My mechanic is nice to me.
He's usually a car mechanic, but he likes working on bikes.

Usually, when I go to collect my bike, and ask how much he wants, the answer is the same: "Just gis a fiver."

Cheers Mark!
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 19:40, 3 replies)

I'm crying as I write this. Damn you B3ta!
My Dad has given me 2 grand in as many years to help me out. He and Mum brought me up spending who knows how much and then he gave me a cheque for a grand on two seperate occasions. The second time, I just cried.

My Mum has supported me time and time again when things go wrong.

My brother cheers me up when I call.

My husband rescued me from a world of depression and upset and gave me a house an made me feel valued.

Apologies for unfunny and it's not in any great detail, but hey.
( VandenPlas can't think of anything clever - no change there!, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 19:34, 2 replies)

There are 2 hospitals in Derby...
...the DRI and the City Hospital.

They're each on opposite sides of town, about 45 minutes walk apart or 20 minutes or so by car, depending on traffic.

A&E is at the DRI.

A colleague was leaving work at 3 the other day having got an early afternoon to do stuff. On her way to the car she found an old guy who was after A&E. Since they were at the City Hospital, she told him there was no A&E there and he'd have to go to the DRI. He wasn't from Derby and had no idea where that was, so she drove him there herself.

If that's not going above and beyond the call of duty I don't know what is!
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 19:06, 1 reply)

Twenty years ago a mate of mine and I were out clubbing in Manchester
and ended up taking two girls back to their flat, as is often the case one was very pretty and the other...less so. My mate being a top bloke, took one for the team and let me have the former, unfortunately the latter gave him both herpes and HIV - what a friend!
(Chopper3, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 18:47, 4 replies)

Another b3tan who shall remain nameless as I know he'd prefer it...
...has just left my flat, having driven all the way to Derby from his home purely for the purpose of taking Jessie and I for a ride in an Aston Martin DB9 which he's been lucky enough to be looking after for a few days.

That is pretty fucking goddamn nice of him, is it not?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 18:43, 4 replies)

and now a more boastful one
one night in a small nightclub/armpit that plays bad metal and sells cheap booze to ropey underage chumps, i was rockin out with a friend of a friend , let's call him Andy, for thus he shall know it's him to whom i refer.

andy was rockin away, commented it was a bit warm, then pitched face down towards me.
i caught him, pulled his arm round my shoulders, and started carrying him outside. part of the way is through a narrow corridor.
i'm walking, carrying an unconscious guy, and shouting 'coming through!! SCUSE ME PLEASE!! UNCONSCIOUS GUY HERE!! people are moving, laughing.. except this one guy. looked like a collage of inadvisable cliche'd punk symbolism on a malnourished shop mannequin.
'fuck you you prick go round!'
i explain my friend is unconscious. he proceeds to shove me over, with andy on top of me. i pick andy and myself up, and start trying to get him to the door again. this time the dude punches me in the face. i'm still carrying a 6'2 unconscious guy at this point i might add. so rather than drop andy, i barge past the flurry of punches, (i guess that's what they were anyway) carried him out, and sat with him and the female bouncer as he came round and got him water etc.



THEN i went back and grabbed the punk chump , got him by the hair with one hand and under the neck/chin with the other and dragged his ass out of the club. andy had NO idea what happened at all.. i didn't tell him the details but apparently someone did, he rang me and was totally spun out that it had happened, and i'd been the one to carry him out.. we're mates now but at the time more like acquaintances.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 18:16, Reply)

seen through the eyes of another
i was a bit of a relationship shambles. 3 years with someone who treated me like an inconvenient hotel-cum-butler (no pun intended- cum was last in her priorities list) i pretty much considered myself unworthy. i was dating a very pretty and very nice girl who was also totally unsuitable on the premise i thought i couldn't do better.

so one night in a pub i met this lovely lass from northern ireland. she was flirting and fluttering her big blue eyes at me... i told her i was with someone... albeit unhappily (true- it wasn't working)
anywho. we ended up together (once i'd ended it with the other girl.. took me all of 48hrs :D AND turned out she had feelins for her ex so no harm done)
we'd been seeing each other for a good few weeks, and we both needed a holiday, so we went to cornwall to see some friends of mine for the first time, it became apparent that she wasn't just into my looks, or with me because i'm a big lug and it makes them safe, she was telling me what she saw in me that made her want to be with me
she ended up turning to me in a gloriousoly cheesy kitsch little smalltown nightclub, and just casually tossing in 'i love you'

it's the single nicest thing anyone ever said to me. i heard it before, but i never valued it because i guess soem part of me knew they didn't really understand it, or they were saying it to get a reaction... this girl is the most open, honest person i've met. she calls a spade a spade, and she'd told me how she felt.. for the first time in fuckin YEARS if i'm totally honest, i felt like someone actually saw something worthwhile in me.

now we're looking at houses. and cats :D
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 18:05, 2 replies)

Ahh, this is nice.
A very nice Doctor saved me from years of depression and misery by cutting off my willy and making me into the girl I always knew I was.


Thank you Mr Thomas, thank you from the very bottom of my heart (although I very much doubt you read B3ta).
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 17:38, 10 replies)

Yesterday I...
...guided a slightly drunken and panic-stricken old blind guy the fuck out of the middle of a busy main road at rush hour whilst walking home from the city after work. None of those fuckers would stop and let him finish crossing, some even beeping and shouting at him. Yeah, that'll help. Arseholes.

I waved down the traffic on my side of the road (which didn't please the sour-faced tart at the front of the queue I had just created, but fuck her) and led him to the pavement. He was grateful and apologised for drawing me out of my way, but I was having none of it. He then asked if I could direct him to a pub as he'd reconsidered his need for another drink after his ordeal. The nearest I knew of was about half-a-mile back the way I had walked so he instead asked if there was a bus stop where he could get a ride there. There was one about fifty yards back so I deposited him there.

He offered to buy me a drink, but to be honest I'd already walked three miles and I was knackered before I'd gotten started so I made my excuses and told him to scarf one for me.

Sweet old guy with a stick, bunch of cunts behind steering wheels and me. All turned out alright in the end.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 17:05, 4 replies)

America!
I work in IT, and have, in the past, been a contractor. There have been good times, there have been lean times. Summer 2005 was Pretty Good. A couple of mates were due to go over to the USA to (of all things) DJ at a club in San Francisco, and a bunch of other people decided to come along for the trip. Cheap flights in November, and crashing on people's floors.

I have a mate called Chris. He's a lovely bloke, but has been through some arduous times; a messy end to a relationship amongst others. I won't detail but a nice, good, solid chap on hard times.

I, on the other hand, was doing pretty well. Chris & I got pissed up one night, and I told him I'd pay his way to the States; he's a good DJ, by the way. He assumed this was Drunk Talk, as you would.

Two weeks later I phoned him up and asked him what his passport number was, and long story short I bought his flight & insurances - and never told my wife, she'd have gone nuts. I earned it, and since I paid all the bills, everyone's properly fed/clothed/watered with nothing lacking and this is my spare so it's mine to play with, that's my opinion.

He had a gerat time, and paddled in he Pacific. We destroyed the club with a brutal D&B set, when they wanted it kept to 132bpm. (Lightweights.) It was a Victory, we all had a great time, and it is unmentioned between us since; there's no weight at all behind it.

This isn't a 'big me' post, but I'm proud that I brought some light into a mate's life that was a touch too grey.
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Birthday treat
An ex Girlfriend took me for a surprise birthday meal on a cruise ship around Yokohama Bay, There was great food, great sights, great company and fantastic fireworks.
It was the best birthday I have had so far.

I really miss Japan :(
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:33, 1 reply)

Parents.
I know that most people think their parents are either fabulous or utter bastards when they are 15.We´ve all been there and huffed when they tell us off,given them the silent treatment and general self-centred door-slamming bollocks because "they just wouldn´t understand".After all,no-one else in the world has EVER been what through you´re going through,especially your own parents.

I was precocious,only in the fact that I twigged I was gay very early on.To me it wasn´t really an issue(OK,i did write some terrible angsty poetry,but nonetheless).Long story short,I had made a new friend who was clearly gay,and this raised some eyebrows.Before I knew it,I guess I fell in love.With hindsight,it was reciprocated infatuation.Anyhoo we wrote to each other every day and the phone bill went up enormously.Until he wrote to say that we should spend less time together and he was scared of what he felt.(We were 15,after all.)

Cue Youngarse going into hiding.I was devastated,and could barely string together a sentence without bursting into tears.

After two weeks of this,my parents sat me down for a chat.They gave me a few beers and the ashtray to help.
The upshot is that,although we had never been a very "open" family we had a 4 hour talk about everything.My homosexuality was discussed,my friend was discussed....you get the picture.

My mother ended the conversation by saying that no matter what happened,I was her son.And nothing could be more important than that.She told me to walk tall,head high and be me.She explained that love comes to you when you least expect it and can literally change your world,(I´ll vouch for that).She said she would time to adjust to my "situation",but assured me that even if she was upset or quiet or irritable,she would be there.I found years later that she took time off work because she found it hard to cope,joined a "parents of gay children" group to try and help me andeven had words with my headmaster (all boys school,you see.....)

So really,Mum,this one´s for you.You probably have no idea that the reason I´m sane and happy is because you were there.

I think the nicest thing you can do for anyone is love them,and have a little space in your heart for them.I try to do that,but then again I had a great teacher.

Apologies for lack of laughs-I´ll try harder next time.
(shirleytemplesarse, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:23, Reply)

Fighting the crisis
For those of you who can read Spanish, here is the new: www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2008/10/08/barcelona/1223476480.html

For the rest: to help people these days with the crisis (worse in Spain than in England) this nice restaurant owner in Barcelona has offered the menu (starter, main, dessert, bread and wine or coffee) for 1€

Very nice from him
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:18, 4 replies)

A simple 'phone call...
A friend and I had gone to a football match. Long story short: Hilsborough, April 15th 1989, Leppings Lane terracing.
Eventually, we got back to the side-street where he'd parked his car and were getting ready for the trek back to Liverpool. Some guy comes out of a nearby house and walks up to us.
"Been to the match?" he asked.
We nodded.
"Would you like to use my 'phone to call your folks - tell them your ok?"

It's the little things that mean the most - thanks mate.
(minimalist ..., Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:07, 1 reply)

Speaking of doing nice things for other people
How awkward is it when people ask you for money in the street? You can't give your spare change to EVERYONE, and statistically some of them are just going to spend it on beer, and you're probably not all that solvent yourself (well, except in comparison to the guy in front of you in the cardboard box), but then you feel guilty just walking past them.

Fortunately I came upon a handy solution in the form of another problem - my large assortment of plump elderly female relatives have a tendency to give me food at every available opportunity. When I fend them off with the very reasonable excuse that if I were to eat everything they gave me I'd be spherical, I'm like as not finding an apple has mysteriously appeared in my bag later that day.

Killing two birds with one stone is very satisfying, mathematically speaking.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 15:16, 1 reply)

The Tale of Kaol and the Crack-Heads
Warning: Not a funny story

When I was a younger Kaol, I wasn't a very nice person.
Drugs, far too much alcohol, violence, psychotic mental health issues and stealing.
In short, I was a terrible cunt.

As most people with heavy drug usage tend to do, I ended up hanging around with a lot of dealers and assorted nasty-types.
I ended up getting to know these people pretty well, and they'd do favours for me and I'd do favours for them.

I was at home one night and my phone started to ring.
The screen was displaying a number that I didn't recognise, but I answered it anyway.
Turned out that it was a dealer I knew, and he wanted me to go with him to make a sale, because "I'm a big guy".

We got to where we were meeting the "clients", I stayed in the car, with a baseball-bat, "just in case".
As I was watching through the window, I saw the three of them knock my "associate"* to the ground, and start to kick him.

I don't fully remember what happened, it was all a bit of a blur, and I was shaking and sick afterwards, but I know that I hit all three of them with the bat, and realised that one of them was going to try and stab my associate.
I later heard that I'd broken the ribs of two of them.

I'm not proud of any of this, in the least bit, but the "nice-ness" comes in that I got away from doing drugs pretty sharpish afterwards. So, I guess I owe a "thank you" to the dealer I stopped from getting stabbed, in a strange way.
If this whole situation hadn't have happened, I'd have likely ended up in a gutter somewhere, bleeding my organs out.
So thank you, scumbag-drug-dealer.

*I'm not going to say "friend" or "mate", he was a scumbag

P.S. I'm lovely now. Fact.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 15:12, 18 replies)

In my first year of uni
it came to the time when we had to choose who to live with. I was away and by the time I got back all my 'friends' had teamed up, so I moved in with strangers. One of these strangers started to work in a pub and met Sparrow Dodger, introduced us and now a year down the line we're living together and happy as happy pie!

So the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me was those bitches not wanting to live with me. And the Manc getting that job, because it led me to happiness... :)

*reaches for sickbag, apologising profusely for the fluffiness*
(Ryfelwr can't stop here... this is bat country, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:54, Reply)

Well, giving credit where it's due is nice
So, thanks e.m.m.y. who suggested this question back in Oct 2007 (see: www3.barnesy.org/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post95197)

Maybe the mods are doing the old "/questionsyoudliketoask/all" trick, as this made it into the chart at around number 20.

Or is it a coincidence?

Well, I for one thank you very much.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:50, 1 reply)

Some of the nicest things...
He travelled to another country to stay with a family he'd never met so he could see me who he'd also never met.

He bought me a muffin at Stirling Castle.

He writes poetry about "someone" to show how much he loves them.

He writes me wonderful letters that I've had to buy a treasure chest for so I can treasure them in proper style.

He sticks his fingers up my nose, messes my hair and slaps my legs because he finds the squeal of pain I make funny. You might think that that's not really nice but my nose misses him when he's gone and doing it myself just isn't the same...

He bites my arms to leave teethmarks so that when I go to work and look down I'll think "that's where he bit me" and will think of him. Damned if he wasn't right.

He cuddles me close and tells me he loves me. He also looks into my eyes and tells me how cute/pretty/beautiful he thinks I am.

He says he'll kill every man who even thinks of looking at me, thus keeping me all to himself.

I'm a romantic sap but that's all pretty spiffy to me. ^-^
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:46, 5 replies)

I just
bought my office Burger King for lunch because I won big at the dog track last night. Arnt I nice?
(Panda_Pop, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:34, 4 replies)

Dull. (Ulterior Motive)
I recognised one of the stories on here. Pretty certain I'm the one mentioned in it.

Just wanted to say: That "thank-you" was one of the nicest things anyone has said about me. (And I'm a pretty nice guy. I've had a lot of very nice things said about me).

Made me feel all warm and gooey.

Ta
(markthebrewer doesn't know if he's coming or going or coming, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:11, Reply)

A little obvious, but it has to be said.
I've been working the same job now for two years and it's the most soul destroying thing i've ever done....not a great start i know... Anyway, I just thought i'd thank you all (Yes, each and every one of you) for keeping me entertained at work and for brightening almost every day with a well told yarn (or AWFUL pun) and a comedy picture (Cdc's?). I honestly don`t think i could get through the day without you all...and i mean that sincerely. Apologies for the immense ammount of soft fluffeh sentiment, This weeks love in is really getting to me.



Sorry for lurking for so long. I feel so dirty for it :(
(Billyfindus Shy and retarded since, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:00, 3 replies)

The nicest thing someone's ever done for me
the nicest thing was done by my mother. She gave birth to me. And support me. Life is good.
Although she will never read this ( mainly because she doesn't speak English):

Thanks mum. :)
(rhatanu, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:03, 3 replies)

The ladies who...
One of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me was to have sex with me, so some highlights below that I would like to thank (in no particular order)

The 40 year old French woman who seduced me when I was 23 (taught me a great deal)

The one night stand in Gran Canaria who introduced me all things shaven & the joys of baby oil.

The 26 year old size 10 with a natural 30FF chest for (two) obvious reasons

The married woman who would only have bum sex with me (as that apparently didn’t count as cheating on her husband)

The one who claimed she couldn’t perform oral on me as it was too big (not true but a nice ego boosting way of saying no)

The next door neighbour who regularly visited me for late night “booty calls” for 3 years – regardless of if I had a partner at the time or not

The boss’s PA who regularly used to drag me in to the loos at work for a quickie (that certainly brightened up the working day)

The American girl who I got back to my hotel room within an hour of meeting her - for her general slutishness when I had been in a drought

The nubile 19 year old who used to wake me up with a BJ – what a perfect start to the day!

To those & the others… THANK YOU

Length joke? Too obvious…
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 10:50, 42 replies)

The Kindness of Oz
It's not the first thing you think of when you mention Australia but through a strange twist I ended up spending a week in a town called Jindabyne and doing a bit of snowboarding in the nearby resorts.

I always got a lift in the morning and was told that the best way to get a lift home was to stick my thumb out. I think my thumb was used for about 20 seconds as every time - every time - the first car to pass me stopped.

I won't mention the first guy who turned out to be staying in the same ski lodge as me and bought me stupid amounts of beer and invited me to a party at his house, or the second guy who drove me all over the town to get a wee repair done to my board. I want to give a mention to the two lovely girls who picked me up on the third day.

We were idly chatting, 'where ya from', 'ya here on holiday', 'what do ya think so far'?
I answered 'Scotland', 'sort of' and 'it's brilliant ... although I've been here for days and haven't seen a kangaroo yet!' I added jokingly.

They talked amongst themselves for a bit and then pulled off the road up a side track which I assumed was some local short cut. We speeded along for miles, the road getting worse and worse as we drove, then it started to climb high into a part of the 'Snowy Mountains' (they're really called that).

We'd been off the main track for about half an hour now, longer than it would take to get to Jindabyne over the main road, so was getting ... well not scared ... they were lovely people ... maybe a bit worried.

We started driving through a heavily wooded area then stopped as we approached an old looking trailer. The driver got out and approached the door which was opened before she got there by an old scary looking guy. They talked and both looked back at me a few times before he dissapeared back in and the driver came back to talk to me.

She came back over and said, 'as quietly as you can get out the car.' Starting to get a bit scared now but did as I was told. The old guy came back out and beckoned for me to come over, gave me a handful of brown pellet like things. 'Walk over there and hold your hand out.'

I did, and out of the trees came a tiny little kangaroo, then another, and another, then loads ... all coming up to me and eating out my hand. I got out the shotgun and managed to blow off most of their faces.

No I didn't, but someone was moaning this QOTW wasn't funny. It's all true up to the gun ... these girls, who I'd known for about ten minutes, drove on an hours round trip out of their way so that some stranger could see some kangaroos! For no reason other than that they knew where to find some. It was a magical moment that meant a lot ... it was over 11 years ago now and I've got a huge grin on my face typing this.
( Cheeses of Nazareth Where's Captain Kirk? www.whereiskirk.com, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 10:36, 4 replies)

this happened yesterday
and while its not the nicest thing ever - i think it's pretty nice.

my best friend was doing whatever he was doing in the boys bathroom at school and he looked up at the walls and noticed there was a list entitled:
Hottest Girls At ******* College. List and Tick if you agree.

and apparently there was my name right at the top with several ticks beside it.

and then my bestie looked closer and saw that someone had drawn a little arrow to my name and proclaimed "no - vampyrecat is a dog"

my bestie went and got his faithful sharpie and blotted the whole thing out (the entire list so i'm told) cos he felt whoever said that deserved their nose broken - but he didn't know who wrote it - so he contented himself with scrubbing out the whole list.

lovely friend to have in my opinion.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Oct 2008, 10:21, 6 replies)

She broke my heart and saved my sanity
Until recently I found myself in a relationship with the most wonderful person I know. We discussed getting a place of our own when our financial situations allowed, settling down, kids, marriage and did so seriously. I genuinely thought I'd found the person I would spend the rest of my life with.

In short we made each other incredibly happy.

We both suffer from mental health problems which didn't make things very easy but we'd always been there for each other through the hard times. Unfortunately though, things weren't getting better for either of us. If anything they were getting worse. She felt as though our relationship was making things more difficult because she felt there was too much pressure on her not to allow things compromise our relationship so after a very emotional discussion we ended our relationship to allow us both to focus more on finding a solution to the problems we both face.

Since then I've had a fairly severe depressive episode, the worst manic episode of my life and, finally, been given a proper diagnosis of bipolar disorder and the support I need to deal with the it.

If she hadn't broken my heart (and her own) I'd never have reached this stage. I'd have been too caught up with not wanting to upset her and using every ounce of mental energy I had to, as far as possible, keep my problems bottled up. We've not spoken for about 6 weeks now. Hopefully we'll start speaking soon and be able to maintain a friendship but even if we don't she'll always have a special place in my heart for helping me save my sanity.
( Captain V, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 10:10, 10 replies)

Introductions
A friend introduced me to sickipedia.org, then in turn i introduced him to b3ta, i can safely say i did him a big favour, as this kind of site is life changing, you can get away with anything(nearly)
(macsniffanugget is having his head wrecked, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 9:13, 4 replies)

An offer.
Given my last post in this QOTW, the whole living situation thing is still up shit creek. But a truly humbling thing has happened tonight, which I believe further qualifies.

My friend in Montreal has offered to set me up with a job where he works (video game testing!!!) and get me a room in the shared house he lives in for me and my boyfriend, as soon as it becomes available, and said he'd pay the deposit for it, as he knows I'm skint. I've never met this person, we've been talking online for a couple of years, just never got round to meeting yet, it's nice to know someone cares though.

Not sure whether I can accept, but its the thought that counts.
( Trijian, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 8:23, 9 replies)