Following on from Chompy's unused question down there about the lotto, if you won the jackpot £60m tonight.... what (if anything) would you give/do for fellow b3tans.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:41, 137 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'd pay for Bobby
to go through school again.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Clap.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Thanks pal

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:53, Reply)

I've got enough family to cock a snook at before I even start thinking about internet weirdos

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:48, Reply)

I'd buy a huge house for us all to live in as a commune.
Just think of the fun we could have.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:48, Reply)

I bet this big house would have a secret sex dungeon.
Afternoon Blousie
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Hi hon!
Nah! wouldn't have to be a secret.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Would there be a rota?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:54, Reply)

No but there would definitely be a Roota.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

*yays*
That would be much better.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:57, Reply)

It'd be like Lord of the Flies in 15 minutes.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:50, Reply)

More like Lord of the Rings with this lot.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:51, Reply)

On a quest for your ring?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

hahahaha!

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:59, Reply)

That would be a bad idea.
I assume that rather than being asked to 'Leave the Internet' I'd be evicted on an almost hourly basis instead.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:50, Reply)

We always take you back Jeff.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Maybe I'd enjoy being in the dog-house...

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Monty - 100% of all debts paid off + rehab. If he touches any drug that isn't prescribed or bought in a retail outlet, then...ermm... something bad. With testing for 10 years.
Kristine - Trip to europe to visit all of us, first class all the way.
Noel/Tourettes - start up money for theorpy/walking/dogs. Neither of them will have to worry about money while they're working for it.
TGB - Any car she likes, with the idea of it being one she'd like to drive around, rather than one to sale on... plus any expenses for a few years on it.
BGB - Come down to london for a first-class week with shopping assistant and make-over with Gwak Kwan.
Catface'n'CHCSomething - Money for their kid to go uni or start up a buisness, whatever she wants at the age of 19.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Woooo! Can me and Gok go clubbing afterwards?

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Two old queens on the hunt for rough trade...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Innit.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:07, Reply)

If you get any spare
I'm always on the look-out.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:09, Reply)

I don't believe in material posessions, I would give what I always give, which is all the love in my heart :) :) :)

( broadsword, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Awwwww! *snuggles*

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

*hugglewuggles*

( broadsword, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)

...in exchange for some TITS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)

i like TITS

( broadsword, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Probably hold a bash, put a grand or two behind the bar
and then not show up.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:54, Reply)

I like the way you think.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)

The good ones i'll take on a trip to new york.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:57, Reply)

I'm sure applebite will love it.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Ha ha, I'm sure she would,
Probably wouldn't take her though, no point if she's under 21.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:02, Reply)

you could rohypnol her coke
doesn't have to be booze
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I'd buy b3ta off rob
And change it to bobbysmegapage.com before having lots of you killed
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:54, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)

Names

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:57, Reply)

After the last thread,
I reckon Monty and I will be right up there.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)

*catches up*
You won't be in the top two. I can assure you of this. Bobby and I are alike in many a way, most notably our distate for specific B3tans.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Names.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)

You can work it out mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Well if you're including everyone who has called you a bender
Then the answer would be 'everyone'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Notably Bobby
So you can rule out that as a method of divination
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:14, Reply)

I'll just try and be more observant in the future as I can say quite honestly, I've got no idea who you mean.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Seriously?
You can't think of anyone me or Bobby very obviously hates with a passion?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Most people have you on 'ignore', old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Oh how I wish that was true

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:30, Reply)

And you right afterwards.
At least we'll have died doing some good for the poor children of Brizzle.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Bobby smeg a page?
Is this one of your 'gay medieval knight' fantasies again? I thought we'd talked about this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:08, Reply)

spend far more time regaling you with my wit and wisdom

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I'd pay for Bob to visit the football museum in Preston.
He'd then be able to see what football trophys look like.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I'd provide B3th with a budget sufficient to make whatever the damn hell kind of sitcom she wanted
and then bribe British morons with KFC to watch it to ensure a RATINGS SMASH
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:57, Reply)

You may also have to provide me with some discernible talent.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Nope
You can do this on your own
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)

I'd also pay for b3th to go on the pier at WsM
On the condition that she reports back.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 12:58, Reply)

I gave you reports yesterday!
Was that not good enough for you, Man?

Also: one of the granddaughters told me yesterday that there is an absolutely amazing ice cream shopp on the sea front that makes wonderful concoctions with all sorts of sweeties in - like... you know..... Haribo!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:00, Reply)

I give you
PJ's Ice Cream Parlour!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Hyperactivity in a cone.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)

You say that like it's a bad thing.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Can you imagine trying to look after kids after they've eaten one of those
They'd be mental.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)

I couldn't imagine tryingto look after kids without the sugar.
Any kid in my care that acted up would be on the receiving end of a swift smack to the back of the legs.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Pier of the Year 2001.
Apparently.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I'd buy Burt his own Honda Accord and then he can drive round chasing Monty in it.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I'd pay for you to have hypnosis Blousie.
Then, with your new found confidence I'd pay for you to go to a waterpark so you could challenge yourself on something more exciting than the 'lazy river'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:03, Reply)

The 'lazy river'
sounds like an answer to the previous question.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Hypnosis doesn't work on me. I've tried it.
You'd be better off drugging me.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:05, Reply)

*Phones Chompy*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Make Monty sit in the back with Spanky on one side and Christian O'Connell on the other.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)

I would kill myself with great pleasure, rather than endure that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Sure?
I bet it would be lolwaki
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Quite sure, thank you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Oh, don't say that
There are so many people who'd take greater pleasure in killing you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I'd be tempted to buy a honda Accord
with a private numberplate that read something like Justice
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)

I'd give NakedApe AIDS.
From a syringe, you understand.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)

You know they've cured a bloke with AIDS
only from an unrelated bone marrow transplant where the doner was immune to HIV.
Within 5-20 years there'll be a cure.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Fucking brilliant news
*bums indiscriminately*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Sith Bum Lord.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)

That I did not know, and really I should.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:11, Reply)

I heard a report years ago about some village in Italy
where the residents were immune to HIV. I thought it was hokum at the time.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Hokum is a strange name for an Italian village.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Sounds more Dutch, doesn't it?
Still, there you are.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:24, Reply)

No, I'm in Finchley.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:28, Reply)

what a delightful exchange.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:30, Reply)

The one in Finchley?
It's no better nor worse than any of the other telecommunications hubs I have visited.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:38, Reply)

I'd buy FRIENDS
Real friends. Ones that loved me for me, not just my huge amounts of cash.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)

*ahem*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)

yes?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:14, Reply)

Remember that episode of Friends, yeah?
Where Monica's super-rich boyfriend decided to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion? He was played by Jon Favreau out of Swingers, he went on to direct Elf and both Iron man films to date. Well, like him, but better, and with very specific opponents, neither of whom would be remotely hard.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:11, Reply)

No, sorry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Really?
You don't know Friends? YOU? Really?

I did not anticipate this when I composed my post.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I don't even know friends with a small F.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:24, Reply)

I like this

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Yeah', totally remember that.
Don't really see the relivancy though
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I'd totally get all trained up in martial arts and stuff
Then build my own ring and invite people round to spar with. And when I say "invite" I mean "force by means of my own personal army" and when I say "spar" I mean "fight to the death"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:18, Reply)

And when you say 'ring' you mean...

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)

he wants to fuck men
in the arse
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Thanks for the clarification there mate
I think we were all unsure up until now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:26, Reply)

here to help

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:35, Reply)

that guy directed Iron Man?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Aye, and plays Happy Hogan in it.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:24, Reply)

1 & 2
Cast himself as Happy Hogan too

EDIT: curse you, Mad Dog!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:25, Reply)

I would give you all the finger and never speak to you ever again

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I can smell the lies all the way over here.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I certainly wouldn't be sat in an office
or at a computer all day. so the time spent on here would be massively, massively reduced.

I'd spend all my time surfing, recording music and becoming a blacksmith
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:24, Reply)

What like 'The Fresh Prince'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:27, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:28, Reply)

exactly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I have a horrible feeling that it's not 'lies' you can smell on Vipros' finger.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Well, I'd buy a jet of course.
Then a house.
And I'd fly you all over.
And cook you dinner. And we'd drink lots. And then I'd cook you sausage gravy and biscuits in the morning.
And you'd all love me forever.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)

We can't all come out on the same flight K.
Imagine if the plane crashed. What would happen to the Internet then?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)

We had a company outing thing a few months back
We all got on one of the coaches, except my boss. He got on the other coach in case there was an accident and the entire IT team died. He was entirely serious when he did this.

Behind his back, we respected this very sensible behaviour.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:24, Reply)

thats the stupidest thing ive ever heard. does he think he's special or something? irreplacable?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I'd buy you all a Tshirt
That says "Philliejoe won the lottery and all I got was genital herpes"
( Peej, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Buy Monty's house for him, let him live rent free. Then pay for a lawyer to grind out a better custody agreement with his ex.
Stick £1m in the bank for Aber's baby.
Buy a restaurant for Gonz/Al/TLiC and others to have an unlimited budget in.
I'd pay for Jeff/Bobby/Sportscow/Darth to visit Anfield. They'd then be able to see what football trophys look like.
Buy BGB a private candlelit dinner with Jeff Bridges.
Buy b3th a gift voucher for Dignitas
Buy Rswipe a lifetime supply of Diet Coke, on the condition she lets her trainee eat bacon again.
I'd fly Kristine over here, and then make pay for everyone to come to a massive bash.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Jeff's married hon and a candlelit dinner just wouldn't be enough to satisfy my lust.
But thanks for the thought.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:25, Reply)

The last time I went to Anfield
Bristol City beat Liverpool.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Last time I went
I got my radio nicked.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:28, Reply)

I hope you returned to where you'd left it only to find your headphones up on bricks.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:29, Reply)

The bricks
were up on bricks.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:30, Reply)

There were chalk outlines on the ground showing where the bricks had been
Etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:33, Reply)

I read the last line in the style of 'Little Plum'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:33, Reply)

=D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:43, Reply)

yesssssssssssssssssss

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:47, Reply)

I'd buy myself a great big dog
And then I'd ride around on it like Sir Didymus in Labyrinth.

Oh, for fellow b3tans? Hmm. Well, I could employ you all as my own private army. No healthcare. No unions. Blind following on lunatic orders mandatory.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Sir Didymus was amazing
He looked like my mum's old dog.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:36, Reply)

HA!
Love it. "So, had enough, eh? All right then, throw down your weapons, and I'll see that you're well-treated."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Ambrosius! Come back!
I love his little face when he's working out the logic of None May Pass.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Best. Film. Ever*.
*There may be other films that I like more... Although I did dress up as Jared for a fancy dress once.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Do we get rape training like in Libya?
Some of us here could take the day off when that's on - or indeed do the training.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:39, Reply)

I'd rather not know what the proles are getting up to.
I shall be busy with my harem.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)

PS I've haven't seen you on here for fucking ages.
Is it because it's shit these days?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:40, Reply)

I haven't been around in a while, no.
It's difficult to post while at work, you know. How's things, old chap?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)

it's really shit here now

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)

But you're here.
So therefore and ergo, it's 110% brilliant. Until you go away, then it's poo.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I'm not here much anymore
and neither are you. Ergo it's shit and full of shit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Correct!
How are you, lovely?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Not too bad, dear boy, not too bad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Top hole!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)