my friend the dating demon had another date last night
she was most excited about this one as there had been a couple of long phone calls and many emails and texts. at about 11pm she rang me and opened with the immortal words:

"he had a hare lip, sweetie. and i had to KISS it."

poor guy, but i think it's the hardest i've laughed all year.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:38, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I had to pretend laughter was choking then damn you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Did she not see a pic of him first?

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

She couldn't see the hare lip as it was obscured by a green-tipped cock.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Talented guy

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)

It's all in the angle....apparently

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I think Al nearly drowned in flab last time he tried

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Last time he tried, half of Haiti was destroyed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Has he been to New Zealand lately?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

No but he did sit down quite heavily that day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Reckon Al looks like this after every meal?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:17, Reply)

one word
MOUSTACHE-BEARD
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

one word
two-words
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)

that isn't one word
even if you hyphenate it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)

it is an all over facial hair thing

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

That's called a 'beard', dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

so a beard includes a moustache?
i didn't think that was the case.

hmmmmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

it does
and I should know
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:07, Reply)

This makes me feel sad, for some reason.
Poor sod.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Isn't it horrible that Swipey and her friends are so disgustingly shallow
and yet conversley spend all their time bitching that "There are no decent men out there". I think if they took the time to look harder, they would realise that the problem actually lies with them.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

trying again
don't be absurd, how could the problem possibly lie with them?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I don't think a hare lip would put me off but then again I've been out with a ginger so I'm used to deformaties.

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Best shag of my life was with a ginger girl
Didn't date her though, does that count?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)

"best shag of your life" ?
at your young age? ha, you have NO IDEA yet!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Of my life so far, yes.
And every time I put myself forward for any of your desperate friends, you simply point out they'd 'break me'.

Bring it on, I say.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Its a good way to go

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:11, Reply)

that's her way of saying that you don't meet the criteria
you're not a minted Adonis.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:12, Reply)

That's fine by me
But I still think I could be up for the challenge, haha.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:15, Reply)

this is where you are wrong
it really does lie with them.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

"Oh but hun, you'll find someone one day who'll accept you for you, you're a wonderful person, it's just that I'm not the right kind of girl for you."

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

yes, i felt a bit bad esp as he was really keen
but when i said that i felt sorry for him, she said "it was WITHERED."

and i laughed at her all over again.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Its OK, from a distance it looks like a rabbit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Rabbit, you say?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Eeek!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)

That's Swipey's favourite picture
She loves seeing it everywhere, so feel free to post it as often as you can.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

feck orf

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

This could be the start of a roll
coming up next the man whose side profile shot didn't reveal HIS PORT WINE STAIN
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)