Greetings Englander pig-dogs.
Raus, raus. Schnell. Achtung, Spitfeuer.

I see this morning that the laudable practice of setting oneself ablaze in pointless objection to oppressive Arabic regimes has become fashionable. I consider this to be excellent news and look forward to the first remedial pupil from Leicester doing a sympathy human torch. I am also greatly looking forward to Montstock where my new breast implants will doubtless be the talk of the night - along with that dress.

Now, Ricky Gervais is widely acknowledged to be one of the worst wankers of all time, but were his Golden Globe jibes no more that someone calling cunts cunts, or were they off-colour and mean-spirited? Not the kind of thing we like here at all.

Alt: How do you do what you do to me? I wish I knew.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:33, 49 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good morning

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:35, Reply)

Guten morgen.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:35, Reply)

Spazzy morning fingers pressed enter.
Hey, I hear there's a chance I might gaze upon your beautiful features next week. Should I stock up on the Patak's and some rubber johnnies?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:39, Reply)

I would, JUST IN CASE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:54, Reply)

If I knew how you did what you did I would do it to yoooouuuuuuuuuu!
Hi gorgeous : )
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:37, Reply)

It's BGB!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Who else would it be?

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:41, Reply)

My money's on Floella Benjamin.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:44, Reply)

There is a slight similarity, I admit.

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:49, Reply)

*clicks heels, inclines head*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:40, Reply)

*cops a feel*

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Morning Blousie
*Waves*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Morning Jeff.
*waves*

What you got planned for today?
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:50, Reply)

I've got a million and one people to speak to today.
Should be a busy one.

Yourself?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Nuffin much!
Work, ironing, bath and bed.
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:53, Reply)

I've just woken up and therefore will not make my 9am lecture.
Bollocks.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:39, Reply)

At least I've only got spazzy fingers.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Sounds like you're only going to get an 'AA+* to the power of 1,000,000
with strontium edging' for this unit Bobbo my boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:45, Reply)

*peels sandpaper lids back from bloodshot eyes*
Morning Monty. I too am looking forward to Montstock, but if I don't get some decent sleep between now and then I am likely to plummet face-first in to a bowl of curry mid meal, and be unwakeable thereafter.

Ricky Gervais has no business calling anyone a cunt, being such a prime, gaping example of a syphilitic-ridden flange himself.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Or falling into a Korma as it's also known.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:48, Reply)

The internet, Jeff.


Please leave it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:49, Reply)

*Phones Norris McWhirter*
Norris, Monty has asked me to leave the Internet after my first post of the day. Is it a record?

Woo!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:50, Reply)

No answer from the McWhirters, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:55, Reply)

No.
I'll keep trying though Monty.

Dedication, and all that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:56, Reply)

It's what you need

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:27, Reply)

*weeps softly*
I cannot believe I set you up for that one.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Nice use of language.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Why, thank you very much!

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Then perhaps you'd fall for me, like I fell for you?
Morning Monty!

He's a complete tosser, but most of the comments weren't too bad, but it's America after all, they get offended if you don't wish them 'Happy Holidays'.

Cunts.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Racist.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:50, Reply)

I actually like merkins, regardless of my bad experience.
They have a certain charm and innocence.
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:51, Reply)

It's the offence culture I have problems with
Yet Fred Phelps is allowed to spout that shit, because it's his 'right'.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:58, Reply)

I have to concede that his Sex & The City 'Bonanza' crack was good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:53, Reply)

I agree, that was a pretty good one.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Salutations old bean
I woke at 5 this morning and could not get back to sleep. I blame moderation and early nights.

Also I appear to have contracted some plebeian little flu bug. Yuck.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:53, Reply)

How simply ghastly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Well, if you will knock about with peasants, it's only to be expected.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:58, Reply)

It's the oiks I work with
breeding grounds for every germ that comes along, the sickly feebs.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I read that as Pheasants
which makes for a more surreal morning
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I wish I woke up at five.
I haven't been to bed yet, not for the lack of trying. I might kill someone.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

News today re Gilbert's wanderings.
I got a call from the local vets as he is microchipped. Some old lady had been feeding him and thought he was stray. Now I have to put a collar on him to let everyone know the daft bugger has a home. I told the vets to tell the lady to stop feeding him and then he'll come home more often.
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Engrave a little paw-print collar tag with the words
"BACK OFF BITCH THIS PUSSY IS MINE"
edited for spazz-fingeredness
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:04, Reply)

I may engrave....please do not feed this cat unless you are prepared to pay for it's gastric band surgery.

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Teach the cat to steal things off the old lady. Shiny small things, mainly jewellery
that'll learn her for meddlin'
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Did she not see the implanted microchip? God, what a bitch.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Oh excellent news old chap
one doesn't have to work Saturday so shall be at Montstock on time. One knows tardiness is frowned upon.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I missed the whole Golden Globes thing
What did he say? And why is anyone remotely surprised about Ricky Gervais insulting people? Surely the organisers have seen his stand-up and would be aware that 90% of it is having a needless pop?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:43, Reply)

My reading of this situation is that they employed a fat, smug, unfunny cunt to present an awards ceremony
and he was a) fat, b) smug, c) unfunny and d)...oh I think you can probably work it out for yourself.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:38, Reply)

that is pretty much a perfect summary

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:47, Reply)