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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I've just had my inner tube explode which forced the tyre of the rim and wrecked it
The tyre was brand new and not cheap. I am 15 miles from home with a fucked front wheel that I can't fix here. I am fucked off.

Why are you fucked off?

alt. Why are you happy in a land of flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children dance and laugh and play with gumdrop smiles? You cheerful cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:32, 203 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I'm at work,
and I think I'm getting tonsilitis.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:43, Reply)
Sorry
Tonsilitis is really awful. Can't you go home and spend the day watching tv and eating ice cream? That usually helps me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)
Nah, it's not that bad yet
just a pain when I swallow on my left tonsil. It's probably just the start though.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)
It's AIDS.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)
I think you have to have sex for that.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)
Rape still counts as sex

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)
not for the girl
if it doesn't last more than a few seconds, you don't have to add it to your numbers. them's the Rules.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)
Intravenous drug use or blood transfusions can also help.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)
I'm not much of a sharer

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)
Hahaha 'get your own you cunt'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)
Bad AIDS?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)
Nah, it's just the fun AIDS, you know, for kids, like in Africa.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)
Have you had it before?
I've heard they don't remove them these days which sounds very pissing annoying.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)
They don't the current guidelines are it's better your tonsils infected than a chest infection.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)
I'm sure a man in your position inside the big organisation
could grease palms. "Say doc, I could move some columns in spreadsheet (a) to spreadsheet (b) for you if you cut my tonsils out..."
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)
It's just a sore throat
man up, you screaming mary.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)
I'm just answering the question GAAAWWWWDDDD

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)
I'm happy
As I'm about to leave the grimness and deprivation of the northwest for the majestic, noble beauty of the east of Scotland. I'll miss my maid though.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Scumbag, do you realise how much it's going to cost me in flights to have an affair now? I'm going to bill you for this.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)
alt: because you've just had your inner tube explode which forced the tyre of the rim and wrecked it

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)
when you say it like that
sounds like he's had a bomb wedged up his arse. That or been through a severe Darth style trauma
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)
This is a compliment
if you think about it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)
Nice revising technique you have here.
*looks stern*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)
She does have excellent technique it's true.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)
I revised all night :(
had to wait up to let my dad in (back from holiday before the rest.) I need a break.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)
Roy Orbison's disappointing academic-themed followup single.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:02, Reply)
... to get a 2:2 ?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)
*shakes hands*
Excellent.

And good day to you.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:08, Reply)
*doffs hat*
good day, sir.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:08, Reply)
Bastard
I'm laughing now.

Mates offered me a lift in to town to get new bits so I should be able to ride it home on the fucked tyre and change it when I get in. I'm off to pick up a 1979 Peugeot Racing Frame tonight to build my custom single speed. I've checked online and no-one cares.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:02, Reply)
I'd be happier if I was at home, of course
but it's not too bad here. Some stomach pain and I'd like to talk to my boss, but I don't think he's in today.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)
If it's not bad enough being at work today
I have a meeting at 1pm! Over the lunching hour.

I suspect today may drag.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)
Lunch meeting?
Ewwww.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)
Out.of.order.
Today being the last day of decent weather too.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)
I'm happy.
I have bacon, internets and the Independent. And strong coffee.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)
I've forgotten how to do work.
I've been sat trying to fill in my timesheet since about 9, and it has taken me this long to remember that I had the day off on Thursday...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)
I didn't try and open any files up for 45 minutes after I got into the office
at which point I discovered there must have been a power cut and the external hard drive I use and the other computer which runs the printers wasn't running
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)
And my waterproof trousers weren't where I thought they were.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)
I found mine yesterday

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)
You are too fast for my aged fingers.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:59, Reply)
Is that a euphamism,
for adult nappies?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:59, Reply)
the air con has broken in my office AGAIN
my trainee has a cold and keeps sniffing

every other fucker seems to be on holiday

the work i have to do is really really hard and i don't like it

i am being stalked by a sick sex-obsessed freak who keeps texting me really quite disturbing things regardless of how much i ignore him

other than that, oh yeah, the world's a marvellous place
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)
sorry about that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)
Damn you and your posting speed
Morning mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)
"no, just taking a shit"
alright?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)
Yeah good cheers
Slept much better this weekend, yet to determine if this is a result of more exercise or the prospect of no work in the morning. Yourself?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:06, Reply)
I've collected quite a few injuries.
while surfing on saturday at one point I hit the water so hard I've got a bruised back. Woke up on sunday morning feeling like I'd disclocated my big toe, fuck knows what I did, but whatever it happened was while I was asleep.

Slept better though which is good.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)
Impressive work there mate
For a surfer to dislocate a bone whilst sleeping shows dedication to one's art
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:12, Reply)
it's not actually dislocated, just feels like it
gets better throughout the day, then hurts like a bitch again in the morning
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Most likely broken

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)
I've established that it is the tendon rather than the bone

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)
i am a very restless sleeper
and i once did this by wrapping the sheet around my feet in my sleep and then turning over, so it wrenched my toe... could you have done something similar?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)
I am as well
but there was no sign of that kind of disturbance. I didn't feel anything until I woke up in the morning either.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Oh man it must suck to be you so much
I don't know how you and your enormous salary cope with such awful situations.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)
double the figure at the front
and add 3 more noughts to the end.

then i might be able to be happy and not complain...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)
At least you have a trainee,
to bully, and bring you tea and biscuits.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:59, Reply)
I wish someone would bring me tea.
I can't even get in my kitchen at the moment, as mr b3th has his photo studio set up.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)
tea is evil
lovely cold fizzy diet coke is where it's at

the trainee has now been duly dispatched to the canteen...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:12, Reply)
This is indeed true
but I discovered last year that diet coke brings my face out in epic spots, so I had to give it up. Then I discovered that diet pepsi doesn't have the same effect, so I was able to start drinking again. Yay.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Diet Coke is pants.
Nay nay nay to Aspartame, yay yay yay for sugar rush!
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:22, Reply)
No
Real Coke/Coke Zero and real Pepsi/Pepsi Max are too sweet. Diet is where it's at.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:25, Reply)
error

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:42, Reply)
There's only one coke worth bothering with as far as I'm concerned.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:43, Reply)
Is this his photo studio?
www.fancycostumes.org.uk/img/17/2856/1.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)
Ha ha.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:22, Reply)
I like this
*click*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:23, Reply)
On the upside
Public transport was a joy this morning.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 9:59, Reply)
pic line was as bad as ever
i actually waited for the evil district line instead...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)
District & Circle is/are without doubt the worst the Tube has to offer.
Having worked on the New King's Road and at Putney Bridge for several years before moving up to Party Central here I know this to be true.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)
totally this
it just STOPS. for NO REASON. between EVERY SINGLE FUCKING STATION.

and the drivers never speak english so you don't understand the problem and the people are generally hideous. whereas the central line often has a lot of stunners. weird.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)
DLR was lovely.
Two seats to myself, leisurely read of the paper.

No escalators at Bank so it is a bit of a scrum but not too bad as all the usual slackers are at home.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)
The reasons for my happiness are several.
The first one, I can't tell you because it involves Things We Must Never Speak Of in front of RSwipe.

The second is that I have just put myself on the outside of a rather lovely smoothie, and am feeling a bit healthy.

The third is that I'm going back to God's Own Country on Thursday and I shall see some of my nearest and dearest. And DJ.

*beams*

*belms*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)
DJ lives in Israel?
Morning LOIN, good weekend?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)
Not great, for Reasons We Must Never Speak Of etc etc...
but all shiny and good now. Did you give your sequins an outing this weekend?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)
you mean your taxbill?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)
I mean my bleeding gash
but don't worry, I won't mention it.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)
i was craving jam tarts
not any more

never again

:(
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)
No, Ms Foxtrot knows better than to ask me to indulge that competition nonsense two weekends running!
She's currently smug as fuck after I was forced to admit Babylon 5 was much better than I expected it to be. She asked me who you were after seeing your post on my FB status - I had to reassure her that you'd rather die than shag or agree with me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:19, Reply)
Well, I'm glad her taste in tv programmes is better than her taste in men
Babylon 5 is one of the best conceived and presented shows of, well, ever.

It was essentially the first one (of that breed and genre) to come up with an overarcing story narrative. Don't forget before that it was always the same 'baddie of the week' format used in Star Trek.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:23, Reply)
I should probably check IMDb to find out whether it preceded Buffy but can't be bothered, so will take your word for it
I am loving how brave it is in tackling properly weighty themes, having not got far enough to establish story arcs beyond the gap in Sinclair's memory, which I assume is responsible for his inability to be remotely convincing or interesting.

I am not loving the CG, although I accept that it just hasn't aged well, or the insistence on sidelining much of the cast in favour of the three central characters, none of whom are remotely captivating. Or can act. At all.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)
Yes it did, by about 3 years

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:30, Reply)
Thank you Al
Knew you'd prove useful eventually
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)
you had more faith in him than the rest of the world then

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)
The first season is mostly scene-setting, and raising the start of some interesting puzzles
Once you get into season two it notches up a gear, and season three is chuffing excellent. I got this a few years ago and it is absolutely fab. Unfortunately, I'm not sure my Creative Zen could cope with it. And I might die of old age before I got it all transferred onto it.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)
I've been told series 2 and 3 were top-notch and was expecting series one to be much worse than it has been
Only a few duff episodes so far. The one which effectively pits science against religion - "Believers", I think it was called - was very impressive in terms of sheer balls-out bravery. Am actually really pleased, I was only watching it as part of a deal with Ms Foxtrot, she insisted I watch B5 in exchange for my improving her life by showing her BSG, I wasn't expecting to enjoy it this much.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Believers
That's the Jehovah's Witness one, isn't it? Parliament of Dreams deals with religion a little more kindly, IIRC.

But you're right, as in any series, there are some absolute stinkers of episodes which are clearly there for filling.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:47, Reply)
*cough*Soul Hunter*cough*
And yes it is, the parents who won't let their child have a life-saving operation. Very nicely done.

Right, I've never know this; what does IIRC stand for?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)
if i recall correctly
iirc.

And Soul Hunter exists only to point out that 'There is a hole in your mind, Commander'.

Also, one of the films has Soul Hunters in it.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)
The whole Satai (spelling?) thing it introduced is intriguing, certainly
The acting does bug me, I must admit. Apart from G'Kar and Londo, who are having an awesome time with their scenery-chewing, and should have been given some kind of odd couple-esque spin-off series.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:58, Reply)
Which one does Shatner do?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Your mum

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)
She'd like that

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)
well
what red-blooded woman wouldn't?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:02, Reply)
Shatners done anything with a pulse female or otherwise

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)
That sounds suspiciously like a confession

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
his pointy head might come in useful there
like a cone vibe.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Unfortunately
Andreas Katsulas (G'Kar) and Richard Biggs (Franklin) are both a bit dead now. Very sad.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)
can you be "a bit" dead?
i thought it was an all-or-nothing kind of thing?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Shurrup we're talking Star Trek here
Spock came back and all sorts
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)
i can safely say
i have never seen "star trek".

and i've only seen one of the "star wars" movies. i've always been a bit hazy about the connection, is "trek" a spin-off?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)
It's pretty much all the same
Apart from the explicit Shatner sex scenes in Star Trek
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
well
you and DG have just confused me. who to believe??

well, only one of you mentioned explicit sex scenes, which is therefore the more interesting explanation...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Shatner used always knob something every week
He was all about weird alien sex
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)
i really couldn't get on board with that
"no i've told you before. when aliens come, they sound like this:

weeeeeehwopgaerhhhhhhhhrey"

not that anyone who was into aliens could make me come, mind.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
No, it's a separate franchise altogether.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)
Star Trek's a bit too po faced and worthy for my liking.
And too many bumpy headed aliens.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
That next generation bollocks was all care bears in space, fuck that shit

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
i used to LOVE my care bear as a kid
i cried so hard when i left him in lewis' department store... i've had break-ups where i haven't cried even 1% (or at all) of those tears.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Morning DG
Obviously I have to ask you for opinion and theories on Saturday night's mindfuck
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)
I thought it was absolutely fucking brilliant.
Although I want to catch it again before next week. No theories as yet, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
I concur
I do have a theory, which I am determined to get out there because if it proves to be correct I might get drafted into the PsyCorps alongside Walter Koenig (look at me, b3th!)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
That actually does make me sad
G'Kar is easily my favourite character. I particularly enjoyed his monologue to Sinclair's bird about the undiscovered wonders of the universe with reference to ants.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Running away from the royal wedding.
You coward.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)
They do have televisions in Scotland you know.
However, on Friday I will be shopping. Best of all the passtimes.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)
Your telly won't be fawning over the middle class inbreds as much as the south's

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)
The only difference in presenters/presenting style will be in the regional programmes and the continuity announcements.
We have the same fucking BBC in the whole of Britain, you mong. *ironic smiley face*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)
You naive thing
Local london news is the same as national news, just with a different presenter.

Every where else they have items about pig stealing.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)
Not so
Here in Norfolk it's mostly arable farming, so it's cabbage theft
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Well, my comment covered all types of agriculture really.
Although I'm sure I saw some East Anglian news and the presenter said "Someone stole a pig t'other day." So I am basically right.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Most likely you're right
I only watch the local news to ensure a temporary feeling of superiority
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)
If you have two sets of grandparents
you're ahead of most of norfolk, suely?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Hahaha
All my grandparents are dead, but otherwise this is spot on
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)
And I shall be accompanying you,
stopping every few yards to say "When can we go and eeeeeeat???"
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)
You shall be carryingthe bags
in preparation for the epic XMAS SHOPPING TRIP!!!!!

Morning you. Has he gone yet?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Lazy get has finally got in the shower
I got up at 8am and made him breakfast to send him on his way.
Tigger looks happy to see him packing his stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:22, Reply)
I'm ok
Five day week *epic sadface* but hopefully I will get paid on Thursday so I can spend Sunday drinking wine
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Fucking stupid Australians
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/apr/26/dingoes-attack-girl-australian-beach

I don't think they should have shot the dogs, they should have given them a medal and a free go on the parents.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)
Dingoes on Fraser Island stole my brother's trainers

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:30, Reply)
Did Meryl Streep do a film about it?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)
not as far as I am aware

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Also this
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/apr/25/real-ira-queen-visit-insult

I don't understand why they don't just send in a snatch squad and grab the dozy cunts wearing Balaclavas and then beat the shit out of them round the back of the police station.

If it's okay to do that to protesters who aren't breaking the law or advocating the murder of a monarch, surely it's okay to do it to a fat Irishman doing both those things?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)
When you say 'snatch squad'
I have visions of hen and stag parties on trips to Faliraki.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

iraki kirk
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)
pfft
Did you pick that town at random, or did you mysteriously know that's where I was born?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)
I'm sure the backwards yokels who support the Real IRA would find the idea of women having fun
completely abhorrent.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)
I'm a strange paradox this morning.
On the one hand I am fucked off about a number of things, and on the other, I'm as happy as Monty being conscripted into the Peruvian police drugs squad as I'm off work for another week, and today there is the potential for alfresco catering.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)
"catering" eh?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)
I'm annoyed
I forgot my running shoes, and I'm supposed to be going out for dinner with friends tonight, but I would much rather be finishing the sanding in the spare room. But then I feel bad as I haven't seen these people for ages.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)
I thought I'd lost mine,
so I went running in old-skool Puma Trimm-Fits with fat laces, which, although funky fresh in the extreme, are not suitable for actual sport. I then found my New Balances upon my return.

MORE SHOE RELATED NEWS AS IT COMES IN.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)
OMG
I bet they were on top of your waterproof trousers too.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
OH MAN THEY REALLY WERE.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
THIS THIS THIS
is why marriage should be illegal! look at yourself, man. you'd rather finish the sanding in the spare room than go out socialising and drinking?!? it's just a slow steady march to the grave for you, old boy.

unless your friends are just really dull!?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)
No, they are great fun
but I'm sick of living in a house full of junk that ought to be in teh spare room, but can't as its full of dust.

I've got fucking underlay in the bathroom fro fucks sake.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
pffffft
go and be sociable

underlay schmunderlay
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
I'd like to see you cope with underlay in your bathroom

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
i just paid some nice builders (one was HOT)
to put lots of nice floor tiles down. i assume there is underlay beneath the tiles, but i don't intend to check.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
You've got problems if you do

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
they are very beautiful large creamy stone tiles
i would kill al if he tried to chip them up to inspect my underlay!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)
12mm wbp ply??
I fucking hope so
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)
this is far far too technical for me
i can cope with telling you what colour they are.

that is about IT.

did you forget i'm an OMGIRL?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
Yee-ba yee-ba.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
Yes.
We never utter the 'B' word as that is guaranteed to put the kiss of death on any alfresco catering plans and cause the heavens to open.

Morning Al. How many b3tans have you got left to do then?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)
three or four.
I've got beckyjsbx, but as she doesn't exist any more I'm not sure whether I should do her or her new name. Also I have Turdd, but he's also changed his name. Gonz, which again causes problems with name changing. And TGB.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Arthur GonzAlrelli?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
SOLD!
I fucking love this idea.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)
mine is easy now.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)
I see your problem, there.
*Rubs chin*

TGB's easy. Just call yourself Massive Valgina; everyone will know who you mean anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)
HAHA!
Another sterling suggestion which I will be taking up.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)
I hate you both

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Morning Badger.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)
I suggest you expand on this theme
For example, rather than doing Monty Balyce, call yourself Nalzi
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
I've already done him once
I don't want to go back again.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
If you've only got a few left you'll have to start over soon
How about Malssive Breasts?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
That could apply to a number of b3tans
Especially the ones I spent sunday evening with.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
That's the genius of it
You can change your sig day by day to elaborate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:37, Reply)
mine is much easier to do now

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Davros, as a man who has often booked trains between our two fair cities
which is the best website through which to book tickets?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)
East Coast trains.
you'll get a discount and there's no booking fee. It's usually cheaper to buy two singles rather than a return; just booked ours for swipey's bash a couple of weeks ago and it came to £40 each.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)
I'm waiting for the tickets to become available for the Iron Maiden weekend.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)
Set up an alert on the site.
And a reminder in your calendar to check your emails. The really cheap tickets don't last long; you can get a one-way journey for about £12 if you're quick and book as soon as they are released.

If you're coming back on a Sunday it'll be a little bit more expensive unless you're willing to travel at arse o' clock in the morning. Which I suspect will not be the case.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)
I checked the weekend before
and I think I'll just have to accept that it will cost about £90 return as I'm travelling up on the friday night.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Bummer.
Can you not get the day off, or a half day, and get an earlier train? We're getting a Friday lunchtime train down in July and it's only costing us about £15 each.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
Nah, i don't have much holiday
and my mate Charlie definitely wouldn't take the day off.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
Probably still worth checking as soon as they are released.
You never know.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)
I'm waiting to find out if there will be a Hawkfest this year.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)
I'm on holiday this week, so that's nice.
At some point I'm going to put some presentable clothes and go outdoors. For now I'm happily ensconced in my cave.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Went to Somerset to get some cider yesterday, too.
Top tip, the A303 fucking sucks on a bank holiday Monday. 5 seperate traffic jams and, surprisingly, only one due to a caravanner not knowing how to pull a caravan and spinning it. Caravan ended up smashed to smithereens in the outer lane, towing car came to rest having half climbed over the nearside armco.

Went a different way in the end.

FASCINATING INSIGHT.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)
I'm fucked off as my gran died last night (89 so she did well)
and I have just stood on a bit of broken plate and have cut the sole of my foot quite badly and have bled all over the green carpet.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Sorry to hear about your plate.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)
thanks al, it was a really nice plate.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:13, Reply)
Hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:14, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Sorry to hear that mate, really am
Out of respect to your gran I won't mention the B-word
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)
It's fine mate, she was old.
Fuck football, I do not even want to think about it 'til I hear we have got rid of some of the bullshit hanging around at Arsenal.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Reckon the takeover will make any difference?
Hope your weekend was decent apart from the bereavement mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)
I suspect it won't
since he appears to be buying the club with actual money, rather than buying the club with it's own debt.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
It were simpler in my day
No billionaires making playthings of clubs *cough*QPR*cough*, decent managers prevailing by encouraging youth development, an' that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
fine about my grandma to be honest, she was old and had a few health issues this year.
Weekend has been good yeah. I got your text yesterday as was off the grid on saturday.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
No worries
I was texting half the people I know on account of a long wait while I was getting my hair done
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
I was at Symonds Yat chilling out with nature and chavs. It was awesome

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
I'm choosing to assume this was some kind of stoned dream

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)
No it's a real place in Monmouthshire. It's a river with a few pubs and "activities"
Good day out.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)
This is awful Bob.
Both your gran and Poly Styrene dead.

I don't know how I'll get through the day.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Phew.
You'll be pleased to know I'm over it now.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)
I'm fucked off because my stretched cartilidge piercing is hurting like a bitch today.
It's also my phone ear so I can't leave it alone.

Fascinating, eh.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Not really

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)
That's only one person's opinion
So far
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
I am also fascinated.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)
I must admit I was sort of depending on no-one being arsed to reply
So I could just assume they were fascinated
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
I am undecided.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
One minute I am fascinated, the next, less so.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
that'll be because of that botched lobotomy

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:37, Reply)
so it turns out that wedding table plans are a pain in the arse
I've got too many aunts and uncles for one table and I wouldn't want to sit with them for a meal myself so don't want to inflict them on my bro's or my mates if I can avoid it...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)

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