really? you really think SHE was embarrassed?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:18, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It was so bad
I think she was embarrassed FOR me.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:20, Reply)

What happened?
Did you aim at the wrong hole or bring up the whole "piss thing" too early?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:21, Reply)

I had her her in the classic "bowling ball pinch"
and was spanking her when she burst into tears.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:23, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I still say, the art of fingering has been lost now all the kids these days go straight for the fucking.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

how many kids did you have to have sex with before you found this out?

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Fair point
I was referring to the growing amount of teenage pregnancies. If they stuck to fingering and the occasional blowie, then we would have far less of a problem.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I'll vote for you as Sex education minister

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:28, Reply)

typical man
always wanting a blow job but not willing to go down on a lady
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Me personally, I'm very happy to be going down on a lady
but have you seen some of the skanks around who have babies? I bet very few of them keep their muffs clean.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

clearly if they're stupid enough to screw them without a condom i imagine they're stupid enough to chomp down

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:38, Reply)

In before AA recants his predilections for such activities

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

He does love a munchy box.
Even if he does like to leave the onion rings until the next morning.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:35, Reply)

You are on fire today

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:36, Reply)

There's no harm in admitting that!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)

OH DEAR GOD, HAS ANYONE BEEN KEEPING AND EYE ON OUR SYSTEM? I FEAR IT MIGHT BE GETTING SMASHED UP.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I would have been
Had I been her, and had lowered myself to sleep with that.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:20, Reply)

No one lowered themselves.
We were both from Kent.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:21, Reply)

that is still a different thing
i've only slept with one guy who was truly shit. i didn't feel embarrassed for him. i just told my mates that he was shit and they all winced/laughed when i described his technique.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

How many fingers did he use?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I think you should describe it again, right now, for us all here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I approached her from a Southerly
direction, to keep down wind you understand.

I tackled her directly and wrestled her into submission.

After applying the vice like "bowling ball pinch" I was just starting to enjoy myself with some "light" spanking when the shock proved too much for her and she started crying.

As you can see, embarrassing.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

i have seen small children scrubbing out mistakes in a maths book
who employed more manual dexterity and skill than he did with his fingers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

I have been told that being in bed with me
is akin to being in bed with a head-dobber.
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)

how old was he?
the older they are the sadder it is
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Oh thanks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:31, Reply)

i mean...the older they are and they're still shit in bed is sad

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:38, Reply)

So that's why women go for older men

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:40, Reply)

several reasons
skill in bed is a key one, though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)

this

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I was thinking contents of wallet

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)

not for me
just because you're older doesn't mean you're rich
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:25, Reply)

it's the pay-off for them no longer being able to get it up every 20 minutes all night long

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Like you would actually want that
You'd have one go and then the next time they roll over you're all like "Get off me, I'm trying to eat this chocolate cake, for fucks sake, now I've got some on the duvet. No, you can't fucking have any, it's my fucking cake, if you want cake, go and get your own."

"And get me another one while you're out"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:01, Reply)

i would rather give a blowie
than eat chocolate cake any day of any week!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)

*loosens cravat*
Gosh.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:18, Reply)

look
if you want me to tie you up with the cravat, just ask instead of messing around with it, mm-kay?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I can't, I'm dribbling like a mong

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:23, Reply)

well that does help me to get in the mood
or so you'd think if you saw my ex's
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:27, Reply)

Forgive me Swipey, but I've followed some of your adventures with the opposite sex for some time
on here of course - not through high-powered binoculars or anything like that - and you seem to have the same trouble as one of my nieces. She seems to be drawn to 'hot' guys like a moth to a lightbulb, but they all inevitably turn out to be self-absorbed fuckwits.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:47, Reply)

hmmm. if the guys were not at all "hot"
then she and i would be the same.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)

You mean that you go for self-absorbed fuckwits who aren't even good looking?
Sheesh.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:53, Reply)

And how would you define an 'older man'?
What age are we talking here?

*adjusts cravat*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)

anything above 30
it doesn't mean "older than me" necessarily, it just means "been around the block enough to know which way up things go"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)

and to know that it's gentle circles with the pad of your finger, not like you're picking a scab

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:26, Reply)

they should teach this to all 13 year old boys

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)

If they did I think truancy rates would plummet

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:31, Reply)

nearly 30

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:33, Reply)