*smirk*
I'm scouting the nets for live video of a boxing match tonight, and I noticed this link.

www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/bendirs/

Does anyone know of a feed?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 23 Nov 2008, 3:34, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lauren Laverne Quote
I was just clearing out a few things that I'd hung onto for maybe a little longer than I should have. I found a page torn from a magazine; Lauren Laverne interviewing Paul Heaton, then of the Beautiful South. I couldn't for the life of me work out why I'd kept this particular page, so I had a read and about three quarters of the way through I found the quote. I thought I'd post it here just to share before I throw it away:

"I remember once playing a terrible gig in Leeds. At the end I said 'See you in Hell!' and walked off, and then these two girls came backstage and went, 'Did you say see you in Hell, or see you in Hull? 'Cos we're from Hull, and if you played we'll come and see you.'
(Stop Bloody Antivirus Pro 2009, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 21:18, Reply)

I know this guy
who can fart smoke on the water
(Lord Chode, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 17:57, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fact of the Day
Bryan Adams was the Canadian Moose-Rodeo Champion in 1979.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 16:08, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mr Nong


Today I have happpily caught the elusive beast that is Time Off. I am still in bed, yay for me!
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 10:38, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My housekeeper is the best!
Wow. I have a friend that regularly asks to borrow $25 on a Friday as he doesn't get paid until Monday.
I usually offset this by having him feed my cat while I'm away, or helping me with grocery shopping as he can't really afford to pay it back.

So.....this week, he asked me if I wanted a housekeeper. I live in a tiny apartment that consists of a living room, full bathroom and full kitchen (studio for the yanks, bedsit but with full amenities for the brits) and as I only spend 3, maybe 4 nights a week here, it's constantly a mess.

So, we came to an agreement. He gets $25, but cleans my place on a Friday. Today was the first day he did it and the place is STUNNING!!!! He even did my laundry and put it away (I did not ask for that at all, just asked him to clean the kitchen and bathroom, and do the dishes and vacuuming).

I'm a super happy sunny bunny right now!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 3:02, Reply)

It's only cookie dough!
So today my boss brought in an order form for a school fundraiser. We mutually agree that she will buy from my kids if I buy from hers. Armed with this knowledge, I begin browsing the brochure. It was then that I spy the name of the cookie maker.

The name was a bit of a surprise. I asked my boss if she had read the contents of said brochure. Her brow furrowed in worry. I showed it to her and asked if I was just being juvenile or if she thought the same thing when she saw the name. She read the name, gasped quietly, then burst out laughing.

I began to wonder if it was a joke or possibly real. She said I should google the name. I told her I wasn't about to google THAT name at work as it would probably lead to pron or some other type of smut.

I checked the back of the brochure to see if there was a company website. Sure enough, the fundraiser has a website. Alas, the company name for the cookies was never mentioned. We searched around the fundraiser website and found the cookie maker on a link.

Here, my dear OTers is the website for the cookie company as it is the only proof I could find to put here that this is indeed their name.
www.spunkmeyer.com/

Which leads to the question, who the hell thought this would be a good name for a company selling a food product?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 21 Nov 2008, 22:43, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The BOAT founder is back
And allow me to have a little rant.

Today I had planned to spend another workday on Off Topic, annoying people with my BOATy awesomeness and entertaining my wonderful and everso sexual BOATfriends. But my cunt of a boss had other ideas. The big boss, who seems to be under the impression he is some kind of deity, decided that the records of 3 fucking THOUSAND students had to be edited by a 5pm deadline (he pulls deadlines out of his arse, just to sound important - proven by the fact he's now put this "deadline" back since a team of 10 people can't edit 3 thousand records in 6 hours.

So we each get around 600 students each to edit, on 3 pages of A3 in teeny tiny writing. I whizz through mine in about 3 hours, and with a sore back and square eyes, I go and stick it on big boss' desk. Then, as I get back to my desk, my boss pipes up.

"Oh, can you do these two pages for me as well? I've been stuck in a call."

So I do another 400. I dump them on the desk. By now it's 4pm - 30 minutes till I go home.

"Oh...Can you do this last one of mine? Sorry, I've not done many."

So by my reckoning, I spent all day editing the same little bit of information 1,200 times in a row.

So by now I'm fucked off. Then I go to catch my bus and it starts sleeting. Then the bus doesn't show (been in this job 7 weeks and NOT ONCE have I gotten home on time on a Friday thanks to a hateful bus company). The next one which turns up half an hour after is actually 15 minutes late so I spend 45 minutes freezing my man-tits off for it.

THEN the bus gets ground to a halt in a traffic jam ON THE FUCKING MOTORWAY, because this time of year Canterbury is stuffed full of soulless vermin who clog up every road, path and shop as they spend too much money on shitty presents for awful people who don't deserve anything.

So the bus clears the jam and by now I'm seething. I just want to get home, warm up, have food since I've not eaten since Thursday at around 4pm. But oh no. Next up, the bus gets stopped by 4 old ladies. Why? Because they want the bus driver to call them a taxi because their bus was late. Old people should be fucking exterminated.

So I get home, and manage to cheer myself up with a nice pizza and watching Buzzcocks which I Skyplussed last night (including footage of a 12 year old Simon Amstell doing an impression of Dame Edna). I wander upstairs, turn on my computer, come on here, and despite having waaay more likes than any other post on last weeks QOTW, despite forming my own band of super sexy heros, my fucking name is NOT in the newsletter.

To my boss - you are a cunt.
To Stagecoach buses - you are cunts, and your buses are mechano-cunts.
To old ladies - you are dried up cunts.

And breathe...

EDIT: Shit, ok, I WAS in the newsletter. Rob, I take it back. You are a sexy, hairy little love-blancmange and I want to make sweet sweet custard to you. Rawr.
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 20:05, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's the weekend and there is a new series of IT Crowd starting today.

( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 21 Nov 2008, 18:59, 112 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I decided to burn a cd of cover songs for my drummer. I'm pleased with it. Here's the list
1. Imagine - A Perfect Circle (John Lennon)
2. I will survive - Cake (Gloria Gaynor)
3. Hotel California - Gypsy Kings (Eagles)
4. You spin me right round - Marilyn Manson (whoever did it originally edit:Dead or Alive, thanks djtrialprice)
5. Rusty Cage - Johnny Cash (Soundgarden)
6. Loverman - Metallica (Nick Cave, I think)
7. Games without Frontiers - Massive Attack and Peter Gabriel
8. Sweet Dreams - Marilyn Manson (Eurythmics)
9. Whisky in the Jar - Metallica (Thin Lizzy)
10. There's no way out of here - Monster Magnet (David Gilmour)
11. The Pioneers - Tunng (Bloc Party)
12. 2000 Lightyears from Home - Monster Magnet (Rolling Stones)
13. Gimme Gimme Gimme - Yngwie Malmsteen (Abba)
14. Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps - Cake (Whoever did it originally)

awesome
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 17:12, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

comments please...
TEENAGER KILLS HIMSLEF ONLINE.

Police investigate as teenager appears to kill himself on video websiteMore than 180 people watch online as Florida teenager swallows pills before appearing to fall unconscious.

www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/nov/21/internet-video-overdose-teenager
(smells-like-victory-v's, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 16:13, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Okay, here's a question
I've not really been involved with QOTW or B3ta that much, for various reasons, but I always check out the newsletter on Friday. While browsing through it, I noticed that the answer that came top of the 'Things I've found' QOTW was an urban legend, not an amusing, witty anecdote as I'd first thought, but something repeated virtually ad verbatim from somewhere else on the web.

My question is, do you think it matters? Does it irritate you that a story with little thought and no originality came top, ahead of other, more truthful stories, or do you only care if it's amusing? Does the truth matter on QOTW, or is it all about the laughs? I'd be interested to see what everyone thinks - lately, QOTW has veered away from anecdotes, featuring poems, puns, old jokes and random nonsense, but fewer and fewer honest life stories. Is everyone happy with this? Seeing as I'm asking the question, I'll refrain from stating my opinion, but I'd love to hear everyone else's.
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 15:15, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was just reminiscing.
Remember BOAT.

Hehe! Those were the days.
( girlinthehole, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 14:43, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Re: My DVLA letter
I once applied for a job, and this (as far as I can tell) was the stock "Thanks for applying, if we don't give you an interview, we won't let you know"
****

Septic Tank 2004

Beloved Hopeful

Group Boss / HARDEN Bowels

Hardly any gratitude for penetrating about the stake of Association Minion/Mr Frosty Teashop at Sour-tasting Aversion School and I have given up all hope that you will notice the fugitive in this gang that thwarts you by smearing you on Panorama.

Sour-tasting Poverty is a forlorn neglected academy with a not inconsiderable riotous approach and a tremendously depressing man and some novices.

I stare offensively at your conduct record. The concluding instance for compliance is 13 August 2004. Ignore this at your peril.

We do not tick off claimants for any jobs or else we have screeched at them for interrogation, if we do not have a word with you, please suffer. You have not been exultant in your treatment and you must tolerate my displeasure at your fascination with the postman.

Yours dangerously

Relentless Suffering
(Headteacher)
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 13:21, Reply)

...
Last night my mum rang me to ask if I could come round as she wanted to speak to me and my brother. Expecting to give out computer advice or help with something, I agree and arrange a time.

I turn up and we are all sat in the kitchen, Mum holding her boyfriend's hand. She starts with "There's not really an easy way to say this..." and I smile and think 'aww, proposal'...

She's been diagnosed with leukaemia, she's 49.

Fuck.
(gin'll fix it, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 13:11, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fact for the day
In the time it takes you to read this sentence, 145 people worldwide will have given themselves 2nd degree burns to the genitals by sitting on photocopiers and attempting to photocopy their own buttocks
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 12:38, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I know the Baby P thing has already been discussed here,
but I'm still being invited to loads of groups and causes on Facebook about it. What can I reply to these people about it, without getting myself lynched?
(hutchers, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 12:08, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here's a question for you
The phrase "go through it with a fine tooth comb"

I've always thought that it was a "fine-toothed comb" i.e. a comb with fine teeth

Recently I have been noticing people saying it "fine tooth-comb" with the emphasis and inflection indicating a tooth-comb that is fine.

This seems wrong to me.

Give me your opinions.

edit: I notice that contrary to the subject line, none of this poses an actual question.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 12:04, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!
Warning: Self indulgent post.

I've just this second got to my desk at work.

For about 9 months I gave up alcohol owing to a sports related injury which meant I couldn't exercise and I was fearful of pie-related build up. The last several months I've been fine though but I found it hard to reach the dizzy heights of drinking I used to find easy.

Last night was like getting drunk again for the first time.

I really don't think it was sensible driving in this morning but I was ludicrously late so I was rushing round like a former celebrity trying to get on "I'm a former celebrity, humiliate me for money". I have vague memories of throwing up into a sink last night. Other than that it's a bit of a blur. I just hope I didn't turn the PC on when I got back home - something I occasionally do - and the worst of it was just some drunken texts (hi mellicious!).

I feel spacy and ill. Don't think much work will happen today.
( djtrialprice, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 10:45, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!
Warning: Technical Post
Since when the cock does Redhat Linux have the same endian-ness as Windows?

I've been staring at the same kitten-raping bit of code for two days now, wondering what the paedophile was wrong with it, and all I had to do was switch off the swap-endian flags. Surely Unix is the opposite endian-ness to Windows?

/breathes out
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 9:55, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*Slinks in*
There will be no poll today, or BOAT.

*Slinks out*
(GONEism, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 8:18, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's fucking Friday.
You fuckers.


( wanderlust, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 7:52, 234 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I tried to make my letter to the DVLA more formal, but may have overused the thesaurus feature a bit

Most Superb Blot
Early Harvest
Noodles Pile Way
Go Off
Mammoth
Dump Version


Hit the Gas Healthy Limbs
SCARF
Mire
FIND OBESITY

Spouse Ref: OGRE
Maggot Ref:

Women Maybe Scared:

I smeared a makeshift, energetic permit in 1990, and I am yearning to tolerate modules and chuck my railway-wagon dynamic experiment.

In days of yore, I have stumbled upon brief abductions, even though these have been enforced by opinion and thus I haven’t enjoyed a spasm in ages. I am causing you to drop a line to my immature advisor for supplementary niceties at the tackle beneath.

Dr Wobbly
2 Cathedral Street
Railway Bridge
Uproar

Also, I am concealing a revolt, which can be perceived at the zenith of this thesis; the location of my creatures being:

1 Bellyache Curry
Spoilsport System
Smashed
Beast

Make somebody's day, warn them about the marmalade.

Yours wickedly,


Dirty Squeeze
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 2:41, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fact of the Day
1 in 30 elephants will die as a result of spontaneous combustion.*

_{*may not be a fact}
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 2:29, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

single 19yo male,clever,cute,funny,and artistic,would like to meet similar rich female for polite conversation,weed,money,banter,sadism,and general lullity.
fat chance!
anyone else as lonely and bored as me?
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 21 Nov 2008, 1:30, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just who is Freddy Woo?
Do any of you lot know?
(Freddy Woo suggesting your questions since, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 22:07, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pipeline Pilot

We've just got some new software at work called pipeline pilot, which I am sure can be used as a euphemism for something. My American colleagues disagree. Do any b3tans find this name as amusing as i do, or have i been reading too much viz?
( ascorbate, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 20:01, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Thursday evening needs a thread...

( thealternativefact, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 17:32, 163 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does anyone feel like
making a BOAT badge for us BOAT folk? And a pamphlet? I don't think my artsy skills would do it justice, seeing how I have no artsy skills at all.
(GONEism, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:25, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)