Sorry to interrupt
but I see Spanky got back to QOTW about an hour ago and no one has got themselves worked up about his lies yet.


As you were.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:44, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oooh you big stirrer you.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Hahahha excellent news.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Oh ffs I can't read the pawwing wank in the replies.
God I hate his fan club.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:49, Reply)

It is quite disturbing.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:51, Reply)

I have replied.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:55, Reply)

I noticed

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:56, Reply)

A considered response.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:57, Reply)

Ha ha ha ha,
you'll get banned now.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:57, Reply)

HOLY SHIT! You've got breasts?

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Succinct and true

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:01, Reply)

I'm still waiting for my Spanky validation, the ungrateful cunt
*drums desk*
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Why all the hate?
Seriously, I don't get it. He posts stories that are usually pretty openly fabrications, but are well-written and pretty funny. People respond well to a well-written story. Simple as that. So why does he irritate you so much?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Because he's a bore, it's a rinse and repeat of the same fucking story, which was shit in the first instance
and he's a wanker
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:13, Reply)

because it's quite dull
and that is biggest crime you can get on the internet.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:14, Reply)

I guess I just don't find him dull.
He generally makes me chuckle, even if it's a rehash of an old theme.

*shrug*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:16, Reply)

I bet you like Red Dwarf as well don't you?
fucking bender.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:17, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:18, Reply)

No
but Pratchett usually makes me laugh. Does that make me a prole?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Nah I don't mind pratchett.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:23, Reply)

yes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:25, Reply)

That makes you:
a) 16-18 years old;
b) a velour-wearing, real-ale-drinking member of the folk scene; or
c) fairly dull
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:25, Reply)

b) YES!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:26, Reply)

d) all of the above

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Would you like to have an affair with me?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:28, Reply)

Can we sit around post-coitally slagging off The Beatles and Arcade fucking Fire?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Yes, yes we can.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Excellent.
However, due to an alarming number of Boyces in my family, I'm wary of doing a Bert.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Don't worry - it's not my real name!!!11!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:33, Reply)

*Monty in made up Internet name shocker*
Grand. We're good to go. I'll bring the bile and you bring the rage. Venom makes the best lube.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:35, Reply)

So true.
*sighs contentedly*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:35, Reply)

I don't think I own any velour
other than a patch on some old jeans, and I don't think I qualify as part of the folk scene. But I do like real ale.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:33, Reply)

That's the English version.
The US version would be "do you go to Ren Fairs"?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Only one
and that's because it's one of the country's biggest and is a great laugh. I never bother with the smaller local ones, but I do love the Maryland one, especially as it's in the fall when the weather is gorgeous.

But I do play guitar and like to go camping...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:39, Reply)

nowt wrong with guitar and camping

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:50, Reply)

Also they are not well written; you can smell the over effort in them
and it smells like pouch
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Hahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Exhibit A
"For me battling the baby batter belching beef bazooka..."

Fuck off with your fucking alliteration to fraudulant fucking flid
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I have to admit I didn't read a word of it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I got banned once for saying he was a shit spam bot.
So he deserves to die.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Because they aren't well written and aren't funny.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Stop copying me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Great minds and all that, Monty.
Alt: fools seldom differ.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:22, Reply)

They are neither well-written nor pretty funny.
Tedious, hackneyed drivel with a teeth-clenching inevitability to them that makes me want to kill myself.

'People respond well to a well-written story' - or, 'idiots like shit', as Elton John's massive success attests.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:17, Reply)

I don't get it The Resident Loon either.
I mean, it's not like you have to read his posts, I've not read a single one by him, I just tried to read that new one 'cus of the attention it got on here, got up to a load of words begining with 'b' that was a euphanisum for his penis, and thought "Fuck that" and came straight back here to tell you that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:23, Reply)

Hi!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:23, Reply)

OH HAI MONTIEZ !
OH BOI BOI, I R OFF OME INNIT BRUV GUVNA INNIT.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:37, Reply)

WIKED MAIT/ L8RZ

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:41, Reply)

It may be a cultural thing.
I have gotten used to reading Britspeak and have gotten used to the strange euphemisms that appear on the QOTW for various things, so usually I glance over them and translate them to English in my head and keep going. It makes them easier to read, somehow. Not just his posts, but all of them.

It's a bit weird, though- the people who are popular and get a lot of votes on a recurring basis seem to draw a lot of ire. First Legless, then Pooflake, then SpankyHanky... I guess I just have a higher tolerance for wordy posts than most.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:30, Reply)

I have no problem with wordy.
But I have no truck with turdy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:33, Reply)

I am struggling to overlook your allusion
that "Britspeak" and English aren't one and the same thing.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:35, Reply)

They aren't.
One of the two doesn't exist.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:38, Reply)

Arriving at the same point from different directions.

( Kroney, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:40, Reply)

Well...
until I came to this site I had never encountered "todger", "mimsy", "spam purse" or any of the other dozens of odd phrases used for anatomical bits or various sex acts. Since I've been here I've learned a lot about rhyming slang and the other oddities that infest British English that the rest of the English speaking world don't seem to bother with. It takes a lot of effort to translate it, frankly. So Spanky's terminology is not much of a stretch for me to understand and translate.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:45, Reply)

'until I came to this site I had never encountered "todger"'
Not what I've heard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Pooflake is a punning genius.
I have no beef with Pooflake.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:36, Reply)

I've always hated joining sevrel swear words or animals together to form a new swear, like "Aligator shitcunt" and "Wanking Rhyno Bumfarts".
I find it really unimaginative, like Might Boosh, lolrandom and lolwaki isn't my cup of tea.

I don't mind wordy as long as the words add something to the story, and I find meaningless similies that are written just for the sake of fille, dull.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Agreed.
"badger twunts" is not an effective swearword. Not like "fucking cunts" is.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Yes, and yes once again for emphasis.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I am totally coming up on my paracetamol, that must be why I'm so on your wavelength this afternoon.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Listen out for the backwards sitar music.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:50, Reply)

I feel precisely the same way.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:39, Reply)

as do I
if it rolls off the tongue then perhaps fair enough, but they usually don't
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:52, Reply)

You should change your band name to
'Wanking Rhyno Bumfarts'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:58, Reply)

it is his specialist subject, to be fair!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Why can't I find it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:51, Reply)

Because you are a mongol?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:55, Reply)

She said an hour ago and it was more like 9!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Time flies when you're having fun.
And also when you're ill, trying to work, posting on here, and generally feeling miserable.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Just Google the Jasper Carrot sketch about giving a semen sample
it's what he did.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Post a link in the replies, you know you want to

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Ah, there you are.
Where have you been, you repulsive homo?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:00, Reply)

hey hey hey
don't make me whiteknight my own husband...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Fag hag

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:03, Reply)

come to think of it, i've never actually had sex with my own husband
so you may well be right. he IS a homo...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Sounds kinky

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:04, Reply)

I've been doing that horrible thing that I do for money (I don't even want to type the word)
yup, i've been w**king, w**king myself senseless Monty. Never has a man w**ked so hard and so long.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Spanky, great to have you back bro.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:04, Reply)

It's the longest I have spent off B3ta
I almost became a productive member of society. I was even starting to take my job seriously.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:09, Reply)

You are so gay.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:10, Reply)

it is beginning to sound as if you really want this to be true!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:11, Reply)

He's been trying to set me up with someone for ages...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:12, Reply)

I am merely pointing out what everyone bar you has known for yonks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:13, Reply)

I'm not gay
but my boyfriend is
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:12, Reply)

I read that this morning
and was gobsmacked at just what a one trick pony he was, and then at just how pathetic the people who post replies to his stories are.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Well, if its any consolation, his IVF hasn't worked yet.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:57, Reply)

He's probably wanked all the sperm out of himself

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:58, Reply)

If I was his doctor
I'd put his sperm in the microwave for 20 mins to make sure he's a evolutionary dead end.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:00, Reply)

If I was his doctor
I would cut his face off with a scalpel and feed it to DF's gay rats.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:04, Reply)

"if i was" ? "IF I WAS"?
oh monty. you've changed.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Well, they were starting to smell, even with my shoes on.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:10, Reply)

I was quoting 'Midge Ure'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:34, Reply)

The Geldof Arms was always quite popular.
The Ure Inn, not so much.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:37, Reply)

^ You see, THAT is how to do it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:41, Reply)

He puts the 'pony' into 'one trick pony'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Boring situation
+ unfeasible women + elaborate nob euphemisms + crap payoff = spankyhanky

He used to amuse me at first, but so did JMG. They both have the same problem. Crippling lack of imagination.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:24, Reply)

By the way
I've posted now, so time for this thread to die. It's becoming traditional.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Haha
/OT's own Domestos
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:29, Reply)

lack of imaginartion self diagnosed asperges
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 17:26, Reply)