Has everyone died?
(prays this is true)

Have you all been eaten by Nombies?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:04, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Nomnomnomnom.
I've been working. I do that now and again.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Well I for one am disgusted at your behaviour.
Don't *smack*
Do it *smack*
Again *smack*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Smack addict

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

*steals Ro-land's alarm clock*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Sorry!
I got carried away : (
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

By Nombies?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

No, by the excitement of going away this weekend.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

*likes*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I like this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Stuffing their fat faces
/fatest country in Europe. Ban lunchtime threads
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Desperately
trying not to eat the inevitable hordes of "Christmas" chocolates and biscuits that have appeared in the office.

/Beach body.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

+d whale

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

How cruel :(

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Every time you get hungry
chew on an 18 inch black dildo instead.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Ah! the pornstars diet.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I thought that was mostly protein
and shame?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

On a training course in Sunderland this week
*boring reply is boring*

No zombies here, too cold
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I turned into a hunter yesterday
I'm currently nyoming on delicious b3tan flesh
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I too have fallen foul to this "working" thing

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

You of all people, have let me, everyone here but most of all yourself down.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

sadtimes
But I'm sure I'll get over it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I have to do some more this afternoon : (

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

*stern look*
I've warned you about this already today.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I know but it's either do supplier payments today or get the bastards ringing me next week to find out where their money is.
They're fucking annoying when they don't get paid on time.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I'm alive!
Update on Mingegate.
My mate accidentally sent a photo of her flangepiece to my other mate DURING an almighty telephone row with her boyfriend.

We can only assume it was a 'look at what you're missing' effort.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

She may have been calling him a cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Apparently she'd been in the shower for ages previously,
so I think she'd been doing a bit of topiary, then he'd gone and ruined it because he's clinically insane and an alky.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Please forward said image to me for review purposes
and we'll say no more about it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I don't wish to see it
Our other friend couldn't sleep last night after she saw it
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Does it have teeth?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

No but it was very close-up, very unflattering
and had a landing strip
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Somewhere to keep your nose warm

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Up all night wanking, right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Honestly, this girl is foul-mouthed and unshockable
but she's practically doing the Romanian Rock over this!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Is that similar to Chinese Rock?
/ramones/heartbreakers
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I fucking LOVE that record.
Heartbreakers version wins. I have a 12 inch *winks at the ladies*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

How is that ever going to win an argument.
LOOK AT MY GENITALS!!!!!
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

If the argument was about whether or not you had any genitals?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Only you would argue about that sort of thing.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Or sexface,
"You don't even have any genitals or tits, PROVE IT"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

A worryingly successful tactic, by all accounts.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Apparently she was drunk
I have no idea
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

HOLY FUCK
I just realised we've past the millionth post who got it?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Oh...
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1000000
not that great
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Jeff of all people.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Jeff, in a run-of-the-mill response to me about Erdinger.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

He should edit it to something cool

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

It was decided that he shouldn't, I think
I guess it should be an accurate representation of the converasation here.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Erdinger is cool, especially the Dunkel.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I found a can of Kronenbourg

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I managed to get rid of the zombies by throwing LPs at them, I reveiwed them first, of course.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Hahahah
[Looking through Shaun's LP collection for suitable records to throw at two approaching zombies]
Ed: Purple Rain.
Shaun: No.
Ed: Sign o' the Times.
Shaun: Definitely not.
Ed: The Batman soundtrack?
Shaun: Throw it.
[Ed does so; it misses]
...
Ed: Dire Straits.
Shaun: Throw it.
[Ed throws it – clipping Mary in the side of the head]
Ed: Stone Roses?
Shaun: No.
Ed: Second Coming?
Shaun: I like it.
Ed: Ah! Sade.
Shaun: That's Liz's.
Ed: Yeah, but she did dump you. [Throws it]


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA brilliant dialogue, SO cool and knowing, yeah?

EDIT ironically the best record listed above is probably the Sade one. Those two cunts really should die as a matter of urgency. Especially the fat one, because he's fat AND a cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I like Purple Rain!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I like the first 15 seconds of When Doves Cry.
Every single other second of that fucking midget's tedious career is complete bollocks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I like Shaun of the Dead

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I like Shaun The Sheep

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

TimmyTime is better

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

He's better than that cunt 'Mr Maker'.
I hate that bastard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

This is true

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Worst of all is 'Big and Small'
with Uncle Tom muthafucka Lenny Henry.

I actually have to leave the room when that's on.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

We are currently on endless repeats of Fireman Sam at the moment
Makes a change from Peppa fucking Pig though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Peppa FUCKING Pig?
They grow up so fast...
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Hahaha.. Excellent.
I'm looking forward to the episode "Peppa Goes To The Butchers"
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I trained my daughter to say 'on no, it's RUBBISH'
when Big and Small comes on.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I think that "Characters From Childrens TV Who Are Cunts" may well warrant its own thread.
Both of Big Cook, Little Cook - Prime cunts and no mistake.
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Ohhhh this^
Cave Duck is hereby nominated for President of the World
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Oh, you're too kind.
Although "judicious insulting of fictional characters" is under rated in our current political system.
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Little cook and young Wookiee here
could have been separated at birth*. 'Big cook' appears to have severe learning disabilities.

*He even dresses the same:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Yes, I can see the resemblance.
For I too am glib, annoyingly chirpy and appear ginger without actually BEING ginger.

Is your eyesight going, perhaps?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I think it's the jaunty neckerchief that seals the deal.
And the big gay apron.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Don't forget the mental "dancing"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Wookiee is invariably to be found
at bashes, flying around on a giant wooden spoon, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:01, Reply)

That depends on how much acid he's had.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I've never tried acid.
Too scared of GIANT SPIDERS OH GOD THEY'RE ALL OVER ME.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I found some mushrooms*
when I was rigging up my 'BT Home Hub' on Monday. Re-sult.

* quite a lot of mushrooms
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Is doesn't matter if you're tiny or tall
It doesn't matter if you're big or small....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

*STAB STAB STAB*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I hate the program
but the theme tune IS catchy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I have no idea what you're on about
but it makes me glad I don't have any young children.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I went to my sisiter once and my nephew was watching some children's crap on TV.
Some guy who looked like John C Reilly dressed like an an escapee from a circus fannying about in a virtually bare studio and doing sign language at the same time.

It made me pine for the days of Mary, Mungo and Midge.



( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Mr Tumble
As scary and rapey a clown as it is possible to be
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Oh he's appalling.
Always hanging around with spackers, too. There's something not right about that man *calls Daily Mail with 'scoop'*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

That's the guy.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

*shivers*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Kid's TV (what I've seen of it anyway) today is shit.
Not like in our day.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

It doesn't matter if your wife
is 25 FUCKING STONE OF TERMINALLY UNFUNNY CUNT.

Oh yes it does, I'm off, soz Dawn, lol
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Ex wife Monty
Get with the programme.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I thought I'd covered that with 'I'm off, soz Dawn'...
No?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Sorry
I thought you were referring to yourself. I thought it was odd at the time...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Heh. Bella from the Tweenies is both more attractive and funnier than Dawn French.
And the actress who played her was once in an episode of "The Young Ones".**


** Go tell your "brother" about that, AA.
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I think you'll find
his 'grandfather'* left him that fact in his will.

*the one who climbed Everest and was in the SAS and used to know King Arthur....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Craig Colclough?

(TheColonel, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:09, Reply)

No, HE was real.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Apparently they're seperated now.
Play your cards right and you could be waking up at the crack of Dawn.
(TheColonel, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Those cards should be shredded, burnt, and the ashes buried.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I like sado-sexual torture
but you don't hear me crapping on about all the time DO YOU?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Yeah, we pretty much do.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Ah. As you were, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

News of my death has been greatly overexaggerated.
Alright.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Greetings.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Salutations.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I'm constantly surprised by how much posting goes on
I barely post and I've been given a quiet word. I wish my job had unmonitored internet use and actual quiet time. :(
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:12, Reply)

No, but it seems as though the rest of my department has.
Although I think their collective absence is more to do with a little too much free wine and organised fun. How was the film?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Excellent. I shall be buying the DVD when it's out,
it would stand repeat viewings.

You get a slight feeling he's a bit lonely actually. It's not explicit but that was the feeling I got.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Funny you should say that...
There was a moment in that Hendrix documentary when I thought he was almost going to shed a tear - a fleeting glimpse of a beating human heart beneath that rusty iron exterior. It was strange to behold.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:29, Reply)

He seems like a nice chap, all told.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Well, of course, he's a bass player.
/Actually on shaky ground with such a claim as 'Macca' and Roger Waters are famously complete cunts
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I don't think Shaky is a bass player.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)