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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Sorry but this has got to be worth it's own threadEmpire ran a poll amongst its readership to find the greatest Christmas movie of all time and the winner, I am phenomenally proud to announce, was
(spoiler alert)
DIE HARD
I for one think this is unbelievably awesome. What's your favourite Christmas movie?
Alt Q - Anne Widdicombe, shag or die?
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 14:57, 172 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
The Flint Street NativityShag, just so she couldn't get into the heaven she believes in. I'll show her a real heaven.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)
I have never been so unnerved by a description of lesbian sex in my lifeGood work
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:04, Reply)
I'm really struggling with thisI really want to see half of this seduction and absolutely want nothing to do with the other half. What a dichotomy
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:07, Reply)
I agreeI can see why you'd want to see The Widdecombe get seduced.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:10, Reply)
My favourite Christmas movieis Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence. Though I always like a rewatch of Some Like it Hot
Alt Q: shag, because I don't want to die. Also there would be the irony of her losing her virginity to another women, thus confounding two of her deepest held beliefs
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:02,
Reply)
I don't there could be a downside to shagging her thoughOne, you know she's not got any diseases, two, she's not getting pregnant.
Three, if you go in dry and it hurts her, then bonus, you're hurting anne widdecombe.
Four, as far as she's concerned, you're the best shag in the world.
And five, you can definitely wipe your cock on the curtains since you're never going round there again are you?
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)
These are all valid pointsthough my favourite politician-shag reason is that of a lesbian friend who would shag Margaret Thatcher on the grounds that you could do it again in half an hour and she wouldn't remember
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:11,
Reply)
What if you fall in love with her?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:12,
Reply)
Then I would settle down with my east end gangster mates and spend my evening flushing drugs down the toilet like all the other liars.(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)
Lies! On line!Call the /Talk police!
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:28,
Reply)
PerformanceAlt: shag, no problem.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:04,
Reply)
I think we should put Ms Widdicombe in touch with B3taThe offers are lining up. Form an orderly queue
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:06, Reply)
Never seen that filmWould quite like to though if it's out on DVD now
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:28,
Reply)
It is.I think it's the best film ever made bar none.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:34,
Reply)
I want you to shag her and then both of you die(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:06,
Reply)
As long as I don't let her go on top I should make it out of there alive(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)
But will her undoubtedly hairy back be enough to get him going,or will we have to tape a picture of Graham Norton to the back of her head?
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:09, Reply)
I wouldn't want either of them to get pleasureso it'd probably be some pegging with a massive double-ender
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:11,
Reply)
Is that rhyming slang?'Yeah, DF really is a raving double-ender'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:13,
Reply)
it can be that too(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:14,
Reply)
Die Hard is obviously the best christmas moviebut I like "Jingle All The Way" for the bit where the black guy slips over and Arnie mockingly says "OH POOR BABY!"
Also it has Phil Hartman in (Lionel Hutz from the Simpsons and the original voice of Zap Brannigan from Futurama). One of the last things he did before his wife murdered him.
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:08,
Reply)
Because of the way that The Simpsons are constantly on and not in any particular orderyou do tend to forget that Lionel Hutz and Troy McClure haven't been in any new episodes since Hartman's death
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:18, Reply)
'tis a shamefor the new Futuramas, the guy who does Frys voice now does Brannigan as well. As far as i'm concerned it's perfect.
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:24,
Reply)
Love ActuallyNo, fuck YOU.
EDIT: Actually, I've just realised Home Alone counts as a Christmas film, so that is my favourite.
Alt Q: Die. Let's face it, her minge will look like the inside of a mince pie turned vertically by now.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:08,
Reply)
stop worrying about itAA is a dumb motherfucker with pretty much zero taste. He knows this, we all know this. It's time you got with the programme.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:13,
Reply)
Ooh, seems Vipros doesn't like me again!In reality, I think pretty much all 'Christmas' films I've seen are shit. This includes Nightmare Before Christmas, Santa Claus: The Movie, The Santa Clause, etc etc.
Although that has just made me realise what my favourite Christmas film actually is...
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:15,
Reply)
What is it?I've been listening to 'Nightmare Revisited' today, that's pretty good.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:16, Reply)
It makes me laugh moreBut I think the first one is better.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:21,
Reply)
I think it's because I've seen the 2nd one so many more times than the first.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:23,
Reply)
I like Nightmare Before Christmasand I watched National Lampoon's Christmas vacation the other day, that was good.
I'm so bored I don't like anyone at the moment.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:19,
Reply)
NL's European Vacation is one of my all-time favourite films.Animal House is my father's.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:25,
Reply)
I remember seeing EV at the pictures.It had lots of tits in it if I remember rightly.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:30,
Reply)
Animal House revived the whole fraternity thing in America apparentlyI love European Vacation, I'd forgotten how much until seeing Christmas Vacation the other day. I shall be downloading and watching EV very soon.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:39,
Reply)
it means that there's something wrong with The Matrix(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:21,
Reply)
There is,humans are innefficient energy converters it would have been better for the machines to grow protobacteria for their energy needs, or seeing as they didn't give a shit about the planet burn fossile fuels.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:29, Reply)
'getting with the programme' is American wank-speak.Say sorry to everyone.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:17,
Reply)
To be fairAgger's taste in clothes can be quickly improved by 'accidentally' flinging a glass of red wine over him.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:20,
Reply)
I don't mean any particular disrespect to AAbut as a cricket fan I must request that the nickname "Aggers" only ever be used in reference to Jonathan Agnew.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:24, Reply)
It's not true.I referred to him as "Aggy", which in turn was my nickname for Agamemnon, who was awesome. I have never and will never refer to him by "Aggers".
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:36,
Reply)
Let's go with Agnes(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:39,
Reply)
If in doubt, blame the Jews.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:33,
Reply)
I'M BEING PERSECUTED AGAIN :((
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:36,
Reply)
I don't like Fight Clubdue to its massive shitness. Book or film, both bollocks.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:14,
Reply)
ha hayou have something in common with AA
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:16,
Reply)
We like some of the same music too.Point being?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:17,
Reply)
I am Jacks complete lack of surprise(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:16,
Reply)
Spent your winnings yet?(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:19,
Reply)
Nowhere near, I'm pleased to sayAlthough Ms Foxtrot is still deliberating on the awesome present I promised to get her, the rest might all go on that
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)
That's an obvious answerLOOK IT'S FUCKING POLITICS www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/nickrobinson/2010/12/somethings_bugg_1.html
I really like that
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:12, Reply)
I'm astounded at just how much of a spastic retard Cable has revealed himself to be.(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:17, Reply)
I don't think he did anything that wrong reallywho doesn't hate Murdoc
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:19, Reply)
Monty in 'knowing a recent pop group' shockerReports on exactly how shit they are are expected soon, stay tuned.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:23,
Reply)
Some of the tunes are good.I saw a live performance at some awards ceremony when they first launched that had Riccochet Klashnekoff MCing on it, top fucking quality London hip hop.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:29,
Reply)
I'm more than happy for him to dislike Murdochbut when you are the minister who is supposed to be acting impartially, you do not mouth off to a complete stranger that actually you are not at all impartial.
It's just breathtakingly stupid.
My initial disgust at him started over tuition fees when he kept on saying that the reason people were upset was because they didn't understand the situation properly, thereby insulting my intelligence as well as being a deceitful bastard.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:22, Reply)
I struggle to think of any MPsWho are selfless paragons of humanity fighting for the greater good of all. They all seem to me to be greedy, retarded, or both.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:20,
Reply)
Someone needs to 'lay' that 'Cable'to rest.
I give myself 0/10 for this.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:20,
Reply)
Remind me to cablejust how badly that pun failed
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:21,
Reply)
Or "lay that buster down" in the style of Warren G and/or Nate Dog(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:28, Reply)
The more political coverage I watch,the more I think the Tories have pulled one of the greatest political sleights-of-hand in history. They've basically made all the cuts they said they were going to make, thereby not breaking their promises as one would expect, and made the LibDems the villains of the piece.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Simply not truewe're going to have the same people whining on in thirty years about the Tories and the Lib-Dems will be forgotten
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:22,
Reply)
Predict the future now?They may be whinging about the tories but it's the Lib dems that are going to lose the seats.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)
My mate knows an excellent psychic if you're interested.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:32,
Reply)
No, it is truethe fact that you've just said that the Lib Dems will most likely be forgotten is proof of this. As a political party they are going to be virtually finished after this parliament.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)
I hope you're rightBut Clegg's certainly copping most of the flak so far
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)
You almost have to feel sorry for the poor cuntHe has aged so much in the last six months it's not even funny.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:35, Reply)
Marriage is tough on lots of people(
Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:42,
Reply)
I wouldn't like itif my husband was pimping me out to get punched in the face every day
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:43, Reply)
To be fair Clegg does ask for itjonbernstein.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/coalition-mug-stein-cameron-clegg1.jpg?w=393&h=395
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:47,
Reply)
Oh, I'm not defending himThe man is an utter, utter twat. I just hate that the Tories aren't getting nearly as much shit as they deserve.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:50, Reply)
You get in bed with the devil then you're going to get a red hot poker up your bum.That is my political view on the matter.
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girlinthehole, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:21,
Reply)
There's a clip where Jonathan Winters says he can't get on this bikebecause "this is a little girl's bike. This is for a liddle guuurl."
Cracks me up.
(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:20,
Reply)
That film is bloody funny.Is it the one where they all end up on the beach looking for a palm tree?
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girlinthehole, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:25,
Reply)
I have watched very few of the 'traditional' CHristmas filmsI do like Love Actually though. *crosses arms and awaits judging*
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)
*judges silently*(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:22,
Reply)
*judges vocally*In the name of God, why, woman?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:23,
Reply)
Because it's saccharine bollocksand sometimes I need a bit of that.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)
*whips out saccharine bollocks*Here you go.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:31,
Reply)
I doubt they would be all that sweetor cheer me up as much as watching a film does...
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:34, Reply)
You are mistaken on both points.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:40,
Reply)
he's dusted with sugar especiallylike two profiteroles full of cream
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:43,
Reply)
Now I feel like a right fool*.I've gone to all that effort for nothing.
*a fool and a QOTW liar.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:44,
Reply)
If spunk tasted like creamI would be more amenable to giving blow jobs.
EDIT - and I highly doubt that any white powder that Monty has easy access to will be icing sugar.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:46, Reply)
mine tastes like glory(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:56,
Reply)
Correct.Question for you.
Should I go out this evening? I've been invited out for dinner tonight, whilst it would be good to catch up with various friends and have a meal with them, I will need to shave before I go out. I'm not sure I can be arsed though.
What would you do?
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:30,
Reply)
I'm sporting a really untidy beard.If I stay in, I can avoid shaving for another day.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:33,
Reply)
You aren't Noel Edmonds AICMdeath of unemployed hod carrier Michael Lush.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:37,
Reply)
hahahahahahaEdmonds was on telly the other day complaining about 'health and safety zealots' for some reason.
How I laughed.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:39,
Reply)
Michael Lush was from Southampton, fact fans.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:42,
Reply)
And he died in Southampton, with his remains scattered over Bournemouth, Portsmouth, Southamptonand in the Solent.
And that was before the funeral.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:45,
Reply)
*high fives*My brother and I developed an ongoing theory that Edmonds was a fiendish murderer, and that he also sabotaged Sarah Greene and Mike Smith's helicopter. And gave Helen Rollason cancer.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:47,
Reply)
hahahahawww.youtube.com/watch?v=M1vIjN_1074
(You'll need sound for this)
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:50,
Reply)
It will have to wait, then - ta.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:56,
Reply)
Your sig reminds me ofAlgernon Winston Spencer Castlereagh Razzmatazz
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:36,
Reply)
Churchill Disraeli Livingston not Castlereaghyou spacker.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:40,
Reply)
Have you got a cold?Off to 'Dottingham'?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:39,
Reply)
I once worked for British RailAnd some bloke came to my little ticket booth and said, 'second class return to 'Dottingham, please'. I struggled to hear him so I asked him to repeat himself, and he said, 'second class return to 'Dottingham, please'
I said, 'Have you tried Tunes?'
To which he replied, 'And that'll cure Down's syndrome yes?'
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:41,
Reply)
Stay on here all night talking about getting drunk at home alone.Like every other night.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:37, Reply)
Oh lord, just rememberedmy canadian lodger drew our attention to the existence of a christmas film channel last night. She actually seriously wanted to watch some of the shit on it.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:23,
Reply)
Ilsa: She Wolf of the SSA heartwarming tale of endearing animals at Santa School.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:24,
Reply)
It's only cliched because everyone says itand the only reason everyone says it is because it's the Best Christmas Movie Ever.
Apart from Die Hard, which is a better film but nowhere near as Christmassy
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Scrooged is ace.Especially the bit about stapling tiny antlers to mice to make little reindeers.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Good oneI do like Bill Murray in his more scenery-chewing roles.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:27,
Reply)
I agree wholeheartedly-shoots self in head, End of Days is obviously here-
Alt: Die. No question. The only question is how.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:30,
Reply)
*stands back, unnerved by unexpected accord*I wouldn't open that question up to this lot if I were you
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:33, Reply)
Oh, I have clear ideas on how I would and wouldn't like to die.I think I'd rather fuck Ann Widdecombe than die by immolation, but if it were drowning or neck-breaking I'd be fine with death.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:34,
Reply)
Bummed to death by me, innit.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:36,
Reply)
That would be a heavenly way to go.(
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:38,
Reply)
By having your uterus stuffed with mentosand then getting aggressively poked with a bottle of diet coke until the shaking caused the top to burst off.
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:34, Reply)
That wouldn't kill meMy Kegel exercises can peel bananas.
*lies
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:37,
Reply)
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:42,
Reply)
I have a WunderKunt.(
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 15:54,
Reply)
I remember Bernard Cribbins advertising that.Actually it might have been Wonder Web. Does WunderKunt enable you to hem your trousers without sewing?
(, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 16:01, Reply)
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