer, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:12, 5 replies)

I spend far too much time every day on warbook (and of course I'm in the b3ta warbook alliance)
and I used to be an absolute beast at hyperiums.

On the plus side I have a girlfriend, so it can't be all bad.
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:06, Reply)

way back when
This one time at Uni, 1993/4

We had a house with 3 computers, wired (with co-ax) and we played network doom and things.

We bought a modem (9.6K) and somehow acquired a demon internet account.

It took only 3 weeks to figure out how to logon. (kermit i think).

We had heard that you could get porn from "the internet". We decided we would not stop until we proved this.

Our resident ubergeek wrote a program (visual basic 2.0) that allowed us all to share the modem. He even wrote a program that figured out how long we each spent on line for when the bill came.

There was no www at this time to speak of. Some how we managed to get hold of some tempting looking files: "girl.uue" and the like.

UU fucking what?

3 days later, we discover UUEncode and somehow, we now have a file called "girl.jpg".

J fucking what?

A week later, we have a program that if memory serves, was a very early Paint Shop Pro. (I may be very wrong). We managed to download it over a few hours, unzip it (Zip fucking what??) and install it on our Windows 3.1 PC's.

3 days of memory hacking about, including the purchase of some 4MB SIMMS to get the fucker to load, PSP opens up, ready, waiting and possibly gaping for our collective download.

We gathered round one PC and watched the image load pretty much line by line.

The image of a shrivelled up hairy cock and balls being licked by a dog.

I think Andy said it best, "its fuckin shit this internet shit".

I dont think its changed that much in the 16 years since. I mean, just browse this site for a bit really.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:52, 2 replies)

ZX Spectrum
My Spectrum was upgraded for free because my sister went to school with Sir Clive Sinclairs' son, Crispin. My Spectrum got upgraded by the man himself!

I had hoped Sir Clive would deliver it back to me by driving round in a C5 and pop in for a game of Elite, but he didn't, the bearded twat.

------------------------------------------

There is a round, green door set in the eastern wall.
You can see:
A Wooden Chest
Thorin, the dwarf
Keith Chegwin

------------------------------------------
( calico, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:31, 6 replies)

On a recent hike
I spotted some humongous mushrooms growing under a tree in one of the local parks. Impressed by them- the tops of these things were the size of a dinner plate- I shot some pictures, which I showed to the Lunatic Artist and my daughter.

As they looked at these pictures I began to do quick knee bends while moving my arms up and down and chanting "Badger badger badger badger..."

Guess what my daughter called me?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:41, 2 replies)

late Starter
When my dad and brother werer raving about the zx80 my dad had just bought, I said "What is the point of having a PC at home"? that was a long time ago when I was about 30 i bought my first PC (just to see what it was like) I am now 50 and currently have 1 large desktop 5 Lappys 3 smart phones and neck ache from staring at screens. And I still dont what the fuck all the fuss is about!!!
(nitro fan, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:40, Reply)

pitch
"He that toucheth pitch, shall be defiled therewith." (Apocrypha Ecclesiasticus xiii.) yet I allow myself to have opinions as to what is the optimal pitch for performing certain music. If this is serious, have I defiled gravity? Also, I favour Valotti or sixth comma meantone tuning for some purposes and Werckmeister III for others - can anyone empathise with this? Does anyone care? Is anyone there? Am I here? I think I am, for now, putting de cart before de hearse.
(in-knock-you-us, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:40, 2 replies)

Swords!
Ok, first off, I appologise for spelling. I'm dyslexic and my laptop is being a git so I'm posting via my wii, so no spellcheck.

For the past 18 months, I've been collecting swords. It started innocently enough, buying cheap stainless steel replicas for £30-50 a pop. After a while, they started to grind on me, they were more toys then real swords. I decided to save for somthing special, a real weapon. A fast approaching ban on samurai swords set my decision. A year after my first blade, I got myself a 21st gift worthy of my new status of man, a samurai sword. At £130, its not a special peice, but its sharp as hell, very strong carbon steel and full tang (essental when cutting, thing about a kitchen knife and how its bolted into the handel). Since then I've bought a lovely Irish sword, which is basicly a knight sword too the uneducated. And now I sit with a falchion by my side. Its best described as a big machette, but thicker and with a pointed tip. I had to buy it as from April 1st, it's an illigal item and cannot be sold in the UK. It's classed as a Samurai sword, despite being a Europian sword from around 1400. (edit: existed in the11th to 16th century in slightly varying forms) At which point, Japan had no idea Europe existed, not until 1543 did any Japanise person lay eyes on a Europian. How a weapon developen without any knowlage of the samurai can be classed as a samurai sword is beyond me but Gordon brown and his anti fun squad have decided that it is, and that banning a seldom used weapon will be more effective then tackling the problems in society.
(Mong goose, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:32, 8 replies)

I used to be a Nerd (but I'm alright(ish) now) ...
First computer was good old ZX81 (was about 10/11), what was the first thing I did, read the manual end-to-end, and started writing my own games, never actually getting around to playing them!!!

Progressed to ZX Spectrum, (age around 12/13) swapped this for an Acorn Electron, (friend i swapped with didnt care about value difference, only cared about it having more games),me however,learnt 6502 Assembler .. couldnt afford Zeus Dis-assembler, so wrote my own in BBC Basic!!!

File from said project above, got screwed on fucking C60 tape ....

... discovered alcohol, girls, drugs, rock n rolls ...

never looked back ... until now (approaching 40!!)

THANKS QOTW!! Bastards! ;)

Edit: Just for old times sake I looked up 6502 on the old google and found this ...

ask.metafilter.com/65818/I-want-to-learn-6502-assembly

... date Jun 28th 2007!!!! Somebody get this guy some alcohol!

Edit: For the record, as someone just posted a now deleted message, this is not meant to be a complaining, insulting post, satrical ... yes! and having a laugh at ourselves.
(beach_bum, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:58, 1 reply)

Just remembered.
I used to read 2000AD and I remember buying the first issue, but didnt' keep it. BUGGER!

I also wanted to be Tankgirl but thought I was too fat to shave my head.

Give me a chance here, I'm trying my best to fit in.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:56, 7 replies)

A Recipe For Disaster
Now, dear readers, I have just realised I actually do have a story to tell. For those of you who are complaining about 'lists of nerdy things', this should hopefully break up the tedium of the other answers for you, although I'm rather enjoying them myself. One point I would like to make is that wherever I refer to 'hacking' in this story, I am simply using a catch-all term which was used by all authorities involved. I wouldn't call myself a hacker in any sense, and I know the methods used are crude and silly, and any real computer experts, of which there aremany on the boards, would sigh and hold their heads in their hands. But I present this story for you, in its fullest, as...

A Recipe For Disaster

The story begins with a group of friends, of which I was a part. We were, quite aptly, named the Nerd Herd, or N3rd H3rd, a cute term we rather liked. Now two of us, who will rename unnamed, were both quite handy with a computer. Endless ICT lessons of 'memos' 'word processing' and the ilk had driven a deepseated boredom into us. We decided that we could have our own ICT based fun, and spice up the lessons a little bit.
I'd discovered, not too long before, a truly gaping security error. Not a one of the school's computer network had a BIOS password set. And so the plan was formed. Use a portable USB distro of Linux, boot into that on the PCs, and have a poke around. The specific name of the distro I have forgotten, and a google search threw up nothing I recognised. Anyway, we cracked on, prepared the flash drive and away we were. Booting into linux and then... well, nothing. There was not a lot to do.
A couple of years, at the same school, with the boredom mounted even higher, we decided to give it another pop. So we prepared ourselves again, and discovered, on each PC, registry files from each user who had recently logged on. Editing one of these, we figured, and then writing it back onto the PC, would enable us to change the user rights which were so constrictive. So we copied these tiny files onto the flash drive, took them home and had hours of fun doctoring them in regedit. Wrote them back onto the PC and... lo and behold, admin-like rights for us. We had a little bit of fun with this, changing the desktop background, etc. And then we wrote back the original registry files and left it at that. Needless to say, we got caught when an IT teacher demanded to know why he didn't have us in the list of 'logged on' PCs. Another trick we'd picked up. Taking the flash drive off us and finding it empty, he figured there must be hidden files on it. And there were. The linux distro, the registry files and some stolen software we'd found in archives on the PCs. Uh oh.
Immediately, we were dragged before the deputy headteacher. Some direct quotes...
'My credit card details are on my computer, have you been in there?'
'You just hate the system, don't you. You're an anarchist!'
'Did you want to change your grades? Is that it?'
We were kicked out of school, for three months, and the police called. School decided they wanted to go ahead and press charges, and claimed we'd caused £15,000 of damage. Yes, you read that right. Fifteen thousand bands worth of damage.
So we were both summoned to the police station. Our school had decided that it would 'drop' the charged os criminal damage totally £15,000, and never produced any documents to back that claim up. Funny that. But we werestill to be charged for Computer Misuse, which I think can carry a five year sentence, but I'm not sure. The two CID officers who interviewed me (with Mum present) had never, ever dealt with a breach of the Computer Misuse Act. They had no idea about any of the technical terms. But they were still very nice, and appreciated me explaining what I had done simply and honestly. They decided a reprimand was the way forward, and told school that they couldn't push any heavier sentence. So we were both reprimanded, which honest to God involves being shouted at by a senior officer. That's no joke, it is actually just a really good dressing down. And sits quite heavily on a criminal record.
Well, returning to school was fun. Hailed as absolute celebrities, some of the rumours we heard were terrific. Apparantly, teachers were questioning Pupils about our 'plot to make all the computers explode on the last day of term' and our 'huge pirate software/porn dealing scheme' (that part was true, my partner in crime had a very lucrative sideline in this. Sadly he wiped all of it when he got busted). Apparantly we changed everyone's grades, made copmuters explode, shared porn on the PCs, read all of the headteachers emails...
People still call me 'That one that hacked the school computers.' and ask how I intended to make them explode.
And that, ladies and gentleman, turned out to be a longer story than I expecting. Apologies for apologising about length, and all that. And any spelling/grammar mistakes I've made.
Ciao!
( Mr. Jack cracked the elite b3ta inner circle on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:52, 2 replies)

Quoting TV shows, films, anything with dialogue.
With accent.
With actions.

I should never have bought that bloody Eddie Izzard box set. Another notable example is being able to sing this on command.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:49, 3 replies)

What makes geeks angry?
The realization that, if you are 12 and sleep in a room decorated with astronomy posters, with astronomy books, with space bedclothes and space models and sticker books, you are a weirdo obsessive geek.

Whereas, if you are 12 and sleep in a room decorated with football posters, with football books, with football bedclothes and football figurines and sticker books, you are "normal" and to be respected.

Sigh.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:46, 3 replies)