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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So, how are YOU celebrating International Women's Day?
Personally, I've just told the missus to cook my tea because I'm hungry, and that I shall eat it all up because I'm very considerate and appreciate her.. I also bought her a new kettle at the weekend, several days early. Technically she bought it but only because I pointed out that the old one had blown up after I tried to boil soup in it. How fucking considerate is that?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 20:50, 219 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I'm stuffing my face with food and looking at pictures of semi naked men on the internet.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 20:54, Reply)
I do hope you're rubbing your breasts as you do it.
And making "Oooooh, uuuuuum" noises as you do this thing. For equality's sake, natch.

And then putting the kettle on for a nice brew.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 20:57, Reply)
I've already had a cup of tea so that I can dribble out of the side of my mouth.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 20:58, Reply)
You are flying the flag for wimmin the world over and no mistake.
Also, you've missed a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:00, Reply)
I'm a feminist innit.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:01, Reply)
RAAAWRRR!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:03, Reply)
You tried to boil soup in a kettle?

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:00, Reply)
Yes.
I am a man and therefore by default a domestic spastic who's only talents are drinking beer on a Friday night and fighting.

and being an excellent shagging machine, obviously. All men are excellent shagging machines.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:02, Reply)
Word Brother

*fist bumps*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:03, Reply)
*Chest bumps*
*Manly hugs*

*Does that after workout towel whipping thing*

*Goes for smoke*

Keep these bitches warm for me, yeah?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:05, Reply)
I wondered when I'd get the Al treatment

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:12, Reply)
The Al treatment?
Sounds exciting.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:13, Reply)
nothing better

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:13, Reply)
I haven't had it yet.
I am very upset. Online.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:24, Reply)
Lies make baby Jesus cry, DG.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:05, Reply)
I promise I'll respect you in the morning, K.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:05, Reply)
What kind of soup?
I'm ignoring the bit about all men being excellent shagging machines
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:05, Reply)
Blue string.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:06, Reply)
*whistles*

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:08, Reply)
*Does Oliver Postgate impression*

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:27, Reply)
Just nod when they speak and show them your boobs. That usually keeps them quiet.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:07, Reply)
I usually have to cover up my boobs to stop them crying.
:(
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:09, Reply)
Surely not.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:11, Reply)
I cry all the time.
Usually salty, condensed Campbells tears of joy.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:21, Reply)
Those tears don't exit from your eyes dude...
Not your oral eyes, that is :/
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:48, Reply)
What, I have two trouser snakes?
My, you are a lucky girl.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:52, Reply)
*feels lucky*
OH my - both nostrils now? \o/
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:19, Reply)
If it'll stop you snoring, pet...

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:30, Reply)
oh...I...I don't know. I did my laundry last night...if I'd only known it was today.
OH...I'm going to get my nails done and get waxed when I get off work.
That's womanly, right?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:02, Reply)
Very.
Now, could you please fetch me my slippers?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:03, Reply)
Right after I'm finished making your sandwich, dear.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:05, Reply)
I didn't shave my legs
and didn't do the washing up.

In fact, it's almost like every day is women's day round here.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:09, Reply)
I only shave my legs because of the gym.
I don't want to out butch the men that go there.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:12, Reply)
Just wear a tracksuit, no need to shave.
Unless you're swimming. In which case, just wear a wetsuit, no need to shave.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:14, Reply)
wetsuits make one a bit too buoyant for effective swimming unfortunately

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:15, Reply)
But you could still flail along on the surface, right?
That's exercise. That counts. That's better than the old lady head above the water breaststroke.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:17, Reply)
That's my favourite.

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:19, Reply)
They're the curse of the middle lanes.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:19, Reply)
'lo lusty
alright?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:19, Reply)
Yeah I'm alright.
Full of ham and KitKats.

How's you?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:22, Reply)
*starts violins*
bored and a trifle lonely. Dorset is shit.

I've got wine though
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:23, Reply)
Wine helps everything.
And you have ummm b3ta-friends.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:26, Reply)
very true
and I am grateful
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:26, Reply)
For the wine, or b3ta?
Both are acceptable answers.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:32, Reply)
Both.
Unfortunately for Vippers, he's away from his woman on this auspicious day, but I'm sure that when he gets back to her she'll have made him a nice hash cake and warmed his slippers for him.

She's probably also tested her gag reflex on the milkman, ready for the occasion.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:34, Reply)
let's hope so eh?
except the milkman part, because we don't have one
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:49, Reply)
STOP RUINING MY JOKES!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:31, Reply)
it probably counts as resistance traning

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:19, Reply)
Can't do that. I sweat like a navvy.
In fact the other day there was a young fat girl on the machines, going for it bless her and not even flushed. I only have to look at a cross trainer and I start sweating.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:17, Reply)
What about a happy trainer?
Badum-tish.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:18, Reply)
You are Jeffthedogfucker AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:19, Reply)
Yep, we've never been seen in the same city at the same time.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:20, Reply)
this ought to get you going

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:20, Reply)
*grabs kitchen roll*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:21, Reply)
PHWOOOOOOAAAR!
That looks like some sexy Lego/Transformer Sexy Thing \o/
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:54, Reply)
Fucking Greasy Dago Cunts
and that fucking cunt of a ref have really spoilt my night.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:20, Reply)
Did the Arse lose then?
I can't wait to see Whinger's press conference.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:23, Reply)
It's 3-1 to Barcalona
Van Persie got sent off for "timewasting" he ran for 1 second after the whistle went for an offside.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:28, Reply)
Oo! OO!
It's my candleday tomorrow!
Four candles!
/two ronnies
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:21, Reply)
fork handles
that comes up surprisingly often in my day to day existence
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:24, Reply)
By getting fat and turning down my friend who wanted to go for drinks
I'm just too tired :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:28, Reply)
This is not what International Wimmin's Day is about, Lampers.
You should go to the pub, buy every man in there a drink (who, let's face it are there to support their local barmaids), and then let them buy you one too in a show of solidarity.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:30, Reply)
And if they buy you a drink then you don't have to have sex with them
though you are legally obliged to toss them off in the toilets.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:35, Reply)
Oh, this:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpWZ_-hNKKs&feature=player_embedded
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:36, Reply)
Wrong Vippers hon.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:38, Reply)
Arse.
I noticed it was Al before, just am not paying attention.

Still, the video's fucking impressive.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:39, Reply)
fucking hell
that is impressive. nice one
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:50, Reply)
I CAN'T BE ARSED, DG.
This is the second social call I've skipped out on for being too tired. Almost bailed on last night, dragged myself out, wasn't much fun but am still glad I went. But now I'm tired and lazy and wah.

Take it you had a good weekend? Excellent.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:36, Reply)
Nothing wrong with a little R&R.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:37, Reply)
Tomorrow's going to be good
Emailed my dad for my favourite curry recipe, he wrote it out amazingly with all the little details (like making little comments about chopping the onion small as he knows I hate big bits) and ends with "You did put the rice on, didn't you? Oh."

I love my da.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:39, Reply)
Awwwww!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:39, Reply)
S'gonna be great.
Muttar paneer. Nommiest of the curries.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:40, Reply)
Fabulous, darling.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:12, Reply)
bollocks.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:37, Reply)
Vulva.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:38, Reply)
That fucking ref needs a kick in the cunt
cheating bastard.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:40, Reply)
1 second Al, clear who Uefa wanted to go through.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:40, Reply)
Or maybe you lost because Arsenal are pony.
How Wenger can suggest they'd have gone through had Van Persie stayed on the pitch is mind boggling.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:33, Reply)
What, you mean Whinger gave some post match comments???

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:59, Reply)
I had pancakes
I'd rather stuff my face with tasty goo than be an international woman.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 21:55, Reply)
You do realise you said you'd rather stuff your face with goo,
On b3ta. With al about.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:00, Reply)
*smooshes Lusty BIG TIME*
*chest bumps*
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:02, Reply)
Loves ya hotness!
I canny wait til I get to cover your beautiful face in kisses.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:03, Reply)
SCHLOOOOOOOOOOP!!!! <3 <3 <3
Totally only 11 weeks this weekend loveychops \o/
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:21, Reply)
I said tasty goo
not other, man-based types of goo.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:03, Reply)
I'm happy with the thought of her covered in delicious batter based goo.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:11, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post970925
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:21, Reply)
Are you ever going to get bored of trotting that out?

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:39, Reply)
nope

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:16, Reply)
In honour of this day
I had my tongue pierced a couple of weeks ago, ergo no "down there sucky-sex" for six weeks months \o/
ADD TO THAT my uterus requires scaffolding made by Vickers to keep it in place.
And, for my hat-trick - I TOTALLY had another woman make me pancakes today.
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:00, Reply)
I have spent the day as a woman

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:19, Reply)

wo
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:09, Reply)
I'm celebrating with a 2-1 win over Portsmouth.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:51, Reply)
Yes,
but are you celebrating by letting a woman cook you dinner?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:55, Reply)
Sadly not.
Although I did buy my half-time pie from a woman, I can't only speculate if she put it in the oven herself.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:57, Reply)
She probably did
Whilst complaining about period pains and being oppressed.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:58, Reply)
She appeared to have slightly greasy hair and there were fewer Yorkie bars on display than usual.
I think you're onto something.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:00, Reply)
Could she not get near the microwave
because of a slightly bloated, period infested tummy?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)
I don't know, I'd have asked her but she was DEAD SNAPPY with me.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:06, Reply)
I'm not surprised, frankly.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:08, Reply)
Maybe it was because you were being a terrible cunt?
and was nothing to do with periods or hormones at all?
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:08, Reply)
No, it's always to do with periods and hormones
and not swallowing.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:16, Reply)
Your personal win?
pfft. Like you could run around for 90 minutes!
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:56, Reply)
I was the 12th man.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:57, Reply)
I was just about to protest
when I realised that football teams only have 11 players. It's rugby that has 15.

I'll shut up now.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:01, Reply)
He could if he were chasing a spaniel.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 22:57, Reply)
In one of these maybe?
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/fury-over-padded-bikinis-for-pets-201004152643/
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:00, Reply)
That would compliment my 'Speedo's for Peados' range quite nicely.
*To the beach!*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:03, Reply)
Speedos for paedos?
what's so special about them, then - do they have some kind of sweetie-filled peephole?
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)
They come with a special pocket that'll keep sweets dry
And also a map to the woods so you can show children when to go to see the non-existent puppies.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:07, Reply)
HMHB lols.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:08, Reply)
:)
Correct!

What did God give us Neil? God gave us life Nigel. Sure did.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:09, Reply)
1-2-3-4, John the Baptist knows the score.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:12, Reply)
You're a terrible human being, you know that?

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:13, Reply)
*BEAMS*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:14, Reply)
Hahahahahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:03, Reply)
it's internationl women's day?
i really am a crap girl.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:01, Reply)
Have you been a woman today?
in a country of the world? Then I think you've fulfilled all the criteria.

Have you checked your post recently or are you still at work?
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:03, Reply)
ooh
i am still working but no post as of yesterday! when did you post it??

/excites
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)
Saturday
I posted three other things at the same time and everyone else got theirs yesterday...

Why the hell are you at work so late though?!
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:06, Reply)
stupid london post!
if i told you, you WOULD die of boredom.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:08, Reply)
Well, hopefully you will have something to look forward to when you get home...

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:09, Reply)
Have you sent her a man?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:10, Reply)
No. A dvd and a surprise.

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:10, Reply)
A suprise man?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:12, Reply)
I don't think I would want a man
by the time he'd been through the postal system. So no. Something better than a man.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:14, Reply)
i've been out with a couple
who would benefit from being pummelled flat enough to fit through a letterbox
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:18, Reply)
To be fair
A man sent through the post would be well travelled and able to take a bit of a battering.

/Reverse domestic violence lols.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:21, Reply)
just texted the flatmate
she tells me there is a package!

hoorah, thank you SO MUCH in advance. i will have to think of something equivalent to send...

*plots*
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:13, Reply)
Haha, no worries love!
I hope you enjoy it and it doesn't look too much of a budget copy.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)
i am sure it will look brilliant
i am very excited about this, been dying to see it for ages!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:19, Reply)
It's a really nice cute little film
I enjoyed it a lot more than Up, which made me cry.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:20, Reply)
OH NO!
i've not seen "up", do i need to avoid it?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:27, Reply)
It's a pretty good film
I doubt it would make kids cry, but it had me all watery eyed and trembly lipped in the first 10 minutes, and I don't normally cry at films.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:29, Reply)
i only ever cry at anything to do with animals
people don't bother me at all!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:30, Reply)
A package
on INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!!!

Please let it be a deep fat fryer and ironing board!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)
what,
so we can deep fry your/jeff's head and iron your withered little cocks?!?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:18, Reply)
I have always wondered what a scrotum would look like if you ironed it
apart from burnt and sore, anyway.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:21, Reply)
Oh, now that's not fair.
I haven't once made reference to your massive norks and 28/7 working day on account of the occasion of today being all about wimmin and stuff. No, siree.

This is a joke, like on Top Gear.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:24, Reply)
shush it and hand over the scrotum
berk has a fantasy we need to fulfil
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:25, Reply)
I wouldn't say fantasy
more idle curiousity. Testicles are such odd looking things, and they're clearly made out of spare elbow skin.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:30, Reply)
my friend's bf only has one testicle
the other is fake. she is desperate to know which, but can't bring herself to ask. apparently they both feel like "squash balls".
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:31, Reply)
Hahahahaha
aren't squash balls fairly hard though?! I'm sure that's not a good way for a healthy testicle to be.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:33, Reply)
and quite large for a testicle
was my own thought on the matter!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:35, Reply)
I have done the whole self examination thing several times, and found lumps.
Each time I have been referred to hot female doctors. This is not necessarily a good thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:37, Reply)
I imagine there are both pros and cons, yes.

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:38, Reply)
Pros: Hot lady doctors..
Cons: Hot lady doctors. Trying to wriggle out of your trolley in some kind of dignified manner on a horizontal bed is not easy.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:43, Reply)
Look, berk is about 200 miles away from me.
If I hand it over, it's gonna go dryer and wrinklier. Also, I'll probably forget to to put a stamp on so she'll have to pay the postage.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:32, Reply)
it's worth it
she says, darkly
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:35, Reply)
do you know how much rather
i would have what berk has sent me than one of those hairy-toed, smelly-arsed feckers cluttering up my flat?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:11, Reply)
Lots more?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:13, Reply)
yup
a LOT more!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:14, Reply)
Have you been sent Gonz?
*Cheeky edit*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:14, Reply)
Yes.
Now, fetch my slippers, wench!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:04, Reply)
Get the chips on bitch.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:04, Reply)
you two suck donkey dick

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)
No we don't.
Jeff sucks dog dick, and I don't suck any dick on account of being a happily married heterosexual male type bloke what likes beer and football.

Now then, slippers. And a nice, cold beer while you're at it.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:10, Reply)
Hmm. I note a lack of male solidarity.
*Don't make me post the picture of the fat, topless Newcastle supporter*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:12, Reply)
I'm just acting up to your internet persona, Jeff.
Change your name to JeffTheWomanFucker, and things won't be so bad.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:13, Reply)
Pffft. But that would be LIES ON THE INTERNET.
and we can't have that.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:15, Reply)
To be honest.
I've probably got more chance of pulling a dog* than a woman.

*No, not that I would.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:15, Reply)
in bristol this may well be true
i needed to find a five star hotel for a client do.

does bristol have such a thing?? it seems NOT.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:16, Reply)
Hotel du Vin is quite nice.
How many are you catering for?

https://www.hotelduvin.com/hotels/bristol/bristol.aspx
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:19, Reply)
i will gaz you the issue with that one!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:19, Reply)
No reply off textgirl then?

(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)
:(
She was probably busy preparing food for Internation Women's Day and hasn't had time.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:22, Reply)
oooh
is she cheap and pikey too?

i really should quit this. someone other than jeff is going to think i mean it. and i only partly mean it. in the context of the first 3 dates or so. /wanders off muttering to self in manner of nutter or similar
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:23, Reply)
She is the cheapest pikey you'll ever come across.
I'll bet she is waiting until she can buy some 'top up credit' or whatever it's called before coming back to me.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:34, Reply)
how positively vile
dump her and get someone better
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:36, Reply)
Aww, that's superlame
I feel bad for pestering you in to doing it now :(
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:24, Reply)
When are you playing tennis next?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:25, Reply)
It's very difficult to play tennis during International Wimmin's Week
Due to all the cooking and baking and fetching slippers malarkey.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:28, Reply)
Thursday
I refuse to be badgered in to blatantly getting rejected though.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:31, Reply)
You just let me contact text-girl but get nothing in return.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:33, Reply)
Well if I'd thought she was going to be rude I wouldn't have pestered you in to doing it
I'm not that mean you know, to deliberately let you in for an emotional kicking.
Whereas I know he'll say no, so there's no point in even asking.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:37, Reply)
How do you know he'll say no?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:49, Reply)
Well I don't KNOW
but it's an educated guess.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:52, Reply)
Bollocks.
What have you got to lose? If he says yes, awesome. If he says no, slight embarrassment but at least you tried. Plus he might do that all embarrassed shuffley stuff that means he said no but meant yes but was too awkward to admit it and will die alone in a bungalow filled with crusty Kleenex and pictures of Cheryl Cole.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:57, Reply)
You're as bad as Jeff
and I am spectacularly bad at taking my own advice. I really don't think it's a good idea to ask, I want to be able to go to tennis every week and have a laugh, not feel like a prize idiot.

EDIT - well I often feel like a prize idiot for playing like a total spacker. In this instance I meant feeling like a prize idiot for making a spectacle of myself by asking out someone who blatantly won't be interested.
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:59, Reply)
+ Until berk hits 60
When she'll go on that Simon Cowell talent show and dazzle everyone with her performance of 'I dreamed a dream'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:01, Reply)
Oh god I hope Simon Cowell will be dead long before I turn 60
also, I can't sing worth a damn.
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:05, Reply)
You sound like me,
I spend a lot of time trying to justify my state of misery by pointing out that 'I'm not pessimistic, I'm an optimist in posession of the facts'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:59, Reply)
you suck theoretical dick
and don't you deny it!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:16, Reply)

two suck donkey dick are a man, therefore I'd like to cook you some chips.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:11, Reply)
i think what is becoming clear is that we have very different definitions of "man"

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:15, Reply)
If you consider it less 'cheap and pikey', I've got no problem with you going out and buying some chips.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:17, Reply)
south of the watford gap?
those will not be proper chips.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:22, Reply)
I have never shit the bed, if that's what you mean.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:26, Reply)
it IS a good way to find a REAL man, yes

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:29, Reply)
I have never done this thing.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:34, Reply)
bet you did as a baby

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:35, Reply)
So did you.
NEEEERRRRRR!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:38, Reply)
find where i denied it
or where i said i was a man.

and the steel trap of the lawyer springs shut!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:41, Reply)
You are obviously a man
because a woman could never be a lawyer, despite this being the 21st century, unless being a lawyer involves making the tea and putting he bins out. But that's just ludicrous, right..?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:48, Reply)
you know what
looking at my workload and my sleepless nights for the near future... part of me DOES wish the feminists had left well alone...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:49, Reply)
I think you've been really sensible actually Swipe.
All these hours you're putting in now will be good training for when you're sqeezing out babies and having to feed them at all hours, whilst your bloke goes to the pub/has an affair.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:51, Reply)
Bleurgh
*shudders*
(berk, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:56, Reply)
Emily Pankhurst is buried in the next town to me you know.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:53, Reply)
If some woman wants to chain herself to some railings and suffer-a-jet-movement, then it's alright by me!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:56, Reply)
Hahahahahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:57, Reply)
Still, one perk of feminism is that you can now be as openly homophobic as you like without facing any serious consequences.
Isn't that wonderful?
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:02, Reply)
It's bloody marvellous.
Now piss off, you shirtlifter.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:09, Reply)
If your name's not Amanda Platell or Jan Moir I'm ringing the police.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:15, Reply)
Funnily enough, my name is Jan Moir
if you rearrange the letters and substitute them for some others.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:17, Reply)
This as well.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:05, Reply)
I'm popping sand between my tootsies and squealing "look at me, I'm a ballerina!"

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:23, Reply)
This is an excellent use of the rest of this auspicious day.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:26, Reply)
I wrote something about Feminist Jurisprudence and the equality debate.
I have also been reading loads of lovely articles, and generally being in a good mood. I *love* International Women's Day.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:37, Reply)
Yeah, OK love, get the tea on, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:39, Reply)
Certainly, DG.
Where would you like it inserting?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:40, Reply)
In my favourite mug.
It's got Leslie Neilson and Robbie the Robot on it, and has a very wide lip.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:45, Reply)
Only 6 minutes left of International Women's Day DG
Make sure your next post REALLY captures the spirit of the occasion.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:49, Reply)
Six minutes???
Fuck me, I haven't had me slippers handed to me yet!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:51, Reply)
And it's over.
*sigh*

As you were.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:55, Reply)
OK.
Where are me slippers? Fetch the crisps!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 23:58, Reply)
Sorry, I'm off out to smash the patriarchy.
Get your own stuff.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:06, Reply)
Aww, Mum, she's being all right-on and stuff.
Tell her to stop. And can I have my blankey?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:11, Reply)
It's funny because my Mum is dead on account of incompetent male doctors not diagnosing the cancer in time.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:12, Reply)
This is actually true.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:13, Reply)

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