Yeah because it might draw one or two of the fuckers out and, let's face it, Friday afternoon is the best time for a bit of loldrama.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:04, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

hell yeah
Noel has spoken. Post the gazzes
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:05, Reply)

ok ok random sample below
although i am not saying if they are lurkers or off-topicers, you can do the maths.

"Just had to say You're really hot. Er - that's all! Oh, and you can call me if you want [xxxxx xxxxxx] x"

"I normally just lurk around these parts but I had to see if your tits are really that enormous."

"Hello Swipe, just wanted to say thank you for posting over the years, your stories always make me laugh (and more) xxx"

"I'll come to the bash if you can put me up... and tie me down"

(tbh this last one did make me laugh!!!)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Fuck me, do people ACTUALLY SAY THESE THINGS?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:21, Reply)

and I'm known as the creepy one.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Aren't they all from you?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:23, Reply)

don't tug on that thread dude
i don't want to embarrass any b3tamales....... or myself........
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:29, Reply)

I'd like to point out my innocence at this point!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:31, Reply)

erm.........
......... actually yeah, no tit-requests from you.

you're clean.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Feel free to gaz me a pic though
I feel left out now!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:33, Reply)

just out of curiosity, how often do the tit-requests pay off?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:34, Reply)

For statistical purposes
I am also interested
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:35, Reply)

60% of the time it works every time

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:36, Reply)

"it stings the nostrils"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:43, Reply)

*sex panthers*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:58, Reply)

i have never gazzed anyone
a pic, other than to my very favourite of all the b3tans, but it wasn't of anything dodgy.

text messages..... well yeah, ok, but that's different!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:36, Reply)

*gazzes phone number*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:43, Reply)

No, ME first!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:51, Reply)

ladies, calm down
there's enough room in my inbox for pics of all your tits
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Hahaha!
Creepy!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Was the last one Noel?
Are you going to call number one? If it ends 74 then it's chompy and you'll be waking up in a dumpster before you know it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Pffft, I've never sent swipey anything but gentlemanly gazzes.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I've only ever had one gaz that wasn't a reply
and it was from you about our amazing birthdate!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:27, Reply)

*birthday fives*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)

*trigger fingers*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)

"gentlemanly"? ORLY?
don't worry noel, i'll spare your blushes xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:30, Reply)

And spare our eyes!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:33, Reply)

2 is Bert, surely?
and 4 is Tourettes AICMFP
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Jesus wept

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Pfffft
That's incredible
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Just shows how incredibly desperate some people are.
No offence swipe, it says more about them than it does about you.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Giving out your number on a first gaz?
Jesus.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I dunno, a woman shows a bit of cleavage, strength of character etc
and half the board gaz her asking to see her tits *holds head in hands*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Noel,
tits are tits
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Honestly, it's shit like this that makes me ashamed to be male sometimes.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:35, Reply)

haha!
EDIT:

I do hope you know I was joking here
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:35, Reply)

That wasn't aimed specifically at you.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Thats ok then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 15:11, Reply)

if /talk are to be believed rachel's posts are all made up
and specifically geared to attract that sort of attention

worked with me though. Sorry about that making me hard gaz Rachel :-/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:31, Reply)

*snigger*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:32, Reply)

as it happens, they aren't
most of them happened to friends, and a lot are exaggerated/worded in a provocative way, but made-up they aren't!

the gaz wasn't the problem, vip. the problem was the persistent dirty phone calls. i was at work ffs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:33, Reply)

I believe you
I understand that sometimes strange or amusing things happen to real people and also, some people sometimes have sex.

yeah, sorry about that. it's your fault though really.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:35, Reply)

it really is the way you tell 'em
like the occasion when i flashed my boss and fell off my chair for being too lazy to pick it up so i wheeled myself off the edge - i think i got about 47 gazzes asking about my tits/pants. i could just have said "i fell off my chair and bruised my arse". in my head it sounds funnier to talk about tits/pants in a tongue-in-cheek way, but i can totally see how that gets misinterpreted!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I was aware that there was the odd gaz of that nature now and then
but I had no idea that there were that many fucking weirdoes out there. They could be reading everything we post....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:42, Reply)

It's quite worrying, isn't it
An untold number of lurkers all dying to know the colour of your pants...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:48, Reply)

It's mostly weird because I wouldn't begin to think of sending a message like that
except possibly as a joke, and even then I'd make it pretty fucking plain that that was the case.

I tend to forget how fucking odd some people are. or downright disturbing like mabazrichie
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Exactly, it wouldn't even enter my mind as a possibility to contact a total stranger in that way
The Internet's full of wrong 'uns.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:53, Reply)

indeed it is
incidentally, what colour?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:56, Reply)

what makes you think i'm wearing any?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:59, Reply)

this conversation must end NOW

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Agreed

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 15:03, Reply)

..... or if you are wearing any
this is a popular question
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:51, Reply)

*facepalms*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:56, Reply)

ha these really are just the most recent
tip of the iceberg. if i could be arsed to trawl through my archive, there's some absolute peaches. there was one guy who asked me regularly what colour pants i was wearing, and another who said that i made him hard just from seeing the words "rachelswipe" and.... lather, rinse repeat!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)

EEEEEEK!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:29, Reply)

I never get creepy gazzes
I need a more girly name me thinks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:32, Reply)

and a considerably smaller vagina
Us blokes get intimidated
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:34, Reply)

IT HAS TEETH!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:50, Reply)

ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I don't either
and I do have a fairly girly name
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:35, Reply)

you don't want them
most of them are funny, but one or two are a bit Wrong
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Oh, how quickly you've forgotten :(

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:50, Reply)

amazing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)

"And on the eighth day, the LORD created The Interweb,
"Yea, and he did say unto the Onanites,
'Behold, ye who have so long lamented Eve's rejection of your kind, I have given unto ye a tool which will allow for the contacting of persons all around my great and fine Earth. But I warn ye, follow ye the path of the Wise Man, not that of the White Knight, lest ye should ruin this great boon and drive the womenfolk even further from ye.'
But the Onanites heeded not the warning of the LORD, for too drawn were they to the myriad wonder of the LORD'S creation, yea, and too distracted were they by the challenge of the typing of the one hand, and too tempted were they by the sins of the flesh bought closer unto them.
And there was much masturbating."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:38, Reply)

Inspired!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:40, Reply)

And thus spake the Lord
some shit about 'casting one's seed on stony ground' not actually being a metaphor for cranking one out on the patio when your parents are at Tesco's.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Ha!
And even as they did lament their errors, and through their tears cried the LORD'S own prayer for to repent and beg forgiveness, their thoughts were turned once again unto the temptations of The Internet, yea, and their hands did stray once more unto the folds of their cassocks.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:46, Reply)

This is a typical example of the types of gazes I get.
"Oh gonz, I don't know how you managed to do that, but it was great, amazing, last time I was that satisfide I was ordering everything from the right hand side of the chinese menu"
"Gonz ! Why haven't you called me back? You can't just give me the best night of hot passion I've ever, or will ever, have.... and just not call !"
"Gonz, I was telling my friends about that night we spent together and they want to try it too... would you mind coming over?"
"Gonz ! I got a virus again ! Help ! "
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:41, Reply)

you swore you'd never tell anyone

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I would never not call you the next day, might not be able to look you in the eye, but I'll still call. Or at least, text.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:59, Reply)

She doesn't like to be called
she likes the feeling of mystery she gets when she doesn't know what's happening. Treat her mean, Gonz, keep her keen.
( Kroney, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 15:07, Reply)