That thread is DYING
The weather is horrible, everyone is in a bad mood. What cheerful and happy thing is brightening your day or coming up in the next couple of days?

Alt Q: in M&S I heard a guy in a rugby shirt say very seriously to his friend 'well all vampires are androgynous really, and that's a very good thing.' What have you overheard recently?

Added Alt Q: On the subject of a weekend away, I actually do want to visit Benderloch, but I can't figure out how to get there. Any handy websites?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:02, 186 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Out with some friends Friday evening
And then Tayyab's next weekend! Also going to Scotland with a few friends in June for adventure-type stuff (canyoning and bungee jumping).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:04, Reply)

That sounds good fun
I'm debating whether a weekend break if I can rustle up the money might make me feel better
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I'm thinking of going to boot camp in Cumbria.

( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:14, Reply)

boot camp?
Army?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Too much shoe talk in this thread!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Nope! Just run of the mill training types.
Lots of exercise and veggie food.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:17, Reply)

I googled fat camp
but they're all expensive
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Becoming beautiful doesn't come cheap : (
www.drystonebootcamp.co.uk/drystone/Drystone_Boot_Camp_Fitness_Course_Cumbria_North_West.html
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:24, Reply)

That looks pretty good
bit out of my price-range though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:26, Reply)

SEVEN HUNDRED QUID?!
And just why the fuck are you looking to go there? You don't bloody need it, woman!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:26, Reply)

I need to lose a stone and then I will suddenly become irresistable.
I figure it will get me out of my comfort zone a bit.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:28, Reply)

It'd get my bank balance out of the comfort zone
I need to lose a stone, but I'm going to achieve this by portion control, cycling and sit-ups/press-ups/chin-ups.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Give me £700
then you'll find it hard to afford pies.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:34, Reply)

I don't eat a lot anymore.
I'm just old and it's harder to shift.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:35, Reply)

my dad is 65 and was a fat bastard
he easily lost a load of weight. if he can do it without help then so can you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:52, Reply)

Blair Witch Blousie!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

*cackles*

( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:28, Reply)

That looks a bit extreme to me Blousie.
For the money they are charging, why not go to India and do the dysentery diet?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:30, Reply)

I need something extreme in my life Jeff.
2011 is the year of extreme.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:34, Reply)

I'm with you all the way Blousie.
To the extreme I rock the mic like a vandal,
Light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:37, Reply)

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaha

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Take up rock climbing
You'll become as skinny as Olive Oyl, have fabulous lean muscles and as many men as you can throw a carabiner at.

*note to self - must get back to climbing for Olive Oyl part.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Hopefully they'll do it on the course.
Then I can give it a go.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Do.
Watching good (male) climbers in the summer when they've removed their t-shirts is a truly wonderful experience. Smooth graceful muscular movements...and seeing all the muscle definition in their back.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwoYVmo3B3U&feature=related
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:52, Reply)

I'm being serious here
Don't you find your tits get in the way?
(that's why I stopped. Also, because I wasn't that good.)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Only if you're hugging the rock
and if you're doing that it makes your arms tire too quickly. All the power should come from your legs and you should try to have your body away from the rock face as much as you can - that way you can also keep an eye on your feet.
Also with more climbing your tits tend to get smaller but firmer - less fat, more muscle - without turning into Arnie.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Woo!
Small, firmer tits ftw!
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:48, Reply)

And you might end up doing this....
It's very funny but NSFW

www.collegehumor.com/video:1822569
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I was supposed to be starting climbing last weekend
But the flu caused my mates to bail. I'm busy most weekends from now until March, but really want to get into it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:49, Reply)

It's a brilliant thing to do - I used to climb about three times a week
It keeps you amazingly fit, you can eat like a horse and even more importantly when you're actually climbing you can't think about anything else except the moves and how you're going to reach the top - that mental space is so rare.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:54, Reply)

I might look into doing it just by myself then
Think the closest place is Warwick Uni.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:57, Reply)

If you're starting on your own then try bouldering
It's low level, requires no ropes or harnesses, just some climbing shoes, some chalk and a mat. Also take a look at www.ukclimbing.com/news/ they have lists of the good climbing walls - universities often don't keep theirs up to scratch.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Found the one at warwick uni
It doesn't look too bad, certainly better than anything else in my area.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Give it a go - even if it's not up to much you'll probably find out where there are other walls in the area
from the people climbing there.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:31, Reply)

My dad used to climb a huge amount
so I've always wanted to do it. How important is it to be a) flexible and b) have feeling in your feet- is that absolutely essential?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Flexibility comes with more climbing
Women tend to be far, far more flexible than men. Feeling in your feet is helpful but most climbers after a few years have numb spots - I've not felt anything in most of my right big toe for a couple of years...Mind you, I've not climbed in about a year :(
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Well I'm definitely giving it a shot
novice lessons start at Oxford Brookes so I've given them an email
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Brilliant!
It's a fabulous way to get fit and find casual sexual partners new friends.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I don't mess around
when I decide to do something. Signed up for lessons and joined the Oxford society.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Everest next?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:35, Reply)

haha my dad did want to once
sadly my mother did not like rock/mountain climbing
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Flexible?
I wanted to join a climbing club and the bloke running it said, 'How flexible are you?'

I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:15, Reply)

That's absolutely terrible

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Oh yes, I know all about the not pulling with your arms.
I quite want to do Via Ferrata again. It's a lot of fun.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:50, Reply)

one of the best female climbers I know has fucking HUGE tits.
well, for her size. She copes.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:27, Reply)

^ this is good news

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Imagine what they'd be like if she didn't climb....
Tits do sometimes get in the way, there's no denying it. But they also enable you to get plenty of climbing partners.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:34, Reply)

You're coming on a weekend break, aren't you?
To London, to Tayyabs. I thought I might give Spitalfields a wander round on Sunday if you'd like to join, too?
(berk, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Definitely coming to Tayaabs yes
and having a lookaround sounds good.

If I have the money I might just go hide out in Scotland or in the West Country for a little bit
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I was just asked how to illegally hack an access database at work.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:05, Reply)

End of essays
The arrival of Kurt Geigers and an ASOS order, cooking some nommy eats, joining a "power yoga" class, and continuing to be an all-round better person.

Alt: I'm deaf as a post, I don't over-hear anything.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Pardon
hahhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Didn't quite catch that, sorry

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Pardon?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:08, Reply)

WHAT?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:13, Reply)

PARDON!?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I heard you the first time.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:16, Reply)

This is a good set
my shoes arrived and were gorgeous. The downside is that I put on more weight than I had thought over Christmas- my 'measure jeans' don't fit at all- literally don't do up :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:06, Reply)

I went into the KG store in CovGar, tried mine on
officially sexiest things ever. They can't come quickly enough (unlike me lololololol)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Ooops, sorry deleted my stomp.
My new boots have just arrived!
Gorgeous Victorian style black leather that were half price in a sale. They're unbelievably comfortable and look fantastic. They've effectively de-stressed me for the day.
Boy should be coming over for a late night visit later on too hopefully.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:07, Reply)

good news on the boots!
link?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:07, Reply)

These, but in black
www.schuh.co.uk/womens-burgundy-schuh-lace-up-calf/1520003220/
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:10, Reply)

those are gorgeous

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Ta :D

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Oh my goodness amazing
These are mine: www.kurtgeiger.com/online-shop/179042-carvela-abigail
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Fucking hell lampers,
Those are phenomenal
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:21, Reply)

They are, aren't they.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:25, Reply)

good lord, if I wore those shoes I'd be 6' tall

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I'm short, so can probably get away with it.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:38, Reply)

lucky
I looooove big shoes, but I already tower over everyone I know, when I wear them it makes me feel like that troll in harry potter
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Nah, I wish I were a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller etc etc
I'd like to be 5' 7". Or at least 5' 6".
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:47, Reply)

I'm 5'9"

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:49, Reply)

You're about half a foot taller than me :(

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:51, Reply)

You are R2-D2
AICMFP
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Hey, I'm 5' 3" ish, that's not THAT small!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Sorry.
You aren't R2-D2 and I'll return your fiver.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:57, Reply)

You better do.
Don't mess with Shylamp.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Shylamp?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Shylock.
I'm a bit jew about money, donchano.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:59, Reply)

I didn't know.
When you say you're a bit jew, do you mean 'jewish'?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Some people seem convinced I am Jewish.
I'm really, really not.

My friend did seem to think I was winding her up when I told her it was spelt "Chanukah" though.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:04, Reply)

To be fair, your surname does ever-so-slightly suggest maybe a smidgen of Jewish ancestry
Not that this makes you Jewish by default, obviously, but you can see why people make that mistake.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:26, Reply)

it means I'm well qualified to do your hair.
the bff is 4'11"
we're the odd couple for sure
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Stunning
but I'd never wear them :(
(berk, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Thanks
Yeah you would, for occasions when skyscraper heels are too dressy, but Doc Martens aren't dressy enough
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:22, Reply)

n +Beckham
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:08, Reply)

um, my team is in the playoffs, which start this weekend
so I'm excited to watch the game and drink loads and if they lose I think I'll cry
yay sports

the last thing for me to overhear was from a nasty guy in my office talking to his sister on the phone saying "do you think she wants to have sex with me?!" talking about his sister in law [not the one on the phone, I'm assuming] I looked casually to him and he sort of winked
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Who are your team?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:14, Reply)

ATL Falcons

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Are they better than the
CTRL Broncos or the DEL 49's?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:23, Reply)

*facepalm*

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:26, Reply)

I remember them being quite decent when I followed Gridiron (going back a while now)
Didn't they have an English kicker?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:37, Reply)

this is my first year watching it so I don't know
there is a team that has one this year, I think it's the jets maybe
I honestly don't know, I only pay attention to my team
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:39, Reply)

I have no uni work today
Free days FTW. Also, I'm trying to set up a poker game with some uni friends of mine tonight. This is a Good Thing because they're all dreadful, but like playing anyway.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I'm thinking about emigrating
which is exciting.
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I hear the Welsh are funny about who they let in nowadays.

( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:16, Reply)

No they aren't.
Bob spends a lot of time there.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Immigration fees are cheaper there than most places
£5 or so at the bridge buys you a whole new life of misery!
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:18, Reply)

I'm off to Stratford tomorrow to see Matilda with Ms Foxtrot
am very excited about this. Her sister is lending us her car for the journey, which is excellent, unless I scratch it, in which case I will surely be killed.

That's it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:18, Reply)

is this a movie or play or something?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:26, Reply)

A musical
based on one of my favourite books as a child, music and lyrics by Tim Minchin who Ms Foxtrot absolutely loves
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:36, Reply)

awwww
that's so cute it makes me want to puke on my shoes
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:44, Reply)

POIDH
/vomitus fetishist
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:47, Reply)

It's compulsory to smash in your missus when you are in her sisters car.
It's the law.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

You haven't met my sister-in-law
and with that attitude, you never will
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Or at least kick the back doors in?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:39, Reply)

I'm seeing my friend tonight who I've not seen in months, that should be good!
Apart from that, fuck all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:18, Reply)

I got a grovelling response from the courier company
after a massively outraged email to the CEO - I didn't even have her address, just tried [email protected] and it WORKED. Bizarrely my boots also arrived at my parents this morning - but royal mail. Fuck knows what went on there, but the couriers are going to refund me anyway.
However in balance I got my extermely broken car to the garage this morning and it's going to cost me £250-300 to fix. Byebye savings.
/sigh

But also I am going to have dinner with some awesome people next weekend so that's good too.
(berk, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Ouch on the car repairs.
Have they told you what the problem is?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Ace result on the boots!
Sorry to hear about the car... Bloody expensive things!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:24, Reply)

wassup with the car?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:42, Reply)

It needs a new throttle assembly manifold thingy
basically the accelerator pedal is fine, but the thing that attaches it to the engine has sheared, meaning the throttle is fully open and the accelerator pedal is completely limp, flat to the floor.
Not really driveable, I nearly shat myself when it happened because it just roared off and the brakes weren't really stopping it.
(berk, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Ooh, not fun. what sort of car?
granted it depends on the age of the car, but if it's a mechanical linkage which it must be, no-one should be robbing you £300 quid for that. It's just a cable linkage. Unless you've pulled the whole lot off the inlet manifold? (even then they should be able to fix it more simply than replacing the bloody manifold - that's like replacing a whole door because the knob fell off)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:00, Reply)

It's a sealed unit, so the whole thing needs replacing
And seemingly only ford make it. I trust the garage, and the guy was so apologetic when he rang. Its 180 for the part, then vat and labour. It adds up *shrug* He said he'd give me a free back wiper blade though.
(berk, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Things I have overheard at work in the past 3 days
"Yeah, but everyone were smaller back then. Jesus were only 3 foot 6. Noah were the size of a large chess piece. That's how they did it"

"So I said to him: 'Honestly though, and I mean this - NEVER, EVER, EAT A WASP'"

"Some farmer ate a monkey's brain and fucked a cow, and THAT'S how we got BSE"

"God wrote a book. The Devil didn't rise to that shit man, he didn't write one back. He could have, but he didn't. Who's the bigger man?"
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:21, Reply)

These are all amazing
I think I like the Noah the size of a chess piece one best though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Those are only the ones I put on Twitter
There were much stranger ones, but I can't remember them.

EDIT: The Jesus/Noah statement was followed by "Yeah, they were all tiny. Big fishes, big loaves, problem solved. It wasn't a miracle, that's for damn sure."

I love my customers, even if they are right-wing mentals most of the time.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

Football tonight, meeting my new nephew, who is about 15 hours old, tomorrow.
And I havent smoked any drugs today.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:26, Reply)

oh my, you've cut your hair and not smoked drugs all in one day
you must have Big Plans for yourself
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

It's only 3.30 pm let's not get too excited

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Yeah.
He is going to start a Britney Spears tribute act.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Britney Spears Bad Manners
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:52, Reply)

15 hours old tomorrow?
So he hasn't been born yet?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:28, Reply)

you know what I mean.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I do.
But you'd think something was amiss if I didn't make a facetious remark of some kind.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:29, Reply)

word.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I have a half day at work on Friday :D

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:26, Reply)

i live in london. nobody talks.
this being said, my new flatmate was telling me that she was squashed on the pic line the other morning when some woman tried to force her way in, in clear defiance of physics and gravity. the doors kept opening and shutting and opening and shutting. eventually m lost her temper and said in a loud new york voice:

"lady. there is no room for you here. move on."

she was really surprised that nobody else said anything or looked anywhere but down at their feet. she also said to me "she was getting right up in my grille" and when i asked her for a new york way to tell a guy that he is hot, her response was: "supersexy, fly and smokin'" - no way could i pull that off...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

Punch them in the arm and run away.
That's how I let men know I like them.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Is they why you want to do this fitness course?
So you can run away faster, having hit the object of your affections harder?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:38, Reply)

No the fitness course is so they don't want to run in the opposite direction.

( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:39, Reply)

supersexy fly and smokin'
is she 45?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:37, Reply)

It doesn't matter where you're from or are
Unless you are currently in Harlem in 1977 with an afro the size of Friz's head - you can't pull off calling someone "supersexy, fly and smokin" without sounding like a colossal knobjockey. I wouldn't worry about it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:41, Reply)

this
I may not be from New York, but I know that's pure wank right there
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I also know that anyone who said that to a bloke as a compliment
wouldn't fucking see him for dust, unless he was the worst kind of Hoxton twat imaginable.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:55, Reply)

i did suspect
she may have been taking the piss.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:01, Reply)

men are easy, I once pulled by telling a bloke he looked like a corn fed farm boy

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:08, Reply)

*scribbles corn... fed..... *
got it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:16, Reply)

go on, rswipe
don't tell me you don't know how to pull
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:22, Reply)

well, ok
it's not my first time.

what i need is help on pulling the ones i fancy, and not ending up in bed with the ones i don't, because i am actually too shy to speak to the ones i reeeeeeeally like.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:26, Reply)

just buy them a drink
it's verrry simple, buy them a drink, then goad them into having a shot--not some girly thing you'd drink--then chat, it's simple
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:33, Reply)

if i don't fancy them
i can flirt/talk dirty for britain and/or just chat for hours about bollocks, all calm and relaxed.

if i fancy them, everything comes out as "mmmmffff" whilst i stare at my feet and then spend the whole night in a dripping frenzy of agonisingly suppressed lust wondering if he is ever going to get his act together and snog me or if i am going home to kick myself to death.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Just do what I do
Oh, you are.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

so the chances of our hooking up ever
are precisely zero then.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

YOU GOTTA RISK IT TO GET THE BISCUIT

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:41, Reply)

of agonisingly suppressed lust wondering if he is ever going to get his act together and snog me or if i am going home to kick myself to death. of vaginal juices.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

this is not punnage
this is just sewage
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Sorry.
I'll stick to the puns in future.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:40, Reply)

WHAT
you really need to up the confidence levels, even if you don't feel it just pretend
you gotta be cocky
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:40, Reply)

yeah but
there's got to be something in the bank to cash the ego cheque!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:43, Reply)

what does that even mean?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:45, Reply)

It means that this damn thing doesn't work at all!
Good night, future-boy!
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Emmett Brown lols

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:48, Reply)

POTfuckingW

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Benderloch?
Ask Crow.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Benderloch?
sounds like the place Darth might frequent.

sorry mate
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Here's a website that should point you in the right direction
it's got links to tourist information for benderloch

www.google.co.uk
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Oh Chompy
You really are a terrible penis.
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:50, Reply)

are errible have iny
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:52, Reply)

You'd know
Gaylord
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:56, Reply)

I'm very charming and witty.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Pfft
I know that. www.benderloch.com has helped I just don't seem to be able to find a bus-link to the actual place
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Added alt: go round Crow's and ask if you can borrow his bath.
EDIT sorry Lampers, I am too slow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:52, Reply)

You kept me waiting :(
Benderloch - the particular kind of headlock Crow puts his victims in. It's not too hard to do, even with chronically limp wrists.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 15:57, Reply)

You have to get the angles just right
so that the moment they gasp for air, you can pop your cock in there.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:27, Reply)

fucking hell that was unpleasantly graphic!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Granted
though I'm sure it's no worse than some of the things that will have been posted on this board so far today.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:31, Reply)

i shocked AA last night
so i can hardly talk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:32, Reply)

To be fair, there are some days I could quite happily hook him up to a car battery...
(Though actually I'm curious as to how you managed that...what did I miss?)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:32, Reply)

It was quite a surprise
It seems to be the polite ones, Chickenlady did the same.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

She didn't say a rude word, did she?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1038342
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:46, Reply)

...and suddenly I don't feel bad about my reply to Lampito's Benderloch joke.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:51, Reply)

oh christ

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:03, Reply)

What?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:12, Reply)

i was drunk
i needed the money
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:13, Reply)

And, as if by magic, the link changed to something completely different.
Now I really am confused...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:16, Reply)

i am more concerned
as to why you clicked on it twice. to double my humiliation???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:18, Reply)

I was trying to construct some sort of witty riposte,
and went back to remind myself what was said. And all of a sudden it directed me to some post in which Lampito discussed Gazza and breasts.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:19, Reply)

this is prob for the best
on every single one of those levels
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:25, Reply)

If memory serves,
then yes. Yes it is.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:27, Reply)

I'm confused, I have no idea why that link is at all relevant.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:48, Reply)

you think of me as one of the "polite ones"?
interesting. i would not have said this, myself, about myself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Yes, I'd say so
You're always polite.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 16:45, Reply)

It still amuses me that you were so shocked.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 17:30, Reply)