I blame Sunday morning television
all you want to do is drink tea, eat toast and watch something that takes your mind off your life and what do the main channels give you? God squad and cunting cooking shows.

So you trawl through the other channels and it's all "Time Team" and "Scrapheap Challenge". Why have you only got 3 days to excavate the site? The program isn't in real time. Do a proper job and then tell us what you found you fucking arsehat!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:09, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I agree with this wholeheartedly.
I end up watching Supernanny repeats all morning.
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:12, Reply)

It's so bad I often go for a bike ride
It's a sad state of affairs when exercise is the best option
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:14, Reply)

My housemate watches Sunday morning television
but it's all Gok Wan and Natalie Cassidy - My Life.

Abhorrent shite.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Does Natalie Cassidy - My Life
at any point involve the footage of her being hit repeatedly with the ugly stick?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:14, Reply)

No, it's her breeding
and popping out a fugly sprog.

I think the kid was delivered by Doctor Fuck and Nurse Ugly.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:16, Reply)

On my very bad days
when I have yet to apply my slap and tidy up my hair, I think I look a little like her. It frightens me, so I go and have a little cry.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)

I end up watching "Magic's biggest jerk" or whatever it's called
the guy in the mask who ruins magic tricks
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I still find it un-be-fucking-lievable that Natalie Cassidy is allowed on TV
I know it's a bit Aryan of me to insist that only attractive people become famous, but there has to be a bare minimum, doesn't there? Looking at her makes my eyes want to invert
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:16, Reply)

You should eat more red meat
You'll get this thing called Malcular Degeneration
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:18, Reply)

If I wasn't so shit-scared of going blind I'd click this
Oh fuck it, go on.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Don't get it confused with the disorder
you've already got, Masculine Degeneration; first symptom, limp wrists.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:22, Reply)

You're on excellent form today I must say
I quite enjoy the prescribed treatment for this condition, even if everyone I know tells me it's not working
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Surely the amount of red meat thats been in you would make you almost blind.....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Racist

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:38, Reply)

That's right, it weakens the tendons int he lower arm.
The next thing to go is the lower back muscles, resulting in a peculiar gait whilst walking.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:29, Reply)

this explains a lot about how i used to see you limping up windsor street

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Limping, hah!
You saw me striding purposefully in a masculine fashion, giving you trouble in not sliding off your leather car seats and you know it.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:32, Reply)

oh yeah
that was it. sorry, i got confused.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:35, Reply)

No wonder you have trouble
with self-centred, vacuous men.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:36, Reply)

i've given up on men. you're all the same.
i have retired gracefully into spinsterhood, except that i am allergic to cats, so am slowly adopting a flock of budgies.

so far i have... 0 budgies.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Get a bald pussy
Edit: like this- www.ohchristwhatnow.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/shaved_grey_cat.jpg
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:44, Reply)

it would still make me sneeze
cats make me sneeze at 150 paces.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:46, Reply)

You have not. You are seeing New Boy
Who may even turn out to be a Real Man, this time.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Please
budgies raging bulldykes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:44, Reply)

hey
it tickles when you tar me with your brush
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Girls like tickling. I'm sure of this
Also, between the fork and now a brush, you're really stacking up the cock metaphors today
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:51, Reply)

I don't understand how you can consider Scrapheap Challenge to be a bad thing.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:16, Reply)

It was better with hte first girl on it
I didn't like the second one. They were both called Rogers. TRUFAX.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:19, Reply)

I like the last 5-10 minutes where they drive their contraptions
but even Lisa Rogers can't make the first 20 mins of watching people act-up for the camera entertaining.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Lisa Rogers was a fox.
I say "was" because I lose interest after they start having babies.

I'm currently mourning Natalie Portman.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Yeah, I never felt the same way about Suzi whatsherface from the Gadget Show
after she had an ectopic pregnancy. They brought on Gail Porter as a substitute (it may have been Duncan Goodhew).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Suzi is a hound
Gail Porter was very attractive before the babies.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:29, Reply)

They have a new girl now. Younger and prettier.
I bet Suzi wants to claw her eyes out
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Pollyanna Woodward.
Yes.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I read that as
rn nt
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I like pretending that I'm learning how to make things,
despite the fact that I'd have nailed my face to a wheel and welded my leg to some fire within five minutes of setting foot in the yard.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I also think they can stop pretending that they are up against a time limit.

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:29, Reply)

I love cookery programmes and can even stomach Time Team in smallish doses.
Would you rather they had some accountancy programmes on?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:32, Reply)

That might work, they could do it in the style of Time Team
"We have to prepare a set of consolidated group company accounts and a tax calculation, and as usual we only have 3 days to do it in"

"Allroight thar Tony, oive found a discrepancy in the doirectors loan account, get geophys in to 'ave a look"

And then the twat in the stripey jumper can get excited about something.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Sunday mornings?
I've heard legends of those.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 11:46, Reply)