Small World.
A friend of a friend was once hopelessly lost in the middle of India and close to tears having gone severely wrong trying to get across the country. Sat in the street wondering what to do, he saw his old flatmate from London. Today I find that somone on here and I share a mutual acquaintance in another country.

Ever had one of those 'small world' moments? Care to share?

Alt: What's the 'next big thing' in music? I don't mean a band, I mean a genre. I put it to you that there's been nothing truly innovative since Jungle.

Alt alt: I propose the legalisation of duelling (not for oiks though, of course). What do you think?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:06, 210 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Would one get to slap one's opponent with a glove first?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Glove slap.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xfnu0nb4PUI
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:11, Reply)

But of course.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:17, Reply)

A friend drove passed me and beebed his horn the other day.
He lives on the same street as me though so it's not my most impressive anecdote.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:11, Reply)

It's hardly even an anecdote...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:11, Reply)

"FUCK YOU" is hardly even an anecdote DOT DOT DOT

(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:13, Reply)

It's called an ellipsis...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:16, Reply)

No it's called an insult...

(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:19, Reply)

...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I went to watch a film round my friends house last night and my housemate was there.
I had invited him, and it was his film we watched, and I walked to my friends place with him.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Hey man - the 'gullible' thread is down there v
You must think we were born yesterday. This is Internet Lies gone mad.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:14, Reply)

None of us killed any drug dealers.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Well you should have. You get an award from the rozzers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Ibiza Airport two years ago the I went to the infomation booth and it was being run by a girl i used to work with
I'd fotgotten her name and it was awkward...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I was on a night train from Zagreb to Split when I bumped into one of my old school friends.
I imagine the Berk is probably doing something similar at the moment, except she's bumping her vagina into the penis of a greasy Croat.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:13, Reply)

...in exchange for tennis lessons.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:14, Reply)

She'll probably fuck that up as well.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I feel bad now :(

(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:15, Reply)

You should do
She's probably sitting alone and crying right now and when she realises you guessed it was going to happen she's going to feel terrible.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:17, Reply)

TWO DAYS SINCE TENNIS BOY MOAN
C'mon team, let's see if we can beat the previous record of a whole week.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)

well
it's more probable than her ever fucking you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Hmmmmm
I reckon if she was feeling at absolute rock bottom, and then got really, really drunk, and then he drugged her, she might give him a hand shandy.

But she still wouldn't fuck him.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:18, Reply)

you forgot the stage where he killed her
then, maybe, he might get a blowie before her jaw seized up.

but only then.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:21, Reply)

And he's have to work her chest like a set of bellows

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:22, Reply)

yeah, because psychochomp would know exactly what to do with a girl's chest
does that sound realistic to you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:23, Reply)

He'd be poking her boobs with his index fingers
whilst muttering to himself "This is sexy. This is sexy. This is sexy"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Jabbing away like a mong playing Daily Thompson's Decathlon

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Funnily enough
he wanks in the same way that you needed to use the joystick when trying to get the pole vault to work.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:28, Reply)

er, dude
how do you KNOW that?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:28, Reply)

The same way I know how he likes to manipulate Berks corpse for sexual pleasure.
I'm making it up.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:35, Reply)

yeah but
somehow you talking about him having a sad, lonely little wank is sooooo much more realistic.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Do you know what I mean by the joystick technique from Daley Thompson?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Hahahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)

You obviously do.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)

yes
but the context is too gross
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)

this has really made me laugh a lot

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:27, Reply)

no, not really
alt: probably something to do with aliens

alt alt: What's the point in duelling? May as well just get in a fist fight, at least you've proven your point and you're both still alive
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I'm far more likely to win a duel with rapiers
Than a fist fight.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Who would be your second choice after Chompy tags out?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Pffft.
Axe fights are where it's at.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Careful, you may end up with a gaping axe wound on your face

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:20, Reply)

omg

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I'd win one of those too
I'm handy with a fire axe.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:20, Reply)

*defends self with a small BBQ*
*wins*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:22, Reply)

My nemesis...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I saw a girl I had unimpressive sex with when I was 18 (we lived in Kent)
in a bar in Los Angeles about 10 years later. We were both still embarassed by how shit I was.

Alt alt: We duel with cannon, Sir! It's not the Dark Ages!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:14, Reply)

really? you really think SHE was embarrassed?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:18, Reply)

It was so bad
I think she was embarrassed FOR me.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:20, Reply)

What happened?
Did you aim at the wrong hole or bring up the whole "piss thing" too early?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:21, Reply)

I had her her in the classic "bowling ball pinch"
and was spanking her when she burst into tears.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:23, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I still say, the art of fingering has been lost now all the kids these days go straight for the fucking.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

how many kids did you have to have sex with before you found this out?

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Fair point
I was referring to the growing amount of teenage pregnancies. If they stuck to fingering and the occasional blowie, then we would have far less of a problem.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I'll vote for you as Sex education minister

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:28, Reply)

typical man
always wanting a blow job but not willing to go down on a lady
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Me personally, I'm very happy to be going down on a lady
but have you seen some of the skanks around who have babies? I bet very few of them keep their muffs clean.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

clearly if they're stupid enough to screw them without a condom i imagine they're stupid enough to chomp down

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:38, Reply)

In before AA recants his predilections for such activities

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

He does love a munchy box.
Even if he does like to leave the onion rings until the next morning.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:35, Reply)

You are on fire today

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:36, Reply)

There's no harm in admitting that!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)

OH DEAR GOD, HAS ANYONE BEEN KEEPING AND EYE ON OUR SYSTEM? I FEAR IT MIGHT BE GETTING SMASHED UP.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I would have been
Had I been her, and had lowered myself to sleep with that.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:20, Reply)

No one lowered themselves.
We were both from Kent.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:21, Reply)

that is still a different thing
i've only slept with one guy who was truly shit. i didn't feel embarrassed for him. i just told my mates that he was shit and they all winced/laughed when i described his technique.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

How many fingers did he use?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I think you should describe it again, right now, for us all here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I approached her from a Southerly
direction, to keep down wind you understand.

I tackled her directly and wrestled her into submission.

After applying the vice like "bowling ball pinch" I was just starting to enjoy myself with some "light" spanking when the shock proved too much for her and she started crying.

As you can see, embarrassing.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

i have seen small children scrubbing out mistakes in a maths book
who employed more manual dexterity and skill than he did with his fingers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

I have been told that being in bed with me
is akin to being in bed with a head-dobber.
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)

how old was he?
the older they are the sadder it is
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Oh thanks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:31, Reply)

i mean...the older they are and they're still shit in bed is sad

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:38, Reply)

So that's why women go for older men

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:40, Reply)

several reasons
skill in bed is a key one, though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)

this

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I was thinking contents of wallet

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)

not for me
just because you're older doesn't mean you're rich
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:25, Reply)

it's the pay-off for them no longer being able to get it up every 20 minutes all night long

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Like you would actually want that
You'd have one go and then the next time they roll over you're all like "Get off me, I'm trying to eat this chocolate cake, for fucks sake, now I've got some on the duvet. No, you can't fucking have any, it's my fucking cake, if you want cake, go and get your own."

"And get me another one while you're out"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:01, Reply)

i would rather give a blowie
than eat chocolate cake any day of any week!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)

*loosens cravat*
Gosh.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:18, Reply)

look
if you want me to tie you up with the cravat, just ask instead of messing around with it, mm-kay?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I can't, I'm dribbling like a mong

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:23, Reply)

well that does help me to get in the mood
or so you'd think if you saw my ex's
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:27, Reply)

Forgive me Swipey, but I've followed some of your adventures with the opposite sex for some time
on here of course - not through high-powered binoculars or anything like that - and you seem to have the same trouble as one of my nieces. She seems to be drawn to 'hot' guys like a moth to a lightbulb, but they all inevitably turn out to be self-absorbed fuckwits.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:47, Reply)

hmmm. if the guys were not at all "hot"
then she and i would be the same.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)

You mean that you go for self-absorbed fuckwits who aren't even good looking?
Sheesh.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:53, Reply)

And how would you define an 'older man'?
What age are we talking here?

*adjusts cravat*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)

anything above 30
it doesn't mean "older than me" necessarily, it just means "been around the block enough to know which way up things go"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)

and to know that it's gentle circles with the pad of your finger, not like you're picking a scab

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:26, Reply)

they should teach this to all 13 year old boys

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)

If they did I think truancy rates would plummet

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 3 May 2011, 15:31, Reply)

nearly 30

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Did you get all mixed up and just fingered her bum?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:22, Reply)

"mixed up" yeah right
that's right up there with doggiestyle "sorry love, wrong hole" excuses.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)

i'm going to be singing the song all afternoon now, you insufferable buffoon
it's a small world after all... it's a small world after all... it's a small world after all... it's a small small small small world...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Oh you got no business
Fucking hell Swipey, do you have any idea how many times I've been on that ride and heard that song, at my mother's insistence?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Alt: Drum'n'brass.
Like drum'n'bass, but with a tuba.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Big in Sheffield I'll bet

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Yeah
'The Colliery Crew' will be the next big thing.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Like that tune on the current TV ad
that is 'Strings of Life' by Rhythim is Rhythim (sic) played by a brass band?


EDIT: they are the Williams Fairey Brass Band. Here's their cover of the KLF's seminal 'What Time Is Love?':
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mxf-8HkwAMY
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:22, Reply)

My flatmate's good friend lived on the same staircase as a good friend of mine from home in Oxford
Flatmate's good friend's boyfriend lived on the same staircase as my best friend from home in Durham.

Maybe that just says more about private schooling.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Your flatmate
looks just like someone I was thinking about while I was having a wank one time.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Did they all wear clogs?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Haha sorry I've only just noticed this one

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:37, Reply)

They lived on a staircase?
It's so sad to hear this. Were they both ex-servicemen who couldn't adjust to life outside the forces? Perhaps they had problems at home, or substance abuse issues?

It's very easy to laugh at the homeless, and to wee on them in their little carboard forts, or even set them alight when you've had a few beers - but they're people just like you and me.

(well, not like me, obviously, but you know what I mean)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:28, Reply)

We went to Tunisia
and our next door neighbours turned up the day after we arrived at our hotel.

cunts

Duelling? Yes I'll be your second if you like.
( Peej, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Duelling or no, I love the idea of having a second
From those here assembled, I would name Labs as my second in an actual duel, Bobby in a fistfight, B3th in boob-off and Monty in a wit & belittlement competition.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I'd have Vipros as my second in a duel
because I know he'd jump at the chance of wearing a frock coat.
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

STRIKETHROUGH coat END STRIKETHROUGH

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:36, Reply)

I said Vipros
not Agnostic Antichrist.

Edit: Was it him in that photo from ages ago? If not, this joke will make no sense.
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:39, Reply)

It makes perfect sense.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:42, Reply)

I would like to retract the end of my previous statement.

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:40, Reply)

I would like to retract the end of my penis.
It scrapes on the floor when I walk down the street.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Your legs must be even shorter than Happybara's

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)

She has abnormally long thighs, alright?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Can anyone ask Lusty to confirm this?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Lusty's are fine. It's Mrs 'Bara who is the odd one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)

I was pursuing my "you've got a small cock" mini-meme
I want to meet this Mrs Bara. I love a tall lass.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Quite the fragrant type as well, I hear

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:58, Reply)

It scrapes on the floor when I walk down the street.

from your bumhole
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)

the my
of my previous statement from this little boy's anus, were it not for the fact that it unfortunately appears to have become caught betwixt the walls of his rectum with such a fearsome grip that I can barely budge it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I was recently walking home the same way as a guy I vaguely recognise from years ago
This is obviously more awkward than walking home PAST someone you used to know, which also happens to me with this girl I think I worked with once, but that's just a thin smile of half-recognition and it's over. This chap knew me and was asking questions about how I was, how thigns were with the missus, where I worked now, etc; and I couldn't for the life of me remember his name.

Does that count?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:31, Reply)

b3ta.turb0t.net/questions/offtopic/post1188498
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Driving around Europe in my (late) teens
we got to Italy and realised that the roads (and traffic) are like London on a Friday at about 5pm, and gave up, went North and back into France.
It was then that it dawned on me that I had German Deutchmark, Guilders, Lire and Swiss Francs....but no French Francs left as we'd spunked them up the wall in Monaco before crossing the border.
Of course, there were no Bureaux de change or banks open until probably the Tuesday, we were supposed to be in Holland by Wednesday, catching our boat to Dover on Thursday.
With nowhere to stay and no (spendable) money, plus the fact that the battery was long dead in the car and we'd been push-starting it when we'd needed it, we were stuffed.
...that is until an English gent in his 30's came over and offered to help.
Turned out that his GF was the boss of my GF (with whom I was travelling). They bought us a car battery, fed and watered us, and lent us money until we got back to the UK.
If it wasn't for those bastards, I'd still be there sunning it up!
(dchurch bah, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:40, Reply)

HELP ME I'VE GOT A BRUMMIE CHEWING MY EAR OFF

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 14:52, Reply)

chewing noshing

y ear e
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Alt: the bad thing about duelling
is the risk of actually killing your opponent
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:04, Reply)

The lady raises a good point
Perhaps it should be legalised exclusively for oiks.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Good luck with that
I had a brilliant idea for pacifying the poshos and driving down the chav population - basically, fox-hunting with repeat offender ASBO-types as the foxes - but it's "inhumane", apparently.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Nah, they love it, it gives them exercise
which they pie eating cunts are in desperate need of.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Must be heartening to know that their cardiovascular fitness is at an all-time high
shortly before being torn to shreds by ravenous hounds with names like Basil and Disraeli
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Didn't some private school kids
get arrested for making a video like that? Some of them dressing up as chavs, and the rest riding them down.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:27, Reply)

It's a sad day
when the hunting and killing of a defenceless simple beast is a criminal offence.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Depends on the beast
Foxes - leave it ahhhhht, Chavs - too many of them, don't contribute anything and they're not even pretty
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Personally not bothered
but I'm sure you're anti it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:38, Reply)

You didn't respond to this
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1188221

And I am still utterly baffled how you can argue that it isn't a fairer system from the point of view of the majority of the electorate.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Let's face it, you were baffled by a mediocre debating style and a nice tie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Yes Monty, the grown ups are discussing something which actually is important
so why don't you fuck off and complain about the influx of asians in your neighbourhood.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)

It's not important at all.
How is it important? We've changed from a Labour Government to a Conservative one and back again since I was born, and now have a 'different' one again, but save some minor changes to rates of taxation this has made bugger all difference to the lives of most British citizens.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:17, Reply)

No, to someone who won't engage in politics, but still moans about the schools in their area, it probably isn't important
but to anyone with a brain who can see the stupidity of the above stance, it is pretty important.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)

The schools are no better nor worse now
than they were a year ago under Labour - a supposedly completely different political system. Tinkering with the electoral procedure is even less important. If you can change the government in its entirety and still make sod all difference, how is this referendum important?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Well blow me down, you've totally proven your point there.
That is unequivocal proof staring me right in the face. I totally stand corrected.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Tell me how choosing goverment by AV would affect the lives of most British citizens.
I'm interested to know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:25, Reply)

It's easy to beat The Man
if he's made of straw.
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Quite

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)

It'd make sure all people of voting age can count to five!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I am inclined to agree with your earlier comments about the civil service.
Party politics is really only about the direction of society, the civil service implements this after advising the parties what is achievable within the existing framework.

There is an interesting article in the current Economist on "direct democracy" and where it can lead (California). Equally there are places like Switzerland that are successful in ruling by committees of the people.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)

No, you're wrong:
I am apparently some kind of imbecile because I can see through the hot air and flash that constitutes democratic politics and has done since the C5th BC.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:36, Reply)

It's true Monty
you alone are the one who has realised the participation in politics is a waste of time. If only everybody thought like you eh, if only.

We'd a be a massive shower of washed up cunts with fucked up personal lives.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Ah, so voting would resolve the issues I have in my private life, now?
Wow, I really should get involved.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:47, Reply)

showering and washing
would be an improvement for a lot of leftie types
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Can we do religion now?
I'd like to hear your cretinous ramblings on monotheistic societies.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Sure: organised religion is bad news and for cunts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Agreed.
*dusts off hands*

Pint?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Love one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:47, Reply)

You're not THAT old Monty

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I fucking feel like it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I'm pro-AV because I think it's fairer, but you're right, I don't think the services that day people use will change much.
My local MP debates law and all that buisness, but when it comes down to management of the services the NHS provides, or the DWP, or anything else... it seems down to people who have jobs for the sake of having jobs.

If I could elect one law into play, it would be that no civil servent should earn more than the PM. It's rediculous that 'councilers' can get £200k for doing not much more than sitting on a board and deciding on the flowers outside the goverment offices (god forbid they make a desision that is actually important).

What I read about Tower Hamlets makes ill, one of the pourest boroughs in london yet they're spending £40k on celeb apperances for "staff moral".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:47, Reply)

I sold Tower Hamlets seven chairs for a frankly obscene amount of money last year,
They could have bought some perfectly serviceable ones from Viking for £12 each and bought some school books with the change. Because it's 'public' money and not private this shit gets signed off all day long, 'austerity measures' or not - and I bet you this would be the case no matter which party is in 'power'.

I don't really have a point here other than 'they're all cunts'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

How much was the NHS's computer system? £125m or something like that?
I don't get it, as a programer, let's say you're paying every program £50kpa, that would get you a team of programers that is 2500 strong.

Think about that, I very much doubt the 'Windows 7' team comes to that size.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)

The amount of money wasted by lazy public sector managers is obscene.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)

It's disgusting, it really is.
and it's even worst when it goes to companies that aren't even from this country, like ATOS
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 3 May 2011, 16:09, Reply)

We've still got time
to change things. The changes Labour made to education were sweeping and quite radical in a lot of ways. It's going to take time to move on from that.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:26, Reply)

All I can say is
having lived under two supposedly diametrically opposed systems the effect on the day to life of most people is negligible.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Well, you flatter them by calling them
"diametrically opposed." The only difference seems to be whether they're proud or slightly embarrassed about having been sent to Eton.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Av would lead to even more "centre clustering" and even less choice
as all the least offensive to either end of the spectrum would get in
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Is that a bad thing?
Government by alternating extreme parties is hardly getting us anywhere.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Neither the Tories nor Labour or even the Lib dems these days could be called extreme
they all occupy a centre left/right stance
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)

I find this is due to wanting to be popular, rather than real conviction.
A strong labour government would inevitably go left, just as the strong tory goverments of the 80's headed up the Unter Dem Linden.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:53, Reply)

I went and had a nap, sorry
been terribly tired for ages now.

My response would be the same as it was in the post above. There is a difference between getting the person you want and a person you can just about tolerate. It's no fairer having a Lib Dem MP because a lot of people can tolerate it, than your first choice of Tory/Labour even though they got more first votes.

In fact if we're talking fairness, wasn't it a LibDem commission that found it was actually even less proportional? Shouldn't that be the direction we're moving in, if we want genuine reform, rather than this half arsed measure?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)

You know as well as I do
that if the vote is a No, the Tories will contiune to use this as evidence that people don't want reform.

Most electoral systems change gradually, so this small change to a slightly fairer system is part of (hopefully) a gradual change to a better representation system.

I guess it's difficult for you to see because, as a Tory, I presume you don't really have another party that you might agree with, possibly UKIP I suppose, but you represent the minority of voters. About 30% in the last election.

Most people have a second preference and would like to be able to make that clear, but because you don't have a second preference you feel it's okay to deny others that right.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Still more by %'age that the other two polled individually.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)

So the largest minority
But still a minority.

And with most individual MPs (on both sides) being elected with minority votes. And that's the big change AV would have. It would lead to MPs being more representative of MOST of their electorate, not just the largest minority.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Without reference to the AV vote.
I'm not sure I'm that bothered about the largest minority winning, I probably read this somewhere but it's like "you picked the loser, now let's consider your vote".

I do get where you are coming from though. It's a bodge because it formed part of the coalition agreement which gave both parties something and nothing of what they wanted.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I'm not sure that making assumptions about peoples preferences is a good argument
I believe change could be good for the voting system, but AV isn't it. AV promotes mediocity over greatness, caution over decisive action and inoffensiveness over interest.

the best argument I can think of against is the disaster that having Ed miliband instead of David has been and will continue to be for Labour.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:36, Reply)

It's terrible that you associate being able to get over half the people voting to positively aceed to your views with you with mediocrity and inoffensiveness.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:40, Reply)

As you've siad yourself up there
many people may have a second choice, but a third, forth or even fifth? People will simply put a cross by anyone who the don't not like, therefore by running your campaign on non contraversial subjects you can win. Mediocre.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:43, Reply)

You don't need to give a third or fourth preference, or even a second if you don't want to
Did you not know that?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)

labour is its own disaster though
every labour government we've had has ended up in an economic black hole, and the last shower of self-interested lying deceitful cunts was no exception.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Al do you mind not insinuating
that just because I'm a Tory, I'm a racist who would vote for UKIP or the BNP? That's just lazy, and rather poor.

Do you really think that getting AV, is a step along the way to a better system? Or do you acknowledge that perhaps the impetus will have faded. I think the chances of it changing some more are fairly slight.

I'm sure as a LibDem your second choice would be Green, with all the bizarrely stupid notions that go with that. Most people do NOT have a second choice that they'd quite like. A large percentage can't even name the parties let alone tell you a policy. Stop making assumptions based on your own political slant.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Are you calling him poor?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:50, Reply)

He's not poor.
He sands his floorboards ffs.
( girlinthehole, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

CLICK

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:55, Reply)

I'm not insinuating that at all, UKIP aren't a racist party, and you're the only one mentioning the BNP
I don't like UKIP, but they have clear policies and I can see some of their views appealing to "typical Tory voters".

Without taking the first step, I would be surprised if electoral reform is discussed again for thirty to forty years, and more than likely, it will be the same shit compromise. AV is a small step to a slightly better system, but you know damned well that the Tories would do anything they could to stop any kind of PR system getting into place.

I'm not talking about most people, I'm talking about most people that vote, which, while it ought to be the same, clearly isn't given the depressingly low turnouts.

And most people who have left leaning views would probably vote labour or lib dem, or possibly green, but some would like to vote green but since they know in their borough they will only get a few hundred votes, would prefer to see Labour than the Tories.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

UKIP and racism are hardly singing from opposite hymn sheets
the members of UKIP I know, tend to be of the 'send them all back' sort, so I still find it offensive. I'm still not sure why you seem to think their policies and the Tories are allied.

I really don't think that just voting, implies a) an understanding of AV and b) a genuine belief in a secondary political party. Out of interest would Labour be your second choice?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)

How about you stop being so precious. I didn't call you a racist, you brought that up yourself, I made a guess as to another political party which you might have felt an affinity for if you weren't able to choose a Tory candidate. UKIP occupy the centre right of politics, similar to the Tories but I'm not getting into an in depth discussion of them or their politics.

The point about the preference is that you don't have to give a second preference if you don't have one, but, as has been demonstrated by surveys, a lot of people DO have second preferences.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Ask the average person how they feel
about being pegged as a UKIP voter and you'll get much the same response. I don't think it's being precious.

As I've already said, neither of us are ever going to convince the other, for all of the reasons we've given. I don't think for a possibly slightly fairer system it's worth all the bad points, and you don't think that the bad points are enough of a reason not to vote for it.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 3 May 2011, 16:12, Reply)

I can't see the bad points you're talking about.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 May 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I think the most important point he makes
Is that if AV doesn't go through, the chances of us moving towards PR will be squashed further than if it does. (This is, I realise, only a bad thing if you are in favour of PR.)

I don't think anybody ever said AV was a panacea to cure the shortcomings of FPTP, but I'd be very interested to see what effect is has if it does go through.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I would much rather have a proper representative system
than the proposed. This system really isn't going to change who gets in where, as far as I can see and so I'm tending towards a No vote.

Al is right in his point that the Tories are going to wave a successful No campaign in front of Parliament and shout "see? SEE?", which brings me back to a Yes vote, even though I happen to think that this particular proposed change is almost completely without merit.
( Kroney, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:45, Reply)

One thing is for sure,
A no vote will be the last time we gat a chance of change. At least a yes vote sets a precedent that may allow a further refferendum about proportional representation some time in the future.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Who gives a shit, if the man on the street gets a say in the running of the Country it can only be a bad thing

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

the man on the clapham omnibus?
clearly he lives south of the river and therefore his opinion should be irrelevant
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Oi
Facking leeeeve it aht, you slaaaaag.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Yeah that cunt, who the fuck is he, some 1930's caricature who no longer exists that's who

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)

The man on the street is a cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Well that's my point, why bother with demoracy
Every mouthbreathing clueless cunt has a 'say' in the direction of the Country. I don't remember the class mong being consulted on the lesson plan by the teacher
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)

*shakes hands*
Democracy is fundamentally flawed due to the idiocy of the demos.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 May 2011, 16:01, Reply)

How about one person, one vote but.....
If there is a hung parliament, the leader with the biggest willy wins. If the leader is female then second in commmand get's his willy out.

It's a win win situation if you ask me.
( girlinthehole, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)

So we have a single transferable willy system.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

And happier MP's secretaries.

( girlinthehole, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)

If they had equal size penises
Then perhaps they should have a "Shag off".

Who could adjudicate? Can't think of anyone.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Charlie Sheen?

( girlinthehole, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Mr Sheen?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Some old hasbeen?

( girlinthehole, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Barry Sheen?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 3 May 2011, 15:55, Reply)

To vent your spleen?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 May 2011, 16:02, Reply)