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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Mental thread is mental
I'm going golfing today for the first time in over 5 years with my dad and godfather. On the one hand, being back in Fife will mean a decent course with proper contours and well maintained greens. On the other though it will take me just 10 minutes before I remember how bloody frustrating and difficult the game is.

What experience do you like the idea of but actually hate in practice?

alt: which character from The Simpsons would you have sex with?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 8:52, 169 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Golf
Mayor Quimby's bit on the side / Edna Krabappel.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 8:55, Reply)
I've never seen the attraction of golf
It just seems to be a way to either waste four hours or lick your boss's arse.

That said, it's probably more interesting than sitting watching Billy Windsor's wedding, like most of the country seems to be doing today.

(Maybe that should be Billy Wales, I don't know)
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Hey K!
How's your stuff?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)
Still spurting
I"ve got a day off today, but I'm off out imminently.

How's you and yours?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)
Gooooooood!
Nice to see you about these parts.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Yes
I like to air my parts occasionally. Must go now though. Bye!
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)
I was at St Andrews at the same time as him
I used the finger command on our unix mail server and found his email address. It contained ww as he was in the system as William Wales. Yep, I totally fingered the future monarch.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)
Golf is shit.
The end.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Your mum
alt: If I wanted to have sex with a 3-fingered yellow person I'd go to Fukushima.

oh yeah I went there.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:25, Reply)
haha mental thread is lolarific
Baking. My stuff always turns out disappointing. Luckily Clendrix is awesome at it so I can just eat her delicious baked goodies.

Ned Flanders. He is ripped
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)
surely him talking would destroy any potential wide-on, though?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)
Duuno
This made me laugh tea through my nose
thechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/idiot-stupid-10.jpg?w=499&h=277
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)
EPIC FAIL.
anyway, how's the more attractive of the badgers coping with That London?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Good thanks
I'm actually quite happy I'm working today so I can easily avoid all metion of the "W" word.
Last weekend went to the zoo and stuff it was awesome.

How's the taller of the badgers enjoying the barren highlands?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)
barren.
But less fucking wedding coverage. I deliberately came to work even though I have the day off just to avoid it ;)
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:02, Reply)
haha
I think it's making the BBC website slow as well as millions of morons try watching it online.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Fuck all you gimp lords.
/ac
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Did you know Lab was in a video!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfzQqyqA6xE
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)
Lab's girlfriend, earlier...
ljplus.ru/img4/e/x/extel9/110427_032.jpg
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)
Christ on a bike...

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:30, Reply)
I just had a magnificent bacon sandwich on hand sliced bread with HP sauce
If that was technically breakfast, then it's ok if I have another one now for elevenses, right?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)
It is a day of feasting even for the peasantry.
Go ahead and indulge.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)
I like the idea of pizza
but generally don't actually like it.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)
royal wedding is depressing
still i can't stop watching.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:57, Reply)
I'm not watching
NOT watching.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)
What's the dress like?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)
Formal.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)
I feel a bit sorry for Kate as she probably had zero input into her own wedding
And can't get drunk at the reception either
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
And to think at the end of the day she is to be mounted...
...by that inbred fuckwit.
Best day of her life, eh?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Having to work today suddendly doesn't seem so bad...

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)
I take it he is not in your top five hunk list?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:13, Reply)
he's not in my top 500

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
Does the fact that he is amazingly wealthy somewhat outweigh...
...his lack of good looks?
Or in other words - would you marry a Royal for the lifestyle?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)
No
I like being able to be naughty without risk of it making the front page
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
*calls the Mirror*

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
...or being killed in a Parisian underpass.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
Also a valid point

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)
The fucking baldy cunt.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Kate?
Did she really show her gash on the way up the aisle?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Has anyone had a fight yet?
Love a good fight at a wedding.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
Or a drunk uncle tries to finger a bridesmaid.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)
I hope Phil the Greek makes an almighty gaff and insults one of the darkie kings.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
They will probably have him sedated for the day.
Shame really - as he really is one of the best examples against the pro Royal "they do so much for diplomacy" argument.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)
aren't all the bridesmaids under 10?
Still, with some of the guests, you never know..
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
Elton John is there
And I went upstairs and they are watching it in the shop and I think I saw Cameron shoved in a corner
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
surely the page boys are more at risk from Elton?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)
Look at the history.
Isabella of Valois, second wife of Richard II married at six. Eleanor of Castile married Edward I aged 10.
Do you think these bastards care?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)
When she bends abit you can see her gash :)

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)
You'd better not be lying.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)
He was.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)
WORRA CUNT, EH?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:21, Reply)
Soz i'm not even watching a tv

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)
Was it on the radio then?
"And here is the Royal bride being led by her...ooooh, I think we had a glimpse of clunge there..."
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
i was on my iphone the other night
somewhere on the tube and it was trying to pick up random wi-fi.

someone, somewhere in kensington, has named their wi-fi...

THE CLUNGEMASTER
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
haha, epic win.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Yes indeed.
What are the odds he lives alone and will be for some time?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)
there isn't a bookmaker in the land that will give you odds on such a certainty...

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
what are the odds that he has never seen a clunge in the flesh
never mind "mastered" one (whatever the fuck THAT entails)
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
I think you have to "level up" or something.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
I thought that was to do with becoming a Freemason?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Perhaps there is a clue.
He has looked at an image of a 'Clunge' and 'Mastur'bated himself blind. (Idea taken from Dan Brown's upcoming blockbuster.)
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)
i loves this i do

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Ah, designed by someone who went to my school
They'll make a big thing out if this :/
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
the dress is quite nice
tv is off now though
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)
the dress is v nice actually
and i normally don't like big cream meringues, either on a plate or a person
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
I don't think it's that much of a meringue...
it's nicely shaped though. And it doesn't have puffy sleeves.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:37, Reply)
it's not in the slightest bit a meringue, though.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)
it is a bit
to me, anything that isn't a slim fitting sheath errs on the side of meringue.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
I've only seen BBC photos
but it looks pretty slim fitting to me. But I'm hardly a dress conniseur...
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)
how long does it go on for?
the train I mean, anything under 100m will be disappointing
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)
i think they said something about 2 metres

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Not even trying

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:55, Reply)
these modern royals

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)
I dunno.
the only photo I've seen was a close up as I desparately tried to find something on BBC news that wasn't about the wedding of two posh fuckers that I couldn't give less of a flying cock about.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
nah
it's quite pouffy. but lovely, i must admit.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Are you talking about the dress, or Prince Edward?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
apparently
it's andrew who's genuinely totally and utterly a raving bender.

edward just looks like one.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)
roffle.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Kate Middleton's sister
Is a hot piece of ass.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)
This

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
great view of her ass all the way up the aisle.
She's no Swipe though.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
This. And indeed that.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:21, Reply)
given the state of me this morning
that has to be a good thing for her
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
also she must be so jealous
her sister is set up for life.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
a shit life, though.
surely nobody can be so obsessed with money that it would make that life worth it?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
it's not just the money though is it - her parents are loaded enough
it's the life of a princess. not everyone would want it and i remember as a small child reading something about diana where the article ended "but would you swop places with her, in her gilded cage".

i don't think i'd like it, no. but if i had a sister, and she'd managed to nab the most eligible prince in the world - yeah, i think i'd be bitter!
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)
really?
I couldn't think of anything I'd want less in life than being the constantly harassed centre of attention. I think it's a very odd thing to be in the least bit jealous of. It'll be a horrible life.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)
i think she'll find it v different to diana
william is much more modern and grounded than his dad
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)
yeah, but William is nothing to do with it. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice bloke
But her life is now entirely dicated by the public, protocol and the press. She can't do anything at all without considering how they will react. Can you seriously imagine the hell that is going to be her life? Having to consider the impact on 60 million people of what colour her fucking lipstick is every day?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:42, Reply)
59,999,999 actually.
I really couldn't give a flying fuck about the bint.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)
true enough.
same for most of us, I imagine. But I'd hate to live knowing that if I accidentally fuck something up I'd be all over the front pages for weeks
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
she will
they will love her for the next 2 years, then everything she does will be wrong, because that sells papers to the gawping vacuous masses. the same morons who rushed tesco and bought every last copy of the blue engagement dress within 1 hour of its release...
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
This is why I fucking despair of humanity.
that, and Shit Factor and Britain Must Be Stopped.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)
give them an iq test at 5
sterilise anyone whose iq is under 140.

sorted.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
This is the kind of right-wing policy I can work with.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)
it's not even right wing
it's just common sense for the survival of the human race

/iq of 182
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
yet you became a lawyer?
what a fucking waste.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)
i am joking
i have no idea what my iq is, prob much nearer 82.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)
I realised that
182 is going to be high-functioning Aspergers, to be honest.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
I have never tested mine.
Oddly, I have no desire to.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Depends how much wine you've drank
I'd say you're probably averaging out at not a complete mong though :p
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:10, Reply)
Cheeky badger.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:15, Reply)
I only know mine at the age of 10
because the 11+ is a direct IQ test.

I suspect years of alcohol abuse have lowered it somewhat.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:11, Reply)
I once managed to get a score of 163 on an online thing
I ran to Mensa and they told me that was impossible as the scale only goes to 161
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)
They're talking arse
depends on the test used of course, but the standard Stanford-Binet scale techincally has no limit, but a practical limit of about 200. anything above 164 is the technical definition of genius.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:17, Reply)
I've just realised you got 163
SO CLOSE, badge. SO CLOSE.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Story of my life

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:22, Reply)
I think it's reckoned statistically
that the highest IQ person living must be about 195-200.

But you can prove anything with statistics. Incidentally, I googled, you're correct, MENSA don't record IQs over 161. Not that you can't have one, but 161 is their "max" so you are recorded as 161 or over. No idea why.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:25, Reply)
i am guessing
that the founder/chairman has an iq of 161
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:28, Reply)
hahaha

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:30, Reply)
haha
I think it's because IQs are based on a standard distribution, and standard distributions are inaccurate outside 3 standard deviations, and the stadard deviation of the IQ distribution is about 15, so an IQ test is only really accurate between 55 and 145.

fucking hell, I could be in my pants drinking G&T and I'm at work debating the SD of an IQ test? I'm going to kill myself.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:33, Reply)
are you serious?
182??
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:10, Reply)
i did a mensa test once
which said it was over 150, but it was an online thing, so i highly doubt its accuracy
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
probably.
I mean, it wouldn't necessarily surprise me of you, but these things need to be quite highly regulated to be accurate.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)
i'm v bright
i'm nowhere near ridiculously clever or a genius.

i know my limits!
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:18, Reply)
150 is merely "very superior intelligence"
don't get ideas about your station, miss.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:19, Reply)
I know what I know
and what I don't know probably isn't worth knowing about. Or summat.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:20, Reply)
anyone that has time to test their IQ
and then join MENSA and bang on about it, is wasting the intelligence they have.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:22, Reply)
that's a paul simon song isn't it?
i know what i know... dammit it dg that's right in my head now!
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)
I dunno, I thought I'd just made up some profound shit or something.
Damn you, Simon! *shakes fist*
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)
You extremist bastards.
Who will be left to clean my house and make me sandwiches? Huh?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
sexbots.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)
i think it's 50/50
i can think of things i would love and things i would hate.

when harry finally proposes, i'll let you know.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
excellent
does he wear his nazi uniform in the bedroom?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
funnily enough
he had a brief fling with one of my colleagues a few months ago. so i'll ask her.

she couldn't come into work because of the paparazzi outside her flat... BEST EXCUSE EVER.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)
Is he going bald yet?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)
no
he has a full head of ginger hewitt hair
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
I can just imagine it...
"One would like awfully to give one one. Achtung! Schnell!"
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
"ve haff vays of making you squeal"

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:02, Reply)
"For you, svipey's colleague, ze relationship iz over".

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
I always thought that Will Carling appeared quite down-to-Earth.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
Hoping for a bomb to go off?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)
It's at times like this that you miss piston the most
What could have been ...
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)
sssssssssssssh
my head hurts. goddam vodka and lemon and butterscotch.

the thought of what you are suggesting is NOT HELPING.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
he's a funny guy
Pop up pirate and all that.

You need him in your life.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
who, rory?
or piston?

to be fair, it is hard to tell them apart.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)
piston.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Have you actually ever met piston?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
nope.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Then you are extremely blessed.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Phew!

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)
The very definition of 'personality vacuum'.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)
this is v damning for you!

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
It's the wedding, swipe.
It's got my blood pressure up and I'm not even watching it.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
he was very sweet to me on here years ago
but i haven't heard from him in about 5 years. and everyone else seems to hate him. maybe i should bow to peer pressure.

down with piston, yeah. boo. hiss.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)
I thought he was alright
Then I met him. I think he tries too hard, and just comes across like Arnold Rimmer minus the charm.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)
did he gaz you or whiteknight you?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)
gaz
he helped me put a pic on my profile many years ago.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
he's been wanking over that picture ever since, you know ;)

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)
haven't we all?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
what a truly heart warming delightful image

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
you know me.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
well i thought i did

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)
sorry Swipe.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
I aim to please, my dear.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)
for once you were bang on the money
(instead of arguing with me about how it could be better distributed amongst the 50% tax payers)
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)
haha, I only do it to wind you up, you know.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:54, Reply)
but i thought i was winding YOU up?
it's a vicious circle (raaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh)
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
would it make you happy if I was upset, ONLINE?

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)
i'd love it
but al and bella are much more fun to bait. they think i mean it. whereas everyone else knows that only 50% of what you say when you are joking is true.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:59, Reply)
waaaaah! waaaah!
it's only because I want my stupidly expensive sports cars back. Although I'd still not touch an SLK with Chompy's and Al pushing ;)
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
that is also a gross image
pushing it with WHAT?
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)
With his hips like yeah

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
fucking rank!

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:16, Reply)
hips don't lie.

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:26, Reply)
alt Jessica

(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1IReGYKsyM
Fuck em.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Dunno about the Simpsons, but I would totally do Lois out of Family Guy
Eh? WHALLOP
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:42, Reply)
OH BOY !
cache.gawker.com/assets/images/kotaku/2011/04/peach.jpg.... slightly saucy, rather than NSFW.
(, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 13:00, Reply)

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