My Crumble-foot crumbles...
i have a disease in my foot which causes the bllod to stop flowing to the bone and consiquently the bone has died and bits fall of and float in blood stream, i now have to have an opperation.

Now i found this all out last week after complaining to the doctor, my fecking loacl doctor for 6.. YES SIX years of pain and having to go twice a year to the hospital for x rays cause it felt broken.

so i went to work at LCFC behind the bar! woo! some drunkard made me bring over his drink and i felt my bone snap, i fall to floor and burst into tears as toes feels ripped out of socket. bloke goes
'Can u bring me other drink over love?' (in heavy leicestershire accent)

and promptly treads on toe..
now there was no need for that

(fecking doctors and their crap pain killers and bowl of hot water with vics cures all)
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 23:13, Reply)

absolutely no need
was on romantic holiday with new significant other for the first time. heading down to fabulous vacation destination, significant other was on the verge of death suffering from horrible flu. arrive in beautiful vacation spot and within 24 hours, significant other's health was improving while mine was rapidly deteriorating. by the last night, I was so sick couldn't even sleep in same room as significant other. so much for romance. to top it off, on the way back, our flight was delayed all day and then cancelled, so had to spend 24 hours in detroit. DETROIT. there was definitely NO NEED for that.
bright side: we are still together and he says he fell in love with me that weekend. go figure.
(sjds14, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 22:34, Reply)

When I trip / fall over something at knee / foot level
and go arse over tit in extreme pain (this happens more often than you'd think - I'm a bit of a fuckwit when it comes to stubbing toes / barking shins etc) ...

there is no need whatsoever for Mr b3th to helpfully call out "Careful, there's a chair / box / table / indeterminate piece of crap there".

Every. Bastard. Time.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Jun 2005, 21:11, Reply)

Dido must be a common torture device
I hated the dirty bint already, but she was the soundtrack to when i had my chest tattooed. Didn't exactly help dull the pain.
( roboplege, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 20:53, Reply)

Truth Serum
The surgeon carefully explained before the eye surgery that they were going to put me under with sodium pentothal (truth serum).

When I awoke, everyone in the recovery room was laughing. I asked: "What's so funny?" The surgeon replied: "Oh, nothing!" Then everyone in the room busted up again!
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 19:51, Reply)

I decided to go fishing
on one of my rare days off on sunday. In north yorkshire. Nor too far from Helmsley. Yes, thats the place on the news where people where airlifted from due to horrendous flooding. Half an hour into the storm, after being hit with golf ball sized hailstones, rain like you wouldnt believe, ligghtning hitting trees right near us and the lake slowly rising round my feet, we decided to leg it and go home.
Then had to drive home through country lanes in 2 foot of water nearly flooding me engine.
My car now smells of wet dog/fish (a strange smell) and the seats still havnt dried.
Oh, and it cost 6 quid each

and I dint catch anything
(dr-kill, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 19:50, Reply)

Sir/Madam
It's my pleasure to send you this mail which I hope you will treat as highly confidential. I am PRINCE SOKI MOBUTU, son of the late President Mobutu SeseSekou of Zaire, new Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). There is war going on in my country and so my family members escaped to Morocco while I am presently at Zambia/Zimbabwe boarder monitoring events. Due to the present crises, it is not save to put any investment in my country and besides most of my father's properties and account have been seized by the government of Laurent Kabila who died earlier last year. Now, I want to set up an investment overseas and I have about US$21 million (Twenty one million United States dollars) set aside for this project, I decided to contact you to help me in setting up a good investment, but I would not want my name or family name to be used. I am prepared to offer you 10% of the total sum if you assist me in claiming the fund from the security vault in Holland where my father deposited the box containing the fund as gemstones, gold, and jewelry before his death. Please contact me if you are interested and capable of helping by sending your telephone/fax numbers for me to reach you because I cannot receive any international call for now due to my condition, so that I can send the documents regarding to claiming of this fund. This will be handed over to as the family foreign partner.

'nuff said. Spammers make E-mail difficult. This is absolutely uncalled for.
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 21 Jun 2005, 19:36, Reply)

there was really no need for that...
When I was 14, our biology teacher scheduled an extra-credit saturday field trip to look at tide pools. I really wanted the extra credit (looking back...I don't know why, as I had an A in the class), but on the day of the field trip, I came down with a horrible case of the flu. Cue chills, stuffy nose, and cough. I took an aspirin and was sent on my merry way.

The day went fine, besides the fact that I felt like crap, lots of looking at little fish, crabs, and other fun things, but on the hike back to where the buses were parked, I slipped and fell down an algae-covered cliff. Now I was cold, wet, sick, the entire right side of my body was covered in algae, and my cruel classmates were mocking my misfortune.

I played it off like it was no big deal, stood up, and took three steps, only to slip down a second algae covered cliff, this time coating the left side of my body in the stuff.

There was no need for that.
(sponch!, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 19:04, Reply)

Try moshing with a chav
Well i was at Green Day in Milton Keynes, with some gr8 mates, 1 of whom came along cos she's best mates with the others. And she's a fucking chav. So we did our best; made her wear Converse, trained her in the basics of punk rock etc. So the great day came. Jimmy Eat World supporting, and i absobloodylutely love them, so i was determined to get to the front, or at least the edges of the moshpit. Chavvy decides that she will join me. Well OK then, but don't fall over, keep away from fighting guys and hang on to me. OK sure! she says, certain that being in a boiling crowd of sweaty, headbanging, testorone fuelled apeshit punk rockers in just as simple as wiggling about at a pikey club.
So we get near as possible to the front. And she's having some second thoughts when she sees how tightly packed the black-clad crowd is. But as she is proud she would not give in and sufficed to look intensely worried.
Jimmy Eat World come on. Legends. As they are incredible they play my favourite songs first. Small mosh fight started in front of us, so i tell Chavvy to move back to avoid pain. Does she? Does she fuck. So we get caught up in the jumping-up-and-down-like-a-maniac-while-punching-people fest. Im having a great time, getting practically molested from all the shoving and compression, digging in my New Rocks to stop falling over while leaping. I look round to see the poor pikey with her cap knocked off and one of her (MY) chucks trodden off. She looked like she wasabout to cry and was begging me to take her out. SO, baring the shame of having to push OUT of a pit DURING MY FAVOURITE SONG i dragged her out, grabbing my poor trainers as i went.
There really was no need for that.
Apologies for length, but im tired (had to get up at 7 next day, so 3 hours sleep, and coursework to do)
(Fireinzehole, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 19:04, Reply)

uncalled for
A few years ago I had to have an injection into my eyeball. I went into the operating theatre and they clamped my eye open, Clockwork Orange styleee. Then I noticed that the Opthalmic surgeon liked listening to Beethoven while he worked...
Just to put a tin hat on it, he fucked up and for six months I had a bright red eyeball like fucking Dracula.
Bastard.
(Elizabeth Duke at Argos, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 17:54, Reply)

snooze.
there is no need for me to be in my office at my desk, at work. i finished at three. why am i still here?
i just woke up. i have no idea how long i have been asleep for. and the key board has left a interesting print on my forehead.
(Jeeves, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 17:32, Reply)

My mother
often laughs* about the time as a child she jumped over a wall, rather than climbing through a nettle-covered stile, and landed on a bee's nest.


*Evidently it wasn't funny.
( Father_Ted Drink!, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 17:32, Reply)

All the bloody time.
Bloody friends of friends...

A group of mates I live with have some* Fucknuts of friends... They always make life that little bit more uniteresting for me.
*disclaimer - i said some not all.

Take Nick for example... The wannabe hippy/yuppy... Always playing with his new dooda of a phone whilst telling everyone to get a life. Made us all get out of his car and walk up a fucking hill because he didn't want to scratch his car on a slightly awkward bend. He's a twit of a man.

and SAV the LIAR... He lies about fucking everything and is a Complete and utter Twuntfiend. He's always supplying us with tales of derring do and blah blah... usually involving the police or bouncers or the CIA.
Lying no good shit for brains...

****STEAM RELEASE****

*no apologies for length...



Cheers. :)
(Kayozz, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:48, Reply)

no need...
I recently had the honour of representing the UK at the world freestyle kite championships...
(dull as dishwater to you but a big deal to me)

The day arrived when i hd to make my way to Cap d' Agde on the south coast of france (free travel, food and hotel), i was supposed to travel up to the airport with a friend that lives locally but the day before he threw his back out and couldnt make the trip..

I made alternative arrangments, i travelled up to woking to stay with a friend who lived in surrey, it would be a fairly easy journey from there to Gatwick...i had a driving lesson that evening so i said i would get the 920 train from Portsmouth to get to woking for around 10.30...

Makes the train no problem, gets the MP3 player on, working through my moves for the world cup in my head..

The train is just pulling out of a little staition a couple before Guilford and some son of a bitch threw himself in front of it

THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THAT....

split the guy into 3 big pieces... nasty, blood guts ... the lot

then we had to wait... and wait... and wait for the police and ambulance and all to get here , clear the twunt up take statememnts, worst part we were in a mobile blackspot... not a single person could get a signal... so five hours later when we finally started moving i got through to my mate..

kinda put a dampner on things for a while but my mates did a sterling job of getting me in the mood...
(Ickypimp, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:46, Reply)

Ladyisatramp
making my point so much better than i did - no need for that!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:35, Reply)

Gah!
All these bum-munchers complaining about QOTW, you come up with something then! Bloody Hell, there is no pleasing some B3tards!

Right... err, carry on!
(LadyIsATramp, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:31, Reply)

Freebies
Not only did I buy Mrs Tree Hugger a Glasto ticket (I can't go 'cos I'm working), but her mate treated her to seeing U2 at Twickenham on Sunday - £150 ticket and free beer all night in the inner circle near the stage- (I couldn't go 'cos I was working) and now she's just phoned me at work (where I'll be until 11pm) to tell me she's somehow blagged a ticket for Audioslave at Brixton tonight. Now there's absolutely no need for that.
(tree hugger putting the "semen" in "basement"..., Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:16, Reply)

Not Dido....
But Gwen Stefani.
My dad had a heart attack about 3 weeks ago and I was just about to go to see him in hospital. I was sitting in the car in tears, and the bastards at Radio 1 decided to play Gwen Stefani - That's my shit.

There was no need for that! I hated that song before then, and now when I hear it, it gives my flashbacks.
(once_upon_a_time, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:07, Reply)

Bastard Bloody Estate Agents
No need

First they tell me i am having a new bathroom fitted, 8 weeks later they decide to do it - in the hottest week of the year so far!

Secondly they cannot find the keys to the window locks so all except the very very small windows can be opened

Oppressive heat with no bathroom - NO NEED!

And ESPECIALLY no need for NTL to come and rip up all the turf in the front garden so that upstairs can get it installed - Bastards!
(woo_yay_houpla loves teh sexy tiem, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 16:04, Reply)

Trumps
Why on earth men/boyfriends/husbands insist on farting in the bedroom all winter when the windows are frozen shut and i've just got warm in a nice spot in a cranky mood

No need for that!

However, this weather i can appreciate the delicate aroma and humour with the windows wide open and no bedsheets and the bugger doesn't do it. pah :\

EDIT

When i smashed my car into a bus shelter (which stopped me rolling down a hillside) when my steering stopped, several passers by decided to check underneath 'incased i'd killed an old dear waiting for the 92' NO NEED!
(lehcar_woo, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 15:16, Reply)

pointless criticism
no need for people whinging about the topic on QOTW!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 15:13, Reply)

Not me but my man
My boyfriend often enjoys to torture my dog (shitzu chiwawa poodle) and get him way too over excited which the dog enjoys to death. But the other day he got the dog rather pissed off and my doggy punctured (bit) my boyfriends finger and then proceeded to yack on his pants. Oh how i laughed even as i cleaned up the spew.... now his finger pusses :( eww
(SPoRk, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 14:57, Reply)

There are many, many occasions where I've thought, "There was no need for that".
Therefore, for my anecdote I shall relate the most recent example: living in Cambridge as I do, I am constantly meeting poor souls begging, or trying to sell the Big Issue to disinterested punters. I generally have a lot of sympathy with anyone in this position (a small change of circumstances and I cold be in the same place), and I did voluntary work at a Homeless Shelter back home in Oxford, and in Cambridge I effectively got two lads off the streets in December when they were suffering from hypothermia. I'm no saint, but a little more conscientious than most of the other student population.

So, there's this one character, allegedly a Big Issue vendor, who I had met about six times before, and his line was always, "Oh sorry mate, I've only got one left - give me a little change and when I see you again, I'll owe you one" - I played along for a while, being a very generous bloke (my nickname is "Captain Host"), but the last time I encountered him, which was yesterday, he tried the same trick again. I told him that, contrary to what he might think, he should not be begging, but instead actually selling a product - I wasn't going to donate to his personal charity any longer. Having been generous before, and approaching him in good humour, I thought he would accede to my argument.

Instead, he called me a wanker, and, as I was walking away, perhaps having an insight into why the guy was homeless in the first place - he shouted after me "You're just like all the fucking students, you tight-fisted cunt!", causing a wave of passers by to look at me with scorn. No need for that mate, no need.

This may classify as a rant - if so, apologies.
( alcuin, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 14:54, Reply)

No need
for this QOTW - Roll on tomorrow
(woo_yay_houpla loves teh sexy tiem, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 14:48, Reply)

Get a life Fogbat....
you nobless goon
(Manatee Fondler, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 14:10, Reply)

A few weeks ago
i was sittling an extremely hard Networks 2 exam

(i have a bad memory,and learning difficulties)

so i'm saty in front of a pc typing away whatever i can remember for the exam, finishing time rolls around rather quickly, as you can imagine...

i click save......the damn pc crashed

no exam for me..... :(

i have a witness to what happened, and the semi state of a crashed word document, hopefully someone will be able to get some sense out of it

as for the worst thing, they cant even go off it because a few weeks earlier i had the removable hard drive stolen on a train about a month prevoius to that

ARSE!


definatly no need for theivery, or the feckin pc to crash


i'm so looking forward to doing it next semester.....:(
(VashTheStampede http://www.b3ta.com/features/howtopoachanegg/, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 13:45, Reply)