Even more than usual
anything and everything is irritating the hell out of me today.

How can I cheer myself up?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:29, 92 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Kill yourself
It might not amuse you, but it'll cheer me up.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Pull a funny face.
Do a silly dance.
Tell a friend a secret.
(TheColonel, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Listen.
This is not the time for video ideas - save it for the band meeting tonight, yeah?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Yessir. I'll bring the Frubes
Just to put your mind at rest: my Pie this morning was corned beef and onion. Nothing spectacular but the pastry was delightful.
There will be a chocolate sponge cake arriving with a cup of tea in approximately 24 minutes.
(TheColonel, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

These are all GREAT song ideas.
Write them down.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)

need a bass player?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Ladies and gentlemen
you are witnessing the birth of a new super-group.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)

ideally I would have a double necked beast
with one a bass and the other a guitar
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I want one with four necks, each at 90 degrees to each other
they will comprise a guitar, a 12 string guitar, a mandolin and a theremin.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I also want that
but I want a bass on there too
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Hmmmm, I think you could add a further two necks
pointing in opposite directions and perpendicular to the plane of the previous four necks. One would be your bass, and the other would be a small drinks bar containing a range of optics.

EDIT - I think the drinks bar would require some form of gyroscopic stabilisation to prevent spillage whilst rotating to reach other instruments.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)

you could have the bar continuously rotating
like a centrifuge
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Lads, lads, lads.....
This is a ROCKING BAND, yeah? Not one of your fucking engineering projects.

Don't tell me, the band 'look' should be waterproof trousers, right?

FFS
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Do you not want a drink on stage then?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)

I was just going to get one of those 'beer hats' you get in America.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:13, Reply)

it will need to be
because of all the gushing from the female fans
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Good thinking.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:12, Reply)

You mean they'll piss themselves laughing?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Only if we have you as the support act
Once they catch sight of your floppy wrists and even floppier hair, they'll all have laughter induced hernias and bladder prolapses.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Support act?
How do you expect me to support anything with these wrists?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I love the idea of the front row of female fans
Aiming their fannies at you and drenching you all in she-splunge
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)

You sicken me.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Tell me something I don't know
No, seriously, go on
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Erm...due to the expense of looking after her hilariously retarded child,
Jordan couldn't actually afford her last boob job operation, therefore she popped them open herself and stuffed them with scrunched-up newspaper.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Something TRUE
That was very good though :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I want that as well
But I also want a kind of bicycle-operated drumkit attachment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)

D'you need a Moatyalike for drumming duty?

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)

This little band is shaping right up.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I will be the second guitarist
in the style of Sid Vicious in that I'm not a very good player and I may kill my wife.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I think everyone would prefer it
if you were a second guitarist in the style of Richey Edwards
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Haha!

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)

They'll be in my journal.
I'll let you look at it, there's some great ideas once you look through the tears and candle wax.
(TheColonel, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)

...and pictures of Jill Dando torn from celebrity magazines.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)

She had a nice warm doorstep

(TheColonel, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:27, Reply)

+carved
journal chest
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Too tempting
silly little
Make a little love
Get down tonight
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)

the only type of love you are capable of making is "little"
in other words, you have a small penis
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Hahahahaha
No I haven't :-)

You happen to have sprung upon the only subject upon which my smugness levels show up on your radar
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Bearing in mind your disdain for pretty much everything that I find entertaining,
I will try to think of things that annoyed me of late. The World Cup will not be held in England in 2018, and the time difference between here and Brazil, where the next one will be held, might mean minimal disruption to your normal TV-watching schedule, if such a thing exists.

That's all I've got for now. Bear with me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I don't know, maybe get a grip on life?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

N/A
Involves sobriety
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Charming.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Why not take a moment, breathe, have some coffee
smoke a cigarette, or go to the bathroom and chill for a moment away from everything
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Not a bad idea.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Sing your favourite songs using thre vocal stylings of Mark E Smith- ah.
Design a range of clothing for cute ickle field mice.
(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Braise some brisket in the style of Brain Blessed.

(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Lovely use of English there. That actually has cheered me up.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Isn't that illiteration?

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Indeed it is.

(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

How the hell did I know that.?

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

It's to do with you being all clever an' that.

(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Wonderful punnage
right here.
( Kroney, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Alliteration actually.
Are you fucking 'alliterate' or something?

(sorry)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

That's an allegitimate illegation.

(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

that made me smile

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Illegations of Chilled Abuse
The Beastie Boys album they never released.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Do what I do.
Buy expensive clothes you don't need.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:38, Reply)

expensive ugly
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

IT'S NOT UGLY.

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Wow, is that you as a child?
If not she's a dead ringer.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Nah! I had bigger boobs at that age.

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:06, Reply)

POIDH
Then and now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Go to Mormon talk forums...
...and hit on the ladies.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Large amounts
of Class A's and expensive French alcohol.

As long as you are not required to be a responsible citizen today.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

This....
...is what I dream of
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Journey are touring next year

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Yes they fucking are
and I'm going to see them.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Am strongly tempted myself
Hey Monty! We could all go together!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)

OMG we could all sit in a row and I'll make us a banner and I can hold one end and you can hold the other
and it will read "THIS MAN LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE" with an arrow pointing at Montys head in the middle.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

YOU MEN
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)

lol

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)

You can come too BGB
but you'll have to do your best impression of a fag hag.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I do happen to like Journey.
I could wear my new beaded kimono jacket.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)

This is turning into a mini-bash
I'm well up for this if the rest of you are
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)

The thought of my not attending
is cheering me right up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Good
That saves me from putting any effort into the story I was composing in my head about Bono dying when his Honda Accord exploded all over his sunglasses
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I already have my tickets for the Wembley date

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Date again?
Can't be arsed to look it up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:07, Reply)

What is it that you do
that seems to make you so cross all of the time. I'd suggest not doing that anymore, for a kick-off.
( Kroney, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Ah.
Suicide it is, then.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)

It's painless, so I hear.
MTFU, emo.
( Kroney, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Should I presume the 'drugs/dangerwank' option...
...has been exhausted?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

There are always those days,
when you can't quite rouse the spirit and energy to yell the Lord's Prayer at the top of your lungs at the same time as maintaining tumescence.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Kind of.
However, accompanying said onanism with a simultaneous top-of-the-voice rendition of the 'Dangermouse' theme, cleverly adapted to be 'Dangerwank', might add a subtle, additional frisson.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Try the Ultimate DangerWank
207.44.242.20/questions/vandals/post902188
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)

That is great.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Off you go to try it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Have a drink
watch a good film. Even better watch a shit brain-candy film
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)

this makes me happy in a holy fucking shit sort of way
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIFZcsVcRH8&feature=player_embedded

stolen from facebook, of course
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)

this might help
the other day someone said that they know something like the back of their hand. This made me think that while I have a casual knowledge of the back of my hand I could not really give an accurate description of any distinguishing features. I don't spend that much time looking at it.

Because of this I put forward the motion that "I know it like the back of my hand" should be replaced with "I know it like the top of my dick"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Or 'I know it like the top of your girlfriend's head'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)

or your mother

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)