it's internationl women's day?
i really am a crap girl.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:01, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Have you been a woman today?
in a country of the world? Then I think you've fulfilled all the criteria.

Have you checked your post recently or are you still at work?
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:03, Reply)

ooh
i am still working but no post as of yesterday! when did you post it??

/excites
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)

Saturday
I posted three other things at the same time and everyone else got theirs yesterday...

Why the hell are you at work so late though?!
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:06, Reply)

stupid london post!
if i told you, you WOULD die of boredom.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:08, Reply)

Well, hopefully you will have something to look forward to when you get home...

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:09, Reply)

Have you sent her a man?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:10, Reply)

No. A dvd and a surprise.

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:10, Reply)

A suprise man?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:12, Reply)

I don't think I would want a man
by the time he'd been through the postal system. So no. Something better than a man.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:14, Reply)

i've been out with a couple
who would benefit from being pummelled flat enough to fit through a letterbox
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:18, Reply)

To be fair
A man sent through the post would be well travelled and able to take a bit of a battering.

/Reverse domestic violence lols.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:21, Reply)

just texted the flatmate
she tells me there is a package!

hoorah, thank you SO MUCH in advance. i will have to think of something equivalent to send...

*plots*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:13, Reply)

Haha, no worries love!
I hope you enjoy it and it doesn't look too much of a budget copy.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)

i am sure it will look brilliant
i am very excited about this, been dying to see it for ages!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:19, Reply)

It's a really nice cute little film
I enjoyed it a lot more than Up, which made me cry.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:20, Reply)

OH NO!
i've not seen "up", do i need to avoid it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:27, Reply)

It's a pretty good film
I doubt it would make kids cry, but it had me all watery eyed and trembly lipped in the first 10 minutes, and I don't normally cry at films.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:29, Reply)

i only ever cry at anything to do with animals
people don't bother me at all!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:30, Reply)

A package
on INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!!!

Please let it be a deep fat fryer and ironing board!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)

what,
so we can deep fry your/jeff's head and iron your withered little cocks?!?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:18, Reply)

I have always wondered what a scrotum would look like if you ironed it
apart from burnt and sore, anyway.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:21, Reply)

Oh, now that's not fair.
I haven't once made reference to your massive norks and 28/7 working day on account of the occasion of today being all about wimmin and stuff. No, siree.

This is a joke, like on Top Gear.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:24, Reply)

shush it and hand over the scrotum
berk has a fantasy we need to fulfil
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:25, Reply)

I wouldn't say fantasy
more idle curiousity. Testicles are such odd looking things, and they're clearly made out of spare elbow skin.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:30, Reply)

my friend's bf only has one testicle
the other is fake. she is desperate to know which, but can't bring herself to ask. apparently they both feel like "squash balls".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:31, Reply)

Hahahahaha
aren't squash balls fairly hard though?! I'm sure that's not a good way for a healthy testicle to be.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:33, Reply)

and quite large for a testicle
was my own thought on the matter!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:35, Reply)

I have done the whole self examination thing several times, and found lumps.
Each time I have been referred to hot female doctors. This is not necessarily a good thing.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:37, Reply)

I imagine there are both pros and cons, yes.

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:38, Reply)

Pros: Hot lady doctors..
Cons: Hot lady doctors. Trying to wriggle out of your trolley in some kind of dignified manner on a horizontal bed is not easy.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:43, Reply)

Look, berk is about 200 miles away from me.
If I hand it over, it's gonna go dryer and wrinklier. Also, I'll probably forget to to put a stamp on so she'll have to pay the postage.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:32, Reply)

it's worth it
she says, darkly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:35, Reply)

do you know how much rather
i would have what berk has sent me than one of those hairy-toed, smelly-arsed feckers cluttering up my flat?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:11, Reply)

Lots more?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:13, Reply)

yup
a LOT more!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:14, Reply)

Have you been sent Gonz?
*Cheeky edit*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:14, Reply)

Yes.
Now, fetch my slippers, wench!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:04, Reply)

Get the chips on bitch.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:04, Reply)

you two suck donkey dick

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)

No we don't.
Jeff sucks dog dick, and I don't suck any dick on account of being a happily married heterosexual male type bloke what likes beer and football.

Now then, slippers. And a nice, cold beer while you're at it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:10, Reply)

Hmm. I note a lack of male solidarity.
*Don't make me post the picture of the fat, topless Newcastle supporter*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:12, Reply)

I'm just acting up to your internet persona, Jeff.
Change your name to JeffTheWomanFucker, and things won't be so bad.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:13, Reply)

Pffft. But that would be LIES ON THE INTERNET.
and we can't have that.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:15, Reply)

To be honest.
I've probably got more chance of pulling a dog* than a woman.

*No, not that I would.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:15, Reply)

in bristol this may well be true
i needed to find a five star hotel for a client do.

does bristol have such a thing?? it seems NOT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:16, Reply)

Hotel du Vin is quite nice.
How many are you catering for?

https://www.hotelduvin.com/hotels/bristol/bristol.aspx
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:19, Reply)

i will gaz you the issue with that one!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:19, Reply)

No reply off textgirl then?

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)

:(
She was probably busy preparing food for Internation Women's Day and hasn't had time.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:22, Reply)

oooh
is she cheap and pikey too?

i really should quit this. someone other than jeff is going to think i mean it. and i only partly mean it. in the context of the first 3 dates or so. /wanders off muttering to self in manner of nutter or similar
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:23, Reply)

She is the cheapest pikey you'll ever come across.
I'll bet she is waiting until she can buy some 'top up credit' or whatever it's called before coming back to me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:34, Reply)

how positively vile
dump her and get someone better
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:36, Reply)

Aww, that's superlame
I feel bad for pestering you in to doing it now :(
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:24, Reply)

When are you playing tennis next?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:25, Reply)

It's very difficult to play tennis during International Wimmin's Week
Due to all the cooking and baking and fetching slippers malarkey.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:28, Reply)

Thursday
I refuse to be badgered in to blatantly getting rejected though.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:31, Reply)

You just let me contact text-girl but get nothing in return.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:33, Reply)

Well if I'd thought she was going to be rude I wouldn't have pestered you in to doing it
I'm not that mean you know, to deliberately let you in for an emotional kicking.
Whereas I know he'll say no, so there's no point in even asking.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:37, Reply)

How do you know he'll say no?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:49, Reply)

Well I don't KNOW
but it's an educated guess.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:52, Reply)

Bollocks.
What have you got to lose? If he says yes, awesome. If he says no, slight embarrassment but at least you tried. Plus he might do that all embarrassed shuffley stuff that means he said no but meant yes but was too awkward to admit it and will die alone in a bungalow filled with crusty Kleenex and pictures of Cheryl Cole.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:57, Reply)

You're as bad as Jeff
and I am spectacularly bad at taking my own advice. I really don't think it's a good idea to ask, I want to be able to go to tennis every week and have a laugh, not feel like a prize idiot.

EDIT - well I often feel like a prize idiot for playing like a total spacker. In this instance I meant feeling like a prize idiot for making a spectacle of myself by asking out someone who blatantly won't be interested.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:59, Reply)

+ Until berk hits 60
When she'll go on that Simon Cowell talent show and dazzle everyone with her performance of 'I dreamed a dream'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:01, Reply)

Oh god I hope Simon Cowell will be dead long before I turn 60
also, I can't sing worth a damn.
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:05, Reply)

You sound like me,
I spend a lot of time trying to justify my state of misery by pointing out that 'I'm not pessimistic, I'm an optimist in posession of the facts'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:59, Reply)

you suck theoretical dick
and don't you deny it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:16, Reply)

two suck donkey dick are a man, therefore I'd like to cook you some chips.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:11, Reply)

i think what is becoming clear is that we have very different definitions of "man"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:15, Reply)

If you consider it less 'cheap and pikey', I've got no problem with you going out and buying some chips.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)

south of the watford gap?
those will not be proper chips.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:22, Reply)

I have never shit the bed, if that's what you mean.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:26, Reply)

it IS a good way to find a REAL man, yes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:29, Reply)

I have never done this thing.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:34, Reply)

bet you did as a baby

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:35, Reply)

So did you.
NEEEERRRRRR!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:38, Reply)

find where i denied it
or where i said i was a man.

and the steel trap of the lawyer springs shut!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:41, Reply)

You are obviously a man
because a woman could never be a lawyer, despite this being the 21st century, unless being a lawyer involves making the tea and putting he bins out. But that's just ludicrous, right..?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:48, Reply)

you know what
looking at my workload and my sleepless nights for the near future... part of me DOES wish the feminists had left well alone...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:49, Reply)

I think you've been really sensible actually Swipe.
All these hours you're putting in now will be good training for when you're sqeezing out babies and having to feed them at all hours, whilst your bloke goes to the pub/has an affair.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:51, Reply)

Bleurgh
*shudders*
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:56, Reply)

Emily Pankhurst is buried in the next town to me you know.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:53, Reply)

If some woman wants to chain herself to some railings and suffer-a-jet-movement, then it's alright by me!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:56, Reply)

Hahahahahahaha!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:57, Reply)

Still, one perk of feminism is that you can now be as openly homophobic as you like without facing any serious consequences.
Isn't that wonderful?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:02, Reply)

It's bloody marvellous.
Now piss off, you shirtlifter.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:09, Reply)

If your name's not Amanda Platell or Jan Moir I'm ringing the police.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:15, Reply)

Funnily enough, my name is Jan Moir
if you rearrange the letters and substitute them for some others.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:17, Reply)

This as well.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)