Might I suggest, before anyone asks for one,
that your statement can be modified into an Alt Q with the use of a comma and a question mark
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:49, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Morning Darth.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)

this has reminded me of a joke
I was walking through a graveyard this morning when I see a bloke hunkered down behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" I said
to which he replied "no, I'm having a shit"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Hahaha
desklols
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Credit your sources, please.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I have no idea where I heard it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Clue: from me.
I posted it on here a couple of years ago and was roundly congratulated by you and others.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:57, Reply)

I've known it longer than I've been on here

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I have an aunty who's really not with it, never has been, it's a medical merical that she's alive.... she's been in a home since her early 20s
When I was about 8, me and my mates are sitting around the kitchen table, telling rude jokes, when Ma' asks Babs if she has any jokes, so Bab goes "I have a brand new one, nobody has heard it before, it's a bit rude though, are you sure it's OK?". Ma' gives the go-ahead knowing that Bab's idea of rude is saying the word 'poo'.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

So we all pipe up, "Because he had a dog poo on his foot and there was some toilet paper on the other side?", she smuggly goes "nope". "Because there was ice cream on the other side?", "Nope, you'll never guess this one".....

After about 3 minutes of this she smuggly goes "To get to the other side", and we burst into a fit of hysterics; poor babs, she really thought it was a brand new joke that nobody had ever heard.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I heard a good one the other day
I was walking down the road when I walk past "Josh Stineburg's Chinese Emporium" resturant, now, I know us jews love a bit of chinese, and I was curious, maybe it was kosha or something. I walk in to see a little old chinese man.

I said to him "Are you the owner?" and he says "Yes, I am Josh Stineburg, and this is my chinese resturant". I looked at him confused, Josh Stineburg is not a usual name for a Chinaman, so I said to him "How did you get a name like that? I don't believe you, show me your passport". He then shows me his passport, and sure enough, that was his name, Josh Stineburg.

So he tells me "When I came over the Ellis Island on the boat, I was lining up with the rest of the immigrents, and I was standing behind a german man. He tells me about how he had been thrown out of his country for being jewish. He went up to the imigration officer who asked his name "Josh Stineburg", He then got given his passport and was allowed entery into America. It was my now turn, so I told him "Sam Ting"..... and that is how I got the name Josh Stineburg
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)

heh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/hell/post329298#post329332
One person said something.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

thank you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Everyone texted and gazzed me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)

It is old as the houses, but still a good'n

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Perfect timing here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Some loser in the pub who Monty was drinking with who turns out to be someone famous like Cris Rock.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

It was Martin Luther King ACTUALLY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I always get those two mixed up.

( Kroney, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Martin? Elvis' mate Martin yeah?
Runs the fruit and veg stall? Married to Ethel?


I don't know where I'm going with this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Hey Chuck, it's your cousin Marvin.
You know, Marvin Berry? You know that new sooouuund you're looking for?
( Kroney, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I'm getting a Back To The Future vibe from this one
or it may be the Parkinsons
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Thank you!
No-one believes me when I say I invented rock'n'roll
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)

*avoids cock'n'roll strikethrough*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Dashed decent of you, old chap

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Darth and Bella double act that

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I would give you more credit than you've thus far received for this,
if I didn't think the "roll on the floor" meme was probably the shittest one ever
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)

You can't be angry
against a meme because it's directed at a friend :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

As long as you really are going, we don't mind.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)

*goes*
*get confused*
*comes back again*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Racist, just because we're londoners, we don't all own fruit'n'veg stands.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Sorry, some of you own mobile phone shops too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Or second-hand car dealerships.

( Kroney, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)

My mistake

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Having a bunch of stolen mobiles in a holdall doesn't count as a shop

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Morning honey
Are you well?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I'm pretty good.
Better than I was yesterday. I spoke to BB about what I was talking to you about yesterday. He assures me he doesn't think I'm a mental. Which is nice.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Sorry!
nice wrong
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

No, it's fair enough.
He is wrong. It's just nice of him to say.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I'm guessing he wants bumsex
He is from Brighton
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Why do you think I'm being so nice to Darth?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I assumed it was the ill rat thing still
Different rat, but it should still work
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Oh yes, how is he?
Is he still only doing late-night exercise?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Arty lost his sight, bless him
Otherwise he seems to be on the mend though. Eating more and walking less awkwardly. Thank you for asking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Oh, poor thing!
How old is he?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Not exactly sure
We got them in July 2009 when they were about 4 weeks old, so he's probably about 22 months. Reasonable age for a male rat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)

:(
How many do you have?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Two nowadays
Lincoln is still in fine fettle. Bites me occasionally, the adorable little shit. How are the cats?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)

They're grand.
Starting to worry Jemima might have a touch of the stupid about her, I caught her licking a cheesegrater yesterday. She's also started stealing tobacco and weed.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Licking the cheesegrater is a perfectly understandable result of the munchies

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

It's quite sweet really
When The Housemate is rolling his black out for a spliff, occasionally she'll just jump up and grab it, and it hangs like a moustache from her mouth. The tobacco thing is annoying though, because she sneaks up and runs off with pouches and hides them. I suspect she thinks this is an amusing game. It is not.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)

That actually sounds bloody adorable

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I can still see why you'd be cautious
I'm glad you talked to him about it though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Yeah
I got really mardy after I started thinking about that, because then I started thinking about a load of (non-BB related) stuff that's been pissing me off, and he was texting me yesterday afternoon and picked up that I was feeling pretty crap. When I went to work last night, I was working a double shift and my ex was there the whole time, being a cuntwit. So when BB rang me after work to make sure I was OK about the stuff I'd let on being upset about, I ended up telling him about that too.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Did you throw a fire extinguisher at him?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I'd imagine she hilariously put a grass mohican on him
EDIT:

Or rolled
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Every week is a rollover week chez Bella.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I imagine that she wears rollneck jumpers everyday
eats nothing but jam roly-poly and tongue rolls
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I'm surprised that she's not gone into law just to become Master of the Rolls.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

The relationship is doomed to failure
because he's not into roleplay.

OH YEAH *high fives self*
( Kroney, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)

*rolls in the aisles*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)

*rolls splifff*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Oooh, you've picked a clever one
A man who can pick up unhappy vibes via text is either a bumder, a telepath or a very rare breed of sensitive heterosexual man. In my experience, at any rate; possibly the majority of men I know are just useless
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)

And you know a lot of men.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I'm going to give you the chance to help your average out here
Is that a deliberate gay jibe? Because it's not going to get a good mark, if so
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I don't think your marking is as noticed as you think it is.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I'll take that as a yes
4/10, must try harder
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I think it's because we usually send quite long text messages
And I was just doing cursory replies. Too busy being mopey.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

That'll be me giving him extra credit then
He still gets points though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Does he get additional points, or subtractions for pretending that she's not mentally ill?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)

On the one hand he gets to go places AA has only dreamed of, on the other he has to listen to rambling militant lesbian monologues

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Buxton?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Well spotted

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I was there the other night

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 11:43, Reply)