Here's a random question:
How do you (the photographer) conclusively prove the date on which a photo was taken, within the photo itself, using an easily-repeatable method?

I was watching a film where a character was kidnapped and the baddies took a polaroid with the current day's paper in shot... but that would only work for today. If you used the same photo tomorrow, there would be no way to tell if the photo had been taken today (but with yesterday's paper) or yesterday.

Things like this keep me awake at night. I'm going down to my local pub, hopefully someone will figure it out by the time I get back :-D

EDIT: I'm not planning any kidnappings btw. However, this may change if an answer materialises...
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 20:39, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening all


Shall we make a nest in here tonight? It's a lovely warm evening, the ... seagulls ... are squawking, and there is cake.
( Maladicta, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 20:06, 55 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My exciting night
Don't read this if you've got anything better to do.
[Selected highlights]
Or the tale of Kaol, his two friends and "why does this kind of stuff happen to me all the time?"

Last night I headed into fair London Town to go to a gig, accompanied by my trusty comrades Jom and Timmy (names altered for legal reasons).
We got to central London on the tube from Epping and went to get some food before picking up our tickets, at which point we got a call saying the gig was cancelled.

"Fear not," said I to my handsome entourage, "We're in London, the City of Dreams, surely there must be fine distractions for young men such as ourselves."

~~~~~Fast-forward four hours~~~~~

Timmy is "The most drunk he's ever been ^TM", Jom is also fairly drunk, and I'm not too bad. We're standing in Tottenham Court Road, eating waffles from a street vendor.

~~~~~Fast-forward four more hours~~~~~

We're slumped outside a rock club, Timmy looking a fine shade of zombie-grey. The half-price cocktail pitchers were a bad idea, especially the Long Island Iced Teas.
Just because something is half price, it doesn't mean you should drink twice as many.
Timmy mutters something about it being a "bad waffle" and I lead him to a dark, leafy flower bed to be sick.

~~~~~Fast-forward one hour~~~~~

Jom has decided it's a great idea to walk to Hyde Park and sleep there.
It wasn't.
We got as far as Green Park, Timmy having been sick about ten more times.
We meet a wonderful Watchman of the Night, Mr. Insane Tramp.
He started a five-minute rant at us that began with:
"I'm Jesus. In fact I'm fucking God.
I'm your worst fucking nightmare.
I'm the kind of person they warn you about at school.
I'll fuck you up if you look at me wrong.
I'm Hitler and Ghandi."

That kind of thing.
When he'd finished I offered him some chewing gum, and with a "Thanks mate" he wandered off into the night.

~~~~~Fast-forward one hour~~~~~

Jom and Timmy are both throwing up now, moaning about the waffles. I'm a bit worried, as I had one too.
We're now wandering around Knightsbridge, thanks to Jom's wonderful sense of direction.
It was at this point I decided to grab 20 minutes of sleep behind a statue of "Borridge", near the French Embassy, before being moved on by the police.

~~~~~Fast-Forward four hours~~~~~

After hours of wandering, and a few minor adventures we got on the Tube, having to get off every few stops for Timmy to throw up. He'd been sick about 50 times by this point, and I was a little worried.
An hour later I was home and in bed.

If your made it to the end, congratualations, but maybe you should get out a little more...
On second thoughts, you're safer staying at home.
( Cawl, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 18:50, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Unfortunate timing
I'm suffering from a nasty sinus infection. This means I am endowed with the ability to produce seemingly-endless quantities of thick, sticky mucus. I usually relieve myself of the wretched burden with the standard "snort, spit" method in the (concealed) office sink to avoid clogging up my nasal airways with the vile contents of my sinuses.

Yes, it's delightful.

Anyway, there I was today standing at the urinal at work, taking a piss. I could feel the pressure building in my facial tissue and no-one else was around, so I figured I could save time by doing two things at once.

I snorted back with a demonic grunt and ended up with a mouthful of the slimiest snot imaginable. It felt like I’d stuffed an entire, body-temperature jelly into my mouth and I very nearly boked.

I quickly turned my head down and spat the revolting mess towards the drain hole…

…and missed.

Fortunately, my still-pissing cock broke the fall of the oral ectoplasm. I was repulsed by this unholy union of my favourite appendage and my least favourite bodily fluid, so I tried to wipe it off my trusty chieftain. The slimy resin wouldn’t budge owing to it having the consistency of the glue used to stick CDs to magazines, so, thinking quickly, I decided to use my own piss as a makeshift solvent. About the same time I started ‘cleaning’ myself, a colleague wandered in to the toilet and joined me at the adjacent urinal… aaarrrgghhh!

As I struggled to maintain my composure, the slimy entity began slithering towards the end of my old chap, then, at the last moment, it held fast to my japseye. A long, shimmering, stretchy mass just hanging there, swinging freely from the end of my todger. It looked exactly like an apocalyptic ejaculation of happy man-gravy.

My colleague began chatting as I tried to remain calm in the face of this extraordinarily unfortunate turn of events. With an enthusiastic shake of the trouser truncheon, I managed to chuck the majority of the appalling translucent sludge into the urinal and it fell into the drain. However, a long, stringy tentacle of goo flicked back, still tethered to the tip of my nether-cyclops. It slapped into the full length of my shrivelled pride and stuck there, like the devil’s own racing stripe.

At this point, I had to give up. To my neighbour, I probably appeared to be just standing there, admiring my own undercarriage. The stream of piss had long since expired, so I could no longer justify standing at the urinal. I stuffed the soiled beast back into my undercrackers and made my way to the sink to begin cleaning my piss-soaked hands with a routine that would have put most OCD-sufferers to shame.

My colleague eventually left the toilet with me still scrubbing away. At the first opportunity as the door closed behind him, I dashed to a cubicle and proceeded to wipe myself off properly. When I returned to the office, my gaze met his and I got the feeling that he may have seen my filthy ordeal and drawn his own conclusions. I’m not sure if I should explain what actually happened. The thought of him trying to deal with the alternative explanation makes me quite amused.

So… that was my unfortunate sequence of events. What about you?
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 15:22, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

i am currently sporting a shaved head and even beard combo
deleted for seeming like a cunt and not intending to have done so.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 12:01, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

other people's incompetence
not incontinence, for once!

i am sitting here, with a vile hangover, when it's lovely and sunny outside. my head is in pieces trying to work out which term in this stupid lease is right when the dickhead who drafted it 8 years ago (leading law firm, my arse) has done this:

definition of term: 10 years from and including the date hereof

demise: the landlord hereby demises unto the tenant all that the demised premises together with the rights and easements contained in the first schedule and excepting and reserving those items mentioned in the second schedule for a term of years from and including the date hereof and expiring on 21 November 2008.

given that "the date hereof" is 1 april 2000, THAT IS NOT TEN YEARS. THAT IS 8 YEARS, 7 MONTHS AND 20 DAYS. so which is it?!

i am wasting my life trying to work this out. all because of some gimp's carelessness with a precedent document 8 years ago.

make me feel better and tell me all about the shit your colleagues have left for you to shovel up??

yours,

seriously cranky of london
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 10:45, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Missed the damned experiments question
but I suddenly thought about this today.

There's a saying out there that men would love to suck their own cocks if they could get low enough and rumours persist of people having ribs/vertebrae removed in order to accomplish it.

Am I the only man who actually wouldn't want to do this? Apart from the somewhat unattractive prospect of jizzing in my own mouth, when you orgasm, your muscles twitch, which could lead to some unpleasant complications.

I can't help thinking that the only thing that would happen is that I'd end up stripping my bell end on the back of my teeth or giving myself a violently unexpected deep throat.

What do you think?
( Kroney, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 22:05, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

please excuse me while I have a slight pissy fit
I would like to point out this is no way a personal attack but for all those people who say "I didn't play the national lottery and won a pound" could you please explain how that works?

does someone from the lottery come along and give you a nice shiny gold coin for not purchasing a ticket? no they don't, you have exactly the same amount of money as you started with, you have won nothing, nada, zip, you are an equilibrium of balance.

I didn't buy an £90,000 Aston Martin today so that doesn't make me £90,000 richer does it? of course it bloody doesn't so please stopit stopit stopit stopit for the love of all that is cute and fluffy.

breathes out.

bah.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 19:47, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Update on smiling at people on the underground experiment:
19 smiled back. And one jumped off the train when I got off and ran after me to ask for my phone number.
(Pretty strangers and promises, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:49, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here's home for the evening!


Do drop in...
( thealternativefact, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:05, 151 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So
the next time i post here I will be back in the UK!

Yay!

My flight is at 7.45pm tonight my time, so 1.45pm in the UK.

Looking forward to some bashes, beers, catching up etc when I return...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:43, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HAHAHAHA
customers are generally nice.....but sometimes mental.

a guy just sent me a thank you email along with this little ditty:

Shall Not Pass This Way Again

Once and only once I pass this way,
If a good deed I may do,
If a *odafone customer I can help,
Let me do it while I can,
I shall not pass this way again.

(name changed to protect.....erm....me?)

anyone have any idea where this came from? I imagine it's been modified...

or anyone else recieved anything odd from a customer/client???
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:32, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

my liverpool flat's for sale
i made a little web page for it in case anyone's interested: www.roygbiv.co.uk/flat
(westhead, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:58, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The air is thick with tension
and around the globe people are poised with their fingers on F5, fingers twitching with the urge to stab out frantically at the keyboard to write FIRST!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:49, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

congratulations Mrs Liveinabin
you got the last post and it was about rape

nice work!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:20, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Are the mods carrying out a very pointless experiment?
How many people will fall for the 'I'm last' trap?

Oh no, not me.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 15:21, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tips not tits...

Shamelessly ripped off from an email I got ages ago, but the Ipod battery chat reminded me about the extra battery stash on your phone, enjoy!


4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.



Also in Australia, the Australian emergency number 000 can be dialled whilst your mobile phone keyboard is locked. This is another reason why 000 receives so many false emergency calls!


SECOND

Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to
drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!"

THIRD

Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone!:

star-hash-zero-six-hash

* # 0 6 #

A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 12:09, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For Tom Waits fans
a review I wrote about the gig I attended last night featuring Mr Tom Waits.

www.justramit.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?p=124567#124567
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 11:59, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Freaky and horrible
I'm in the midst of an epic bout of deja vu. things I'm doing, conversations around me, all feels like I've seen it before in a dream or something.

I'm worried though because I have a feeling that the dream ended up with something bad happening. like something really bad but I can't remember what it is....

I'm dreading my phone ringing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 11:23, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TGIT
Hi guys 'n' gals. Mind drifting as usual on the way in this morning when a nice fluffeh idea occurred to me.

When the occassional /talk-boarder climbs over the fence to OT with some ludicrous suggestion or disruptive teen-behaviour, I think we should pelt them with left-over cakes rather than flame them. Maybe even jelly too.

What do you think?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 10:47, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

you may be sick of hearing about my new bathroom
but I need some help.

I've spent ages trying to find just the right tiles, and after having done so I have absolutely no idea what colour to paint the rest of the room.

for reference, I am tiling round the bath, the wall with the shower on is going to be matt black stone looking tiles and the other walls the same tiles but off-white. fixtures are all chrome type stuff.

any suggestions?

I'm thinking maybe a light grey....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 9:43, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning everyone
I think it rained here during the night as it's so much cooler than it has been before.

How is everyone today?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 8:48, 311 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Che mentioned, in a reply to a previous post, the idea of replacing common cliches with more B3ta-friendly ones
This has been playing on my mind, and I've came up with a few

"It's always darkest before dawn" should be replaced with "It's always darkest when your head's up your ass"

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" leads to "You can lead a supermodel to a fridge, but you can't make her eat"

"It's like teaching your Granny to suck eggs" should become "It's like teaching your Granny to hate black people" (although that may just be my Gran)

"The devil makes work for idle hands" sounds better as "If you've got nothing to do, play with yourself"

"A needle in a haystack" could become "Sensible advice on /talk"

Anyone got any others?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:34, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)