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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Oh dear lord I love diazpam, it's like I've been standing next to an airhorn all week and someone just turned it off.
www.maharishihoney.com/media/animations/vedic_organic/index.html

I bought some live animal ealier that I will eat later; RAZOR CLAMS, I'm going to do some sort of seafood pasta with RAZOR CLAMS (aghh-haaa, savour of the UNIVERSE), with dressed crab and chilli and garlic and crayfish tails and spring onion and chives.

alt: You got a quid to spend at the sweet shop, what you getting?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 16:55, 171 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Alt: Kitkat Chunky, king size

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 16:56, Reply)
crawdads taste like mud, trufax
alt: something cherry, or gum
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 16:59, Reply)
Either some mint imperials
or some liquorice torpedos.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 16:59, Reply)
Wargh look who it is!

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:04, Reply)
alright there :)
how's it going?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:07, Reply)
Not bad, found a paid internship for something that looks amazing
but it's for 8 weeks, July thru August, and I've already booked holidays. I'm applying for the FCO one, it's paid and only in August -eeee!-

How are you, gorgeous?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:22, Reply)
Ooh good for you!
*mourns own barren working life*
I'm alright thanks. I have sooo much cleaning to do though :S
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)
THey're quite nice in salads those

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:01, Reply)
FUCKS SAKE, FUCKING STUPID FUCKING IDIOT, I HOPE THAT PASTOUR DOES FUCKING TIME
www.channel4.com/news/at-least-8-un-staff-killed-over-koran-burning
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:01, Reply)
There's no good people in that story
you know apart from the dead.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:04, Reply)
I'm listening to Terry Jones on the radio now, "It's tragic when anyone dies, weather it's an accident or an intentional killing or an act of god...."
Fucking send him there and let him preach.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:13, Reply)
I think we have to bear in mind
that Terry Jones killed no-one. He didn't even burn the Koran himself. The fault lies solely with those stupid and evil enough to kill because a book got burned.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:17, Reply)
He would have done, if he had the guts, instead he used is pawn to do it.
He promoted it to make sure the message reached that side of the world, where that would be the inevitable circamstance.

He is just as responsible as the curupted imrams who teach a bastardised version of Islam to the masses from childhood.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)
He really isn't
it was a stupid and hateful thing to do. But he's not responsible for those deaths, the people who killed them are
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:26, Reply)
It's a bit like saying a general has no responciblity for their troop's actions.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:28, Reply)
I'm not saying the murders are innocent at all, they're, well, they're murders, I hope they burn in hell....
.... but they don't have the benfit of a non-religious education.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)
Burn a Bible, or a copy of the Torah
and what happens? At worst some eyebrows are raised, maybe a couple of Americans get shirty.

Burn a Koran and halfway around the world half a dozen entirely innocent people die after an unrelated compound is stormed.

They're not doing themselves any favours.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:05, Reply)
Just look at some EDL marches.
Imagine them in a country where everyone has AK47's and RPG's
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:08, Reply)
This has got fuck all to do with your question so apologies Gonz
I went to Tesco at lunchtime and got, amongst other things, a few beers , as I know I'll have the house to myself when I get home. I used an automatic checkout and it wouldn't let me through until a member of staff verified that I was over 18.

Now, I don't expect to get ID'd at my age, but when the 13-year-old Tesco employee clicked on the button saying "Customer is clearly over 25", I couldn't help but feel a little bit sad.

Is that just me?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:07, Reply)
I find having to make sure the missus has her passport with her
is far more annoying.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:08, Reply)
You must be glad she can at least buy you booze now though
The last five years must have been a struggle
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:12, Reply)
"LOOK, SHE CLEARLY IS OVER 16 !"

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:18, Reply)
"Officer, I'm outraged, she said she was 16. I'm as much a victim here as she is."
Hasn't worked once, no matter how earnest I try to look.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:20, Reply)
Haha

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)
32 seems to be a good age for getting IDed. Ask Roota.
Today in Smiths there were a few 'youths' in front of me at the till (buying Letts revision guides and debating whether universities would prefer you to have studied maths or physics), and they got IDed for buying a scratchcard. Apparently they 'card' everyone who looks younger than 21, as standard.

I asked the woman to pretend I looked younger than 21, and she laughed at me. I am officially old.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:10, Reply)
Funny how the principle of getting ID'd ceases to become an insult or a challenge and promptly becomes hugely flattering
Around the time of one's 20th birthday. You're not THAT old, are you? I thought you were about my age
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:13, Reply)
37.
Closer to 40 than 35 these days. eeep.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:14, Reply)
Bah, that's nowt
I'm aware of a hideous double standards in calling Monty (also 37) old and not yourself, but there are two good reasons for that.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)
would they be the two reasons that are rapidly heading towards my knees?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:29, Reply)
Yes
Your trouser legs turn me on something fearsome. Especially when you're about to sit down on the toilet, as I assume you are now.

*goes to happy visual place*
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:35, Reply)
What?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)
Not sure really
Just trying to think of something else that might be heading towards your knees. My disgustingly elaborate mental image of you now incorporates enormous breats, just so you know.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)
I think everybody knows I have enormous breasts
they usually beat me into a room by about ten minutes.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:40, Reply)
I actually didn't
It's nice to be right once in a while. I have obviously chosen my Internet Nemesis wisely, albeit entirely by accident
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)
Christ, Darth why are you so fucking creepy?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:43, Reply)
Coming from you?
Really?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:44, Reply)
Yes, really
You need to be reminded almost daily about just how creepy you are, you seem to forget all too easily
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:48, Reply)
Appreciate the public service you're performing
In the same vein, has anyone reminded you today what a cunt you are?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:49, Reply)
Cool, we wouldn't want anyone fleeing the internet and changing their name and address because of you

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:51, Reply)
Anyone ELSE
Get it right
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:53, Reply)
I don't get IDed much anymore :(
depends what clothes I wear. Jeans and a hoodie, and I generally get IDed, any other clothing and I'm fine. Though I did get IDed at a club recently.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:16, Reply)
If someone like you gets ID'd at a club
it's almost certainly because the bouncer wants to know your name.

/ceases pandering
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)
alt: can of rio and a chomp

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:09, Reply)
Don't touch what you can't afford.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:11, Reply)
I wouldn't touch you with Darth's...

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:13, Reply)
Darth would.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:13, Reply)
He'd be too busy buying 'Glee' stickers with his £1.00 pocket money from Gonz.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:21, Reply)
But then deny it and continue to live a lie.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:21, Reply)
Please
Call me gay if you want, but at least credit me with some standards.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)
Gay.
You ISO 9001 loving fruit.

Like that?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)
Not bad at all
Have a slightly generous 8/10
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:26, Reply)
Don't I get a score for the Glee post ^ ?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)
No
a) cos it was a tiny bit weird and b) not explicit enough
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:29, Reply)
The 'calling Darth a gay' game has too many rules.
I quit.

Who have Florist got this weekend?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)
Not THAT many rules
Process is as follows;

1) call me gay
2) receive marks, possibly applause, derision, clicks

EDIT; Sorry mate, Leeds away, on BBC1 tomorrow lunchtime. Your lot?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:33, Reply)
Home to Donny.
All being well I'll be able to watch your team on the telly in the pub before City play.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:35, Reply)
You'll batter Donny
Best of luck mate
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)
They beat us 5-2 last year.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)
You were shite last year
This year you're... oh
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)
You see the problem.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:43, Reply)
Yeah mate
I also see the likelihood of us playing you again next season rising each weekend
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:44, Reply)
I'm sure the Amici Wine bar will welcome back previous customers.
:(
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:49, Reply)
Now that my sister no longer lives across the fucking road from said wine bar,
I'd quite like to place a walkie-talkie in the middle of the bar, retreat to a safe (but still operable) distance and shout "LET'S 'AVE IT, YOU FUCKERZ" in a broad Bristolian accent. Then sit back and enjoy the confused fun.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:52, Reply)
Ooh, I can catch the 1st half before I head out to our game.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:42, Reply)
9/10 for speed.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)
Fuck off
I'll give out the marks, thank you

7/10. Speed; good. Originality; not so much.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:26, Reply)
You don't own marking! if anyone has the qualifications to do any marking it's me!
I just thought you had forgotten.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)
I'd have thought you'd have enough marking to do
Besides, if whoever sets the maths exams turned up and told you to fuck off and stop marking his tests, you would
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)
Yeah yeah, alright then.
I am going for a shit.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:32, Reply)
POIDH

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:33, Reply)
You disgust me.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:34, Reply)
Don't flatter yourself sweetheart
I disgust EVERYONE
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:35, Reply)
you're just after an action shot in the hope of seeing arsehole or helmet
we're onto you sunshine
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:35, Reply)
He's like Veronica Moser in reverse.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)
Don't know who that is, carry on

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:38, Reply)
It's just as well, really.
Don't Google her, whatever you do.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)
Don't see why not
Crackin' norks. The trick is to click on "images" first
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:41, Reply)
I felt truly sullied when a mate called up her site in an internet bar a few years ago.
*Bokes*
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)
I'll stick with my solitary norks pic, cheers
However, what's worse; her site or Freema Agyemang's acting?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:43, Reply)
Her site.
No contest.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:44, Reply)
FUCKING HELL
I didn't think it was possible
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:45, Reply)
What would you rather look at?
Freema with the sound turned down, or a woman being shat on and into her mouth by fat German blokes?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:46, Reply)
I see your point
However, as I don't know this woman, the fat German blokes aren't sullying something I love
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:48, Reply)
Eh? A helmet? What on earth do you mean?
I think you must have me confused with someone else, old chap, I have no idea to what you refer... LOOK OVER THERE! A GIANT DISTRACTION!

*flees*
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)
you're not helping yourself

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)
Come on
Realistically, can it possibly get any worse?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:38, Reply)
Ew. Seafood yuck.
I remember how nice morphine was, though, so I imagine jellies are nice too.

Alt: sherbert fountains and chupa chups.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:12, Reply)

www.clickshop.com/product/3343/mega-giant-chupa-chup-lolly/chupachup/
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:14, Reply)
Boring
I used to like those dummies you got at the seaside. They would last you about a fortnight.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:15, Reply)
I can imagine that thing would be hard to finish.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:16, Reply)
I would love this SOO much
www.firebox.com/product/2560/Giant-Gummi-Bear
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:16, Reply)
Bought one for my friend for his birthday. It was epic.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:17, Reply)
Sherbert, or millions, or just one of a lot of things
like sour cherries or something.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)
Millions?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)
I love Millions.
Gum based sweets are deffo the best, I like Shandy Bottles and those fizzy blue/pink ones.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:31, Reply)
old fashioned sweetshop or ordinary one?
if old fashioned then sherbet lemons, if not I'll have a lion

like the sound of your dinner though.

I'm having a steak sandwich. Nice bit of rump, part-baked bloomer, red onions and mushrooms. Lovely.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)
I think I would have Army and Navy sweets.
They tasted like Galloway's cough medicine. Mmmmmmmm.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)
I don't want to know why you have tasted George Galloway's "cough medicine"

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:31, Reply)
It's a long sad story and I don't want to go into detail.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:32, Reply)
Catty comment is catty.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:33, Reply)
was that catty?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:34, Reply)
I thought it was quite mild.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:35, Reply)
It's funny because George Galloway is famous these days for pretending to be a cat and nuzzling Rula Lenska.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:35, Reply)
"famous"

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)
I'm out of practice, Vippers.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)
Sorry DG too subtle for Friday afternoon.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)
Bread is not your friend.
I miss bread.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:31, Reply)
Bread is my friend
which is why I'm glad I lost weight without cutting it out of my life
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:32, Reply)
You don't knead it.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:32, Reply)
D'OH!

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:38, Reply)
*golf clap*

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:40, Reply)
It was the yeast I could do, Jeff.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:41, Reply)
With that yeast pun you really have raised the standard.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)
I'm pastrydemption, Jeff.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:45, Reply)
That's awful.
I have muffin to offer in reply.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:47, Reply)
I'm loaf to admit
but you're right.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:48, Reply)
My sides are split tin

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:49, Reply)
Stop trying to butter me up, Jeff.
That last bun pun was half baked and we both know it.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:51, Reply)
I don't like this (bread) stick I'm getting.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:53, Reply)
That's because you're an utter crouton.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:55, Reply)
I thought you'd have just asked me to leaven the Internet.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:58, Reply)
Right, I'm telling my naan on you for that.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:00, Reply)
She won't comfort you or give you any pitta.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:03, Reply)
If there was an award for the worst pun
I'd baguette in an instant.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:55, Reply)
You've scone too far, now.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:58, Reply)
Monty and his rye posts.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:59, Reply)
pffft
http://www.thecomet.net/home/village_s_nice_baps_comes_under_fire_1_847185
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:43, Reply)
I'm going there tomorrow now
To get a large bloomer and a big pair of tits.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:50, Reply)
Those amusing scousers
I thought it was a documentry.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)
Boswell lols

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)
what does poidh mean?
and SKILL whilst you're at it!
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)
Pictures or it didn't happen.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:43, Reply)
*shakes head*
The fun we could have had.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:44, Reply)
Piss Off Idiot Dick Head

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:44, Reply)
you'd miss me if I was gone

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:47, Reply)
Shall we try it?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:51, Reply)

*lower lip starts to wobble* - *infinite chins join in*
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:52, Reply)
*mecha-tsunami wrecks developing world*

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:54, Reply)
Good, workshy, freeloading, radioactive bastards.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:55, Reply)
YEAH.
They come over here, spending their millions in Burberry, going to our fashion colleges and being really fit (the girls that is)....damn them TO HELL.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:01, Reply)
alt: a can of Grolsch

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:53, Reply)
You could get two cans of White Ace if you shop around a bit.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:55, Reply)
I have not even smelled a can of cider since about 1988
and never, ever will. Lusty drinks it and I have to be careful about breathing through my nose as I genuinely fear I'll throw up if I smell it. Never, ever again, Jeff *shudders*
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:57, Reply)
If you ever head West, give the Cider House a try.
www.bristolciderhouse.co.uk/Tasting.htm

Embark on an afternoon of education. You'll either learn to love cider or end up blind.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:02, Reply)
those bottles are pretty nifty but i can't help but think you're just paying for the bottle and the beer is probably shit

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:56, Reply)
The beer is lovely
but the bottles are unnecessary and are also nearer to two quid than the one Gonz is allowing - hence I said 'can'.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:57, Reply)
well i wasn't talking about the cans now was i

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:04, Reply)
*Bets Monty put the bottle-top on his shoes just like Bros*

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:05, Reply)
As lagers go, Grolsch is not bad.
On second thought, you're right, it is shit.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:58, Reply)
YOU'RE shit.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:59, Reply)
I love you too.
Got your weekend planned out?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:01, Reply)
*blows kiss*
Quiet dinner avec Mademoiselle Lusters ce soir, kiddie in the morning, mate's 40th in the afternoon (he has two kids under three), fuck knows in the evening, fuck knows Sunday - you?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:03, Reply)
Don't forget to call your mother on Sunday.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:04, Reply)
I'm seeing my mum Saturday after some meat shopping.
Sunday I've got nothing planned.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:07, Reply)
down the docks again with your mum
typical
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:09, Reply)
Its the only time she gets out to make some small change.

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:11, Reply)
I'm off to Weston Super Mare.
I may be some time...
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:57, Reply)
Enjoy the fight.
Byeeee.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:59, Reply)
Oh, I wouldn't
It's a shit hole.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 17:59, Reply)
Pronounce it 'super mah-ray' as is actually right
and see if you get your face bashed in by a red-faced local.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:00, Reply)
How long have you been on smack?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:00, Reply)
Actually, in response to the original question
*that's* what I would buy for a pound from a sweet shop down here...
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:03, Reply)
Have you been on the pier yet?

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:04, Reply)
No, not yet
I was wondering about trying to get a drunken bash there later in the year.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:06, Reply)
oh man, that was open to misinterpretation...

(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:07, Reply)
That would be quite amusing.
Just watching all the smokers waiting to get the fun-train along the pier so they can go for a tab.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:08, Reply)
evening all
dark chocolate bounty and a can of dr pepper, I reckon

or a picnic
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:15, Reply)
Lies!
You couldn't get both of those for one pound. Either/or, Crunchy, either/or.

How are you this fine evening?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:18, Reply)
really?
I have no idea of prices these days. Probably the pop then, I had a dark chocolate bounty earlier.

I'm not bad, work made me want to kill people so I am taking the weekend off. Not marking or planning or nothing. You?
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:19, Reply)
I cooked last night
and I plan on working this weekend, so I'm pretty much vegging out tonight.

Wow, my life is fascinating.
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:24, Reply)
you need to do something fun or something
I'm planning to make something interesting happen, hopefully. Either one thing or I go larping
(, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:30, Reply)

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