Toast
Butter or jam.

Alt: if Ray Winstone came round your house, would you let him take a bath?
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:15, 92 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Butter
Alt: Only if I could join him.


And more importantly which one of you dirty feckers from the weekend gave me this cough?
( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:34, Reply)

Butter and Marmite
Alt: Long as it wasn't in my bathroom, I wouldn't hugely care.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Hold on to your seat here, I prefer to have my toast with butter AND jam on it

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Fucking hell, you crazy man!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:49, Reply)

It's how I roll
I'm off to have a tea now.
/STICKING IT TO THE MAN
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:53, Reply)

You're probably going to put jam in your tea if I know you!!!
You're like a kind of breakfast Evel Knievel!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Steady on old boy, I'm Kerazy alright, but not MENTAL!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
You're living like there's no tomorrow with that kind of devil-my-care attitude. All I can say is that I hope you've made a will, crazy-boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Go on then, how was Hawkwind?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Absolutely fucking superb.
My brother and I had the time of our lives.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:55, Reply)

I know, at this rate I'll be burnt out by 40, a listless shell, once used to the frenzied bakkheia of toast with butter AND jam

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Ooh, get you with your fancy Turkish pastries
Croissant not smug enough?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Man, I'm still riding the wave of butter AND jam

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Butter and Marmite
ALT: Only if I didn't have to scrub his back
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:53, Reply)

butter and jam
duh.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:54, Reply)

How's your neck?
Penile?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Penis-free huzzah
I was mostly sensible - I ate before I arrived, I alternated drinking wine with cheapo energy drinks*, and left when I felt tired.

*I'm pretty sure Tesco's "Rx" brand is just Red Bull in a differently decorated can, only at 40% of the price.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

It seemed everyone was being sensible apart from me and PJM.

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I can't imagine PJM being drunk...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I was too drunk to notice how drunk PJM was.

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Definite improvement on last year for you then?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Hell yes!

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Really? What a bunch of poofters.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

I no rite.

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

You should have come out with me and my brother instead.
There was no slacking off from us. I ended up transfixed by a tree outside the venue after the show (someone said 'enjoy the tree, mate' as they walked past) and it took me half an hour to realise that the statue of Ronnie Barker outside the theatre was not one of those 'living statue' tossers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

would you say you were "tied" to the tree?
*leans forward expectantly*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

*takes advantage and belts LiC right in the fucking face*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

as clear an example as could ever be needed why we should all beware the
BENNY ON THE LOOSE!!!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:56, Reply)

That was my breakfast this morning and it had both
Alt: Only if he acknowledged MY status as 'the daddy'
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:56, Reply)

+ whilst I roger him senseless over the formica coffee table with the cat watching

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:57, Reply)

I'd be all like "Ray? RAY ! What are you doing here? It's 9 in the morning and I've got to get into work, I can't sit around and talk. Can you come back later?... OK, you can have a bath here if you really want, but you'll have to see to yourself... if my
stuff goes missing, I'm calling the police to say Ray Winstone stole my Macbook, so please don't put us through that. OK Ray, OK Ray, whatever, I gotta go, catch you later Ray Winstone"
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Where the fuck did you go yesterday?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I....I.... I don't know. I was walking around and I saw Clare and she goes "THEY'VE GONE, THEY HATE YOU, THEY'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO POLITELY SAY GOOD BYE, THEY HATE YOU THAT MUCH"
I donno how we managed to lose each other in about 30sq meters.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I did two laps of that place looking for you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I just kept on walking around and around, next time we should make it so you go clockwise and I go anti-clockwise and that way we'll have to pass each other.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

IT'S A DEAL.
Next time we're going to Broadway Market farmer's market - it's ten times better than that.

Just so you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Thank you for your invite and should I be free at the time it'll be my pleasure.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

It's next to my house and on every Saturday - you just have to tell me when you are free.
TGB wants to go too, so we can make a day of it. They have some incredible stuff and it's next to a nice park.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Reads
*Yes, we'll go to the market, but you're NOT coming in my house. No Sir. Not on your nellie*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

And no baths - who do you think you are, Ray Winstone?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Well... be bop a lula

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

AbFab !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Butter. Lots of butter
butter is amazing.

I like butter.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I only have butter on crumpets.
Allo you. I've missed you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Oooh crumpets I might pop out and get some crumpets.
Or maybe have a fried egg. In a baguette.

I've missed you too. How have you been, love?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

FRIED EGG IN BAGUETTE! yes.
I've been okay. Been very very busy with uni! And yourself?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I'm good, finished exams but am worried about them
Am up in Manchester at the moment. Cat is pleased to see me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

heeee I know all about cats being pleased to have their mummies home.
Mine barely left my side since thursday - slept on my bed with me every night. It's nice to feel loved isn't it?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Scholes just retired.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:04, Reply)

THIS IS EXCELLENT/TERRIBLE NEWS!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:05, Reply)

WHO WILL MAKE US KNOBBLY SANDALS NOW?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Alt: if he came round and was staying over then yes.
If he'd just come round for dinner, say, and then expected to bathe as part of the deal, I'd be a little suspicious. I think I'd suspect that he must have shat himself or something - why else would he be asking to have a bath?

'HAVE YOU SHAT YOUSELF OR FACKIN' WOT, SUNSHINE?' I would ask.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Alt: As long as he doesn't sing any Gene Vincent* whilst having a soak, he is more than welcome.
*Anyone?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I'm going to guess Quadrophenia, Jeff
but it's been a long time.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

But your memory serves you well.
Correct. Have some points.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I think you're right.
I fucking love Gene Vincent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Would you let Jacko's dad wash his slippers in your sink?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Well I think it would be only fair, if I'd have yakked on them.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I'm Scotch so I have my toast with salt and water
as I was leaving the house this morning to get on my bike for the daily commute my daughter said "Daddy, I will never forget you" should I be worried?
( Peej, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

My daughter told me I was her best friend last Thursday, I was well chuffed.
Five minutes later her Zingzillas toy was. The fickle bitch.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Akira does that
"Daddy, you're my best friend, I love you soooooo much"

"Daddy can I have some sweets?" No

"Daddy I just want to be happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

"Mummy you're my best friend, I love you soooooo much"
( Peej, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I don't often have jam, but when I do, no butter please.
I'm a nutella girl. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Me and you babes, nutella is awesomeness squared to the extreme.
Nutella and a spoon is the very definition of happiness.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

aha yeah I know.
Nutella and strawberries is also very very good.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Went to a wedding at the weekend
and the subject of butter came up over the evening meal. Basically it was suggested that its primary use was as anal lube, and that's why "you can't spell butter without butt".

Morning all.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Darth, why are you using butter as anal lube?
everybody knows you use Wet Stuff.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I actually don't know what that is
Frankly, I'm bloody chuffed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

ew.
it's this stuff.
www.google.com.au/search?q=Wet%20Stuff%20Lubricant&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1366&bih=642
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I am not clicking that
I'll work it out ;-)

(thank you for the recommendation)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)

it's fun stuff. that's what it is.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I'm sure it is
*eyes Poppet quizzically*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)

*dons halo*

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 31 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

That wasn't convincing for Beyonce either

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:50, Reply)

A pug's nose?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

I met a pug yesterday
true story
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Your life is so amazing.

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Morning darling
How was the bash?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Fabulous!

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Glad to hear it darling
Any gossip?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Depends...
butter on it's own is fine, but butter and apricot jam FTW.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 31 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Just the man I wanted to see
I put it to you, sir, that with England's bowlers mercilessly savaging a wounded opponent in the manner of Waugh's Australia, and said opponents folding like a deck of cards, the world has turned inside out and we should expect a funny Michael McIntyre joke any day now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Morning DF
England pulling off a surprise win is one thing, but that slightly camp wee chubster coming out with a genuine funny is quite another.

Just goes to show that anything can happen in cricket - even in a test match that's had 'draw' written all over it since day one.

We got humped on Saturday. Beaten by one of the poorest teams in the league. Embarrassing. We were a player short so my GF made up the numbers. She's got into cricket since we started seeing each other and we've put her in the nets a few times and she's done quite well. Whilst fielding, she ran someone out. I'll never hear the end of it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 31 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

No. You will not.
Sorry to hear about the result sir. I prescribe some Frank, and reliving the final day of that bizarre test via BBC Sport online. It's working for me*.

*It's not working for me, I'm really fucking bored
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Funnily enough,
I've just read all the bumf about it on the BBC website in an attempt to cheer myself up, as it's the first day back after a long weekend.

'Some Frank'? Is that what I think it is?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 31 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Probably not, you filthy pervert
I was referring to the music of Ol' Blue Eyes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Oh I see
How disappointing. That's not really going to cheer me up at all.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 31 May 2011, 10:48, Reply)

What were you hoping for?
*braces*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

*wiggles eyebrows*

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 31 May 2011, 11:08, Reply)

*feels violated*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 31 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Apologies
violated aroused, with a quickening of the pulse and a stirring in the loins.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 31 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

The dark tower movie in 2013 is top of my wish list,
And the next book is out soon too. Bar them nothing pant wettingly exciting on the horizon.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)