haiku time
The penniless man
Saviour from estate agent
MOAR wine and coke please

Use your poetry heads and tell a haunting tale of another b3tan

Alt:
Lunch woes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 13:44, 227 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

End of an era
Today I started wearing my last still-unworn pair of sneakers. This is a sad day. All my backup sneaks are in use.

abloobloobloo etc.

I don't have a question and this thread is STILL better than Battsy's poo-poo thread.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 12:05, 141 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

What's the largest number of shits you have ever had in one day?
I've just had my ninth of the morning.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 11:46, 17 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Write a personal ad for yourself or someone else on here
alt: Greatest DIY success/disaster

altalt: what silly things make you grin or laugh?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 10:25, 112 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

One in nine Britons has not read a book in the past year.
That's fucking disgusting. What else is disgusting? MY MUM GEDDIT MY MUM IS DISGUSTING DO YOU GET THIS JOEK????!!!!

Alt: I have an amazing talent. My talent is that just by thinking about something for a moment I can work myself up into a boiling rage about it. I know, it's incredible! At the moment I am teeth-clenchingly irritated by the television ad for Richmond sausages with those bent Paddy cunt 'musicians' who all go home and eat some repulsive sausages with a twee cod folk soundtrack. It hasn't even been on telly for months and yet I am seething about it. Do you have an amazing skill?

Altalt: That Richmond sausages ad is really annoying. What is the most annoying ad of all time? MY MUM IS!!! HAHAHAAH fuck. off.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 8:35, 250 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Had about 3 hours kip, couldn't sleep well at all.
What do you do to get off to sleep?
Alt, plans for today? Paperwork here.
Altalt, what's your attitude to paperwork, organised or crap?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 6:27, 21 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

New prick thread.
If you're a carnivore, is there any reason you'd stop nomming the flesh? Moral, cruelty etc?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 21:38, 159 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Evening prick thread.
So apparently this is a thing now,

www.independent.co.uk/news/science/video-new-species-of-walking-shark-discovered-in-indonesia-8798447.html

What evolutionary leap would you hate on an animal? Cats with thumbs etc?

What is your favourite animal?

Alt. Evening plans. Unless it's more depressing than the day
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 18:50, 230 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

where'd everyone go?
If you had to go inside any one like in that film "Inner Space" who would you go into and why?

alt: you have to touch me, where will you touch me and with part of you?

altalt: Everyone seems fucking miserable round here, fuckin cheer up yeah?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 16:34, 185 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

fuck that shit
i think you all need to calm down a bit and 'get real' yeah?

who is/was/could turn out to be the wakkiest poster on the /offtopic messageboard?

Alt: if you could take over another baytans username for the day what would you do with it?

altalt: why doesn't rob show an interest in this place anymore? back in the day he was all over this place like flies on his shitty fingers. did you ever talk to rob, is he a bayta m8 of yours?

altaltalt: Chips & 'BLANK'?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 14:37, 171 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Think it's time for a lunch thread.
EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT HAVING ANY COS I'M STILL FULL FROM BREAKFAST! How wacky is that?
Alt, I'm thinking of getting a bike - the petrol sort, despite not having one since yonks ago. Any suggeztions?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 13:36, 136 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Oi Swipe
Not all is lost for you:

www.dateginger.co.uk/index.html

You should sign up.

What websites would you recommend for other B3tans?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 11:24, 209 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

either youse cunts arent showing any interest in the baytan cultural rayvolution
or, well fuck, i dunno...

i donno if you know bu theres this websight dictionary.mictoboy.co.uk/ that collects all you shit you cunts say and then repeat for fucken years thinkin yer wide or summat

theres no "Fuck off Bert" or "Great seats" or fucken "MARRvellous meme you fucken cunt"

So pull your fingers out baytans and make you mark, what are you going to submit to this websight for posterity?

Alt: Mince has been suffering with a bad case of tagnuts and could do with a lend of some wet wipes and a chisel. What do you think another baytan needs a lend of?

Altalt: tell me a joke
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 10:33, 78 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

According to BBC Scotlald news, older people with autism are invisible.
What a silly comment. What else in the news do you find silly? What in general do you find silly?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:28, 100 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Hi kids.
I'm starting a thread but I have nothing to ask and nothing to say.

You're on your own
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 7:55, 112 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Can't be bothered to read that thread.
So what?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 21:36, 31 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Sausages and all things good
Nakers got me thinking about making Sausages and Mash with Onion Gravy later, I have some excellent mustard ones in the freezer from this place
www.bigbarn.co.uk/marketplace/vendors/claires~SpringLaneFarmShop_Nottingham_NG3_Free_Range_Beef
What's the best thing to do with a sausage*?

Alt: Does any one actually miss me around here**?

Alt:alt: I have managed to get loads of stuff in the last week, what have you managed to get done in the last week*?

* awaits YM joke
** Needy bastard
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 18:10, 219 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Tell me about the best dump you had?
why was it so great? did you take a photo?

alt: Ever used a bidet? what was it like?
(RonSwanson, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:30, 127 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

tell us about the worst sex you ever had
why was it so bad?

alt: how much alcohol do you drink a week?

altalt: afternoon snack? i have chickpeas, but am too full after falafel salad for lunch.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:19, 201 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Get Right Back To Where We Started From
Have you moved away from where you grew up? Have you been back? What childhood memories have been DESTROYED by this?

(Inspired by GeordieJay gaan yem to toon)


Alt:
Tell me why I dont like Mondays
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 13:13, 206 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

So, Nakers is working his notice.
Who can't you wait to see the back of?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 11:39, 19 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I can't help but worry that these online nonce entrapment dudes are liable to fuck up a police investigation sooner or later.
Do you think what they're doing is admirable or a disaster waiting to happen?

(to clarify, I'm using this thread to trick any nonces on here into admitting their crimes)

Alt: lunch woes

Altalt: that 'Miley Cyrus' person is really fucking irritating, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 11:39, 126 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

What are you finding tiresome at the moment?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:08, 252 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Happy birthday Jeff from all of us here at Battersea x
Good weekend? Mine wasn't great.

Alt: What about the week ahead? Mine won't be great.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:45, 184 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

WOOOOOooooooooooooWOOOOooooooooooooooooooo *rattles chains*
So what the fucks been going off here then?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sun 22 Sep 2013, 20:18, 190 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Sunday morning, the sun is shining, the day is full of promise.
Pray tell me dear B3TANs, what does this day hold for you? Some poetry reading and free-form dance perhaps? A vegan feast and mongolian nose-flute music?
Tell me of your plans.

Me? I'll be oiling my well-shaven nads and wanking to internet midget porn like a demented chimp while eating 2-day-old Greggs leftovers - no change there.

Alt: Gardening? Do you do it? Is it for ornament, food production or a little of both?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sun 22 Sep 2013, 9:02, 32 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Have you made any significant changes to your lifestyle? if so, how was it?
alt: Fingerbang
(RonSwanson, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 20:57, 41 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Is there any Bergerac on TV this evening?
I might have to buy the box set
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 18:44, 79 replies, latest was 11 years ago)